Jon Gray pitched seven innings Friday night versus the Mets, allowing just five hits, two runs, a walk and struck out eight in his first win, in well, in ever. Congrats on your first major league win, chief! It only took you nine months! How about that headline? That was a bad Fifty Shades joke. If you don’t like it I will tie you up and make you like it. Mmm. Bondage. Anyway, Jon Gray–Coors pitchers be damned! After surrendering 11 runs through his first two starts, Gray has been damned good in his past three starts, giving up just four runs and 10 hits in 20.0 innings, and his 1.15 WHIP and 36/7 K/BB are certainly impressing me mucho. I know what you’re thinking, still a Coors pitcher pitches at Coors and even in the most stream worthy of starts it makes him very hard for me hard to recommend. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be on your radar, folks. You should be watching him closer than the latest episode of Game of Thrones, looking for secret hidden fantasy clues in the sand. You guys, I’m pretty sure the scarring on Jon Snuh’s chest spells out R+L=J! Oh em god, wait! The “J” must stand for, dot, dot, dot…Jon Gray! But Jon Gray knows nothing. He must be Targaryen!
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Addison Russell – 1-for-4, HR (3), 3 RBI. Addy, which is also what I call my favorite amphetamine, has hit safely in his past seven games, and is hitting .429 with 10 RBI in the past week. More addys for Addy, please!
Jason Hammel – 6.2 IP, 8 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 5-0. If you told me Jason Hammel would be 5-0 with a 1.77 ERA in May I would have told you not to talk to me or my son ever again. See kids, I can memez!
Francisco Liriano – 4.2 IP, 9 hits, 8 ER, 4 BB, 7 K. Well, that escalated quickly. This is why you have to be leary with Liriano–see what I did there? All this coming off a nice 10 K start in St Louis last week. Maybe you just shouldn’t start anyone against the Cubs.
Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-5, HR (8), 2 RBI. Cutch has hit safely in his past seven games. ESPN says he’s due for a breakout and I have to agree, this guy is going to be a real super star! Ha-cha-cha!
Chris Tillman – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W. Tillman is on fire right now. He’s won four straight starts, going at least 6 IP in each, allowing just 4 ER with a 32/12 K/BB rate. That will help your fantasy team!
Justin Verlander – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K. Tell Kate Upton I said, “O shizz waddap.” She’ll know what it means.
Adam Jones – 2-for-3, HR (4). Addaaaaayum Jones now has three homers in the past four games. He’s also hitting .355 in the past week with 9 RBI. If you drafted him too early you can exhale a bit, but you still screwed up.
Chris Sale – 9.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 6 K, 8-0. You are my once and future Cy Young, Chris. Don’t ever forget that when you go 30-0.
Aaron Hicks – 1-for-4, as he led off. I mention Hicks not because he went 1-for-4, but because he is a Razzball favorite and a BUY this week who could see plenty of plenty time because D’Ellsbury is a fragile shell of a human being.
Luis Severino – 2.2 IP, 7 hits, 7 ER, 4 BB, 2 K. Headed to the DL with a triceps strain, which is good because I finally have an excuse not to start him anymore.
Bryce Harper – 2-for-2, HR (11), 2 RBI. Who’s the best player on the planet?! Steph Curry you say? Yeah well, okay. Fair enough.
Jeremy Hellickson – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 9 K, W. For a pitcher with a 46/12 K/BB rate Hellickson is surprisingly available in a number of leagues. What is the issue, people? I guess that’s why you are the readers and the the baseball blog writer guy.
Lance McCullers – 4.2 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. You shouldn’t have started him here anyway unless you are a crazy person. And if you really are a crazy person, then for the record, I don’t think you’re crazy, please don’t hurt me. Lance should be better next time out, chalk this one up to the Red Sox hot bats.
George Springer – 3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (8), 4 RBI. It’s going out! I’m yelling SPRINGGGGGGGER! Remember that song, you guys? Pitbull and Keisha? Yeah, I’m sorry I reminded you.
Marwin Gonzalez – 2-for-5, 2 RBI. Marwin has hit safely in 9 of his past 10 games and is hitting .345 with a home run and 2 steals in the past week. Pick him up. It’s as simple as that!
Travis Shaw – 2-for-3, HR (5). It’s hard to point to one guy in the Red Sawx line up right now because they are all ridiculously juiced to the max at the moment, but Shaw is making us forget that Pablo Sandoval was ever even a thing. A big, fat, slow, overpaid thing.
Jackie Bradley, Jr. – 3-for-4, run, RBI. JBJ! It’s yo birthday! 19 game hitting streak! Three times flames emoji! THERE IS NO ONE HOTTER THAN YOU! He’s hitting .571 with 4 homers and 16 RBI in the past week! Sweet sassy molassy! He was a BUY this week, but if he’s available in your league still you are playing with robots. Really poorly programmed robots. I would know, because I am a really poor programmer. When your number nine hitter is batting .600, you’re gonna have a good time.
Steven Wright – 4.1 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Blame it on the rain!
Byung Ho Park – 2-for-5, 2 HR (9), 3 RBI. You must be real pleased with yourself for drafting this guy, huh? Got the inside scoop from your overseas friend in Korea, you say? Well, I also have friends in Korea who say you’re a know-it-all bragger.
Eduardo Nunez – 2-for-4, HR (2). With the slam and legs! Sonofadrop!
Danny Valencia – 2-for-4, 2 HR (2). O Danny boy has been hobbled with a hamstring issue, but returned with power last night. MORE POWER. Valencia was a pre-season sleeper of sorts, but then appeared to just be putting us all to sleep. But that could be the ambien I took with my glass of whiskey.
Rich Hill – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, W. The 36-year old old is old, but better old than never, folks. The 53/20 K/BB rate is making me really happy happy and yes that 2.68 ERA is not a typo. He should probably be owned everywhere at this point.
Troy Tulowitzki – 1-for-4, HR (7), 3 RBI. I blame Tulo for my last place standing in my RCL league. I also blame him for my miserable job, failed relationships, and last place standing in leagues I don’t even own him in. Thanks a lot, Tulo!
R.A. Dickey – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 6 K, W. With Dickey back to being fantasy relevant I have so many phallic jokes I have saved for you readers. Let’s see now…oh no, I’m blanking! Nothing worse than a Dickey blurb that fires blanks. Unless those blanks are shutouts! Okay I got it. How about, Dickey got a rise in Texas? R.A. remains stiff competition as Dickey was certainly standing at attention last night, resulting in a happy ending for the knuckleballer.
Chris Owings – 3-for-3. Hey, why are you available in so many leagues? You’re batting .370 in the past week and you play every day. I would pick him up, and I’m a self-proclaimed “expert” at this!
C.J. Cron – 2-for-5, HR (3), 3 RBI. Cron Air! I was reading through some of my posts from last year, because I’m a narcissist and no one enjoys my stuff more than me, and I noticed I said Cron would hit 25 homers this year. Hmm. Well, he does have a six game hitting streak and is batting .417 in the past week. I am not wrong yet, people!
Steve Cishek – 2.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, BS. Cishek happens.
Yasiel Puig – 3-for-5, HR (4), 2 RBI. Keep it up Puig, I have pledged my allegiance to the the unholy Dark Lord Kramdar and he told me by sacrificing a roasted Puig would bring much fantasy successes. Don’t tell Xenu I am going behind his back because my friends at the church of Scientology would not be okay with this.
Aledmys Diaz – 2-for-4, HR (6). I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I told you to pick him up the second week in April and I’m not sure I’ll make a better recommendation all season. So, if you stop reading my weekly posts from here on out I really wouldn’t blame you.
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
