The Nats They Are A Changing As They Sign Up For A Dylan Crews

Hey, how’s everyone doing? Why am I icing my ankle? I’ll explain: Jumping on a couch for the promotion of Crews, when I fell, spraining my ankle, because I was showing off by doing my own enthusiasm. That’ll teach me to do my own enthusiasm. [plays Mission Impossible theme] Dylan Crews (0-for-3, as he hit 2nd), your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to continue your under-20% strikeout rate and ability to hit for power and steal bases. He was in the top 15 for Itch’s top 25 prospects for 2024. He also mentioned him in the top 10 2025 prospects, but said he hoped Crews wouldn’t be eligible. Think he will be held out long enough to keep his rookie eligibility for next year, so I will be going over him in detail in November when I break down all fantasy rookies. For this year, there’s no reason to not grab him in all leagues, he could be great from the jump. [pumps fist] Ow, I think I strained my elbow. Stupid enthusiasm! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jacob Young – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer. Is it me or does Jacob Young sound like the oldest person at a backgammon tourney? Like a 96-year-old who learned to play during the Korean War? He goes by Prune Face. No? Hmm, maybe it’s me.

Juan Yepez – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, hitting .284. I’m reminded of when Yepez came up, hit .350 for two weeks and people were like, “Yepez or Vlad?”

Gleyber Torres – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in two games. The weight of hitting in front of Soto/Judge usually doesn’t hit guys until the 2nd week so we’ll see if Gleyber Can Carry The Weight to The End.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. Gleyber hitting leadoff is fine with me since I don’t have him or Jazz, but that Jazz isn’t hitting leadoff is especially obvious of Boone’s ding-dong behavior. If he knew Jazz better, he’d hit him leadoff. How does he not know him better is the problem. I know Florida’s got its issues, but I’m pretty sure they have video replay.

Nestor Cortes – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.89. Went over him in detail last time out in my Nestor Cortes fantasy. He’s back, baby!

Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his 27th homer. Fun fact! If you take anyone’s name with a Junior and abbreviate a’la Bo-Wi-Ju, it sounds like a Pokemon character.

MJ Melendez – 4-for-9, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games. Now he’s played three games, but it’s not like the Jays/Red Sox doubleheader where you get some stats, but not others because the games were months apart. I saw Bo Bichette got an 0-for-1 from June 26th added to my line yesterday, and I was like, “Hey, old friend who sucks. It had been a while.” Any hoo! Melendez appears to be a schmotato.

Cole Ragans – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.28, as he left with a hamstring cramp. Take some Midol and stay out there for the 5th to get me the win!

Salvador Perez – 5-for-7, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, hitting .282. Sal P. with a legit chance to catch William Contreras as the top catcher on the Player Rater. Way better than Adley, by the by.

Jack Leiter – Will be called up to start vs. the White Sox this week. Good matchup. [sees he had a 16.39 ERA in three starts this year] Umm…good matchup!

Ryan Mountcastle – Hit the IL with a sprained left wrist. On the next Mountcastle, “Detective Constable Mountcastle’s investigation hits a snag while the O’s rely on Ryan O’Hearn and Emmanuel Rivera, both suspect at 1st base, and Surrey’s own Eloy Jimenez is asked to DH more, even though he’s never appeared at work more than a few weeks in a row.”

Oneil Cruz – 1-for-4, 1 run as he DH’d, but Pirates said he will be getting time in centerfield during September in case they want to move him next year. You only need one SS (two if you have MI and you lean that way). Most leagues need five outfielders. What I’m getting at is Cruz with OF eligibility is nice. He would be the 16th best OF right now on the Player Rater.

Henry Davis – Was recalled with Joey Bart hitting the IL. Hammerin’ Hank Davis has power for days, but it’s been months since I’ve been excited for him, i.e., let’s see something first.

Mitch Keller – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.84. This was one of those blowouts where it wasn’t unearned runs, but it sure as hell could’ve been way worse than the line.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-3 and his 20th homer. Went back to Snoozeville in August (1 HR, .250 prior to yesterday), but I only say that to reverse jinx him into doing something.

Pete Crow-Armstrong – 3-for-5, 2 runs and three steals (24, 25, 26), that’s in under 275 ABs, i.e., PCA stands for Psorry Catcher Ammarun. P’s silent. PCA is moving into must-own territory. Though, in fairness, the Pirates’ Yasmani Grandal was like a CVS employee during a smash and grab. “They don’t pay me enough to stop stealing.” Seiya Suzuki (4-for-6, 3 runs, 1 RBI) grabbed his 11th steal, Cody Bellinger (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) stole his 8th; Ian Happ (2-for-3) stole his 10th and 11th and Nico Hoerner (2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI) stole his 25th.

