Didja you know The Captain from Captain & Tennille’s real name is Daryl Dragon?  Why would this guy have a nickname?  Your name’s awesome, you don’t get a nickname.  Daryl Dragon has bedtime slippers that are cooler than you.  Daryl Dragon washes his hands, then breathes a not-very-intense fire on his hands to dry them.  Daryl Dragon can’t get a speeding ticket.  “Okay, Mr. Dragon, I’ll let you go this time with a warning because your name is Daryl Dragon.”  Any the hoo!  Michael Pineda continues to dominate sans pine tar fingers.  At least I don’t think he has pine tar on his fingers.  Imagine he was really a Caucasian pulling a fast one?  His ERA is now down to 1.93 after a 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 1 Walk, 8 Ks gem.  For 2015, I picture him being overdrafted due to the Yankees thing and the insanely low ERA, but it’s gonna be hard to be as excited about him due to his 6.30 K-rate, and 3.61 xFIP.  You, sir, are no Daryl Dragon.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chase Headley – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer on the Yankees and 12th overall.  #12 is also his uniform number.  I know that because it’s the one number the Yankees haven’t retired.

Ichiro Suzuki – 2-for-3, 2 runs and 2 steals (14, 15).  Ichiro’s still got it!  The it there is a venereal disease he got from using Matsui’s old locker.

Mark Teixeira – Sat out yesterday with a sore wrist.  Be awesome if he said the pain was a repetitive stress injury from counting the money the Yankees gave him.

Masahiro Tanaka – Said he felt good after Sunday’s start and will go again on Saturday vs. the Red Sox.  If he beats all odds and returns from a UCL tear without surgery, it will be a heartwarming story of intestinal fortitude not seen since the guy who ate Taco Bell 45 days straight.  Oh, wait, that was me.

Steve Pearce – Aiming to return on Wednesday.  He should put one of those urinal flies on Wednesday on his calender.  That always helps me aim.

Desmond Jennings – Done for the season.  If Desmond was your constant, you’re in trouble.

Jason Kipnis – Didn’t start yesterday due to a tweaked hamstring.  A hamstring with a nice Jewish boy?  Go, be with your goy friends, you nogoodnik.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA down to 2.64.  He gets one more start this year, as with everyone else.  Well, not everyone gets one more start.  But the guys that are throwing one more time do.  Hmm, I’ve painted myself into a logic corner.  Okay, one more time!  The guys who pitched yesterday should get one more start this year.  There that made sense.  I need a nap!  *claps hands*  Hey, y’all!  I’m back!  Any the hoo!  Carrasco has a solid next start on the Stream-o-Nator and I’d roll him out one more time.

Michael Bourn – 2-for-3.  Member when he was fast?  From memory, you probably think it was at some point this year.  He has 10 steals in 428 ABs.  Y to the ikes.  Maybe Bourn got hit on the head and thinks he’s Billy Butler.  Perhaps that’s also why he wears a bra.

Norichika Aoki – 1-for-3, 1 run and his 17th steal.  Like Martin Luther King Jr., I had a dream.  My dream wasn’t profound or humanity-serving.  It was a dream where Aoki was this effin’ hot all year rather than just in the last week.

Lorenzo Cain – 1-for-4 and his 27th steal.  Cain…Sugar! has been on my team for the last week, and yesterday I benched Alex Gordon to start Cain because I picked up too many batty calls.  How did I make that decision?  Well, besides Gordon being Eskimo pee cold, Cain’s batting third and Gordon’s batting 6th.  Tells you a little something about what the manager is thinking too.

Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 2.32.  If someone in your league drafts a starter in the first five rounds, turn to them — assuming they are in the same room, and an actual other person and not just an alias you made up — and say, “Danny Duffy had a 2.32 ERA last year.”

Collin McHugh – Shut down for the year.  Well, at least they did it right after weekly lineups locked so you didn’t have a chance to drop him.  Wait, do I have that reversed.  *beep, beep.*  Cougs, I didn’t say put our minivan in reverse.  Ugh, forget it.  Her ears are going.

Tyson Ross – Officially shut down for the season.  Bu-bu-bu-but what about the Padres chase for 76 victories?!

Eric Stults – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Tyler Matzek (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks) in Petco.  You know how Rocky trains in Russia to fight Drago?  I suggest the Rockies train in the offseason inside a vacuum.  This way they’re still good in Coors, but they can actually play elsewhere.

Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA down to 2.38.  To be a fly on the wall as Beltran watches the playoffs at home and drops his popcorn when Wainwright throws a curve.

Jon Jay – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and has back-to-back games of multiple hits.  Not exactly a hot schmotato yet, but there was no offense yesterday and The Federalist looks like he could be heating up, so I’m forcing the hot schmotato Card.

Randal Grichuk – 2-for-5, 1 run, hitting near-.350 in the last week with two homers in the last four days.  Grichuk?  Hey, yours is not to reason why, yours is to pick up a hot schmotato or die.

A.J. Pollock – 3-for-5, 1 run and his 13th steal.  He did next-to-nothing in his four game set in Coors and now he heats up.  He really is a Pollock.

Ender Inciarte – 2-for-5, 1 RBI and his 17th steal.  Another guy that looked like he was busy counting sheep in Colorado, and now does something.  Speaking of counting sheep (or maybe it’s lambs or maybe it’s furry fruit called kiwis), I went to the Dodgers game last night with everyone’s favorite New Zealander commenter, SteveNZ!  That’s right, he was in the states for a weekend, going to Disney with his family, and I went to the game with him!  Best night of my life?  Definitely top ten!  Sorry, Cougs, that bumps our wedding out of the top ten.  You still have a slot in the top 15!

Didi Gregorius – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI.  Okay, so the whole Diamondbacks team woke up still drunk from four days in Coors.

Mark Trumbo – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and third in two games.  Better late than never?  I guess if you’re trying to help my fantasy team go from 8th to 7th.

Josh Collmenter – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 3.57.  The Stream-o-Nator is not a huge fan of Collmenter’s…Actually, no one outside of his family is a huge fan, but I could see streaming if I were desperate.

Gregor Blanco – 2-for-7, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer.  I was at this game, but I missed this homer.  What?  The homer was in the 1st and everyone knows real Angelenos don’t show up until the 3rd.

Francisco Liriano – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA down to 3.32.  Did anyone think he’d be remotely close to my preseason projection of a 3.24 ERA, when he had a 4.72 ERA in mid-July?  Not me, that’s sure.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA down to 3.60.  Can’t tell if The Harangutan’s ERA is good because offense is so weak or every pitchers ERA is good and it’s simply monkey see, monkey do.

Rougned Odor – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs.  Ever wonder if Odor ended up on the Rangers because of Nolan Ryan’s sponsorship deal with Mennen?

Derek Holland – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.31.  Great, yes?  Leaps and bounds better than the Netflix show, Derek?  Oh, God, yes.  That might be the worst show ever that I keep wanting to watch.  Holland gets the A’s in his last start of the year, and they could be playing for a playoff berth, so it’s risky, but likely they will have clinched by then, and Holland will get a B-lineup.  Not that the A’s A-lineup has been much more than B lately.  Got that?  Good!

C.J. Wilson – 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  Flake free my ass.

Jeff Samardzija – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA down to 2.88.  He looked like he might get into some trouble early, but then Billy Beane hit the weight room even harder and Samardzija got out of it.

Albert Pujols – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 28th homer.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take it and anything else he’s got to give this year, but it’s slightly more bizzonkers than usual for The Sciosciapath that he’s playing all his stars every day after they clinched.

Adam Eaton – Left the club to deal with some family matters.  Probably some mess Urkel got into.

Anibal Sanchez – Activated from the DL, but will work out of the bullpen for the rest of the season.  He’s not stretched out enough to throw lots of innings or touch his toes.

Chris Bassitt – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. Kyle Lobstein (7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks).  This matchup of Lobstein vs. Bassitt was billed as “Who the hell are these guys?  Is this a tennis match?”  The Stream-o-Nator actually doesn’t hate Lobstein’s final start of the year, so if you’re in dire straits and have a boo-boo on your little finger, I could see streaming him.

Tyler Flowers – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer.  Hopefully, you thought of your special lady friend and went with Flowers for the batty call.

Jake Petricka – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER and his 14th save.  Looked like he had lost the job last week when he came into a game in the 8th and Putnam kept saving games, but Robin Ventura keeps trying to make Petricka the closer for some reason.  Maybe he made a bet:  $5 says you can’t look more stupid than you already have.

Kevin Pillar – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer.  When Pillar got back to his hotel room, he had a voice message from his best friend, Jason Paritek, congratulating him.  Shame David Portiz didn’t send his well wishes too.

J.A. Happ – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Because I’m Happy!  May that song stick in your head and haunt you until your end of days.

