First off, no, I haven’t watched the movies.  I’m old, that movie is for the young and I’m not as in love with Anna Kendrick as you.  I mean, I don’t hate her?  I’d hang with her?  She seems fun at parties?  Whatever, my point being is that her and her movies are a flavor of entertainment that’s either above me or below me, I’m not sure which and I’m not sure I care.  Alright, now that the important stuff has been covered, this pitching slate…whew.  It’s about as good looking as Melisandre when the necklace came off.  I’ve never even seen that show, but the memes are free!  Don’t send your hate on that one unless you’re willing to hook me up with HBO Go so I can catch up.  Back to the point: pitching in the late slate is teh sucks tonight.  I’ll try and throw some early pitching takes so you can wipe the dirty taste out of your mouth, but it’s a minefield after 4 pm PST so be warned.  With that, let’s trudge through the sludge together.  Here’s my cover your hair and your eyes taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

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Jose Quintana, SP: $10,300 – For you morning slate goers, here’s my early bird special.  Indians have definitely been on fire of late, but a good lefty should minimize the damage and rack up the Ks against a team that has shown a propensity to struggle against southpaws for most of the year.  Not sure who out there is taking Corey Kluber but if the heat is on Corey, stay at La Quintana.

Matt Andriese, SP: $8,100 – This is me saying ‘I see you, Vegas’…more on that later.  I don’t know how long Andriese goes for this game but if you’re looking for some safety in your pitchers that doesn’t exist today, you can pretend you have it in Matt.

Rubby de la Rosa, SP: $7,600 – It’s not the perfect situation but the ballpark plays nice and I do believe we’re in the midst of a Rubby breakout.  Of the Rose owns righties so far this year and that’s almost all the Pirates have.  If he can limit the lefties and keep his 25.3% K%-BB% ratio against righties,

Mike Foltynewicz, SP: $6,400 – Alright, now that I gave you a taste of sunshine, I’m taking you where the sun don’t shine.  Welcome to the late slate!  Steven Wright is probably getting the win as does Scott Kazmir, but I’m here to tell you this is your jam for GPPs, son.  Given how bad this late slate is, everyone is gonna be on Junior Guerra which means no one is gonna be on Mike by deFolt.  Given that the Brewers are near the bottom in wRC+ and at THE bottom for K% over the last 7 days, it could be a major overlook on the part of the sheeple.  Let’s face facts, Barves and Brehs are bad, m’kay?

Ivan Nova, SP: $5,900 – Those commercials about how ‘it gets better’?  I wish they were talking about this pitching slate.  It doesn’t, you’re here with me and we’re looking at Ivan for tonight.  I’ll probably have Nova and Folty or Guerra in GPPs tonight and be done with it.  Blue Jays have been less than intimidating and Nova has pitched well in his brief appearance so far this year.  Works for me!  Really, let’s just move on to the bats…

Curt Casali, C: $3,100 – I swear every time I write, the Rays are facing a lefty.  I ain’t got time to find out if that’s true, but I feel it in my beer gut to be so.  The fact that they’re facing a really bad lefty in Justin Nicolino makes it all the sweeter.  You’re gonna hear a lot about potential stacks today because you know the pitching is bad so what else we got to talk about?  You have so many ways to go with the Rays vs a lefty, so I’ll try and trim it down.  Gimme Steven Souza, Tim Beckham, and Steve Pearce.  Since price isn’t an issue with stacks today, be aware of which ones are popular vs not.

David Ortiz, 1B: $5,100 – Since price isn’t a factor tonight and since most of the 1B options are feeling like 1C options…100B?  I’m trying to tell you they suck in a way that’s reflective, I think I’m failing at it.  Chad Bettis is a league average pitcher and the Boston Red Sox are the top offense in the majors.  Not much to think about here and I’m sure they’ll be a popular stack.  Load up as you do, just make sure Big Papi is a part of the conversation.