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer. It feels almost impossible someone homered for the Cubs and it wasn’t a slam and legs. Swanson: Making the Impossible Possible (not in a good way).

Isaac Paredes – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Ya know, he’s always making the impossible possible. The impossible: Hitting homers without hard contact.

Kyle Tucker – Still not running at full speed, but the Astros are saying he will return 1st week of September. He’s been day-to-day with a shin bruise since 1976.

Ronel Blanco – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.14 vs. Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Wheeler has a chance at a top overall starter year on the Player Rater and Ronel has a chance at top 15 overall. Is the difference between them worth 400 picks in a draft? I don’t know, you tell me.

Elias Diaz – Signing a minor league deal with the Padres. So, clearly no MLB GMs play fantasy, because it took way too long for Diaz to sign and only for a minor league deal is crazy. I’m not saying he’s Mickey Tettleton sipping Tetley Tea after every dong, but Diaz is not bad.

Manny Machado – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Macho macho Machado!

Randy Vasquez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.52. Streamonator hates his next one and I can’t disagree, but if you started him for the 2-start week, may the Schwartz be with you.

Bryce Miller – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.23. Next year, I’m drafting only M’s and Brewers pitchers not named Castillo and Peralta.

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. “Yeah, it’s fine, we can use him as bait to try to catch a shark–Hold up! Randy moved! He’s alive!”

Josh Lowe – 2-for-3, and his 8th homer, hitting .234. Realquestion: Where the hell is he drafted next year? Top 100? Top 150? 200?

Bailey Ober – 2 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 4.06. Lifting my fantasy team by its scalped head, “It’s not over, it’s just Ober.” My fantasy team’s scalped head, detached from its body, says, “Same thing.”

Matt Wallner – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in three games, third homer in five games, and the Twins continue to put up stats from everyone and no one.

Matt Olson – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Just get to 30 homers so this isn’t a complete disaster, you disaster merchant.

Travis d’Arnaud – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. It’s almost September and d’Arnaud, who was the backup catcher for most of the year, is less than ten homers behind Olson. Disgraceful.

Max Fried – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.50. This start was in 73 pitches but there was a rain delay and Fried’s numbers look solid. Hey, take the W, and hope this is a sign of good things to come.

Javier Baez – Will undergo season-ending hip surgery. He’s having a metal plate put in that jerks his swing closed when a slider is thrown.

Parker Meadows – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer. Shh, I’m thinking you might be a sleeper for next year. Rest for now.

Spencer Torkelson – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in a week, and has been better since he returned. He feels like one of those guys who, even if he’s cheap next year, I’m gonna struggle to draft. Just not much here in best case scenario. Hopefully that’s the kind of jinx he needs.

Ty Madden – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, as he made his his first MLB start. Madden wore Skechers on the mound and talked about his cameo in The Wolf of Wall Street. Wait, I have the wrong Wiki page open. Madden’s sporting huge Ks in the minors (11.6 K/9 in Triple-A) and claims to have command that he hasn’t shown. If he stays up, I could see being interested in 15-team mixed leagues and deeper, but Streamonator for shallower leagues. Lack of command just makes him too dangerous there.

Davis Martin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.96. Started Martin in one league for his 2-start week, and as I did, I turned to the mirror and said, “You’re crazy like a fox!”

Jose Berrios – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.72. This start definitely happened in August and not June, I think.

George Springer – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and I think his 2nd homer in two games, but somehow he hit his 7th homer yesterday and his 19th. No real idea how we’re supposed to be judging yesterday’s stats for the Jays and Red Sox. Did Duran homer yesterday once? Twice? Did Springer homer once? Twice? I honestly don’t know. I need a long think over what happened yesterday with the stats.

Danny Jansen – 1-for-4 as Danny Jansen Inception game took place. So, in case you haven’t heard, and, honestly, unless you were out of the country for the last week, you’ve heard, and by out of the country, I’m not counting Canada, because they heard. Jays and Red Sox game was suspended on June 26th when Danny Jansen was up at bat for the Jays with one strike. He’s since been traded to the Red Sox, where he caught yesterday’s game, technically while he was at-bat. Danny Jansen Multiplicity. Man vs. Nature? No! Nothing! Nil! Danny Jansen vs. Danny Jansen. Though, to rain on everyone’s excitement, which is how we got into this predicament, if Jansen was on the Jays when the June 26th game happened, why wouldn’t he return to the Jays? Any hoo! It would’ve been nice for Danny Jansen to steal on Danny Jansen after Danny Jansen is called for catcher’s interference on Danny Jansen, then come home on a single and have a Danny Jansen/Danny Jansen collision at the plate to set right this space-time continuum.