Some rejected titles for this post were, “Adam’s Appendix Is Dunn,” “Dunn’s Appendix Chooses Worst Of Three Outcomes,” and “Dunn Develops Killer App.”  First Holliday, now Adam Dunn with a busted appendix.  I heard if the doctor gets cold during the surgery, he’s going to snuggle inside Dunn like Luke did with his tauntaun.  Big Donkey only needs 5 days to heal because he already had an axe scar in that area they could re-use.  The turnaround time is so quick now on these surgeries that you have to wonder why it took the Twins so many years to remove their appendix (Nick Punto).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Quentin – 4-for-6, 3 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer.  He’s now hitting .500 on the year.  If he can stay healthy, he can have a huge year.  Though that if is the size of Dunn’s appendix.

Juan Pierre – 3-for-6 and his 2nd steal as he was asked to fill-in Dunn’s shoes at DH.  Lucky he didn’t have to wear his pants.

Michael Bourn – Left with tightness in his groin.  Is he now dating Rihanna?

Ubaldo Jimenez – Looks like the pickle juice or whatever medieval cure he was prescribed didn’t work and Ubaldo is headed to the DL until the 17th.  Since he only has a cut on his cuticle, he should be back when scheduled.  If you felt he should’ve been the lead of this post, “Ubaldo’s Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” is your title.  Maybe instead of pickle juice, he should’ve visited a *pinkie to mouth*  manicurist.

Chad Billingsley – 3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has a 7+ ERA in Colorado over his career.  If you ever see Bills talking to your girl at a bar, order him a Coors and watch him fall apart.

Andrew Cashner – As reported here first after reading it somewhere else, Cashner is going to the DL with a rotator cuff strain.  Tough break strain since he looked good on Tuesday and I was ready to get on board.

Randy Wells – To the DL with a forearm strain.  That’s not good.  Guessing he’ll be out for all of April.  All these injuries made me think of the Cage The Elephant‘s Shake Me Down, “Not a lot of people left around…”  Mmm-mmm… That’s me humming the words I don’t know.  I love that song.

Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  This is also the third time he’s shown up in five roundups.  If you’re gonna own him, right now is the time.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  It took me a few years to fully trust Dempster after he moved to starting.  Now that I trust him, he’s going to employ his parachute as he watches me crash to the ground.

Brad Lidge – Charlie Manuel said Lidge should be back around the All-Star break.  His exact words were, “Lidge an ornery spitfire who wants to go piking by July.  Now where in my overalls did I put that straw I like to chew on.”

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Word is the Sawx are giving Salty until June to hit.  They’re obviously more patient than me, I’m giving him until next week.

Willie Bloomquist – 2-for-5 and his 5th steal.  Emilio Bonifacio called, he wants his crazy fast April start back.  Potatoes to chips, if Bloomquist was doing this in the middle of the season, you wouldn’t even know about it, unless you were Willie Bloomquist Jr. and your dad forced you to watch all his at-bats.

Stephen Drew – Plans to return to the starting lineup on Friday.  My anticipation level for Drew’s return is above my next visit to the dentist but way below when Dustin reveals on The Real World to his roomie/girlfriend that he used to do gay porn.

Yunel Escobar – 3-for-3 when he had to be lifted because of dizziness.  He was waving air into his face and jumping up down and I thought Travis Snider farted in his direction, but I think it happened on Yunel’s headfirst slide.  Not sure, I’m not a doctor.

Austin Jackson – 0-for-5.  I’ve been saying he’s not that good since last year and it looks like he’s finally coming around to my way of thinking.

Ryan Raburn – 1-for-2 as he snuck onto the field in Boesch’s jersey.  Geez, what did Raburn do?  Complain about Leyland smoking in the dugout?

Alex Avila – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with the very rare slam & legs from a catcher.  Despite having such a good night, Miguel Cabrera is hesitant to hang out with Alex Avila because of his initials.

Armando Galarraga – 7 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Eh, I’d give him a stiff-Armando off my team.

Joakim Soria – 1 IP, 4 ER.  In the offseason, he abandoned his nickname, The Mexicutioner.  He didn’t mention he was adopting the nickname, The Mexican’t.

Jeff Francis – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’d wait to see 30 more starts from him before picking him up.

