Netflix Releases All 9 Innings of Opening Day

[long inhale]…ah…you smell that? It’s baseball writers using the word verdant…it’s Thing throwing out the first pitch on Netflix…it’s Anthony Rendon hitting the 60-day IL…It’s baseball, baby and it’s back! Turned on Netflix last night to watch the Giants vs. the Yankees and I thought about my great uncle. He’s 96 and is a Giants fan dating back to when they were in New York. He’s lived on the East Coast all his life and stayed up to 2 AM to watch home Giants night games for the last seven decades — maybe the secret to a long life? — maybe an em-dash means ChatGPT is writing this? I wonder if he turned on Netflix last night, saw Harrison Bader’s tight pants and thought he was watching Is It Cake? Honestly, Is It Cake? is about as recognizable to the modern game as when he first fell in love at the Polo Grounds. A lovely anecdote to welcome you and baseball back. Now LFG! Streamonator and Hittertron are up and Rudy’s latest (!!!)  is being announced later today (I think). By the way, all I could think when I saw Thing throw out the first pitch and wave its hand to the crowd was, thank God, Reese McGuire wasn’t in attendance. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! One further ado, this season’s first Buy/Sell is now available on our Patreon. It will be posted early on the Patreon all year, so sign up for that. Anyway II, the roundup:

Aaron Judge – 0-for-5, 4 Ks. Aaron Judge is on pace for 648 strikeouts, which would be a new record.

Max Fried – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Love this since I love Fried. Long time fan. Biggest fan of his, maybe that’s ever been. Lifelong fan.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-3, 1 run, 1st steal. 50 more homers, 49 more steals.

Luis Arraez – 1-for-3. Did you listen to the game last night and how they kept talking about whether Arrraez’s 16-game hitting streak was still going from last year? I think the hardest hitting streak would be play one game per season, get one hit and keep it going for 57 years.

Logan Webb – 5 IP, 6 ER. I know it’s a big step to have the game on Netflix, and MLB had to make some concessions, but not sure how I feel they let the guy from Bugonia pitch for the Giants. Overall, I thought the game on Netflix was a success. Sure, it’s a little gimmicky, but anything is better than the stale Ken Rosenthal, John Smoltz “everything stinks about baseball” telecasts that MLB has become over the last decade. Only two negatives on the Netflix telecasts was why did the Take Me Out to the Ballgame have pandemic vibes? Why were they showing people on Zoom? My other issue was why couldn’t he have held “free” another 34 seconds in the National Anthem? I just lost my house on Kalshi. Meh, more of a me problem, I guess.

Casey Schmitt – 0-for-3. “So, what do you think of the Giants’ chances this year?” Answer: Giants’ Opening Day 1st baseman is most famous for showing his balls thru see-through pants.

Connelly Early – Made the Red Sox rotation. Dude sounds Boston, right? He’s basically the rat at the end of The Departed, but less heavy-handed in his metaphors. Connelly Early says, “Grand,” a lot in an Irish accent and has three boys with red hair. Dude named one of his kids, Shamrock. And you don’t think Connelly Early is Boston? Please! He’s also one guy I’d look to add in every league. His stuff is that nasty.

Ryan Pepiot – Hit the IL with hip inflammation. As Huey Lewis would sing, “That hip to be flared.” True story, I told Cougs before we got married, I wanted Huey Lewis to play at our wedding and she reached out to some people to try to make it happen and he wanted $150,000 to perform, and I told her to just email back his manager, “LOL.” So, Joe Boyle should get a few starts in the Rays’ rotation, and he’s fine for a deeper league stream, but he’s very iffy, in general, and it sounds like Pepiot could be back in a couple weeks. (A couple is two.)

Carlos Estevez – His fastball is sitting 88-90. Um, hey man, dubya tee eff? Is this for real? I’m trippin’ balls or this is real? I’m the most exposed to Estevez as any player in the entire league. I kinda need him to find six miles per hour and, okay, who am I fooling, who do they have in setup? Erceg? Okay, pick him up.

Nick Lodolo – Hit IL with a blister. Reds are one of the few teams that can lose two starters, and still have some great arms. Even without Hunter Greene and Nick Lodolo, I am still saying giddy up to Andrew Abbott, Chase Burns, Rhett Lowder and Brandon Williamson. I’d guess Lodolo will be back in two weeks, and hopefully fine. Also, it’s a good time to mention my 2026 fantasy baseball rankings are locked and loaded.

Kirby Yates – Hit the IL, so I guess that means Jordan Romano is the Angels’ closer now. That’s what our Bullpen Chart says, and I tend to agree. Another true story (lots of those today): I have a cousin (through marriage) whose daughter just married a guy who lives next to Arte Moreno. I am currently plotting how to get Arte on the podcast and my promise to you, if I can get Arte on the pod, it will be a shorter appearance than the Jose Canseco podcast appearance.

Spencer Strider – Out three to four weeks with an oblique. Whew, glad I told you not to draft him in any league. You ignored that and drafted him anyway? Why would you do that? Why are you answering me with head nods? What are you talking about? I don’t understand head nods. Or rather what are you not talking about? Damn it, say something! So, Didier Fuentes is still not in the rotation; Jose Suarez replaced Strider. Nothing but an NL-Only flyer.

Gavin Lux – Hit the IL. Can’t spell Gavin Lux without IL. You can though if you’re in a rush and/or chewing on straw and saying Gav’n ‘ux. Richie Palacios and Ben Williamson take over for Lux. Williamson sounds like a basketball player, but should you pick ’em and roll? Nailed it! High five me! No? You’re right. Williamson had a big spring, but looks like a 4/15/.270 hitter with a good glove, i.e., AL-Only. Palacios might see more at-bats (he’s the lefty) and be worse.

J.J. Wetherholt – Breaking camp with the team. Jamba Juice Wetherholt was presumed to be breaking camp with the Cards since February when the Cards made it abundantly clear they were not making an effort to field a competitive team this year. That’s no slight on Jamba, I like him but the Cards are doing the Cubs’ 2016 rebuild path and they’re somewhere around 2013.

Lars Nootbaar – Hit the 60-day IL after his heal surgery. Too bad Lars doesn’t know from surgery heel. Wonder if he had my now-patented heal surgery where I have five-inch planks glued onto my feet to make me taller. Not that I need it. This kinda surprised me, I thought Lars was only a few weeks behind. A 60-day IL stint is not that. Nathan Church seems to be early recipient of Nootbaar’s oot-baats.

Kumar Rocker – Won the 5th starter job in Texas. In Spring Training, he was great (for him) with a 4.26 ERA. (For him) is the key there.

Robert Garcia – Rangers’ closer will be dependent on the situation, per Skip Schumaker. What if the situation is I need saves and I am rostering Robert Garcia and not Chris Martin?

Jackson Holliday – Been using an axe-handle bat after breaking his hamate bone, because Heston Kjerstad was playing Fortnite with Corbin Carroll, and Corbin told Kjerstad to relay it to Holliday to try an axe handle. See, kids, video games are good for you. “Vindication!” — Joel Zumaya