Our 2018 Razzball Commenters Leagues are in full signup mode. I even heard there were a few people from Anonymous that signed up! They said, “To the world, I’m Anonymous, just another white man who sits in parking lots with binoculars watching women.” Man, that Anonymous guy is depressing! As we always do about this time, I eviscerate the haters and complicators! I eviscerate the not-knowers and the over-knowers! I eviscerate the ESPN goers and the garden hoers! I overuse a word like eviscerate that I just learned! I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children! See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’ve taken a second job as a bus driver, so I’m literally here for your kids. Like a baller! A shot caller! An “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!” My eviscerating (I’m conjugating my new word!) today comes at the expense of ESPN and their 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Baby Blue (Feat. Chance the Rapper) by Action Bronson:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in. No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles! This is a fantasy baseball fantasy! Because you know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams. But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 90 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it! For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!
Please, blog, may I have some more?For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2018, top 60 starters for 2018, the top 80 starters for 2018 and top 100 starters. You can also just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff. A course of action. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say in May. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Josh Hader or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Hader comes to mind. Or Mike Montgomery. Sean Newcomb also comes to mind. Luiz Gohara anyone? I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Speaking of which, the RCL league signups will begin on Monday. (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Ed Kemper stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2018 fantasy baseball drafts:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top 500 for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 8, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 233 Commentsby: Grey
Today, is the day in history known as, “Aw, sookie sookie, don’t need the nookie, Grey’s giving me a fantasy baseball cookie.” Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball. A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball. Before that, it was 16 AD and I was rolling with Jesus to this deli that had great matzoh ball soup. In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Mike Trout Jr. Jr. Jr. the 15th. Today, in this year, eighteen after twenty, comes the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball. Or as I like to call it, from Mike Trout A to chimpanzee. Actually, I don’t call it that. So, this post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system. The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that. This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions. I.e., you know I like Jose Peraza better than Orlando Arcia, according to the top 20 shortstops, but do I like Peraza better than Matt Olson? Okay, it’s not that simply. You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together. I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Eric Thames is ranked vs. Jeurys Familia. If you need a closer, Thames isn’t going to help you. He can be ranked 75 spots in front of Familia and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I have the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions. If you need a 1st baseman, where Justin Bour vs. Greg Bird matters, but where Bour vs. Realmuto really doesn’t matter. Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting. In other words, Tommy Pham might be in the 80’s overall, but am I drafting him? Well, you’d know if you read the top 40 outfielders. There’s also a top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball to help you. Also, the Fantasy Baseball War Room and tomorrow will be a pitchers pairing tool, then on Monday will be our Razzball league signups. Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Top 100 for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 7, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 241 Commentsby: Grey
One word about this top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2018– Ah, I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 428 more, to be very exact. Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 530. Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2018 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Also, the online Fantasy Baseball War Room is, uh, online. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 100 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 157 Commentsby: Grey
With these top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2018 fantasy baseball rankings for positions. Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Redskins jersey that meshes with your burgundy sweatpants. Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 overall and start this shizz all over again. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Top 80 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 5, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 175 Commentsby: Grey