Alex Gordon – 2-for-5, 1 RBI including his 5th double.  Yes, you should pick him up.

Carl Crawford – 2 Hits, 2 steals and 2 for flinching when Francona threatened to bat him 7th again.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  If you’re new to the site, I don’t think Dice-BB should be owned in any league that, ya know, wanna win.

Kevin Correia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now is 2-0 with a 1.38 ERA on the year.  Of course, he’s pitched better than most of the pitchers on my fantasy teams.   Why do you hurt me so much small sample sizes?  That’s what she said!  (Not really.)

Neil Walker – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer.  Then there’s the other side of the small sample size coin.  You wanna believe so bad early hitting stars will hit .400 and homers every other day, but you know it won’t last.  Or at least you should know, unless you suffer from delusional fantasies.

Alberto Callaspo – 2-for-4, 2nd homer and hitting .450 on the year.  I’m the first to think he’s Callaspoo, but he’s hitting, so, yeah, grab him for your MI spot.

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-4, hitting .286 so far.  He’s played in 5 of 6 games, but hasn’t hit for power yet.  But II, The Return of But, he could start hitting for power.

Erick Aybar – Strained oblique.  In your face, intercostal!

Tim Stauffer – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Hodgepadre:  Start in Petco, don’t get them wet and don’t, under any circumstances, feed them after midnight.  So who feed Stauffer after midnight?

Nick Hundley – 1-for-3, HR.  Not sure how much you need a catcher, but Hundley’s the Padres best hitter right now.  I know how sad that sounds.

Ryan Howard – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer.  He’s now batting .524.  Yeah, he looks done.  Glad some ‘perts were ranking him in the 4th round.

Jose Contreras – Got his first save and received a 35% off discount at the movies.

Mike Pelfrey – 2 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K as he couldn’t keep the bats off the Pelfrey.  I wouldn’t own Pelfrey with your team.

Tim Lincecum – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 13 Ks.  He made the Padres hitters look even worse than they normally do!

Brian Wilson – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Returned and looked like he shouldn’t have.  Hopefully it’s just him brushing the cobwebs off the gimp outfit.

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks and the conshellation prize.  Frequent commenter, Eddy, brought up an interesting stat, Volquez’s first inning ERA is 31.50, the rest of the way (8 IP) 2.25 ERA.

Ian Desmond – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs as he may have just cemented himself back in the leadoff spot.  This is why you don’t overrate 5 games of play.  Or a week.  Or a month.

John Buck – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a triple.  I’m guessing here but I feel like Buck gets more triples than any other catcher.  That Buck is a hustler!

Mike Minor – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Getting roofied by Minor and I feel like how Jeffrey Jones looks.  Oh, well.  He was probably only up for one start.  I’d lose him for now.

Jeremy Hellickson – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I try and stay away from AL rookie pitchers, but let’s remember some stuff I said in the preseason… You know, six days ago.  I said Hellickson would win the ROY and I dropped this Hellickson fantasy on ya.

Manny Ramirez – Maddon sat Manny because he was pressing.  Surprised no clouds formed when Manny’s warm air pockets of pressing met with his cool air pockets of indifference.

  1. DrEasy says:

    Thanks for the Cage the Elephant recommendation! I’m completely out of the musical loop, so I appreciate the occasional reference from a trustworthy source.

  2. ken plane says:

    Early drop of Phil Hughes, his early schedule is brutal in addition to his placement on risky pitcher list. I would not draft him but picking him up off of waivers is a no brainer – or is it? Comments

  3. NewBVick says:

    I’ve seen every one of Salty’s AB’s this season. I’ll save you the time and recommend an immediate add/drop.

  4. schlitzy says:

    14 team league with manny as my 4th of. Ben francisco over manny? Same league, callaspo over alcides at mi?

  5. papasmurf says:

    I punted Volquez. Might end up regretting but I can’t take the wildness.

  6. Buge Hoobs says:

    @ Grey:

    I of course have Dunn as my CI in my 5×5 weekly league. I can shuffle bats around to have a U spot open. Since my entire BN houses P’s, which one would you drop: Kennedy, Ed. Jackson, or Cahill?

