by: Grey
Holding hands to eyes, sun blinds me, I turn back and call into the house, “Ma, how long is this break without baseball? Ma?” I realize now that I’m not emerging from my mom’s house. I’m emerging from a bunker. I had been in there longer than I imagined. I pick up a newspaper to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Cool Colt Keith aka Dr. Octagon aka Dr Doom aka Hey That’s Colt Keith Not Colt 45, Stop Trying To Crack Open His Head And Drink Him, Billy Dee aka White Elvis aka Poppa Large aka Dicky Long Docking aka Guy who is top 100 on the 30-day Player Rater aka Guy who has 2B […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Pirates showing the brilliance of their organization with how they handled Paul Skenes (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.90). He needed to stay down in the minors for a month this year to learn how to field bunts. Without that knowledge, he would not be striking out 11 […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The world’s hottest team, the Pittsburgh Pirates, line everyone up with a bat and give them orders. “We have to be aggressive! We need to move forward on the bases just like in real life! Practice it with me now! Move forward!” And they all went off a plank. Rarely do I like to do […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“B. Rey and Jack Suuuuuwin, and we’re here to…Hey, can you give us a little more bass? That’s better! Hey, we’re J. Suuuuuwin and B. Rey, and we’re here to say…Hey, this is going to be hit, right? Boom! Bit! Because all we do is get hits. Olestra gives us the shits! Us and Rowdy […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
You will struggle to find decent hitting offenses to avoid. I’m saying if you stop streaming against ‘good hitting teams,’ you will struggle to find them. Where are they, you might ask. They’re not in or around the lineup that is managed by Bud Black. His best hitter — easily! — Brenton Doyle is hitting […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Tarik Skubal (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.37) pitched like the ace he is. This is not shortchanging that (which is what I say when I’m about to shortchange someone), but the Reds’ lineup is hilariously awful. They have a .150 hitter hitting 5th, .183 hitter in the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Shane Baz two weeks ago, Robbie Ray last week, Jeffrey Springs this week. I know what you’re thinking, Kershaw next week, or Senga or Eduardo Rodriguez or some injured pitcher. No, this is it. I don’t have fantasy baseball Florence Nightingale syndrome. The dog days are not over! Wait, that’s Florence & the Machine. Well, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Hope everyone had a great 4th! And, if not, because of a fireworks mishap, I hope you had an appropriately-sized piece of a hot dog nearby to act as a tourniquet. For the 4th of July, I put on water wings, floated in my kiddie pool, got 3rd degree sunburns and drank Rolling Rocks while […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Royce Lewis hit the IL with a strained abductor saying, “Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-but! I want to play! My abductor is fine! I’m not a mollusk! I don’t have an abductor! Do I look like a mollusk?” Then Rocco Baldelli squeezed lemon on his head, sprinkled some Maldon salt and slurped him down. Bye, Royce Lewis, he returned […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Mets are ladened in Grimace. Oozing from their pores is that giant purple nutsack’s charisma. They have imbibed the Grimace Shake and are juiced to the gills. With that said, I was really impressed by DJ Herz. He dazzled up my goggles like a sweaty Kurt Rambis in a sauna. There’s only two starters […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“I grabbed Wood two weeks ago and finally it’s paying off with some pleasure!” [Cancel Police break down my door and throw me to the ground] Don’t you need a search warrant before entering my house about a cancellation? Ow, you are digging your steel-toed boots into my back! Lift them off me, or lower […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?