Anthony Gose – 1-for-1 and his 2nd homer.  He homers so infrequently, rounding the bases he follows a trail of breadcrumbs left by his mother.

Jose Bautista – 3-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer.  Currently, on the back end of the site, I’m writing up my recaps for each position that will be posted next week.  The number one 1st baseman?  I’ll give you hint, he’s the guy this blurb is about.

James Paxton – 2 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  I’m going to just leave my drink here with this nice man who’s carrying a chainsaw and go to the bathroom.  *five hours later*  Hey, I must’ve blacked out.  Oh, wait a second, I didn’t black out, they transplanted my brain into a black man’s body.  AH!!!  Roofie!

Chris Denorfia – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer.  I actually slide him into one of my teams for the batty call because it’s not just my mustache that’s flippin’ awesome.  I’ve loved you, Chris Denorfia, since the day you rejected my prom invite until today!

Kyle Seager – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer.  How did Seager hit that homer?  Against the wind.

Chris Young – Moved to the Mariners bullpen.  In related news, the Mariners Will Call office spent yesterday scratching off ‘un’ from outfield unobstructed view tickets.

 
  1. Tarman Got Him says:
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    I took your advice in benched Collmenter in the two leagues I streamed, but after I seen his start at about 7:00 PM PT, I put in CJ against what you said. Even though I knew he’s get lot up. Didn’t know it was gonna be that bad. Although I probably lost era and whip in my big $ league finals, I am hitting better than my opponent.

    3 finals: my opponents combined with Pineda, Carrasaco, Wainwright, Chen, and Holland. Is that possible? Can anyone go against the odds.

    Shi*ty start, but that Collmenter bench hurt. With that being said, who do you like ?

    Bud Norris @ NYY
    Vargas @ CLE
    Odirrizzi @ BOS
    Greene @ BAL
    Kendrick @ MIA
    Nuno @ MIN

    Thanks for all the help this season, made 3 out of 6 finals because of your guys’ help as usual, and because drafting and streaming is common sense.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tarman Got Him: I’d look at SON, but prolly Nuno and Kendrick

      • Tarman Got Him says:
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        @Grey: Whose SON?

      • Tarman Got Him says:
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        @Grey: Took me a minute to figure it out. Ignore that comment haha.

  2. Ante GALIC says:
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    Good stuff, Grey!

    Crisp and to the point, just like we men like it! On Liriano, it was here on this hallowed site that the Liriano debate came up. I think it was JeF if I’m not mistaken who wrote up a whole bunch of stuff on Liriano’s inability to grip the ball well to throw the curveball effectively when it’s rainy. I wonder if the part-time meteorologists in the house can confirm, but my gut says the following.

    1. The number of runs scored this year is way down as compared to previous years (unless we continue to have football-like scores from the Rox, Toronto and maybe Arizona now that they have all been eliminated – no more monkeys on their backs to give them undue pressure).

    2. The number of sunshine days (i.e., days of more than 6 hours of sunshine) is definitely down during this baseball season.

    3. Therefore, the ball isn’t carrying as far so fewer runs scored and guys like Liriano and Bailey are not getting the grip on their curveballs early on as they would have in sunny, dry, hot June.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Liriano’s only happy when it doesn’t rain, like some bright-eyed, bushy-tailed optimistic! I don’t remember One F saying that, perhaps… 1. I read undue fast and read nude, is that weird? 2. Al Gore says the opposite 3. Hmm

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Ante GALIC: usually the curve balls and sliders develop better in the season. General yearly progression among pitchers.

    • JeF With 1 F says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Not Me

    • birrrdy! says:
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      @Ante GALIC: I’ve heard from some diehard Pirates fans that Liriano’s problem is pitching from the stretch. So if he’s not allowing runners on, he’s great at coming up with those elite-level pitching starts. But if he’s allowing runners early, the wheels tend to fall off in a big way. It’s what has made him a maddening starter this year (altho not lately).

      I have no data to support that assertion, and his start last night was high on walks early suggesting he was able to wiggle out of trouble in the stretch. Wonder if others have noticed or concluded the same.

  3. Sherm says:
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    Trumbo’s helping me break a 4-5-6th place tie in my RCL. If I can make 4th in one and stay in 3rd in the other, not a terrible year.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Sherm: Yeah, I hear ya… Keep up the good fight!