    And for which hot bat-o-the-week? Bloomquist, Gordon, Callaspo, Yunel

    (I’m leaning toward Bloom or Yunel considering I also have an ailing Drew and Desmond for my MI’s)

  7. Wilsonian says:

    Good to see Prince just needed a Minor to get his juices flowing again.

  8. Mike says:

    What do you think? Sit both Liriano and Burnett today?

  9. Clyde Prompto says:

    Howdy, Grey. What do you think of Aaron Crow? I know it’s really early to forecast middle relievers, but he’s got a nice pedigree. Would you lose Rodney for him in a 10 team Al-Only?

  10. Hi everyone: What’s the consensus on starting Liriano tonight at Yankee stadium?

  11. Steve says:

    @Grey: Good morning Sir. I don’t like to drop players too early, but I don’t want to miss a “hot waiver” pickup and you mentioned to pick up Alex Gordon. Should I drop Manny for Gordon or Logan Morrison? My league uses “BB”. Thank you.

  12. Timequake says:

    Soto just hit my waiver wire. Would you drop Napoli or Gardner for him?

  13. Timequake says:

    And speaking of dropping Gardner, would you part with him for Soriano?

  14. GopherDay says:

    Grey, LoMo or Vladdy? Standard ROTO league.

  15. Markm says:

    You’d be brave to be starting Liriano @NY. He missed a chunk of ST and it shows….

  16. Michael Bourne says:

    Dear Eddie V,
    You are the worst pitcher on my staff besides the ax-man. Somehow you have twice as many K as Gallardo and one more than little Timmy scored against me last night. You are better looking than all the other guys I could have (that’s what she said) off the FA so I won’t leave you yet…

  17. BigRedLatrine says:

    I punted catcher pretty hard in all my leagues, so I guess I feel like that is justification for being wishy-washy with the schmohawks I got starting. That being said..

    Would you drop Salty for Avila?

  18. Cops says:

    His name is Buck and he likes to f*ck… over opposing pitchers. I need an SP, Richard or Ogando?

  19. Wilsonian says:

    In a Mr. Bubble…Snider or Gordon?

  20. Bourjos says:


    Wondering if you are disappointed in Bourjos so far…
    I am itching to drop him for a Braddock or a Bloomquist.

    (Very deep league).

  21. Calogero says:

    Edinson Volquez is a beast. He will have just as many 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 K starts as he will 5 IP, 5 ER starts. At the end of the season, he’ll be sub-4.00 ERA with 200 K and you will understand that (at least in full-season roto) a guy who dominates 15 times and gets shelled 7 times is more valuable than a guy who goes 6 IP, 3ER every game.

    “If you ever see Bills talking to your girl at a bar, order him a Coors and watch him fall apart.”
    – Transcendent, Grey. Well done.

  22. AdamH says:

    Better bet to take over closer for the season (better speculative add that I don’t need at the moment): Matt Capps or Wilton Lopez?


  23. Rodger Dodger says:

    Here’s one guy (for the few girl readers ;), who will NOT be running Liriano out there against the Yanks today. Anyone who does, must be sitting with a laptop in a loonie-bin somewhere.

  24. Fun stat: Royals’ Jarrod Dyson already has 3 SB and 2 RS without a single AB. Well played, sir.

  25. Sol says:

    Deep league…I’m thinking of dropping Justin Smoak and David Freese (not playing enough) for Milton Bradley and Scott Rolen for my UTI and IF spots…Will these moves help in the hr and rbi department?

  26. uncdrew says:

    How the hell is Holliday’s appendicitis having him out until the All Star break and Dunn’s means he just misses batting practice?

    Cerealously, Dunn is 5 days and Holliday is 15? Where’s Stephania Bell when you really don’t need her?

  27. Oregon Nut Cups

    Oregon Nut Cups says:

    So I’m not here to yeah but Bloomquist but I’m curious if he actually has a shot at near everyday play given AZ’s 3B situation. I know he’s super-utility boy, but neither Melvin Mora nor Geoff Blum really sound exciting to me. Could we see this little Willie get alot of action if they don’t trade for a 3B?

  28. Votto-voom says:

    Dear Dr. Gray,

    Long time listener, 1st time caller. I’ve got this wart on my inner thigh……. hold on wrong show

    I’ve got Sean Rodriguez and his playing time situation is bothering me like I imagine it would be if I a venereal wart that I needed to explain to my wife.

