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Holy Mother Of Days, George Springer!

May 13, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 618 Comments

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Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets?  Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321.  The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential.  The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch.  But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Interest Rate Will Only Get Higher To Buy A Mountcastle

May 10, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 554 Comments

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Since Game of Thrones is out here messing up the last seven years of my life by landing the final season like it’s Oceanic Airlines Flight 815, I figured I’ll drop on you a buy for Ryan of Mountcastle.  What if the end of Game of Thrones is that they take a page out of Lost’s book, but take it one step further?  That’s right, the end of Game of Thrones is we’re the ones living in purgatory by watching another great show screw up its ending.  I might’ve just spoiled two shows in one go.  We shall see!  Actually, we might not because the scenes will be too dark.  As for Ryan Mountcastle, he should be called up any day now to play 3rd for the Orioles, but why do we care?  Thanks, awkward leading question!  This isn’t because buyin’ Mountcastle sounds like a new HGTV show.  “What’s his defense like?” “Like an Italian hill town in Tuscany!”  He has solid power, and should make contact while not having great plate discipline.  At some point in the very near future, he’s going to be an add in all leagues, so get ahead of the curve, like if you had dragons, and knew how to use them and weren’t going mad in the last ninety minutes of a poorly-paced show.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

La Stella And Angels Ride On Detroit’s Streetcar Named Desire (Or Any SP Not Named Boyd)

May 10, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 360 Comments

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First off, big congrats to Albert Pujols (1-for-4 and his 6th homer), as he passed 2,000 RBIs. That is amazing. Now would some archaeologist find old man Pujols’s Holy Grail Goblet Room and let him retire in peace? Second off, David Fletcher went 2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .310, as he finally seems to be settling in at leadoff. Can we just pause for one second and try to comprehend how stupid I am?  Okay, you don’t have to rundown all my countless idiotic calls.  I get it.  Okay, with my stupidity in mind, it took a major league manager — Bad Assdunce, in this case — almost six weeks to realize Fletcher is the best guy to hit leadoff on the Angels.  Assdunce hit Kole Calhoun (2-for-4, 3 runs, and his 9th homer, hitting .223) for 78 ABs at leadoff — a .240 hitter on a good day!  Ya know, when they hire MLB managers, they’re not hiring their best and brightest.  Oh, and I have it at 50/50 odds Fletcher doesn’t stay at leadoff, just so ya know.  By the by, Fletcher is not in this afternoon’s Buy column, but if he’s available add him for average and hopefully counting stats.  Finally, Tommy La Stella.  What in the holy fudge?  Only, I didn’t say fudge.  I said the mother of all curse words.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer.  Did he even have nine homers in 1,000 at-bats prior to this in his career?  Not to answer, because I don’t care, but WUT. At this point, Travis Shaw would need to have the best month of his career to even tie La Stella in fantasy value.  I am laughing through tears.  Sad clown tears!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Robbie Looks So Sexy He Should Be Called X-Ray

May 9, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 712 Comments

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Doe, a deer, a female deer that sounds like Chaz Roe.  Ray, a drop of eleven Rays!  Me, a name I call myself while looking in the mirror to check on my hair–Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.  I was just singing a little song I call, “Julie Andrews is One Hot Cougar.”  Yesterday, Robbie Ray did the impossible.  No, not strike out 11 Rays hitters.  I mean, yes, he did that.  But that’s not what I found impossible.  I find it impossible to like him, and yesterday he made me smile a little.  Sure, this ‘impossible task’ is a bit subjective, but get out of your own head, it’s all subjective!  Life’s subjective!  Wow, I just became an angry philosopher.  Call me Socrankies.  Robbie Ray’s line yesterday 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 11 Ks is almost exactly him to a T.  He is a 4.7 BB/9 guy and that was his BB/9 yesterday in under six innings.  He can’t go deep because of the walks, and his Ks are gorge, but also limit his IP.  I don’t hate him as much as it might seem.  I don’t own him, but I can understand the allure.  I “allurve” Ks.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

