(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
Accidentally claimed Jose Siri in one league by holding down my iPhone home button, but, as I always say, it’s better to be lucky than good. Which is why I never learned how to drive, I simply rub a rabbit’s foot and go vroom vroom. If you Anglo’d up Jose Siri into Joe Siri, it almost sounds like you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, and if you’re saying a Yo Mama joke to Siri, you got some free time on your hands, huh? Clear schedule, you got. Here’s what Prospect Itch said of Jose Siri recently, “Siri seems unlikely to hit any better (than Myles Straw), but he has elite athleticism and good bat speed. Sounds a little like Adolis Garcia and any number of other forgotten nowhere men to pop from the upper minors and into our fantasy hearts. I’ve always liked Siri, and hate Grey.” Geez, man, c’mon. In Triple-A, Jose Siri went 16/24/.318. Yeah, I was surprised at how good he was there too. “Siri, please call Triple-A and tell them I have a flat tire.” That’s me after someone steps on the back of my shoe. For now, Siri is a fill-in for injured Astros’ outfielders (mostly Brantley), but they’re headed to the playoffs, so they might rest their guys a lot, which means playing time for Siri. If you need a guy who can fill all five categories, you should press your iPhone home button too. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Alejandro Kirk – Alejandro Kirk looks like he should have a name like Seth Beer. Or even Seth Keg. Already gave you my Alejandro Kirk fantasy. It was written without a touch of class.
Brandon Belt – Saw he was rostered in only 30% of ESPN leagues, and thought that was wildly low, then I saw on the Player Rater, he’s around 200th overall. Definitely worth rostering, but not nearly as great a season as I thought since he’s got Gene, the Giants’ genie, giving him all good things.
Lewin Diaz – Already gave you my Lewin Diaz 2022 fantasy, but there’s some 2021 info there too. Because you asked nicely! (You didn’t ask nicely.)
Bobby Dalbec – Exclusively, for a limited time only, Bobby Dalbec on your waivers. If you act now, you can get homers! Bobby D., anything to add? Dalbec leans into the mic and says, “And RBIs.”
LaMonte Wade Jr. – Pretty surprising to see Wade available for so many weeks without anyone acting on his hotness, but people seem to be onto fantasy football. Wade sounds like a football player, but he’d spell his name, La’Monte. Baseball players haven’t yet embraced the name spelled with an apostrophe. Baseball is still dealing with the many iterations of Zack/Zac/Zak/Zach.
Brad Miller – Phils have found a truly special hitter, and his name is Alec Bohm and they ruined him by showing him tape of Domonic Brown. But they have Brad Miller, who’s been playing and hitting.
Yonny Hernandez – Don’t want to signal to you what a supreme idiot I am. I like to hide my idiotness away. But, at the risk of being Mr. Idiot, I like what the Rangers have done with the direction of their team. Mostly the pitching, but their hitting looks a ton better than, say, the Pirates. Any hoo! Yonny has speed, and that’s ’bout it.
Evan Longoria – “Can I get a three-homer night?” “I promised one of those to Tommy La Stella.” That’s Longoria talking to Gene, the Giants’ genie. By the way, this is my Tommy La Stella buy blurb too.
Colton Welker – Member what I said about the Rangers about 68 words ago? Rockies have not done anything worthwhile, but is Colton *pinkie to mouth* Welker while? Woof, that’s a bad pun. I’m gonna have to hang-up my pun-making keyboard. It’s quitting time, because it’s Friday and around four-QWERTY. He’s still got it! Take it, Highlights! It’s yours! Any hoo! I don’t know if Bud Black is playing Welker. He should, obviously. He has power and average, and anyone in Coors is interesting.
J.P. Crawford – This is mostly a 7-day Player Rater call. Crawford’s been Just Peachy, recently.
Lane Thomas – Just thought of something. What if the Cards are trading away their prospects only to get them back when they’re pushing 40 years old and ready to contribute to their team?
Bryan De La Cruz – Certain guys slide through the cracks and I just never really look that close at them, and De La Cruz was one of those guys. You can hear me on this week’s podcast discover him. Hadn’t realized he was from the Astros, which means he’s a hit tool-first guy, and might hit .300 and not a ton else. Think a poor man’s Michael Brantley. Call him Bryan De La So…Is that it?
Jesus Sanchez – Think I might start my Jesus Sanchez sleeper before the season even ends. Have big-time love for this guy and he’s in a great place to get everyday at-bats. Marlins are a sink-or-swim type club with their rookies, and you know a Jesus won’t sink.
DJ Peters – He has a mollywhoping stick in his hands that can hit the ball far. He also hit .233 in Triple-A, so he might hit .170.
Patrick Corbin – This is a Streamonator call. Like the call it makes to the ASPCA.
Luis Patino – This is a Streamonator call. “Man’s best friend is a dog. Do you know what a robot’s best friend is? Batteries? Are you guessing?”
Chris Stratton – As I said the other day:
Joe Barlow – Also, I could’ve listed Scott Barlow, and, would you look at that, I just did! For those amazed there’s two Barlows. There’s actually 17 Barlows. More than half the league has the bar low with their bullpen. J.B. Wendleken getting saves in Arizona isn’t a Barlow? Please. May as well call him Joe Barlow Wendleken.
Dylan Floro – I googled to find out if he was Italian-American, but didn’t find anything definitive. Throw some grease in his hair so he looks like a WAP. A wet ass person. What did you think I meant? Half my family is WAPs. Italians love to look wet without being wet.
SELL
Adam Frazier – So, went to our 30-day Player Rater, and scrolled down for about fifteen minutes to the worst hitters over the last month, and who were rostered in more than 50% leagues, and Frank Voila! Welcome to my Ted Talk on why Adam Frazier has sucked since moving to San Diego. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s too damn pleasant! No one wants to play baseball when they can go surfing.
Tommy Pham – How about those Padres, huh? Pham looks like he’s barely a MLB platoon outfielder for the rest of his career. Just taking a stab here. Sorry! Bad choice of words!
Joey Votto – Whether or not Joey Votto is a Hall of Famer, it doesn’t matter to me or for fantasy, but I do find it funny (not haha) that everyone was talking about how Votto is a Hall of Famer when he was hitting .326 in July with 11 homers, but no one was talking about it in April when he hit .220 with four homers or in the last 30 games when he’s hitting around .200 with only a handful of homers. Even the smartest baseball minds (whatever that means) were kneeling in front of a kangaroo and blowing Joey’s horn about the Hall in July. Truly is remarkable. Welp, either way, he’s obviously cooled off and is droppable in shallower leagues. If it’s a keeper, I guess you can go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer, but I’d take a Mah Jong lesson from my mother-in-law in exchange, so not asking for a lot.