With the top 80 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, we are so close to the end of the rankings I can almost taste it! Wait, that’s not rankings I taste, I bit my lip and it’s blood. I wonder if when Dracula bites his lip it’s like when Cougs goes out with her friends and I’m left at home while Emmanuelle is on Cinemax. I’ll go over exactly how to draft starters in a few days, but there are so many ways to skin a cat we should have PETA breathing down our necks. Also, I’m hoping to do the RCL signups next Monday. Stay tuned! Or not, your call. All the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are there. My tiers and projections are noted. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 60 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 2, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 270 Commentsby: Grey
To paraphrase Tupac from Brenda’s Got a Baby, “I hear Grey’s got 2018 fantasy baseball rankings, but Grey’s barely got a brain. A damn shame. That guy can hardly spell his name. GREY’S….GOT EM….RANKINGS! Don’t you know he’s got ’em. He wrote them solo, and he wrote them on his bathroom floor and didn’t know what to throw away and what to keep. He crumbled these rankings up and threw them in a trash heap. GREY’S….GOT EM….RANKINGS! Don’t you know he’s got ’em.” Don’t say I don’t keep my shizz socially conscious. Or is it socially conscience? Meh, doesn’t matter, I do it either way. So, this top 60 starters has eleven pitchers I’m not crazy about, which is more than half the post, so, uh, yeah, I’ve seen a better group of pitchers. Guess it’s to be expected after last year when the average ERA for a starter was, like, 6.45. As with previous rankings posts, my projections are included and where I see tiers starting and stopping. Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Top 40 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
February 1, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 212 Commentsby: Grey
The 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are under that link. Why are you lifting your computer? Not literally under that link! Okay, you’re thick like a CVS receipt folded in half twelve times. In years past, the top 40 starters is a mix of guys I like and don’t like. Like a high cholesterol cow, it’s about half and half. This year, I really had to struggle to find guys that I didn’t want to draft in the top 40 starters. In the end, there were six starters in this top 40 starter post I was less okay, and more amscray. Each fantasy team needs about six starters total, so tell me again why you need to draft starters early? There’s a ton of them, like, this is simple math. So, simple, there’s no actual number and just ‘a ton.’ As with past rankings, my tiers and projections are included for the low, low price of $19.99! Kidding, they’re free. The oxygen you need to live while reading them is gonna cost you though. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
January 31, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 289 Commentsby: Grey
The royal we already went over all the hitters for 2018 fantasy baseball rankings. That’s not the “royal we” as that term usually implies. It was me writing it alone while wearing a Burger King crown. I refuse to draft a top starter where they are usually drafted. Unlike hitters, you need six starters, depending on your league depth. Simple math tells us there’s plenty of starters to go around. Simple Math also says, “Stop putting words in my mouth!” In most leagues, there’s a ton of pitchers on waivers that can help you — all year. Not just in April, and then they disappear. With the help of the Stream-o-Nator, you can get by with, say, three starters while streaming the rest. There’s also the fact that three stats by starters are difficult to predict due to luck. Wins, ERA and WHIP are prone to shift due to which way the ball bounces and whether or not the guys behind the pitchers can score runs. Finally, the best starters can give you four categories. The best hitters can give you five categories. As always, where I see tiers starting and stopping are included and my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 100 Outfielders for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
January 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 172 Commentsby: Grey
Steven Souza, Michael Conforto, Avisail Garcia, Corey Dickerson, Eddie Rosario, Michael Taylor. What do those players have in common? Guys that were in last year’s top 100 outfielders post that made it out like this is Orange is the New Black and those guys were Taystee. Only then Taystee got reincarcerated and brought with her that badass b*tch Vee, and Vee then started running shizz and that white ho, who the show was originally about that is annoying AF, started getting institutionalized with panty-selling and lez ho’ing and–Well, anyway, you get the point. There’s not a ton of sunshine in this top 100 outfielders, but occasionally you do get glimmers of hope. All the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are under that link-ma-whosie. As always, my projections and tiers are included. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 80 Outfielders for 2018 Fantasy Baseball
January 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 215 Commentsby: Grey
As we continue our 2018 fantasy baseball rankings, we head into the homestretch of ranking hitters. For those confused, homestretch isn’t when you shoot up late at night, remembering there’s a Dorito under the couch and go reaching for it. That is the opening to my short film, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dorito. The main character has just been “Frito-laid off” and is described as Pringley and Ruffled. Last year, this post had Aaron Judge, Domingo Santana, Josh Bell and Hunter Renfroe. Well, they’re not all gems. My point (PLEASE!) there is some value to still be found in the outfielders, it’s just a matter of finding it, like in the landmark film, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dorito. As with the other rankings, my projections are included and where I see tiers starting and stopping. Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?