Fantasy Baseball Advice

It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started.  We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season.  You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.”  Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk.  Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad.  The regular season is done.  As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!”  There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2009. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2010.  Tell ‘em, B-Real, “How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  The top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I was reading from The Book of Right-On by Joanna Newsom (<–reference for our two girl readers.  Hey, ladies!) about all of Mauer’s numbers, except the homers.  For his power, I was dead wrong.  If I could have E.G. Marshall come to my defense, he’d say no one predicted more than 15 homers for Mauer.  I was still wrong.  Dead.  Flippin’.  Wrong.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3, Final Numbers:  94/28/96/.365/4

2. Pablo Sandoval – He wasn’t ranked in ESPN’s Player Rater at catcher because of eligibility requirements, but I ranked him as a catcher in the preseason, so the Kung Fu Panda gets a bye.  In the preseason, I said, “I have his 2009 projections as 60/14/65/.300.  I think he can get to 17+ home runs without losing anything on the average side.  He’s not as appealing to me as a 3rd baseman or a swimsuit model.”  I was half right, he would’ve made a decent 3rd baseman too.  I’ll miss Sandoval in the catchers slot next year.  Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

3. Victor Martinez – I know you’ve abused your body with booze and babes for the last six months, but if you can remember back to the preseason, Martinez was risky coming into 2009 after a fakakta 2008.  He put those fears behind him and, with a little help from a trade to Sam Horn Nation, had a productive 2009.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

4. Brian McCann -  He’ll probably be my number one catcher again next year.  How’s that for being obstinate?  How’s that for knowing what obstinate means?  Can I get a Roget’s up in this mug?  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295, Final Numbers: 63/21/94/.281/4

5. Kurt Suzuki – At number five, we enter a group of catchers that were probably passed around in your league like blow at an Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart clam bake.  I think the fact that Suzuki is ranked this high proves the point better than I could ever about not paying for catchers.  Also, most of these guys were unranked, because, frankly, they weren’t even drafted.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/15/88/.274/8

6. Jorge Posada – I didn’t think he had another productive season in him.  Obviously, The Jet Stream thought different.  If only Bobby Meacham had a chance to play in that wind tunnel, he could’ve broke double digits for his career.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  55/12/65/.270, Final Numbers:  55/22/81/.285/1

7. Miguel Montero – Probably the best waiver wire claim for any catcher this year.  In my mind, Montero was more valuable than Suzuki even though he ranks above him.  If you agree, then we may share a mind.  Weird!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  61/16/59/.294/1

8. A.J. Pierzynski – Jesus Colome, is Pierzynski really this high on the catchers list?  What a terrible year for catchers.  I’d prefer a bunch of names below A.J. — Napoli, Olivo, Inge and even a Flying Molina Brother.  Can we just allow steroids for catchers?  C’mon, it wouldn’t be that bad.  Put the squatters on equal footing with the rest of the league.  Pierzynski is also the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers until the end of your draft.  They’re all so similar you could have easily had any number of guys below in the final rounds of your draft or off waivers and you would’ve done just fine.  Preseason Rank #20, 2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280, Final Numbers:  57/13/49/.300/1

9. Mike Napoli – With the amount of questions I fielded this year about dropping Napoli, you would think he wouldn’t have even made the top 20, let alone the top 10.  He’s the number one example why you should Ron Popeil your catcher and, “Set it and Forget It.”  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  55/23/65/.245/7, Final Numbers:  60/20/56/.272/3

10. Bengie Molina – I would’ve preferred this Flying Molina Brother a lot more than the one below.  Actually, I wouldn’t have owned the Yadier version.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  50/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  52/20/80/.265

11. Yadier Molina – Here’s a good example of the poor catcher numbers this year.  I ranked Yadier 19th overall with numbers that aren’t that far off from where he ended up, but he ranks 11th here with terrible RBIs and Runs.  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  35/7/50/.270, Final Numbers:  45/6/54/.293/9

12. Brandon Inge – In the first half of the season, Inge was on a binge.  In the 2nd half, Inge was on the fringe.   Sandoval knocks on my office window, “Did someone say open fridge?”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  71/27/84/.230/2