  4. Eddie says:
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    Should I start:

    Ventura vs. CLE (Salazar)
    Salazar vs. KC (Ventura)
    Henderson Alvarez vs. PHI (Hamels)

    I’m starting Fiers @ Cin. Dude has been so clutch in the back half for me. This is championship week and I have a 12 start limit. 5 pitching categories (K, W, SV, ERA, WHIP). Let me know your thoughts about those 3 guys, Thanks man.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Eddie: I’d start all three

  5. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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    best stream for tomorrow?
    norris @ NYY
    bonilla vs HOU
    kendrick @ MIA
    and we shouldn’t try out martinez today (even in 20 teamer), even though he’s been good for last 4 starts, nor gibson, even though SON loves it?

  6. Frank White says:
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    Hey Grey… I just wanted to thank you and all the Razzball writers for all the help you gave me this season.. You’ll helped me win another Championship for the 2nd straight year. Great Job!!!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You are my greatest triumph, Frank White! (Congrats, go Jersey!)

  7. papasmurf says:
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    The Shark clutch down the stretch!

  8. TJ says:
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    Battling for third place in my H2H league this week, trying to win some cash.
    Picked up CJ Wilson for a stream, thinking I could get some Ks and maybe 5 or 6 decent innings out of him.

    So thanks CJ for the 4th place finish. I hope your dandruff is happy.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @TJ: Ha, ouch

  9. Phil of the Future says:
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    Why do bad things happen to good people, Grey?
    I needed the two start week from Paxton so I locked him in and now I guess I’m spotting my opponent ERA and WHIP? So that’s what we’re gonna do now? In the finals? I need a puppy to snuggle with.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Phil of the Future: Damn, that sucks… 1000’s of puppies are put to work in Chinese factories every day, find one and save it… Good karma to you!

      • Phil of the Future says:
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        @Grey:
        *goes to china*

        *asks where can I find one of your “puppy factories”*

        *detained indefinitely without trial*

        • Ante GALIC says:
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          @Phil of the Future: lol! better yet just go to Vietnam town in urban USA (hint: it’s always right next to China town), avoid the expensive long-haul flight to Beijing and ask one of the restaurateurs if he could spare you one tender fattened up puppy. Might cost you some dough.

          Cheers,
          Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          *remembers too late to remind Phil might get detained indefinitely*

          • Phil of the Future says:
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            @Grey: don’t worry there’s a happy ending!
            *becomes commissioner of prison-wide Chinese fantasy baseball league*

            *dies happy*

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              *dies when killed by 2nd place finisher*

              • Phil of the Future says:
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                @Grey: Ha!! China, am I right?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Forget it, Phil, it’s China country

                  • Phil of the Future says:
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                    @Grey: In the middle of a drought and the water commissioner drowns! Only in L.A.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha!

  10. goodfold2 says:
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    another league i could win here. 6 adds left for week. paxton deciding to get tuned up for the first time all year is not a good way to go about it though. could use all 6 on streamers, or use 5 on those and grab a NET steals guy if need be (dyson/schafer/marisnick, have 2 bench bats, so no don’t have to worry too much about when dyson starts, in fact i’d only grab him first day he does). this is lineup, which is pretty weak at NET steals, so rajai/schafer actually aren’t very good, they both get caught a lot, i dropped rajai last week or so.
    2 catcher league with 4 OF, 1 util, CI and MI
    lucroy/mesoraco
    rizzo
    wong
    aybar
    son of donald
    vargas
    alcantara
    upton/dickerson/soler/braun/avisail
    BN: wilmer/de aza (de aza is steals drop if anybody is)

    possible streams by day
    Today
    Gray vs LAA (SON likes it and he’s good vs LAA this year)
    Erlin vs COL (SON really likes it)
    Wed
    Norris @ NYY
    Nuno @ MIN
    Thur
    Hammel @ TEX
    Fri
    House vs TB
    Vogel vs SD
    Sat
    Wily P vs CUBS
    Sun
    Happ vs BAL
    Gray @ TEX
    Fatolo vs HOU
    1. so go steals guy or 6 streams? (avisail has already put me -1)
    2. if 5 streams i’m guessing WED is the day to skip?
    3. i’m also guessing Gray today is better than Erlin (and that today is one of the streams to use)

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @goodfold2: enciarte is also available over dyson (even dyson somehow only has 1 net steal in last 2 weeks)

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @goodfold2: noticing ender gets only 5 games, and molina for 3 of them. not best recipe for steals. mike’s post seems to indicate dyson as good idea (TRON likes him better too).

