Zack Greinke, $18,000 was the 2015 Cy Young runner-up to Jake Arrieta.  Jake from State Farm’s second half was magical, but at 19-3, 1.66 ERA, 200 Ks in 222 innings Zack Attack was a close second. For all that hard work he was rewarded with a 6 year, $206 million dollar contract (that’s basically a million per start or $10k per game thrown pitch).  Damn Son, that’s a whole lotta bread, enough bread to lure him into the confines of Coors Jr.  We knew his stats were going to take a hit, but Greinke’s stats for 2016 were awful; 13-7, 4.37 ERA and 134 Ks over 159 innings of work.  That was his highest ERA in the last 10 seasons and he pitch in hitter friendly Miller Park for two seasons.  I hope he’s enjoying all that dough, because his stats were right there with Jon Gray who pitches in Coors.  Not what you were looking for with a top draft pick, but the good news he looks like he’s back.  If you threw out the clunker against the Dodgers, he’s sporting a 2.22 ERA with 16 Ks over 16.2 innings.  Tonight he is at home. Not ideal, but Arizona did install a humidor like Coors to keep the HR’s down.  Obviously it’s an extremely small sample size but over 9 games, the 2.44 HR’s per game are just a tick above the league average of 2.34.  Zack Attack is facing the struggling Padres who own the league’s lowest slugging percentage and at $18K I’m feeling it.  Now that we’ve got tonight’s Ace in place, let’s see who else we can roster so we can get a small piece of that Zack Greinke bread.

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Amir Garrett, SP: $13,200 – Please don’t Roofie us tonight, cuz I’m chasing the Dragon!  He K’d 12 Orioles last time out and he’s been spectacular over his first three starts with 2 W’s, a 1.83 ERA and 21 Ks over 19.2 innings.  He’s facing the Brew Crew in Miller Park so this isn’t an ideal matchup, but I’m feeling lucky.

Chris Archer, SP: $19,600 – I’m definitely going to hear some flack for going against my girl Laura’s O’s, but if you’re not feeling my Zack Attack pick, then maybe I’ll hit a bulls-eye with Archer.  The WBC treated him well and he’s looking like the Ace we fell in love with back in 2015.

Anthony Rizzo, IF: $10,200 – H to the Rizzo!  Thank you for heating up big guy, I own Rizzo everywhere and I my sweatpants were getting kinda lonely.  He’s been mashing lately with 3 HRs in three straight games, keep hocking those Bryzzo souvenirs.

Ryan Zimmerman, IF: $9,600 – Trifecta for the Zim Man, he’s made it on my list three Mondays in a row.  I’m going to ride the human DL machine as long as I can and, oh, he’s playing in Coors tonight.  He’s about to drop bombs on your Moms…well if your Mom lives in Denver.  I’m staying away from LHH tonight in Coors because the wind is supposed to be blowing in at 16 mph.

Jake Lamb, IF: $8,400 – The TriLamb did it for us last Monday night, I swear dude loves swinging it on Mondays.

Eugenio Suarez, IF: $7,600 – I like a Reds stack tonight against Matt Garza if you can find it in the budget.  Joey Votto and Adam Duvall were a little too expensive for my budget, but Suarez has been swinging it.

Mike Moustakas, IF: $6,600 – I just realized there is a theme of bounce back players on the roster tonight and the Moose is Loose!  He’s got 5 big flies already this season and he’s facing Miguel Gonzalez in a hitter friendly park.

Trea Turner, OF: $10,200 – Look whose back off the DL, I’m hoping his hammy is feeling better cause I need some bags.  Time to turn up the heat; let’s get after it Turner the Burner.

Mike Trout, OF: $10,400 – Laura and I had the pleasure of visiting the Big A on Saturday night.  I would’ve loved to have seen a Trout Bomb, but I think he was saving it for tonight.  He’s 5/13 vs LHP Francisco Liriano, who’s been far from stellar this season.

Joey Gallo, OF: $7,800 – He hit 3 HR’s over the weekend and he’s facing HR prone Phil Hughes.  Yes, please and thank you.

Nomar Mazara, OF: $8,000 – See above except he’s hit a bit of a cold streak.  He picked up 2 hits yesterday to break an 0/19 streak. He’s due folks, he’s due.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

The only game that has some rain in the forecast is the Baltimore vs Tampa Bay at 50%.

Doing Lines In Vegas

The Zack Attack is leading the board tonight at -181 and no surprises in the runs department as Coors is projected as the highest scoring affair 11.5 O/U.

  1. Tehol Beddict says:

    What an honor to have you writing on the site. Been killing it

    • Teddy Heater says:

      @Tehol Beddict: Thanks Buddee! I loved the Mitchaplooza.

      “Yea, I’m cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.”

  2. GFY250 says:

    Did Arizona already install a humidor or is it in the future plans to install one? Asking for a friend.

    • Teddy Heater says:

      @GFY250: Your friend is a smart cat. I didn’t realize it wasn’t set to go live until mid May, but no later than June 1st. I will print a retraction next Monday, HA!

  3. Ron Pridgen says:

    Amir Garrett… this what it feels like after getting roofie’d??

    • Teddy Heater says:

      @Ron Pridgen: Yep, You just got Popped your Roofie Cherry!!! Welcome to the club! Tehol has a parting gift for you…………… Hit him up on twitter, @TeholTheTyrant , Tell him Heater sent you! Zack Attack brought it tonight 29 points.

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