Yesterday, Matt Kemp went 2-for-3 with his 21st homer, and his 5th homer in the past ten games. With the help of his last ten games, he’s quietly put together a decent season. You’re likely thinking, “Quiet, yes. Decent? Well, he’s worn pants, if that’s what you mean by him getting himself decent.” On our Player Rater, where do you think Kemp ranks overall? For all players, not just outfielders or hitters. If you said top 40, you’d be right and you likely cheated, because he did not feel like a top 40 fantasy player. Outfield is absolutely stacked this year, and Kemp is only around the 15th best outfielder. He’s been better than quite a few guys that you might think have been better Michael Brantley, Mookie Betts, Adam Jones…Okay, maybe you don’t think Adam Jones has been better. Kemp is still nowhere near what he once was, nor will he be in 2016, and moving to San Diego from LA has had its challenges. For instance, there’s real military at games and not just Mark Harmon fresh from the set of NCIS. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Justin Upton – Didn’t start yesterday after having two ingrown toenails removed. You know what they say, what can’t be pedicured, must be endured.
Yonder Alonso – Shut down with a stress reaction in his back. Confession, Alonso’s back and I co-manage a team with Strasburg. Hence, the stress.
Tyson Ross – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. He is the king of the NyQuility Start. We should start calling him Prince Valium.
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. Good sign, but I wouldn’t go as far to say it’s a great sign. Since he could still have plantar fasciitis issues and whatnot. (Whatnot is really where the danger lies. Whatnot is the worst!) Would I own Dickerson, and start him in every game he plays? Aw, heckfire yes. Will he play in every game? I can’t imagine it. My ability to imagine is pretty weak, apparently. I need to find my inner child! Or watch the Pan trailer.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4 and his 38th homer. Screaming over gusts of wind, “I can’t sit around waiting for this Torenado to calm down, so I am going to climb up that spinning ladder and get on the levitating, spinning couch to watch some spinning TV.”
Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-4 and his 37th homer. I talked about this a bit in our last podcast in between fish waffle mentions, but it was kinda obvious to me to tell you to buy CarGo when he was struggling in May because you want hitters who play in Coors. That’s like the first class at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. Yeah, I know yesterday was in Petco, but it still applies.
Mark Buehrle – Will start Tuesday after receiving a cortisone injection. Well, technically after he received the injection, he got two enthusiastic high fives from Edwin and Jose.
A.J. Burnett – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks as he returned from the DL. I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen Apricot Juice that I never thought I’d see again. I’ve seen– Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Sit down and have a cup of hot cocoa. Actually, it’s cocoa that’s sitting on the table for two hours, but it’s so hot out that the cocoa is hot. So, Burnett looked like the dog’s breakfast yesterday, but, assuming he’s healthy, I’d start him in his next start.
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-6 and his 22nd homer. He’s one of only five players in the majors with a .400 OBP. In 2007, there were 18 guys with a .400, including Pat Burrell.
Gregory Polanco – 1-for-6 and his 8th homer. Ah, extra innings, even when a hitter hits a home run they have a mediocre night.
Starling Marte – Left after being hit by a pitch, but it doesn’t sound serious. At least that’s what I keep telling myself as I form a prayer triangle with my dog, Ted.
Jonathan Lucroy – Still has concussion symptoms and he’s waiting to see a doctor. He made three million dollars this year and he can’t get in quicker to see a doctor? You failed, Obamacare!
Khris Davis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (19) and legs (5). Elsewhere, Chris Davis had the day off. *whips head around to reveal a Snidely Whiplash mustache* Or did he?! Khris Davis now has 19 homers in only 99 games. Imagine if he plays 155 games next year. *wavy lines* In the news today, Donald Trump insults world. Oh, and Khris Davis just hit his 30th homer. *wavy lines* Cool dream!
Wily Peralta – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.14. Since there were so few games yesterday, I actually started Wily in one league. Which brings me to my point, thankfully he doesn’t pitch often when there’s very few games.
Randal Grichuk – Started on Wednesday, but didn’t start yesterday. It’s going to be like this for the rest of the season due to his elbow, which is not macaroni as the word was used in the days of Yankee Doodle Dandy when macaroni meant awesome.
Kolten Wong – Out due to a left calf strain. I’d hate to get all Lorena Bobbitt here, but you have to cut your Wong loose.
Matt Holliday – Expects to be activated at some point on the upcoming Cardinal road trip. There won’t likely be enough time for him to get another DL stint, so he’ll fall just short of his personal record of four DL stints in one year. Overall, a solid injury-packed year. He had some bad luck having his torn quadriceps injury costing him so much time that he was never able to get back on the field for the 4th injury. As for the final few weeks, you can try him, but I doubt he plays more than a few days a week.
Jaime Garcia – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. This start happened because Garcia doesn’t like H2H playoffs. I think this might be the first start where he didn’t look terrific and he wasn’t hurt. Then again, by this afternoon, he could announce an injury. It is Jaime’s drawback. That and greediness, right, Jesse Jackson?
John Lamb – 5 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners (6 BBs), 6 Ks. Lamb, your spitfire roasting is a wonder for all the Armenian children far and wide, but all of those walks are baaaaaaaaahd.
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-5, 1 run. Mean’s while, Zack Cozart says, “Hey, guys, don’t forget about me.” You hear something? Who was that?
Todd Frazier – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 32nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games and 2nd homer of the 2nd half. Okay, kidding on the last part, but not kidding by much.
Brandon Phillips – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. I just read “Measuring Your IQ for Dummies,” so my brain is functioning on a high level right now, but why didn’t I just draft Phillips instead of Rendon? I guess because I didn’t read Measuring Your IQ for Dummies back in March.
Bartolo Colon – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.13. Since the Mets have had so many rotation questions, it’s only right to mention Colon will not be skipped for his turn in the rotation or extra steak patties.
Shelby Miller – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. Member when Miller was having a good season? Yeah, I sorta do. That was this year, right?
Cole Hamels – Had start pushed to Monday. Chi Chi Gonzalez will start in Hamels’s place. Well, at least on the front nine.
Derek Holland – 7 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks. Ouchie, you have burned my Bum Equipment with your runs. Holland, you make my Nethers-land hurt. I’m not joking when I say I would’ve thought Holland was a safer start yesterday than F-Her (8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks). The Stream-o-Nator loved Holland’s start too. C’est la poo. Holland’s next start now feels risky, but I’d likely start him there too.
Nelson Cruz – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 40th homer. Cruz is The HRobot. If he’s on the field, he’s homering.
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs, and hitting everything he sees lately, which I believe was Jodeci lyrics. Trumbo won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but only because he’s owned in too many leagues to qualify.
Alfredo Simon – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.94. Fun fact! In South America, they play a form of Simon Says where they make people do things by waving guns. It’s called, “Alfredo Simon Says.”
Abraham Almonte – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (4) and legs (5). If you’re into our 16th president and canned fruit, Abraham Almonte is your man!
Michael Brantley – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homers. Don’t look now, but he’s a huge final three weeks away from being worth exactly what you paid for him in the preseason. Oh, sorry, Alfredo Simon says don’t look now!
Danny Salazar – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.57. He was a victim of a few well-timed hits and base on balls, but let’s save the victimization shtick for Dateline with their fantastic Keith Morrison voiceover, and, instead, dominant some starts. I need you, man, and your strikeouts!
Corey Kluber – Will throw a bullpen session today, then the team will see how he feels on Saturday before saying when he will return. Siri, set a reminder to check Kluber’s status on Saturday please. “Grey, you have set a reminder to cosplay Crispus Attucks in the Florida Keys.”