    I play in a very deep league, so the available talent has some questionable scars.

    You touted Callaspro as a pick up. He is available, but I’m questioning his at bats once Aybar returns. Other than him it’s Jack Wilson, my lean Brad Emaus, Will Rhymes (yuck), Chris Getz (SAGNOF yuck), stick with SRod or your brother Willie Bloomquist.

    Which of these fine middle infield options will work like a razor blade and a shot of penicillin on the line up wart I’ve developed?

  29. xopchipili says:

    Dump Minor for Floyd, Norris, McDonald, Ogando?

  30. Gig says:

    @Timequake Without seeing your team, I would drop Napoli for Soto.

  31. John says:

    Grey, Long time first time. Just wanted to say, your writing is fantastic and the Billingsley line goes in the HOF.

  32. Jeff says:

    I have Theriot(2B,SS) and Aybar(SS) starting for me at 2B and SS.

    These horrible choices are out there; J Wilson, C Getz, OHud, B Hall, Shumaker, Janish, A Sanchez, A Gonzalez

    Any of these guys have upside worth picking up over Theriot or Aybar?

  33. DoubleJ says:

    Is it worth using a #4 out of 10 waiver claim on Alvarez, or should I hold out for someone better?

    If so, who to drop? Beltran, Gregg, Burnett, Beachy, DLR

  34. Mike says:

    Do you start Niese today?

  35. SDPete says:

    @Grey: You are more patient than I am. I am benching Salty for a recently picked up Iannetta for Week 2.

  36. trick dad says:

    please rank these pitchers for the rest of the season: mcdonald, mclellan, zambrano. thanks!

  37. Richie says:

    Hey Grey,

    I have Kila and Travis Snider just hit the wire.

    Who ya got?

    One more question…Iannetta or Arencibia. Who ya got?

  38. Ghostface Przybillah says:

    Which side? Rasmus and Broxton OR T. Hanson

  39. ADD owner says:

    Drop Reynolds for Gordon? I have plenty of power and I don’t like Reynolds batting seventh.

  40. Tony says:

    Whats the term when you’re favorite team (indians) are going against a pitcher you own (lester)?

    I’m rooting for my pitcher but if the Indians can sweep Boston and put them at 0-6 I’m perfectly happy too!

  41. Sos says:

    Which side? Mcgehee/Floyd or BAnderson/Smoak?

  42. Tony says:

    8.55 ERA vs. 22.50 ERA

    Lester vs. Carmona LOL

  43. Eddie says:

    Grey –
    Do you think Stewart gets his mojo back this year? I drafted him to be my 3B and then traded for Chipper Jones to start while Stewart was hurt. Well he’s back, but he’s playing like garbage. Jones has been productive this week but I know I’m living on borrowed time with him. Do I need to start looking for a new 3B now?

  44. genghis chone says:

    Who would you rather have in a keeper FIP league? Gavin Floyd or Ryan Dempster?

  45. Viagra Falls says:

    The attempts for me to trade for A-Gon keep getting one-upped by the guy that owns him now. Who he wants, that is. He now wants Mauer, Oswalt, Morneau and Jaime Garcia in exchange for A-Gon and a dump off of Phil Hughes bloated ERA and diminished fastball. His roster is already stacked, and with this he would be flat out dominant. I totally understand that trades usually favor one side more and one doesn’t usually give up a supreme talent without making someone pay, well, through the ass. His line up right now is:

    Montero (Mauer obviously upgrades), Votto, A-Gon, B.Phillips, Chris Johnson, Jeter, Choo, Stubbs, Victorino, A-Ram, Abreu

    F-Her, Gallardo, Scherzer, Broxton, Chris Perez, Kimbrel, Billingsley, Shields and Hughes

    I want A-Gon and need his production, but his asking price seems damn steep (good for him). Would you walk away from this trade?

  46. Mike says:

    Would you start RA Dickey tomorrow against the Nats at Metco?

