I wish I was a mathematician or at least had one of those rad-looking calculator watches. For now I will remain myself and take random, yet seasoned guesses at this thing that we covet so much, the save. It’s the only position that every person garnering save capability is owned in every league no matter how big or small, which makes it fun. They say all the fun is the chase, I guess that’s why I am bored with so many people tied up in my Gam-Gam’s basement. Digression, segue, punctuation. The Royals, or for better reference, Greg Holland, has figured out his mojo, while all of us hoping for a heated up Kelvin to pounce are reduced to wait for a Holland-days off. I am glad that Holland has shown what we all thought he could be, albeit for one glorious day. Two in a row is a winning streak, so said Lou Brown. The Brewhaha’s added K-Rod to the mass confusion of Canadian end game specialists, completely killing that demographic in Wisconsin. K-Rod isn’t an add yet unless in the deepest of leagues, so sit tight and don’t get all antsy with saves in the pants. So onto the rankings of closers and some of their ‘cuffs. This week’s random weird but true factoid, the Phillies are 14 games into the season and do not have a hold by any pitcher on their team. Put that in your cheese steak and smoke it.
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Craig Kimbrel (0) (Eric O’Flaherty, Luis Avilan, Jordan Walden)
2. Jonathan Papelbon (0) (Mike Adams, Antonio Bastardo)
3. Aroldis Chapman (0) (Jonathan Broxton, JJ Hoover, Sam LeCure) INJ-Sean Marshall
4. Rafael Soriano (+1) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard, Ryan Mattheus)
5. Joe Nathan (+1) (Robbie Ross, Tanner Scheppers, Joe Ortiz, Jason Frasor)
6. Mariano Rivera (-1) (David Robertson, Boone Logan, David Phelps)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
7. Tom Wilhelmsen (+1) (Carter Capps, Charlie Furbush) INJ – Stephen Pryor
8. Jim Johnson (+5) (Pedro Strop, Darren O’Day, T.J. McFarland)
9. Addison Reed (+8) (Jesse Crain, Matt Thornton, Nate Jones)
10. J.J. Putz (+2) (David Hernandez, Brad Ziegler, Heath Bell)
11. Sergio Romo (+5) (Santiago Casilla, Jeremy Affeldt, Chad Gaudin)
12. Jason Grilli (+11) (Mark Melancon, Jared Hughes, Tony Watson)
13. Ernesto Frieri (+14) (Scott Downs, Sean Burnett, Kevin Jepsen) INJ – Ryan Madson
14. Huston Street (-2) (Luke Gregerson, Brad Brach, Dale Thayer)
15. Glen Perkins (-1) (Jared Burton, Brian Duensing)
16. Rafael Betancourt (+3) (Matt Belisle, Rex Brothers, Wilton Lopez)
17. Casey Janssen (+5) (Steve Delabar, Brett Cecil, Darren Oliver) INJ – Sergio Santos
18. Fernando Rodney (-7) (Jake McGee, Joel Peralta)
19. Brandon League (+6) (Kenley Jansen, Ronald Belisario, Paco Rodriguez)
20. Chris Perez (+1) (Vinnie Pestano, Joe Smith, Cody Allen)
21. Greg Holland (-12) (Kelvin Herrera, Aaron Crow, Tim Collins)
22. Grant Balfour (-1) (Ryan Cook, Sean Doolittle)
Brain Freezes
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
23. Steve Cishek (-7) (A.J. Ramos, Mike Dunn, Jon Rauch)
24. Bobby Parnell (+4) (Scott Atchison, Brandon Lyon, LaTroy Hawkins)
25. Andrew Bailey (-7) (Koji Uehara, Junichi Tazawa) INJ – Joel Hanrahan
26. Jim Henderson (-17) (Jon Axford, Mike Gonzalez, Francisco Rodriguez)
27. Edward Mujica (-3) (Mitchell Boggs, Trevor Rosenthal, Randy Choate)
28. Jose Veras (+1) (Dallas Keuchel, Hector Ambriz, Rhiner Cruz)
29. Carlos Marmol (-3) (Kyuji Fujikawa, Shawn Camp, James Russell, Kevin Gregg)
30. Joaquin Benoit (0) (Phil Coke, Octavio Dotel, Jose Valverde)
