With Eugenio Suarez apparently the new Reds shortstop after they tried and failed to acquire every garbage shortstop this offseason, Jonathan India has been added to the top 20 3rd basemen. Now…we dance! *long involved Bollywood dance with me somehow sitting on a floating carpet* Yelling into the distance, “I love you, Pashmina!” Was about time that I gave India his due. What, am I British now? My teeth would tell you no, but my love for Olivia Colman and Earl Grey would tell you yes. Which ya gonna believe? I just recently discovered India, while standing in The Bahamas and saying, “Hey, cool, this is America and who wants to open a casino?” Was talking to Podcaster Ralph, who knows a thing or two about prospects, and he gassed my head up on Jonathan India, and I think he can now go 40/10/.260. Then, we deflated ourselves back to earth, and realism took us south, and now I’m in Sri Lanka. “Sri Lanka is better than a cup of Sanka!” That’s me just before getting dirty looks in Sri Lanka. India is a pull-heavy, fly ball hitter. How’s that sound in Cincy? Seriously, take a moment and think about it. You see how I came away with a 40/10/.260 line? Gonna put him down for realistic projections in the top 20 3rd basemen, but looking for a guy who could be 12-team mixed league relevant by May? Look no further than India, Magellan. For now, if your starter is out, outsource to India. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Carlos Carrasco – Hamstring tear. Carrasco was never going to pitch a full season, and as long as it’s not an arm injury…Hahahahaha lying to myself is grand! This sucks, and I dropped him out of the top 100 starters. His projections are updated too. Conservatively, expecting a return around “just after the All-Star Break.” That will be the shot in the arm all my teams need, assuming I haven’t shot myself somewhere else after needing to start guys like Logan Webb to replace Carrasco. Haha, someone please hold me.
Drew Pomeranz – Dealing with forearm tightness. The devil is in the details and that devil is nicknamed Pagan, and I’m signing him up late in all my leagues. Padres are going to have a lot of saves chances — wish it was easier to know who the closer was going to be. Mark Melancon can’t really do anything but close games, but he’s also very, very bad. He could be in line, though. Pagan is best of healthy options, so yeah. The top 500 has been updated.
Danny Santana – Dealing with a foot infection. “I’m booked through June of 2046.” That’s Dr. Scholl’s. Someone get that guy some assistance! I removed Danny Santana from the top 20 1st basemen. Writing’s on the wall, and it says, “Danny Santana isn’t getting any real ABs this year.”
Shogo Akiyama – Hamstring injury will knock him out a few weeks, and even then he’s no fo’ Shogo. Was updated in the top 100 outfielders.
Kris Bubic – Was sent down, because the Royals don’t need a 5th starter for a few. Now you have to ask yourself if you care. Then you have to answer that you don’t.
Bobby Witt Jr. – Was sent down to Low-A. Looks like we’re gonna have to wait a little while longer to see the Whit to Witt relay. Prior to some random helium filling the Witt narrative, no one thought Witt would be up until 2022. That would still be my guess. Yes, that means I’m saying a baseball GM is lying by saying Witt is in immediate plans. Crazy, right?
Will Smith – Dave Roberts said Austin Barnes and Will Smith would share playing time. Sounds more like Dave Roberts is Jada Pinkett and Austin Barnes is August Alsina. Snap! Literally no one gets that snap, it’s not just you. Any hoo! I lowered Smith in the top 20 catchers, and I’d absolutely draft him now, just not until around pick 200.
Framber Valdez – Surgery was not recommended for Framber, but it sounds like it went like this: “Really think you need surgery.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Really?” “Yes.” Then, forty-five minutes later of this same back-and-forth, the doctor said, “Well, maybe not.” Framber got up and ran out of the office. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with Framber and his draft spot. The sensible thing is to not draft him, so I’m gonna go sensible here, pardners and five her’dners. I moved him into the top 100 starters, and around where I wouldn’t draft him in 12-team leagues. If it’s any consolation, Dusty said Framber is recovering well, citing the very scientific fact that Framber has Predator blood, while using the word “predator” in a positive context for the first time since 1987.
Ramon Laureano – Went for an MRI on his side and his side was like, “Yo, I got you.” Then Ramon was like, “As in that’s not good or…?” Then his side was like, “I’m gonna let the doctor take it from here,” and the doctor said Laureano should be fine for opening week of the season.
Zach Eflin – Dealing with some back issues. Not back issues of Men’s Health, but it’s related.
Scott Kingery – Can’t ostrich my head into the sand any longer. Time to face facts. At best, Kingery’s going to be in a timeshare with ODB. At worst, he’s going to be out of a job. In my top 20 2nd basemen, I lowered Kingery’s rank and projections. Sorry, sucks to do this late on you, but it had to be done.
Jon Berti – Marlins are once again screwing Berti out of an everyday job. Someone should hook Berti and Garrett Hampson up. The Thelma & Louise of expectations with no results. In my top 20 2nd basemen, I lowered Berti’s rank and projections.
Willie Calhoun – Headed to the IL with a sore groin to start the year, and he was moved in the top 100 outfielders. His groin can’t seem to get out of Willie’s way.
Josh Jung – Will miss 6-to-8 weeks with a stress fracture in his foot. Jung, man, no need to be bruised. He was removed from the top 500.
Akil Baddoo – Rule 5 guy that is going to make the Tigers’ Opening Day roster. Previously, Akil Baddoo was known for large head scarves and cleaning up at the Soul Train awards. His numbers also look like they could be goofy bad, no matter what he’s doing in Spring Training. We’re talking like 3/3/.190 type projections.
Hunter Harvey – Hit the 60-day IL. Woof, that dog don’t Hunter. In my top 500, I took Harvey way down, and boosted Tanner Scott a skosh. I briefly looked at Cesar Valdez and was like nah.
Alex Wood – Having an ablation on his back. I had a cousin who married my other cousin, they were from the Ablation Trail. Lovely couple. Aaron Sanchez and Logan Webb could be in the rotation to start the year, but an ablation is supposably only a week or two process, so I haven’t adjusted my Wood, uh, ranking in the top 100 starters.
Nate Pearson – Suffered a setback with his groin. Damn, from punchouts to punched in. Pearson’s gone pear-shaped. The following only partially makes sense and don’t try to figure out what part. Pearson’s still in my very late 12-team mixed league pitchers to draft in the top 80 starters. Yes, I’d simply put him in my IL slot. It’s not like he was pitching 200 IP this year anyway.
Oscar Mercado – Optioned to the alternate camp. When you can’t make Cleveland’s outfield, you really can’t be trusted in any fantasy league. They want Amed Rosario over Mercado in the outfield. That’s like wanting Woody Allen to babysit. Mercado has become the AL’s Lewis Brinson. I will call him Grandpa AL Lewis. In the top 100 outfielders, Mercado has been updated.