You Couldn’t Hit Michael Fiers If You Were F****** Michael Fiers

May 8, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 595 Comments

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No ham sad-wiches at this Fiers fest!  Mike Fiers pitching a no-hitter with 6 Ks, ERA down to 5.48, and he only needed 131 pitches.  Previously, he threw a no-hitter in 2015 when he threw 135 pitches.  Man, pitchers really threw a whole lot more pitches back then in the mid-twenty-teens.  Way back when we still thought Game of Thrones was a good show and not a shill for Starbucks.  Way back in 2015 when we all got along outwardly and just simmered under the surface with our political differences.  What a time!  Of course, Mike Fiers was facing the Reds, and Fiers is red and *insert Spider-man pointing at himself jpg* and Ramon Laureano needed to rob Joey Votto of a home run, but…piece of cake.  As we knew all along, there’s nothing to Fiers except Fiers himself.  He was a streamer I strongly considered yesterday, because Fiers is the epitome of a Medi-OAKer pitcher, and he was at home facing a terrible team.  Sadly, the one thing that puts out Fiers is when you put your stream on him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

That Twins Pitcher Is Starting To M Perez Me

May 7, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 570 Comments

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On a new true crime podcast, Murdered By The Numbers, the host and a former FBI agent discuss the murdering of baseballs.  A serial offender coming into this year was Martin Perez. “The recidivism rates for Perez were due to his 5-ish K/9 and high-3 BB/9,” the host points out.  Then the FBI agent takes us through a personal anecdote about how he captured The Golden State Killer, which ends in a Blue Apron ad.  “The bloody body laid there like a halibut in a summer tomato bouillabaisse, which is just one of their great options!”  Yesterday, Martin Perez showed us once again that no one is too old to be new again.  Except Felix Hernandez, he’s not getting new again.  Perez went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.83, as he changes all preconceived notions.  His velocity is up 2 MPH and his cutter looks filthy, a pitch he is throwing nearly 35% of the time this year, because of the results he’s getting.  A pitch he added just this year.  See how obvious this narrative is?  Pitcher adds filth and gets results.  He’s not quite an under-3 ERA pitcher, but he’s usable for all leagues.  He left his old crew in Texas that was a bad influence and he’s now done murdering baseballs.  From RIP to rehabilitated FIP.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Maybe You Can Teach A Dietrich To An Old Dog

May 6, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 616 Comments

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On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time.  The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases.  Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen.  After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile.  Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson.  Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot.  He was perfecting it.  On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257).  I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on.  As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named:  Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Senzelnati Kid

May 3, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 441 Comments

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Scott Schebler looks about as DFA-able as I’ve seen anyone look in some time.  DFA stands for Da F**k Attahere.  Even if he’s not, Nick Senzel was promoted and is hitting 2nd tonight.  So, what are we banking on, or simply FDIC?  That’s not regarding fiduciary concerns, that’s F**k Do I Care?  Or more accurately, why am abbreviating everything a NYC cabbie says? Senzel has speed/power and could hit .315+.  He is one of the best pure hitters in the minors.  It’s the Senzel SZN!  SZN stands for Senzel, which means I just said, “It’s the Senzel Senzel!”  Not only is Senzel owned in all of my leagues, but guys like Rudy have owned him all year, stashing him on their bench.  I point to Rudy specifically, because he’s fairly agnostic on rookies, in general, so you know there’s something here.  Things break right and Senzel could be the number one call-up this year.  Yes, I avoided all the talk about his injuries, except for this throwaway comment, but we’re talking about the positives.  It’s Friday, LMFAO!  That’s Leave Me F**K Alone, Octopus.  I’m floating in a giant aquarium as I write this.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Thor Endgames Reds

May 3, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 429 Comments

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I’m not going to say the Reds lineup is bad.  I won’t mention how Jose Iglesias is the only everyday hitter with an average above .224.  I won’t mention how their three-hole hitter is Derek Dietrich, a hitter who couldn’t even start for the Marlins.  I won’t say how Yaisel Puig is hitting .178.  Or Eugenio Suarez is hitting .224.  Or how Joey Votto didn’t even start, because he sucks too.  I won’t mention how Jose Peraza and his .200 average hit fifth yesterday like he’s a power hitter.  Nah, why mention any of that?  This is about Noah Syndergaard (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, and he pitchslapped Del Taco’s T. Mahle) and how he’s back, supposedly.  It’s just the third shutout in the majors this year with Mike Minor and German Marquez, and we all know Mike Minor’s an ace, so that’s great company.  Let’s just say Noah Syndergaard’s 5.02 ERA is better today than yesterday, but am I predicting he’s fully back to the top 10 pitcher everyone was drafting him as?  Yeah, uh, no.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Royals Love The Snell Of Raypalm In The Afternoon

