For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place! Though, sometimes I get the sense people in the comments aren’t wearing pants, so if that does it for you, there ya go. Oh, who are we kidding, I’m not wearing pants. Pants are for conformist sissies! So, after going over the top 20 catchers, top 20 1st basemen, top 20 2nd basemen and top 20 shortstops, which brings us to…Hold on, I have to scroll up to the title. It’s the 3rd basemen? Oh, awesome! Pound for pound, the 3rd basemen were as good, if not better than any other position, and that’s not a Sandoval crack. Trust me, I wouldn’t force my worst enemy to look at a Sandoval crack, or anything stuck in his crack either. This final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. I look forward to the random comment about how I’ve left off so-and-so. This is not for next year. Lisa Simpson groan. Oh, they’re not reading this intro either. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Josh Donaldson – Technically, I ranked him first and Arenado 2nd for 3rd basemen if you remove Miggy, who didn’t even have 3rd base eligibility in ESPN, so TADOW! How you like me? Better or worse than before? Why did you not like me before? I’m concerned about our relationship, but obviously you’re not! Here’s a general point on Donaldson, Arenado and really all guys that I projected and ranked. The ones I liked that did well, I didn’t project high enough, and the ones I didn’t like that didn’t do well, I didn’t project low enough. I think it’s a trap that all people that do projections fall into. You don’t trust yourself to really be outlandish with the good and bad ones so you hedge. The general gist was I was right on Donaldson, just not right enough. General Gist was also my high school rock band that kicked major ass. Preseason Rank #2, 2015 Projections: 84/29/102/.262/8, Final Numbers: 122/41/123/.297/6
2. Nolan Arenado – Okay, let’s cut right to it, or as a librarian would say, “Sh….it.” I didn’t think Arenado would do this well. No one did. I did, however, rank him above every other fantasy baseball ‘pert. On a side note that’s not really side as much as it is more connecting through the kitchen, a lot of people liked Arenado in the preseason, they just didn’t rank him as high as me. This goes back to my Donaldson point; people say something like, “I like Donaldson more than Miggy,” then rank Miggy above Donaldson. I do this too; I don’t know why. I’m going to pray to my mashed potato statue of Giancarlo for guidance. Preseason Rank #3, 2015 Projections: 84/27/98/.292/5, Final Numbers: 97/42/130/.287/2
3. Chris Davis – Already went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
4. Manny Machado – Already went over him in the top 20 shortstops.
5. Kris Bryant – I don’t love using Yahoo’s eligibility because it’s too lax, which is not to say it flies out of Los Angeles, but I do like that we can see where guys rank in one position vs. another. Machado was the top shortstop, but the fourth 3rd baseman and Chris Davis was the 2nd best 1st baseman, but third here. Then later on, Carlos Santana is ninth here but was the 16th 1st baseman and the 5th catcher. So 3rd basemen are cock diesel up top, but get flimsier as you move down the list. 1st basemen are not quite as stacked up top, but they are still a much deeper position. As for Kris Bryant, he’s surely not the first guy where his production met his hype, but he feels like it and don’t call me Shirley. Preseason Rank #16, 2015 Projections: 42/19/54/.256/3, Final Numbers: 87/26/99/.275/13
6. Todd Frazier – Already went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
7. Matt Carpenter – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
8. Alex Rodriguez – The fact that A-Rod did so well last year could mean a few things: A) He’s naturally gifted, which you can’t take away from him. B) He found a way around the steroids testing. C) There’s no C. On a related note, I kinda hope A-Rod breaks Bonds’s all-time home run record so we have the most awkward celebration since, well, the last time the home run record was broken by Bonds. Preseason Rank #29, 2015 Projections: 52/15/56/.249/3, Final Numbers: 83/33/86/.250/4
9. Carlos Santana – Already went over him in the top 20 catchers.
10. Xander Bogaerts – Already went over him in the top 20 shortstops.
11. Kyle Seager – Yeah, okay, but what about Corey Seager, huh?! That was also what their father, Bob, used to say, in between sets. Preseason Rank #9, 2015 Projections: 70/22/84/.259/8, Final Numbers: 85/26/74/.266/6
12. DJ LeMahieu – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
13. Matt Duffy – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
14. Adrian Beltre – Funny how overall numbers can be skewed depending on how you look at them. Beltre was better than Miggy in these rankings, until you consider Miggy was out for about five weeks, so you likely had much better numbers from Miggy + replacement (Scab!) vs. Beltre. Okay, not funny, until you realize my monkey who is typing this facacta crap up is wearing Harry Caray glasses. Thanks, Harry Monkey! Preseason Rank #5, 2015 Projections: 86/22/97/.291/1, Final Numbers: 83/18/83/.287/1
15. Miguel Cabrera – Already went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
16. Mike Moustakas – Moistasskiss seemed to be having a better season than where he ended up ranked. I guess psychologically it just felt that way since he was blowing away my expectations, which were he would hit negative twelve homers and get into a car accident while driving around my entire fantasy team. Preseason Rank #26, 2015 Projections: 55/19/63/.226/2, Final Numbers: 73/22/82/.284/1
17. Logan Forsythe – Already went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
18. Evan Longoria – I truly wonder what happened to this young brother. Well, no longer young — Longoria is now 30 years old. He reminds me of David Wright only not really. Not really because they are not the same type of hitter, but they both seemed to have a ton of promise and be the future of the world as we know it. Only now both are such garbage that garbage calls up its attorney to see if it can file a defamation of character lawsuit over being compared to Longoria and Wright. Preseason Rank #6, 2015 Projections: 81/25/90/.261/5, Final Numbers: 74/21/73/.270/3
19. Trevor Plouffe – Plouffe goes the dynamite! And Plouffe was about five hits away from being more valuable than Longoria. Longoria’s career is Plouffe, which we also know is French for the sound poop makes hitting toilet water. God, I hate Longoria. Let’s move on before I enflame my ulcer. Preseason Rank #24, 2015 Projections: 61/15/77/.251/2, Final Numbers: 74/22/86/.244/2
20. Pedro Alvarez – For a decent portion of the season, Pe-Al was on waivers in my 12-team league, while I started Rendon at my corner infidel slot. Sounds like I suffered from Pe-Al dysfunction. Preseason Rank #27, 2015 Projections: 54/22/59/.229/4, Final Numbers: 60/27/77/.243/2