Rockies Call Up Ezequiel Tovar To Be Marquez’s Scrabble Buddy

You’re going to be hearing a lot about Ezequiel Tovar this offseason, so why not get started now? *phone rings* One second, sorry. “Hello? Yes, this is Grey. Yes, Grey Albright. Yes, the one with the luscious mustache and full head of hair! Yes, the only person who is five-seven but looks at least six-one! Yes, you’re talking to him! This is Future Me? Grey? I thought your voice sounded familiar. What’s up, Future Me, if I may call you that…Call you Mr. Albright? Uh, okay. What’s up, Mr. Albright? Ezequiel Tovar is hitting .350 with power and speed next year? That’s awesome! What do you mean it’s not awesome? Why? Because Bud Black’s playing the 32-year-old Scott Schebler at shortstop? Is Scott Schebler hitting well? Should I pick him up in eight months? Hello…Hello…?” I think he hung up. So, sounds like the Rockies will be calling up Ezequiel Tovar now. Grab Ezequiel Tovar in all keepers, absolutely. He’s a 20/20/.300 hitter that will call Coors home. For this year? Prolly wait and see, but if the Rockies are playing him, I could be interested shortly. How shortly? Like 5′ 7″ but appears 6′ 1″ shortly? Maybe. Did I just give you my first 2023 fantasy rookie? P to the erhaps. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Logan Webb – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.93, and out of the game at 66 pitches. If you had the pants grapes to start Webb in Coors, you’re prolly more than happy with these results, but I do chuckle thinking about someone like Nolan Ryan watching this and being like, “They pulled their ace with 66 pitches? I’d like to noogie everyone on that team.”

Bryce Elder – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Fun fact! Bryce The Elder is a Hobbit on the new Lord of the Rings show.

Joey Meneses – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .328. Meneses, the Greek God of a Lady’s Special Monthly Subscription, has been a revelation this year. Will I like him next year? Absolutely not. Just enjoy this.

Brandon Nimmo – Left yesterday’s game with a quad injury. Bad timing for Nimmo, right in the middle of a H2H playoff week. Oh, and the MLB playoffs are approaching, but whatever on those.

Taijuan Walker – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.53. Streamonator didn’t like this start, but loves his next one. I agree with one caveat, if the Mets are in Coast Mode to the playoffs, they might let Walker throw a few innings, but not a whole game. Then again, it might be too soon for them to go to Coast Mode, so you should be okay. Cust kayin’. By the way, the pitchers who figured in the decision yesterday in this game were Gott/Walker. Sounds like someone saw Yadi run.

Willy Adames – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 31st homer, now has five homers in September, hitting near-.320 in that time. Only in May did he hit less than five homers in a month, and that’s when he missed half the month with an injury. You might say Willy Adames was a pretty good sleeper by yours truly. *blows on knuckles, wipes knuckles on shirt, realizes I had ketchup on knuckles* Sonuva!

Luis Severino – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.36, as he was activated from the IL. He’s returning from a strain of the latissimus dorsi. Someone should be playing for the Dolphins. I don’t have any faith in him the rest of the year, and, for what it’s Cronenworth, Streamonator hates his next, so I can see saying bye-bye. This start vs. the Pirates was better than I expected, but it was, after all, the Pirates.

Gleyber Torres – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer with both homers coming in the 8th inning. While the inning was happening, I posited, “What would happen if Gleyber hit 39 more homers in the 8th inning? Would Roger Maris’s family come on the field to congratulate him, awkwardly wearing Aaron Judge jerseys?” Luckily, we never had to find out.

Oswaldo Cabrera – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmoswaldo? Is that a thing? I believe it might be.

Jesus Luzardo – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11Ks, ERA at 3.57. There’s a universe where three Marlins starters have 15 wins, and Sandy has 20+. We don’t live in that universe. Well, you don’t. I do. Part of November and early December.

