Also known as the Bond movie no one remembers, and the start you won’t soon forget. Speaking of bad movies, remember that movie starring David Bowie as an alien in search of water who falls to Earth. I think it was called “The Man Who Fell to Earth.” Brandon Morrow did his best David Bowie impression last night as he came crashing down to Earth, getting lit up by the Mighty Texas Rangers for 6 ER in 0.2 innings, inflating his ERA to 3.47. After coming off a 3-hit complete game shutout last week the confidence level was high, but we all knew the regression was coming. With a 4.18 career ERA you have to know that his sparkling 2.63 ERA this year was due for an increase. Sonava(didn’t)bench!
Morrow has been a bona fide fantasy ace this year but if we take a closer look at his match ups to date B-Morrow hasn’t really faced a legit offense. Taking into account that Morrow has yet to face divisional rivals New York or Boston, (the Red Sox versus whom he has an 11.45 ERA against over the past 3 years!) we’re looking at a perfect sell high candidate. DROP EVERYTHING! SELL! SELL! SELL! No seriously, I’m not saying sell him for a VHS copy of “The Man Who Fell to Earth,” (although it’s probably pretty rare), but if you can get some top value for Morrow’s performance this year so far, I’m definitely considering all offers. That said, I am a huge Brandon Morrow fan (Ks for days! yays!), and I tend to own him every year, also I tend to draft him way too early every year, but if you choose your starts carefully he can be as good as anyone in the game. If I can’t sell high, Brandon Morrow is a more than capable fantasy starter based on his past strikeout potential alone, but I will definitely be choosing my match ups more carefully in the future.
Adrian Beltre – 3-for-5 with a HR and 2 RBIs. “Yo, Adrian!” You used this joke last week! Wait! No, that was Gonzalez, not Beltre. Completely new material!
Nelson Cruz – 4-for-5 with a HR and a whopping 8 RBIs. I benched him because I needed a steal. Hand. Meet Face. Over and over again. Yes, I am an idiot. Yes, this one is hard to swallow and will haunt me for a while. Yes, you may still ask me for fantasy advice if you dare. And no, I didn’t get that steal. FML.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4 with his 15th HR. Edwin apparently spent some offseason time on the same planet Bowie’s character was from.
Ryan Dempster – 7.1 IP, 1 ER, 6Ks. Moves to 0-2 on the year, still winless despite a 2.14 ERA. The Cubbies have scored a total of 16 runs in his 8 starts. Dempster, Cliff Lee and Felix Hernandez are reportedly starting a phone help line for pitchers with zero run support.
A.J. Burnett – 5.1 shutout innings, got the win with 6Ks. A.J. is the no.2 starter on my initialed players team (C.C. is no. 1, J.A Happ is no. 3, there’s quite a fall off..), but on my fantasy team he’s just a perfectly capable streamer, especially when he’s playing the Cubs, see above.
Tim Hudson – 6.2 innings, 7 ER, 6Ks. Oh, Timmy, you shouldn’t have. Really, you said you were healthy!? Why!?
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4 with 3 RBIs. The RBIs are nice but its about time Zimmerman hit a Homer, man. (That didn’t rhyme as well as I hoped it would).
Bryce Harper – 1-for-3 with 2 runs. Every baseball analyst everywhere: “Another hit for the phenom! And did you see him play all nine innings! Just wow!”
Tyler Clippard – Got his 2nd save in as many days pitching a scoreless inning striking out two. He’s the best arm in the bullpen and the clear choice for closer. If Clippard performs as well as we’ve seen him in the past, the job could certainly stay his when Drew Storen returns this summer. So those of you still Storen Drew on your DL, monitor Clippard closely.
Tim Lincecum – 5.2 IP, 6 ER, 5 Ks. Grey told you not to buy earlier today, but it sounded like he was still on the fence. Well, I’m not buying as long this stoner keeps getting rocked.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4 with a HR and 2 RBIs, now batting .289. His 10th HR in May! Remember back in April when we were worried “Don’t Call Me Mike” Stanton’s bad knee would force him to sit out every other day and might limit his effectiveness? It’s time to look back on those days and laugh. Ho hum!
Lucas Duda – 1-for-3 with a HR and 2 runs. The Dud-a bides. Shomer Shabbos!
Johnny Cueto – 4.2 IP, 11 hits, 5 ER. BOOM! BAM! POW! That’s the sound of Cueto falling back to Earth, followed shortly by Brandon Morrow and David Bowie. Not even ground control could keep them from falling.
Troy Tulowitski – 3-for-4 with 2 runs and an RBI. He’s aliiiive! HE’S ALIVE!
Joey Votto – 4-for-4 with a run to raise his average to .314. Sigh, my team needs RBIs Jo-Vo! Not average! Get with the program!
Matt Joyce – 2-for-3 with the grand salami as the Rays lit up Jon Lester (4.0 IP, 7 ER). OK, Morrow, Bowie, Cueto, Hudson and now Jonny Lestah!…geez, I own all these guys (except Bowie); are the fantasy gods sending me a sign? Lester has to be better than this, consider it your buy-low opportunity.
Jeff Francouer – 3-for-4 with the slam and eggs with a side of mash (3 hits!), Or in Frenchie’s case, a Croque-Madame with a side of crepes!
Adam Jones – 1-for-4 with 2 RBIs as the O’s score 8 runs. The Orioles franchise center fielder signed a $86 million dollar, 6-year contract extension today. Nice job by Baltimore locking Adam Jones up as he enters the prime of his career. And well, Adam, good luck being on the Orioles for the next 6 years. After realizing what he’d done, Adam G.O.B.s was quoted as saying, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Adam Dunn – 1-for4 with his 15th homer as Big Donkey makes all those who shunned him on draft day feel like an ass. A.J. Pierzynski (initialed players’ team starting catcher, sorry J.P.) and Dayan Viciedo also homered in this one after Big Donkey instructed them both to, “Watch how it’s Dunn.”
Cliff Lee – 7.0 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks threw 111 pitches but the Adverb ended up with the no decision. Serious Lee!?
Prince Fielder – 3-for-5 with 2 runs and 2 RBIs as the Tigers crush the Twins, scoring 10 runs and collecting 16 hits but zero home runs. Tigers, welcome to the Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome. You will now only hit for contact. Miggy Stardust was 1-for-3 with 2 runs.
Rickie Weeks – 1-for-4 with a HR. His 5th of the year and just his 2nd in May. Still batting .157. Braun and Hart also homered in his game. They just couldn’t let Rickie have the spot light even for one day. Sorry Rickie.
Albert Pujols – 1-for-3 with a 3-run homer, his 6th. Pujols…homering again. Universe…normalizing. David Bowie can go home now.
Howie Kendrick – Pinch hit to score the go ahead runs in the 9th. Wowie-Howie! Now let’s get that average above .270!
Scott Downs – Pitched a clean inning to pick up his 4th save. Downs looks like the closer, but I wouldn’t drop Frieri just yet, he may have just been busy, “Rolling out! Looking for the best diners, drive-ins and dives!”
J.D. Martinez – 2-for-3 with a HR and 2 RBIs. Nice game, J.D., but even on my initialed players’ team you’re on my bench.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-4 with a 2-run homer, his 8th. Te(i)x and Cano homered as well. I singled Swisher out because he looks the most like David Bowie (which is to say, not at all), but gimme a break I got a quota to fill! (That’s nine!)
Josh Reddick – 1-for-4 with his 13th homer. Reddick? More like Medic. Right? As in, “We need a medic, because this guy is sick right now!”