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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | OAK | SEA | WSH

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“Only thing better than three homers in a game is three World Championships in three years for three different teams.” — Joc Pederson probably. Joc Pederson is 80-grade fun. Maybe it’s the goofy paunchy body, maybe it’s the frosted hair that seems done by himself on a whim. I don’t know; he’s just so much fun. Yesterday, him and his fantasy owners had a whole lotta fun — 4-for-6, 8 RBIs and his 8th, 9th and 10th homers and his first career three-homer game. I know it’s inaccurate, but it feels like Joc Pederson hits 30 homers every year, and they’re all hit in the matter of 10 games. Think the only thing you need to know about Joc Pederson is this picture:

Joc Pederson has ice in his veins and NFTs in his crypto wallet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dead balls, juiced balls, prime time balls, cold weather, hot weather, humidors, anti-humidors (humidifiers?), with all this wackiness, what is a fantasy baseballer to do?  Well, with any luck you took advantage of those dead balls / cold weather early on and got a nice jump baseline for your pitching ratios before Manfred plays mad […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Tuesday everyone, how about the weekend we just saw? Trevor Story is back…I think. 1.527 OPS last week is good…..I think. The Cardinals had every player in the starting lineup with a hit, run, and RBI on Sunday and Yadier Molina showed he is no Anthony Rizzo on the mound. They should have let […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Pirates’ front office looking at the clock labeled, “Service Manipulation.” The big hand clicks towards “Extra year of service time,” and the little hand creeps towards, “Being cheap AF.” Just as Being Cheap AF and Extra Year of Service Time meet at 12 o’clock, a little birdie flies out in a Pirates’ jersey with the uniform number for Tyler Glasnow and starts cuckooing. With that, Roansy Contreras was called up by the Pirates, and will start today. In Triple-A, he had 2.66 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 10.6 K/9, 4.9 BB/9, and a 1.33 HR/9. He can be electric, but those walks scare me. Yo, I don’t trust the Pirates at all. Not with pitchers, not with hitters, not for nothing but not with nothing. No trust. Anyone rostering Ke’Bryan and Bryan Reynolds liking it? Has Mitch Keller clicked yet? Will he ever? How’s Oneil Cruz doing you? Sucks to put that all at Roansy’s feet, but there ya go. That’s my feelings on him. For those that found us by googling “sucks” + “feet,” you a freak! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember that ultra-successful Hollywood box office hit Lucky Number Slevin? Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu, Josh Hartnett — what is this, The Sleventh Sense? That’d be a cool sequel, bee-tee-dubs. A little kid who steals money from banks because ghosts tell him all the secrets and then he uses psychic powers to steal from the rich and give to the poor. Who doesn’t love a Robin Hood archetype? ENYWHEY. Think about some kind of dumb title for this article like Week Slevin Top Hurlers! Hypehouse Arms: 2 Months minus 1 Week Edition! Can we get Jason Blum to produce this? Could use a good jump scare after this first item I share with you. Quickly, onto the Main Act!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Great, now I’m hungry for a cereal that leaves your mouth looking and feeling like a Saw filming location. YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME IN MY MOUTH? Wait, uh… And yes, that is not a typo, the actual name has two “Crunch’s” which I never really noticed until I actually had to type it out. I mean, why does the Cap have to be redundant like that? I know you’re Cap’n Crunch homey, why not just give us the berries? And will no one think of José Berríos here who has to be crunched twice for the metaphor to work? I will, for I am Jay, philanthropist, life coach, virtuous drunk, and that’s just before lunch! But enough about my over-qualified CV, let’s talk about the struggles of one Crunch-Crunch Berríos… yeah, definitely does not have a great ring to it. Nor crunch. All of them.

Please, blog, may I have some more?