13. Miguel Olivo – Two good months gets you 13th on the top 20 catcher rankings.  In an interesting aside to me and maybe three other readers, Olivo and John Buck combined for 31 homers and 101 RBIs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  51/23/65/.249/5

14. Russell Martin – Kinda shows you how awful Martin’s season was with the company he’s keeping on this list.  Here’s a juicy nugget I said back in February, “I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10, Final Numbers:  63/7/53/.250/11

15. John Baker – I have a feeling that Baker might be overrated next year.  Not sure why, just a gut call. (<–helpful, but less provocative than a booty call) Baker was decent for stretches of the season, but he still has very little power, no speed and not a great average.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  59/9/50/.271

16. Matt Wieters - In fairness to me, I projected Wieters’s 2009 stats in January way before I had any clue when he’d be called up.  He disappointed for most of the year, but his September (13/3/14/.362) gives hope that the hype should indeed be believed.  I’m a little giddy to draft him next year, which probably means others are a lot giddy and I won’t get him.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the minors, Final Numbers:  35/9/43/.288

17. Rod Barajas – An August when he hit 7 homers and batted .225 pushed him onto this list.  Yes, that was his good month.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  43/19/71/.226/1

18. Ivan Rodriguez – Man, the catchers are terrible this year.  This stunod I wouldn’t have owned in a 20 team league that only used catchers that were traded from the Astros to the Rangers mid-season. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  55/10/47/.249/1

19. Chris Iannetta – Here’s one of the problems with the ESPN Player Rater.  Iannetta wasn’t that terrible.  Okay, he wasn’t that good either.  But his average drags him down a lot.  A terrible average on a catcher is bearable because of how few ABs they get.  See Miguel Olivo for further illustration of this point.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265, Final Numbers:  41/16/52/.228

20. Carlos Ruiz – He had 11 April ABs and he made the top 20.  Yikes.  Guess that’s the perfect way to end a terrible year at the catching position.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 20th ranked catcher, Carlos Ruiz.  Belch.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  Do you care?  Final Numbers:  Not good, friends.

Oh, they’re not just bad.  Nah, I outdid even myself this time.  On this drafternoon, I picked a team that is near-perfectly awful.  They simultaneously suck and blow.  On a scale of one to ten, they’re a negative seven.  I did the math!  Somehow I managed to get a team where not one hitter projects for more than twelve home runs.  If someone in the Royals brass gets wind of my drafting skills, I may get a job!  If you think I’m being facetious (which was recently outlawed in Madagascar), shame on you.  And shame on this team!  I took part in a fantasy baseball draft this past Saturday to pick the worst fantasy baseball team.  And I think I done did it.  My co-conspirators in this were:

Roto Rob
Tirico Suave
Drunk Jays Fans
Fantasy Baseball Cafe
Fantasy Pros 911
Hire Jim Essian
Sharapova’s Thigh
Fantasy Baseball Geeks
Beyond the Box Score

Come with me as I take out the trash:

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

ROUND 1 – I had my eye on Ronnie Belliard like only Mrs. Belliard could ever know.  He’s eligible at 1st!  Need I continue?  Okay, he’s on the Nats.  Should I go on?  His K rate has been going up.  More?  He’s also eligible at 3rd.  All right, one more thing.  He’s projected for 400 ABs and 11 home runs.  Bleh, and thank you.

ROUND 2 – It was between Chone Fuggums and Lousy Castillo.  Had to go with the more shallow position of 3rd base.  Fuggums will probably get 500 ABs, and, I don’t know, 4 HRs.  Not a bad guy for the Not Corner.

ROUND 3 – And Lousy Castillo makes it back to me.  Projected for 487 ABs and… Wait for it… Here it comes… Hold on, I have an itch… All right, here it is… Zero home runs!  WTF?  How is that even possible?

ROUND 4 – Okay, I’ve waited on crappy outfielders long enough.  Skip Suckmaker, you’re mine!  Thank you, LaRussa.

