Let me ask you something, is anyone hotter than Tyler O’Neill right now? Not to answer but to ruminate while ignoring both Gurriels, Ramon Laureano and Oscar Mercado. The answer is obviously no. That O’Neill can play right! Sorry, sorry. One more! O’Neill won the Nobel because he was out standing in a field! Okay, okay, one more! O’Neill picked up for La Stellllllllllllla, and it’s all that I Desire. Okay, sorry, wrong guy that can play right, I mean, left. Won’t let it happen again. Get O’Neill on your team, and drop your Loman. Wow, surprised you with my lies! So, O’Neill is playing every day with OZUNA nursing his truck driver’s ‘How’s your father’ finger and O’Neill might just be a hot schmotato for power, but he could also be breaking out. He’s merely 24 years old, and has 30-homer power (okay, everyone does, so maybe he has 40-homer power). His current average will fall, but who else do you want on that Long Day’s Journey Into Night. I got another one in! Theater nerd alert! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! Before we get into the post, Donkey Teeth and fellow football Razzballers have set up the RazzBowl. It’s played at NFFC, and it’s FREE. FREE isn’t an acronym too, it’s the monetary cost, as in none. The gist: It’s Regular Joes vs. Pros in a Best Ball tourney. Go there and sign up now! Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
Mitch Garver – Mitch don’t kill my vibe, but not as in an order a’la, “Mitch, please don’t kill my vibe, because you often do,” but instead it’s a statement, notifying you that Mitch does not, in fact, kill my vibe.
Danny Santana – The Rangers are currently going through a transition where they move on from their top prospects (Calhoun, Mazara) and turn the page to their players who were well past their sell-by date on other teams (Asdrubal, Pence, Santana). *insert ‘It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for them’ Dodgeball .gif* With that said (Grey’s turning the boat!), Dannys Antana has been crazy hot.
Garrett Cooper – Can understand if Cooper just happened to pop a squat in the Buy column, but I’ve been talking about him for over a month. On our 30-day Player Rater, he’s been better than Kris Bryant, Yordan Alavarez and Blackmon, to name three randos.
Keston Hiura – Weird to have a tiny 2nd baseman be a heart-of-an-order bat, but that’s what Keston is. Call him Hiuraltuve.
Kevin Newman – ‘Member that week-long dopey “Dah, what’s going on, boo-boo?” move by C**nt Hurdle hitting Adam Frazier leadoff over Newman? Yeah, he could do something dumb like that again, but I like Newman.
Harold Castro – Hottest Castro since Che gave Fidel a hot foot with one of his own cigars — “You wasted a good cigar I got from duty free, you bastard!” — and this Castro is batting 2nd for the Tigers.
Gavin Lux – He was on Prospect Mike’s top 50 fantasy baseball prospects midseason list, and looks to be emerging as the last great call-up of this year. Possibly. Whatever happened to Luis Urias? Did the Padres really commit to Ian Kinsler? Too many questions leading to too many frustrating answers. Gavin’s been ridicuLux in the minors — 7 HRs in 15 games in Triple-A, hitting .531 — and with Chris Taylor going down, well, I considered making Lux this week’s lede.
Isan Diaz – He just missed Prospect Mike’s top 50 fantasy baseball prospects at the break. He has 22 homers in 325 ABs and a .305. He as in Isan, not Mike (that I know of). I’m guessing Castro gets moved or benched for Diaz shortly. Castro as in Starlin, not Harold.
Michael Brosseau – It’s brutal owning Rays hitters. Kevin Cash is trying to win daddy’s love, and his daddy is Joe Maddon, and since daddy says you can’t start anyone every day at the same lineup spot, Cash likes to mix it up. Cash ruins everything around me, give Brosseau and Lowe playing time!
Jeimer Candelario – He reminds me of my grandmother, because Jeimer sounds Jewish and Candelario sounds like diabetes.
Teoscar Hernandez – As many corner men that we had this week for hot pickups, the outfielders are kinda sad. What, you want me to list Alex Dickerson as a pickup just because he is hitting north of .350? Hey, look at that, I just listed him, too!
Alex Verdugo – This is an ESPN under-owned guy that I don’t full buy as being available, i.e., his 46% ESPN ownership, doesn’t add up, while his 97% owned in RCLs does, but if he’s unowned in your league, Verdu-vamos!
Tyler Beede – His walks have been terrible. More like Tyler BB, amiright?! But his park is great, and he’s found a lot more Ks this year. I’m between a cyclops and a hardly-any-good-pitchers-so-pick-him-up.
Trent Thornton – Admittedly, didn’t love my streaming candidates on Saturday, so take Thornton with a grain of salt, but this is a Streamonator call. Like the call it makes to the cheese counter at Whole Foods.
Rogelio Armenteros – Being called up to start on Saturday, and Prospect Mike called him an AL-Only, deeper dynasty guy. Don’t disagree, but, for Saturday, he’s also a Streamonator call. “I was talking to a pimp and he said if I can get that cheese, we can be friends.”
Hunter Strickland – He’s throwing live batting practice, and could resume the role of closer, or join LinkedIn and make a resume saying he was once a closer.
Mark Melancon – Better closers are available in some leagues. Seen someone asking about picking up Liam Hendriks. He (ndriks), for unstints, is better. Much better. Much to the infinity power. Him chomping on an infinity pumice stone. How’sever, I wouldn’t be shocked at all if Bochy went to Melancon for saves when Smith is traded. It could be Watson or Dyson too. Also, bonus points if you’re a molecular biologist and you own Watson & Kyle Crick. “I call my team, Double Helix,” and snorts.
Luke Voit – “If you were going to put Ramon Laureano in your top 100 for the 2nd half, who would you replace?” You ask while slowly stirring a metal straw. I think I’d remove Voit. Listen, last year we thought he was an extended Kevin Maas. Maaaaaaaaaaas? Kevin Maas after popping an Extenze? Sure, yes, you get the picture. Not saying Voit is totally done (not yet at least), but he’s been dropped in the order, and I’m beginning to worry he’s either nursing an injury or in a serious funk. Yesterday’s home run was a sign. Good? Maybe, hard to say. Not saying to drop him (yet), but I would explore options on the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer. Also, not saying to trade him for a naked picture of your significant other after you put them through the old face FaceApp.