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @goodfold2: 1. Marisnick… 2. Gray, Hammel, Vogel, Wily, Gray, Happ

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @Grey: Oops, guess that’s six… Leave off last Gray

  11. goodfold2 says:
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    anybody else that owns both cobb and odorizzi just notice they flipped their starts, so instead of risking 2 odorizzi road starts (he’s awful at those, for no good reason), now it’s 2 COBB starts, only 1 odorizzi. it kicks ass.

    • Baezaworldseries says:
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      @Phil of the Future: @goodfold2: Holy cow! Is this true? That might lock down a 3rd place finish for me. I trail by .5 tied for K’s and wins.

      • Baezaworldseries says:
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        @Baezaworldseries: Sorry ’bout the holy cow thing. I’m frum Illinois (pronounce the “S”). T’ain’t nuthin but corn beans and bovine ’round chere.

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @Baezaworldseries: no problem, i’m not from that far from there, is that south IL or north? yeah, cobb up to today and sunday, odorizzi tomorrow only.

          • Baezaworldseries says:
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            @goodfold2: East central IL.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @goodfold2: Got your email, site was having hiccups last night, thanks for the heads up!

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @Grey: no problem.glad everything is back and good to go.

  12. SportiveTricks says:
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    Hey Grey,

    I’m looking to schmotato my way to the finish. Currently rolling out an OF of Aoki, Leonys, and Cain. Think I should move on from any of them for the guys who are catching my eye on the schmotato wire: Jay, Somlinski, Marisnick???

    Offensive roto categories in play are SB, OBP, AVG, in that order (hence the crew I am running out there now).

    Love yas!!!

      • SportiveTricks says:
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        @Grey:

        I am gonna miss you after this week, man. Muah backatchyas!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha

  13. 740 says:
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    hey Grey wats good. h2h…you like Cobb @ Bos and Wood vs Pit?

    Thanks bro

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @740: Chilin’… I like both

  14. Jay says:
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    Grey – thanks for the great write ups all season! I’m in the title fight this week thanks to everyone here.

    Expecting some regulars to get a day or two off this week on teams that have clinched or been eliminated.. I’m looking to add a guy with position flexibility to maximize at bats. No, they’re not the most talented.. but each is swinging a relatively hot bat and has eligibility for 3 or 4 positions. Pick one:
    – Freddy Galvis
    – Alexi Amarista
    – Wilmer Flores
    – Josh Rutledge

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jay: Nice, good luck! Flores

  15. JeF With 1 F says:
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    FACT OF THE DAY:
    The only insect that can turn its head is a Praying Mantis

    • Baezaworldseries says:
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      @JeF With 1 F: False.

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @Grey: True so Baez was right

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          True that!

  16. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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    good work on liriano, i now own him in 3 dynasties, only looked stupid dropping him in one NL only league. he was actually dropped by some twit early about a week and a half ago in the first round of the playoffs, i grabbed him (20 team dynasty) over wily p. Went from having an awful few weeks of pitching to looking very good for next year (holland/darvish/quintana/liriano/hammel)

  17. baseball says:
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    Just like everyone else that has been commenting the last few day, I’m in the finals thanks to your advice, so thank you. Stream question. McCarthy and Alvarez have 2 starts, is either worth adding if I only get 5 moves to max out starts? Balt and Bos for McCarthy and Philly and Wash for Alvarez. Any idea when Stroman is pitching with the suspension? Gallardo at Cinn on Thursday?

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @baseball: stroman moved to fri from thurs.

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @goodfold2: it’s net steals too, so rajai/schafer aren’t good options.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @baseball: Sweet, good luck! I’d add both McCarthy and Alvares… No idea on Stroman… Gallardo should be fine there

  18. Hawk says:
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    Hey Grey – had a “what would be a good end of the season article” thought. How about a “Remember When” article which revisits the stupid things people ask at the beginning of the season and/or lets you blow your own horn (<— that's what she said!) about guys you recommended who helped we readers win our leagues.

    Remember when people wondered if Aaron Harang had "turned the corner"?
    Remember when everyone asked if Justin Smoak was "the answer at 1b"?
    Remember when in April I told you to pick up Victor Martinez…or whoever.

    What do you think?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Hawk: Ha… I’ll be doing recaps similar to this in October

  19. Baezaworldseries says:
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    Anyone else notice? Comic book Men and Razzball are exactly the same. Grey. Are you related to Walt? Rudy is Mike(I think that’s his name I only watched a couple episodes). Bryan is Nick. Ming is Jay. They even have a radio show.