Marcus Stroman – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.80. ERA’s so fickle that Stroman will be an interesting late play next year. He could be anywhere from a 2.80 to a 4.00 ERA.

Kerry Carpenter – 2-for-3 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Wouldn’t be shocked if he’s benched in the next game, but Carpenter could be a Mr. Fix It if your team needs power.

Jordan Lyles – 9 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Wow, that was like the Streamonator call of the year. Thank you, Mr. Robot, may I have another?! Not another season of Mr. Robot, I didn’t understand the last three.

Steven Kwan – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (5) and legs (17), hitting .298. Happy Kwanza for those that celebrate. For those who have a short memory or were hit on the head during the year, I was the one telling you to draft him as your fifth outfielder when other sites didn’t even rank him.

Josh Naylor – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, if he’s out there in your league. Watching him play, he’s definitely out there. By the by, it’s not talked about enough how the Guardians do nothing every year to make themselves better, yet are always winning. A real-life Major League.

Triston McKenzie – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.04. Wonder Twins activate…in the form of a feather! This guy is yet another guy who is going to be drafted around where Manoah went last preseason, and he’s going to be a steal. It’s so clearcut.

Yoan Moncada – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, and finally got hot in September. He’ll definitely be in this week’s Buy column on Friday, that’s already on the Patreon.

Taylor Ward – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, and 1st homer since April. I kid. But only a little.

Kyle Tucker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer, hitting .262. On the Player Rater, he’s been roughly a top 10 player, and he’s hitting fifth with no one category that is flat-out incredible. Everything just incredibly solid, as Mr. H2H would do.

Lance McCullers – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.38 vs. Corey Kluber – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.30. This matchup was billed as, “Even when an opponent on a solid team like the Rays pitches better, the Astros’ starter still gets the win.” Colloquially known as, “Whoa.”

Blake Snell – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.62. First off, Blake Snell is the most manic pitcher. One game he’s the best pitcher in the world, next game he’s giving up 5 ER in four innings. He makes absolutely no sense. Second off, and maybe what made “first off” possible is the Cardinals need to transform Nootbaar into a Powerbaar again, because ever since he went cold, the Cards have been awful. Third off, there’s no third off.

Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.88. One last glimmer of Mad Bum, a guy who’s been mostly ass all year.

Dustin May – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.50. Is there some place I can whisper wishes into so the guys I’m starting in good matchups don’t get hit in these final days? Like a Whisper Wish Well? Did I just invent that? Hello, Sharks!

Jarred Kelenic – Was recalled from the minors. This is the Mariners preparing for next year’s pitch clock. Innings were lasting too long, so they called up Kelenic to strike out on three pitches.

Robbie Ray – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Between Ray and Mikolas, I had some nice late-night matchups and *knocks on toilet where I wrote in marker “Whisper Wish Well”* Where’s my wins?!

Domingo Acevedo – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.34, and his 4th save, and now has four saves in the last week. …And on Domingo, God created A’s saves.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .279. Reaching 30 homers for Cake Batter should’ve been a July thing, but at least it was a sometime thing. Do you hear that, Juan Soto?

J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-5 and a slam (21) and legs (18). Jerry Tomato is in the Hunt’s for a 20/20 season.

Matt Vierling – 5-for-5, 1 RBI. Fun fact! A small Vier is a Vierling. Any hoo! Marsh is injured, and Vierling might just be hot.

Zack Wheeler – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.98 as he was activated from the IL. He was unable to throw his slider or curve all night for a strike. I know you’ve been planning all year to have Wheeler for your final push to win your H2H matchup, but have you considered Mitch Keller might be more realistic. Or just Streamonator‘ing.

MJ Melendez – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. MJ has unretired yet again!

Daniel Lynch – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.06. Not sure if you heard, but long-time Royals’ GM, Dayton Moore, was fired yesterday. On his way out the door, Dayton Moore asked if he could demote and promote one more time Edward Olivares.