Rosters expand on Monday to allow for the big league clubs to take a look at 15 more players during the last month of the season.  All the mainstream experts say to pick up the top prospects who will get to see playing time for the last month to boost your roster.   But I’m so bitter today that I can’t recommend doing anything like that if you’re in a points league.  You see, I woke up early and picked out just the perfect outfit, but not one person has mistaken me for homeless.  I hate people.  And I hate prospect call ups (for points leagues).  They’re so new and trendy and just not sustainable enough for me.  In fact, even my moustache hates them.  I’m so heated over the matter that all 12 handlebars I waxed into it are now pointing down.  I used Burt’s Bees and now I can breathe like Brian Wilson on the mound.  Sinuses are so clear!

They’re all sell outs—leaving the minor and indie leagues where the only people in attendance were real fans–scouts.  They’re all just out for the fame and  money—an opportunity to earn a real paycheck and fly first class.  Before you know it they won’t even accept an arbitrator to objectively determine their value and make crazy demands like no-trade clauses!  In case you’re such a contrarian that you will willfully contradict my contrarying, here’s a list of the guys I won’t be picking up that everyone else will.  I’ve listed them in order of how much I like their taste in music.

Steven Moya DET

Joc Pederson LAD

Matt Barnes BOS

Garin Cecchini BOS

Marco Gonzales STL

Daniel Norris TOR

Alex Meyer MIN

Carlos Rodon CWS

Taijuan Walker SEA

Archie Bradley ARZ

Francisco Lindor CLE

Kris Bryant CHC

Henry Owens BOS

Alex Guerrero LAD

Maikel Franco PHI

Matt Wisler SD

All humor/bitterness aside, let me explain myself.  I’m talking points leagues.  In category leagues you can look at where you are in the standings and determine that you need steals or you need home runs or strikeouts or holds.  Points leagues don’t afford that clarity of direction.  Prospect call ups can help with certain categories but they usually have such glaring holes that points penalties end up negating any actual value in points leagues.

Yes, they can provide some points too, but typically the deficiencies of these youngsters detract from their overall ability to generate consistent points.  As always, ride the hot hand in September and shuffle through players to maximize your roster.  These guys won’t get consistent playing time and will have to take their lumps as they taste the bigs for the first time.  Hitters won’t hit in a good spot in the order (and those who do probably have other unproven guys “protecting” them because they’re on lost teams) and most pitchers will function as long/middle relievers with a possible spot start.

I will, however, be picking up those who have toiled away their entire careers without needing to gain popularity with the masses and are still able to find the pleasure in a PB&J and PBR pairing and staying in boutique hostels during road trips.

I’m looking at the Jordan Schafer, Lorenzo Cain, Dustin Ackley, Steven Pearce, Chris Carter, Collin McHugh and Carlos Carrasco type guys that other teams will drop or overlook for the NKOTB.  If you don’t know what that means that’s a good thing.  Don’t go look it up.  You’ll thank me forever for not knowing.  Ignorance is bliss like 100 years ago when  Monsanto hadn’t invented gluten, iPods played vynil and almonds were free range.


  1. MarkedMan says:

    I wouldnt pick up Matt Bryant either. He hasnt been able to kick a field goal consistently in YEARS.

    • Count de monetball says:

      @MarkedMan: Ha ha I was just about to comment similarly!

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:

      @MarkedMan: and it’s football season…

  2. MarkedMan says:

    On a similar note, I have Kris Bryant right now but its a keeper league with NA spots, so I think its ok.

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:

      @MarkedMan: keeper league a totally different story obviously. I like Bryant the most of all of the Cubs prospects. Kris that is not Matt.

  3. Hans says:

    Points league, playoffs start next week and rosters lock for playoffs with no bench. Please rank for the next two weeks.
    At shortstop:



    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:

      @Hans: I’m going Twinkies both ways there

  4. fausto says:

    I’d go Peralta Santana Rollins
    Ozuna, Pearce (heating up), Vargas, Marte, Jay.
    For r, hr, rbi.
    If you need sb bump up Santana up 1 and Marte up 2 spots.

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