May 2, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 553 Comments

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The Royals swept the Rays yesterday in a doubleheader, taking down Blake Snell (3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.31).  Snell can’t handle the Royals, they can Snell what he’s cooking.  As Razzball commenter, tigersharkz said, “Yep, Snell’s fine. Recovering from a broken toe in 10 days happens all the time in real life.” From Young MC’s Bust A Move, “Blake is getting shot down because he’s over-Snellous. …so hey, Reigning Cy, don’t bust a toe.”  No foolsies, but pitchers need their toes to push off, and anything can get them out of whack.  I’m officially concerned.  Of course, the Royals were led by Adalberto Mondesi (3-for-7, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and double legs (9, 10) on opposite sides of a doubleheader, hitting .295).  Adalberto is my daddy — excuse me, Addadytogrey Mondesi. He’s now on pace for 20/50/.290. Yeah, terrible 2nd round pick. Also, chipping in for the Royals was Kelvin Gutierrez (2-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer). How big is this guy? Have you seen him? He’s like $54 T-bone vending machine steak. (Gonna keep using this until it catches on.) Is he related to The Big FraGu (throwback)?  KelGu, take me away.  He looks like he should be able to hit 20 homers and steal 10+ bags, but I don’t know if he’ll have the playing time, so best for deeper leagues for now. Terrance Gore keeps hitting (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .400).  I’d like to see Terrance Gore on the Big floor piano. It would be like Jerry Lee Lewis on coke. …Whole Lotta Stealin’ Going On!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Reyes Ain’t No Fran Of The Mil Padre Outfielder

May 1, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 599 Comments

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We gonna talk about Lil’ Wayne’s favorite baseball player, “Franmil mil mil mil mil…mil mil, a mil.”  Much to chagrin of the former Padres’ outfielder and Missy Elliott’s favorite player, “Matt Sczrczrczr,” or as she would say, “nac uoy eveileb eh saw reve a gniht Sczrczrczr my skizzard.”  Franmil Reyes looks like a cross between Kyle Blanks and a vending machine that dispenses steaks.  “Damn, I thought this was the crappy hot chocolate vending machine and now I just got charged $54 for a T-bone.”  That’s someone getting a vending machine steak.  Yesterday, Franmil Reyes did what he’s been known/capable of — blasting two, loud $54 vending machine T-bones into orbit, ending the night 3-for-4 with his 7th and 8th homer.  He’s now on pace for 40 homers.  Greek chorus, “Who isn’t?!”  Okay, GC, but Franmil can get to 40 homers, unlike, say, Tommy La Stella.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hey Lowe, Is It Me You’re Looking For?

April 30, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 607 Comments

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The Rays called up their 1st base prospect, Nate Lowe, to go with Ji-Man Choi, Yandy Diaz and Daniel Robertson, which brings me to the real question of the day:  How can Tampa have so many corners on their roster and no bodegas?  The Rays have more cornermen than Avon Barksdale.  My 9th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Corbello, would tell you, if you have two sides of a diamond and four corners, then you’re looking at a clusterfudgeogram.  The clusterfudgeogram generates little playing time and lots of headaches for those making heads or tails of it.  The real question might be:  Would the Rays be as daft to call up one of their top prospects to ride the bench?  That seems unlikely, but since he’s a lefty and this is Kevin Cash, and Cash Ruins Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the funny way to set your lineup, ya big dummy.  We care because Lowe’s got some lumber.  His projections are at the Prospectonator, and they’re not too shabby, like the quarter piece of Harrison Ford’s Jewishness.  Prospect Mike ranked Nathaniel Lowe (Why so serious, Nate?) in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and said this elsewhere, “Lowe is a big left-handed bat who can hit for both average and power. In 2018, he popped 27 homers and hit .330/.416/.568 across three levels. He’ll be ready when the Rays need him, unlike how no one needs Grey.”  Okay, not cool!  I tried to add Nathaniel Lowe and Nate Lowe everywhere; I believe they’re the same person and they were both gone.  However, I didn’t contract any FOMO.  Finding a bat corner bat with some pop is as easy as going down to the corner store, grabbing a burner Moreland-type and avoiding the clusterfudgeogram.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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