ROUND 5 – I’m actually worried about my Runs at this point.  No, I didn’t just drink some Mexican water.  So to clog up my tailpipe, I select Erick Aybar.  He’s projected for less than 50 Runs and over 400 ABs.  Later I will add his Brother in Razzball Charms.

ROUND 6 – One thing I really notice about drafting craptacular players, everyone has a different draft sheet.  It’s like you got ten owners together that have all been in solitary confinement for the last six months.  Everyone knows who’s crappy, but nobody knows which order anyone else is going to take them, so guys last longer than you think they will.  Without further ado, Brian Schneider.

ROUND 7 – And because no one knows when anyone is drafting a player, you (or at least I) want to fill up your (my) Utility spot with another catcher that I know will rack up the ABs and little else — Yadier Molina.

ROUND 8 – Super futility man, Willie Aybar.

ROUND 9 – Finally, I take a pitcher.  Not just any pitcher, but a pitcher worthy of a Razzball Spotlight, Gorilla Ponson.

ROUND 10 – B. Giles because anyone who’s ever played any level of baseball can put up his stats.

ROUND 11 – Travis Ishikawa.  Everyone loses a job on your fantasy Razzball team, so backups are very helpful and Giants hitters are even more so.  Worst case scenario, Ishikawa and Belliard will make a nice blahtoon.

ROUND 12 – Vicente Padilla, probably my riskiest pick so far.  He can’t make it out of May with a job, can he?

ROUND 13 – Endy Chavez.  Nicest thing anyone can ever say about a guy on your Fantasy Razzball team, “He’s a great fielder!”

ROUND  14 – DeWayne Wise. Ozzie’s crazy enough to give him 500 ABs, but he’s not crazy enough to lead him off, is he?

ROUND 15 – Having played this league last year, I knew anyone I took on the pitching side would lose their job sooner than later if I was playing right.  With his 150th pick, Grey selects Danys Baez, a leading candidate for an Orioles rotation spot.  You heard me right, non-Orioles fans.  Baez might be an Orioles starter this year.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

ROUND 16 – Mark Buerhle.  Tried to balance all of the starters I was going to lose with a guy who can give me 200 lame innings.  There’s a chance I bench him until he gets cold.

ROUND 17 – Matt Harrison.  Okay, I’m a sucker for sucky Texas pitchers.

ROUND 18 – Jamie Moyer.  Another innings eater-slash-guy you can’t believe is still a major league starter.

ROUND 19/20 – Chris Dickerson and Gerald Laird.   Dickerson’s a K machine, but he’s the only guy on my entire team with any downside.  I’ll be honest.  I might be patroling the waiver wire for a Dickerson replacement.  As for Laird, it’s really hard to resist taking an extra catcher.  They’re all so good!

ROUND 23/24 – Jesse Litsch and Mike Pelfrey.  Some of you may be sad to see these guys here because you have them on your regular fantasy teams.  Let’s just say, I’m hoping these guys stay healthy because they could be in for an awfully wonderful year.

ROUND 25/26/27 – Kevin Frandsen and Cristian Guzman and Gabe Gross.  Not sure how this crapfecta lasted this long, but I just had to back up some of my other guys that are sure to lose playing time.  Actually, if I played my cards right, some of them might have lost playing time already.  Razztastic!

These top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball will be yawnstipating compared to the top 20 1st basemen or even top 20 shortstops, but you have to start somewhere, right? (That was rhetorical.)  You can check out our other top 20 lists for 2009 fantasy baseball under 2009 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  I usually don’t draft a top catcher, instead I hold off until the later rounds and grab one of the late rounders.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to start the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Varitek?  Oy vey.), cause some of youse like to gamble on a top catcher.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Chris Snyder.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2009 projections for each player.  Feel free to also look at our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball:

