Raisel Iglesias slipped in the shower and hurt his elbow and hip, which could cause him to miss Opening Day. This has to be the nastiest Reds locker room incident since Aaron Harang dropped the soap and fell on Dick Pole while showering. Previously, Harang had only slipped on a banana peel, ya know, a by-product of being The Harangutan. The 2nd nastiest Reds locker room incident happened when Johnny Cueto swept Bronson Arroyo’s leg and he fell into Dick Pole. Now that I think about it, all Reds locker room incidents involved Dick Pole. So, Church’s elbow and hip sound like they will be fine, but Drew Storen, Michael Lorenzen and Tony Cingrani, likely in that order, could sneak into the closer’s role, and steal the job, since I get the feeling Reds manager, Bryan Price, doesn’t really want Raisel in the closer role indefinitely. This will likely be a shituation where Raisel, Storen and others share 30 saves, say, 17 saves for Raisel, 9 for Storen and the rest for others. I’ve updated my fantasy baseball rankings, namely the top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Devin Mesoraco – Won’t be ready for Opening Day. Mesoraco may be broken, or he may be a broken record. Hard to say at this point.
Alex Wood – Locked down the 5th starter job coming out of spring. I went over him in my starters to target. I like Wood. Oh, stop being juvenile!
Julio Urias – Dodgers said it’s unrealistic for him to make the rotation out of camp. Fine, but I much prefer my news from Buzzfeed on an unrealisticle. In my top 80 starters and top 500 overall, Urias was only projected for a little over 100 IP so nothing’s really changed. This is sorta good news for the aforementioned Alex Wood, but Urias will take over for someone at some point, so Wood could get moved to long man out of the pen. Though, Rich Hill and Brandon McCarthy aren’t exactly bills of good health either. Yeah, basically the Dodgers’ staff is The Walking Dead. If healthy, the Dodgers’ staff will be Kershaw, Maeda, Hill and whomever’s behind door four and five.
Nate Karns – Will open season as the Royals’ fifth starter. I have him currently in the top 100 starters, and I could see him being anywhere from a top 100 starter to a top 40 starter. Steely Dan would call him a hard guy to peg. As a flyer at the end of drafts, you could do worse. Cashner comes to mind, he’s worse.
Luis Valbuena – Out for 4-6 weeks with a strained hamstring. At a press conference, the Fantasy Gods said, “Hey, we’re trying to get The Sciosciapath to play Cron.” I always had Cron ranked and projected as a starter, so let’s hope this Valbuena Mikefoolery from The Sciosciapath is behind us.
Miguel Cabrera – May not be ready for Opening Day. This is either a March story that would be a non-story in the season or he’s going back to 120-game Miggy vs. 155-game Miggy. I’m concerned, but not enough to move him down in the rankings. Yet.
Dan Vogelbach – Optioned to Triple-A. Only room for one Danny V on the M’s, apparently. Or, I guess, room for multiple Danny V’s, but only Danny Valencia and other normal-sized Danny V’s. Like Danny Vinyard, the character played by Edward Furlong. Obviously, back-in-the-day Furlong and not the behemoth he is now. Okay, moving on! I updated my top 20 1st basemen, moving Vogelbach down and Valencia up.
Yoan Moncada – Was officially sent to the minors. The White Sox also cut Lucas Giolito and Reynaldo Lopez. I moved Yoan down in my top 20 3rd basemen, and left the other two alone, since I never expected them to make the team. Well, I didn’t really expect Moncada to make the team either, but I had high, apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes. Moncada will be back around June-ish, which sounds like the wife of someone named Hamish.
Carlos Gomez – Doesn’t expect to miss much time due to a shoulder issue. 2nd verse same as the first!
Antonio Senzatela – Could win the Rockies’ 5th rotation spot. Senzatela Hat Company?! The Senzatela Hat Company?! Wait, that’s Susquehanna, my bad. Antonio Senzatela is the Republican backup choice to Gorsuch. Any hoo! If you’re drafting a Rockies’ 5th starter, I’m sorry you got yourself in that deep of a league.
Jung Ho Kang – Won’t be ready for Opening Day. He relayed the news while he had salt on the back of his hand and a lime wedge in his mouth.
Mike Montgomery – Will start the year in the bullpen. I’m gonna walk around dog-faced and hurt. Now I got nothing, head in the oven. Maddon, yer so bad! Worst thing I ever had! Now, Brett Anderson’s gonna save me? He’s so bad! Since Anderson averages about 17 IP a year, I’m going to leave my rankings alone with Montgomery likely headed to the rotation in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.
Sonny Gray – Cleared to resume throwing. Since he’s a pitcher, that’s good news. Since he’s pitched the way he has for the last year, that’s also bad news.
Ryan Madson – Melvin said, “Goddamn, that’s a big fishy!” Sorry, that’s Melville. A’s manager Melvin said Oakland would go to Madson for saves, but an array of others would get saves. Maybe he didn’t say ‘array of others’ either, but he couldn’t say what he wanted, “a buffet of crap.” I’d handcuff Madson with Doolittle, but this is a headache before the season even starts with Casilla, Axford and Dull all as potential SAGNOF.
Andrew Susac – Headed to Milwaukee for tests on his neck and back. Meh, I only drafted Susac in three of three leagues this preseason. *picks up bowling ball, drops bowling ball on foot* There, that took the Susac pain away. His fill-ins appear to be Crash Bandicoot’s buddy, Jett Bandy, and Jung Ho Kang’s biggest nemesis: Manny Pina’s.
Blake Treinen – Picked up a save yesterday. If you think the Nats’ closer job is a done deal with Koda Glover, you haven’t been following Dusty Baker’s career since he helped invent the high-five. (Seriously.)
Will Smith – Aggravated an elbow injury, and sounds headed for Tommy John surgery. I removed him from my top 500. The good news, Will Smith can now star in I Am Arm-end.
Gordon Beckham – Was released by the Giants. Somewhere, Brett Lawrie is looking in a mirror labeled, “You in five years,” and seeing Beckham.
Ryan Vogelsong – Was released by the Twins, and this could be the end, i.e., Ryan Swansong.
David Price – Not cleared to throw yet. Purely on gut alone, this screams to me like a shituation where Price doesn’t return until the 2nd half of the season, doesn’t look like himself and then opts for surgery.
Greg Bird – Named the Yanks’ starting 1st baseman. Mean’s while, Chris Carter was flipped the bird. I never thought Bird wasn’t the starting 1st baseman, and wrote a sleeper for him a few months back. I still think Chris Carter steals at least hundred at-bats from Bird, unless the Yanks just release Carter, which seems unlikely. I moved Bird up a tad in my top 20 1st basemen.
Didi Gregorius – Shut down for two weeks with a shoulder strain. I blame Suge Knight. Replacing The Gregorius Didi will likely be Ronald Torreyes or Tyler Wade. Wade is interesting for his speed (25+ SBs in a season), but less interesting in a platoon or promoted for only a few weeks; Ronald Torreyes is Ronald McDoodie. Faye Dunaway would call this platoon, “The Torreyes of Punting Shortstop Fars.”