  47. Wilsonian says:

    Ok, strictly hypothetical here. I’ve got Zobrist at 2B. It has come to my attention that either Uggla or Walker might be available. Obviously, I’m a much bigger fan of Uggla, but was wondering if you would deal for him and who I should offer out of this team:

    C – Napoli
    1B – Prince
    2B – Zobrist
    3B – Wright
    SS – Andrus
    OF – CarGo
    OF – Kemp
    OF – Bruce
    UTIL – Krispie
    UTIL – Lind
    BN – Snider
    DL – Longo

    SP – Lincecum
    SP – Verlander
    SP – Hamels
    RP – Soria
    RP – K-Rod
    P – Lyon
    P – Contreras
    P – Bills
    BN – Kuroda
    BN – Gio
    BN – D. Hudson
    BN – Kennedy
    DL – Strasburg

    It’s a 5 player keeper, H2H league. I think he wants a starting pitcher. Thanks for your (hypothetical) help.

  48. Buddo Chezuski says:

    Viagra Falls – walk away, thats ridiculous

  49. Rodger Dodger says:

    @sean: Oh ho! So now the devil show’s his face on Razzball does he?! Well I won’t be tempted by thee today Satan, no sir-ee! You have a tongue tipped with silver, but until Liriano shows me something against lesser talent, I shan’t be putting a gun to my head this early in the season.

  50. Wake Up says:

    AJ’s about to throw a gem…

  51. Nick says:

    @Grey: Lackey and Wandy were dropped. Do you like either with my current rotation?


    I know Niese is a easy drop for one of these guys but its a public league, no $, & I like the Mets so I gotta have one of them on my team…

  52. papssmurf says:

    I think the rest of my staff has enough Ks that the WHIP hit from Volquez would do more damage than the Ks would help.

    On a more positive note, another SB for Hill! So far this year, he’s giving me speed while Brian Roberts is giving me power. LOL

  53. freak says:

    I might not be overestimating when I say Soriano single-handedly lost the Cubs game yesterday. Gave away at least 3 runs in the field. So don’t own him just out of principle.

  54. Chunk says:

    Dearest Grey: In both my money leagues, I waited to draft a catcher until there was only one name left in your second tier, and it was the same name in both leagues: Montero. 144th and 220th. Obviously it’s working out so far, so thanks for that.

    Question: 12 team 5×5 h2h weekly, we have only 1 RP slot (and no P slots) so saves are inevitably going to be fluky. Right now I have Valverde in there, with Kimbrel on the bench. I know you usually suggest as many closers as possible, but it seems redundant in this league. Available FA closers include Street, Thornton, Nunez, Hanrahan, and Aardsma. I am tempted to just carry one closer and make room on a small bench for someone like FA Grady Sizemore, who could end up being a significant upgrade over my current util options (Manny/Alfonso/Kendrick).

    a) Safe to roll with just one closer?
    b) If so, Valverde, Kimbrel, Street, Hanrahan, or Nunez?

    Thanks as always, Grey.

  55. dja says:

    i’m pretty weak on power and rolling with a 3OF+1util of mccutchen, bjupton, granderson, vernon wells and brandon belt. would you consider dropping wells or belt for a hot hand like soriano?

  56. A Hill O' Beans says:

    Will Wilson Ramos get enough at bats to be an upgrade over Salty in a deep 20 team league?

  57. the grate one says:

    grey, are you worried about soria? should i try to move him now? just read another article on how his velocity is downnnnnnn this year (and since ST)….

  58. Eric H. says:

    New nickname for Jose Tabata: Joey T. Bats? Anyone? Crickets?

  59. Hennessey says:

    Hey Grey and anyone else with an opinion.

    All things being equal, which side do you want:
    1. Rasmus/Rauch …or… 2. Bautista/Benoit

    A. Rios/Rauch …or… B. Bautista/Benoit

  60. Tony says:

    well it didnt take Hanson long to screw up my day i had going….. 2 RUN BOMB to BRAUN

  61. 12-Team, Roto, 7×7 (OPS & K, QS & K/9) – currently have Greinke/Cueto/Peavy/Jimenez giving me nuthin’ at SP. Would you drop MMD (on my BE anyway) and pick up Correia, or just hold tight?

    Real World, Vegas, 7 strangers (picked to binge drink and spread VDs in a hotel) – if memory serves, the season opener showed (in the “this season on the RW” montage) that Dustin’s gay porn past is discovered by someone on the interwebs; I don’t think he reveals it. That’ll be so much better…

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