1. Brian McCann – This is the first tier of catchers.  This tier goes from here to Doumit.  I call this tier, “I won’t own one, but I hear they’re good.”  This was the one top catcher I owned in 2008 and that was only because he seemed to be discounted compared to Joe Mauer and Victor Martinez.  So my fantasy team with McCann must’ve have been the top performing offensive team I had, right?  Nopers.  The top catcher, McCann, still only gave you 68/23/87/.301.  If he did that at 3rd base, you’d call him Melvin Mora.  Zoinks!  2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295

2. Geovany Soto – I have a personal bias against Mauer, but I’ll get to him.  (9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?)  Seems to me that the current climate (outside of Chicago) about Soto is he was great in 2008, but that’s about all we can expect from him.  He’s going to be 26 on opening day.  He can’t get better?  Actually, he can.  2009 Projections:  70/26/100/.280

3. Joe Mauer – Somewhere someone once wrote, “9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?” I forget where I read that, but it’s eloquent, profound and other razzy words for eloquent and profound.  Why are people drafting this dooode so early?  For a .330 average?  Shoot, lay off the Mark Reynolds-trans fat and you don’t need the Joe Mauer tasting-like-dust protein shake.  2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3

4. Victor Martinez - I’m not drafting Victor Martinez on any teams, unless… Once again, and in caps — UNLESS he falls really far in a draft.  He’s only going to be thirty-years-old during the 2009 season; I don’t think he’s done just yet.  2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300

5. Russell Martin – Martin is featured in our Razzball glossary for the term, “Teabagger,” but otherwise Razzball doesn’t have much love for The Backstop Who Plays Near Eagle Rock.  I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?  2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10

6. Ryan Doumit – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Biggie Molina.  I call this tier, “The first catchers I could draft in any league.”  I originally had Iannetta at number six then put Doumit here, then Iannetta then Shoppach then… Well, you get the idea.  The next three catchers are all very close.  Doumit is injury-prone, but so what?  If he hits 17 home runs in 110 games and you can plug in someone else the other 50 games, you’re actually better off than having a subpar catcher for 160 games.  Doumit’s injury history is actually how he ended up in front of Iannetta and Shoppach.  It’s a plus in my mind.  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.295/2

7. Chris Iannetta – Could easily finish 2009 in the top 3 of this top 20 list, which makes him so enticing.  He would’ve been ranked a bit higher on this list if not for Yorvit Torrealba’s deal with the devil to lessen Iannetta’s fantasy value.  2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265

8. Kelly Shoppach – The Indians have to play Martinez at 1st or DH, right?  I think they do, but they might not.  Here’s a scenario, V-Mart starts off slow and says he needs to be behind the plate to get going offensively.  The Indians appease Martinez four times a week and Shoppach sits in 75% of the games.  This may sound like death for Shoppach’s value, but I still think he could put up 15 home runs in that scenario.  Remember, Shoppach was once a decent prospect.  Hopefully, he gets even more at-bats.  2009 Projections:  50/18/60/.260

9. Mike Napoli – Bill James has Napoli hitting 31 home runs if he gets 449 at-bats.  Well, that’s the catch, ain’t it? (Speaking of catch, has anyone ever seen Fishing with John?  It’s one of the best TV shows ever.  The episode where he goes ice fishing with Willem Dafoe is brilliant.  But I digress.)  Last year in 227 at-bats, Napoli’s numbers were 39/20/49/.273/7. With full-time catcher duties, he’s the number one catcher, right?  No.  His average isn’t going to be over .270 in 2009 and he’s not a full-time catcher.  Also, if he were a full-time catcher in 2009, his average would really suffer.  2009 Projections: 55/23/65/.245/7

10. Bengie Molina – And onto the next tier of catchers.  I like to call this tier, “Just punt and go with an upside pick like Salty, Teagarden or Flores.”  2009 Projections: 50/15/70/.275

11. Ramon Hernandez – Every time I convince myself Ramon Hernandez has one more big season left in him, my common sense steps in and talks about what a bloody moron I am.  I’d consider grabbing Ramon Hernandez in some leagues, but the better move is grabbing a younger upside pick real late cough Clement cough 2009 Projections:  55/17/75/.260