Mark Teixeira, 1B: $3,200 – I am normally as far away from the New York Stankees as I can get, but Estrada’s luck against lefties so far this year has to see some regression in the near future.  Is the future now?  Or like at least 7 hours from now now?  It’s hard to say.  All I know is you don’t get to hang on to a 2.61 ERA when your LOB rate vs lefties is 86.8% and you have a 4.20 xFIP against them.  A Yankees stack will see weird to most and will likely be owned by few.  Lets at least say Jacoby Ellsbury and Brett Gardner here along with Carlos Beltran while realizing the Yankees have 20 lefties in their lineup every night.

Luis Sardinas, 2B/SS: $2,600 – Word on the street has it that Sardinas will get called up today for a semi-permanent role while Ketel Marte is out.  Total conjecture here: doesn’t it seem like every time a guy gets called up he has at least one good game and it’s usually his first?  I don’t know what it is.  Do they make the player sniff smelling salts on their way up?  Bath salts?  Who cares, I’m rolling with my unfounded hypothesis.  Not that you need to save money today but all the more reason that these Sardinas will stay canned for most rosters.  That was a Spanish sardines joke and for that I’m sorry.

Nolan Arenado, 3B: $4,300 – I was off last week on my Arenado HR call by a day.  What can I say, being your local meteorologist for Torenado watches is both an art and a science.  Nolan is an extreme pull hitter when it comes to hitting for power and the Green Monster looms.

Brandon Drury, 3B/OF: $3,200 – Again, no reason to save money today but that don’t mean we can’t shop for what we feel are the best bats.  Jeff Locke just shut down the Braves.  If you’re impressed, raise your hand.  Ok, you’re expelled.  Yes, I said expelled.  Not dismissed, this was an egregious error on your part and you’re lucky I didn’t ask for the firing squad.  If the Yankees are too popular, I’m all for a Dbacks stack today.  Gimme some Paul Goldschmidt, Welington Castillo, and maybe even Jean Segura if he’s alright after yesterday’s not funny and I ain’t joking about it beaning.

Zack Cozart, SS: $3,500 – Given how poor the Reds offense has been this year, especially on the road, I think more will be on Kazmir than off and for that reason, I’m all for Reds bats today.  I am not looking to stack, but value lead off like Cozart or potential bomber Adam Duvall makes a lot of sense to me today.

Gregory Polanco, OF: $4,500 – I toldja that Rubby’s Achilles heel was lefties and Polanco has been one of the hottest bats in baseball of late.  If you’re doing cash on a bad pitching night like this, I don’t think you get any safer than Greg.

Giancarlo Stanton, OF: $4,200 – Sssshhh, don’t look now but Stanton hit a bomb last night.  Could he be heating up?  Does a water sommelier know a good glass of water when he drinks it?  Rhetorical!  PS, yes, there are water sommeliers.  I don’t know why they exist either.  What I do know is I want to get in on the ground floor if Stanton begins to climb the DK OF money ranks starting today.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

For the early crowd, MINvsKC has some weather concerns regarding rain and thunderstorms and is one more than likely you should be avoiding.  Outside of that, STLvsCHC looks to also have some weather concerns but looks likely to play at this time.  For now, everything in the evening looks marvelous but of course with all things weather related, be sure to check in prior to lock.

Doing Lines In Vegas

Even when considering the early tilt, there aren’t many heavy favorites for today.  Jake Arrieta and his Cubs sit at -170 on the road which is actually tied with Hisashi Iwakuma going for Seattle at home against the A’s and Matt Andriese at home for the Rays, taking on Nicolino and the Marlins.  The initial line on the Rays was -148 so Andriese with five Rays bats sounds like a good plan to me.  Your Vegas line leader for today?  Steven Wright at -175 as BOSvsCOL bring the biggest o/u to the table at 9.5.  It’s too early to tell which way the DFS community is leaning on Wright, but there’s potential there if he’s blown off because of the high over/under and the going price.  Your low o/u of the day comes courtesy of the aforementioned STLvsCHC tilt, coming in at 7 as your evening slate offers ATLvsMIL and LADvsCIN at 7.5.  I believe in the game in Atlanta being low scoring, but feel that Dodgers game is fool’s gold.  Kaz just ain’t good anymore.