Rosters expand on Monday to allow for the big league clubs to take a look at 15 more players during the last month of the season. All the mainstream experts say to pick up the top prospects who will get to see playing time for the last month to boost your roster. But I’m so bitter today that I can’t recommend doing anything like that if you’re in a points league. You see, I woke up early and picked out just the perfect outfit, but not one person has mistaken me for homeless. I hate people. And I hate prospect call ups (for points leagues). They’re so new and trendy and just not sustainable enough for me. In fact, even my moustache hates them. I’m so heated over the matter that all 12 handlebars I waxed into it are now pointing down. I used Burt’s Bees and now I can breathe like Brian Wilson on the mound. Sinuses are so clear!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Money means time. Time is money. I don’t got much of either today, so I’m skipping the silly intro part that I’m convinced no one reads anyway. Don’t worry, my feelings aren’t hurt; I’m what you call a constitutionally strong person. That’s the opposite of a constitutional weakling, you know, the guy who has his night ruined after you tell him his shirt collar has been flipped up the whole time, and the next thing you know, your friendship is on the rocks and you’re sitting on a couch across from Steve Harvey talking about it. That won’t happen with me.
So, as Captain Tenneal would say, LET’S GO!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, it was the day of the pitcher. Since I started this blog, I can’t remember a more pitcher dominated day. Did anyone get a hit yesterday in any game outside of Coors? Put on your long johns with the flap on the butt, the Dead-ball Era is back. Yesterday reminded me when I was in a heated battle for 1st place in my first fantasy league. The year was nineteen-naught-eight. Skeets Lincoln was a staunch racist, unlike his great-uncle, and I hated him for it, but my Gramsie said, “You’re gonna get polio sitting on the radiator,” and I realized how short life was so I grabbed Skeets and he went 1-for-4 with 4 steals (at that time there were seven bases between first and home). Yesterday, Kyle Lohse threw a gem, but, really, who didn’t. He kept the Braves to two hits with no walks and five Ks. He ends the year with a 3.35 ERA and less Ks than a Klan rally as Skeets would’ve said. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Victor Martinez left the game after fouling the ball off his foot. Wanna know our trade luck? We just traded Jason Bay, Cervelli and Mike Gonzalez for V-Mart, Boesch and Desmond. Is this karma for punting catchers in so many leagues over the years? I hate you, fantasy baseball Gods. You smite my team while […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
The peasant Royals finally called up the first baseman, Kila Ka’aihue, who was blocked by Mike Jacobs last year in a boneheaded move. His name is not pronounced Killer Kahlua. Kila has a career .386 OBP in the minor leagues. I guess Moore has no place for that on his team that has a .325 […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here we are at the last of the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings before we get to the top 300 for 2009 fantasy baseball. Some of these top 80 outfielders are really only worth owning in deep leagues or NL- or AL-Only leagues. But in those leagues, they could make a big difference and could become […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Much like Ron Howard’s movies, Ryan Howard’s swings are hit or miss. Lately, he’s been more A Beautiful Mind than The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. If he can just get the average up, he’ll reach the pinnacle of Night Shift. However, the chances of that are the same as Chase Utley marrying a mermaid. But […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
In one league, Rudy just traded Capps for Victorino and in another league he traded Capps for Billingsley. That’s right; he pulled off a classic double upper-decker. (I believe the term upper-decker is still, erm, dangling right outside of the glossary, but with some momentum in the forums it might make it in. I’ve objected […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t like Brandon Webb. Why, Grey? Why the hard feelings? Did he have sex with your sister and then make you smell his fingers? No, you sick bastard. In 2004, I owned Brandon Webb in a league that counted Ks minus BBs and Webb had 119 walks that year, which is about twice his […]Please, blog, may I have some more?