12. Jorge Posada – Posada has the name attached to him that says 20 home runs and 85 runs.  But he has a shoulder (barely) attached to him that says 12 home runs and a DL stint.  Don’t get nostalgic. Posada’s not worth being drafted in ten team mixed leagues.  If you’re drafting a catcher this far down the list, do yourself a favor, grab Salty or even Laird. 2009 Projections: 55/12/65/.270

13. Pablo Sandoval -  And another tier begins.  Let’s call this tier, “Guys that I wouldn’t mind having on my team.  After all, it is just a catcher.  Take a flier.”  You get an extra catcher, because Sandoval might not be eligible at catcher in your league.  If he is, you’re in luck because there’s going to be a 2009 Fantasy Baseball sleeper post about Sandoval shortly.  2009 Projections: 60/14/65/.300

14. Chris Snyder – A poor man’s Napoli.  2009 Projections:  55/18/70/.245

15. Jeff Clement – Huge 2009 fantasy sleeper right here.  I may even devote a whole post to this guy.  Maybe a few posts.  Okay, maybe just this half of a paragraph.  Last year in Triple-A, he went 40/14/43/.335 in only 173 at-bats.  173 at-bats! Okay, so he was abysmal when he was called up to the majors, but so what?  He’s only 25 and he has catcher eligibility.  I need to say more?  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.250

16. Jarrod Saltamacchia – May not have the starting job in 2009, and he could still see 350 at-bats.  He’ll probably be in a timeshare with Teagarden and he’ll steal at-bats from Blalock (or Blalock will pull a Kotchman and be out indefintely).  Salty only feels like a guy who is a perennial bust.  He’ll only be 24 for the majority of the 2009 season.  2009 Projections:  65/16/75/.265

17. Dioner Navarro – I think Navarro and Sandoval must workout together.  They have the softball build without the upper body strength to tap the keg.  2009 Projections: 50/10/60/.285

18. Jesus Flores – If Snyder was a poor man’s Napoli, Flores is a poor man’s Snyder.  What?  Not impressed with that comparison?  Okay, what if I called him a homeless man’s McCann?  2009 Projections:  50/14/65/.245

19. Yadier Molina – And here’s a new player tier made up of two schmohawks. This tier I call, “Guys who I would never have on my team.”  Maybe I’m drunk on stupid, but I don’t buy the .300 average from Molina last year.  Though he’s not quite the guy who hit .216 one year either.  He is the guy that can’t break double figures in home runs.  As The Count from Sesame Street would say, “Bleh!”  2009 Projections: 35/7/50/.270

20. A.J. Pierzynski -  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  If you’re drafting a catcher this late and you’re taking Pierzynski, you’re not trying hard enough.  2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280

After the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but three stand out:

Matt Wieters - Well, la di da.  If it isn’t the pre-preseason AL Rookie of the Year candidate, Matt Wieters, who’s now under the shadow of The Almighty Zaun.  I already went over Wieters 2009 fantasy outlook.  With the addition of Zaun, Wieters is only worth a look in deep AL-Only leagues and keepers.  In one year leagues, don’t bother or wait until Spring Training to see if Zaun is being used instead of Wieters or simply as a mentor.  If Zaun’s his mentor and Wieters is the starter, then Wieters moves back up this list.  Just don’t reach too far for him.  For every Geovany Soto, there’s six grande Salty-Mochachinos.  2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the Minors

Gerald Laird – He’s actually more valuable than Yadier Molina.  That’s right; I said it.  I placed him at the back end of the catcher tier though to highlight him and because, similarly to Teagarden, there’s more risk involved with Laird.  Yes, he’s the cream of the crap.  2009 Projections:  60/13/65/.270

Taylor Teagarden – I already went over a 2009 Teagarden fantasy outlook.  Before you write off Teagarden for being behind Salty, remember these three things. 1) Salty could move to 1st, when Davis is filling in for a DL’d DH.  2) Teagarden has already impressed Rangers’ management, unlike Salty.  3)  There’s no number three.  If Teagarden leaves spring with the job, he moves up this list.  So stay tuned!  Or not!  It’s your call really.  2009 Projections:  50/18/65/.265