“Hello, Personalize Any Jersey Emporium, you’ll make anything I want, right? Okay, great. So, I will provide you a Royals jersey, but on the back I want the name, Middleton, and on the front I’d like a cartoon drawing of the Princess of Wales Catherine aka Kate Middleton with bunny ears where she’s eating a carrot and a cartoon bubble that has her saying, ‘I’m Carrotherine.’ Why? Because I requested it!” [dial tone] Huh, so I guess they won’t make just anything. You don’t need to be a Royalist to get on board with Maikel Garcia. What if the power Jose Caballero was supposedly going to unlock, was unlocked, but, in a strange set of circumstances where they both peed in the same water fountain, and Caballero’s supposed power went into Maikel? He’s hitting for some power this year, has 30-steal speed, and is currently leading off. He’s not hitting for a lot of average, but that’ll correct itself. Now, excuse me, I’m trying to get a personalized jersey made. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Travis d’Arnaud – The French Terminator tried to warn us. He said, ominously, “Le be back.” And now Le’s back!
David Fry – You want a terrible catcher for AL-Only leagues who’s been hot and has some overpriced electronics? Fry’s is it!
Connor Joe – Where’d he come from? (Pirates were facing a lot of lefties.) Where’d he go? (Maybe they stopped facing lefties.) Connor-eyed Joe!
Jared Walsh – Not saying the Rangers are better off without Josh Jung. I’m not an animal. We are not animale, said like Paulie in Goodfellas when confronted by divorce. But Walsh may now see more playing time, and looks rejuvenated in Texas.
Nolan Schanuel – Looks like one of the few Angels’ bright spots, besides the edge of Ron Washington’s nostrils that are gleaming white.
Brice Turang – When you need speed, you know to answer the SAGNOF phone saying, “You Turang?”
Jordan Westburg – Kinda hurtful to see people show up four months after I wrote a Jordan Westburg sleeper and ask if I like him. I’m very hurt!
Justin Foscue – Here’s what I said the other day, “Rangers’ 1st round pick from 2020 was called up to replace Josh Jung, who will miss at least six weeks. Damn, the Rangers don’t want to play my baby, Ezequiel Duran. That’s okay, I will keep my head high and learn to be a bigger man–[sobbing, screaming] No fair! Okay, okay, this isn’t all about me. Though, I did manage to draft Ezequiel Duran and Rengifo in a lot of leagues to cover all sorts of positions, and they’ve managed about three ABs so far. Justin Foscue was the 5th best Rangers prospect this past year for Itch, where he said, “The 14th overall pick in 2020, the 5’11” 205 lb Foscue has progressed steadily through the minors producing solid lines at every level. In 122 Triple-A games, he drew 85 walks and struck out just 70 times (12.4 percent). In most organizations, his slash line of .266/.394/.468 with 18 home runs and 14 steals would put him in line for an early big league look in 2024. In Texas, he may wind up waiting in the wings all season, and I’d like to clip Grey’s wings.” That’s right, because I am an angel! I grabbed Foscue in a few leagues, because of power/hit tool, but I’m not sure I’ll hold him very long or past my next hot schmotato.” And that’s me quoting me and Itch!
Jose Caballero – What’s going to give us a serious chuckle at the end of the year? Thinking back when the Rays said in Spring Training how they unlocked more power in Caballero’s swing, and then he went on to still be a five-homer guy. He could hit for an okay average though.
Oliver Dunn – He had an affair with Harry Styles, while directing him, which caused tension on the set with Florence Pugh that caused Chris Pine to spit in his lap–[intern whispers in ear] That’s Olivia Wilde. Oh! My bad. Oliver Dunn is an MI for NL-Only, who went 21/16/.271 in Double-A last year.
Jackson Merrill – Just gave you a Jackson Merrill fantasy last week, and no one seemed to want him, so here we are again. If at first you don’t succeed, try, uh, I forget how that goes. Forget it. If I was meant to remember it, I would’ve.
Oswaldo Cabrera – Don’t make me link to my Oswaldo Cabrera sleeper from last year. It’ll be very embarrassing (for me).
Trey Lipscomb – My recommendation of Lipscomb the other day was the fantasy baseball equivalent to if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound? Lipscomb looks solid; I can’t be the only person who is struggling to find a corner man until Morel gets eligibility.
Michael Conforto – Nearly made him this week’s lede Buy, but [yawns] you know Conforto.
Nelson Velazquez – Player Rater is up and running, and why didn’t you draft Lourdes Gurriel Jr. in the 1st round? Oh well! So, some guys might move a little (a lot), but Nelson Velazquez is barely within the top 100, and that actually sounds doable for the year. I believe.
Michael A. Taylor – He’s in the top 15 on the Player Rater. Okay, I believe less in that, but hot schmotato!
Victor Scott II – You lost Esteury Ruiz? Well, that’s likely for the best, if being honest. Hard to carry a guy that only gives steals, which is why I am less excited about VS2 than most ‘perts. He’s fine for steals, but I bet he’s sent down in a few weeks too.
Mitch Haniger – The other day in the comments someone said (sorry, forget who now) to enjoy the Haniger and Conforto ride because they will derail (be injured) by June, and no truer words have been said.
Will Benson – Can Benson be worth rostering? No, that’s his brother. This is Will Benson.
Henry Davis – Does he have catcher eligibility yet? How about now? Now? Now?! Now?! Now?! Now?!
Jarren Duran – This guy I love way more than VS2, but is likely rostered in most leagues.
Steven Matz – This is a Streamonator call like the one it makes to Poison Control.
Tyler Wells – I like Wells, in general, but this is also a Streamonator call. “I didn’t take colloidal silver. I am colloidal silver!”
Jason Foley – Tigers are the best team in baseball and leading the way is their lights-out closer. Now imagine reading that 10 days ago.
Abner Uribe – Payamps and Megill have either pitched their way out of the closer discussion or ate their way out, so Uribe it is.
Kevin Ginkel – Keep saying this, but it wouldn’t shock me to see Ginkel keep the closer job, even after Sewald returns.
Griffin Jax – Sung like Eminem, “Guess who’s Jax? Jax again! Griffin Jax, tell a friend. Guess who’s Jax? Guess who’s Jax? Guess who’s Jax?”
Chris Martin – Am I secretly a Coldplay fan? Why don’t you just call my mother a whore? Heavens fo’bid! I just don’t trust Kenley.
Jeff Hoffman – Every week I will give you a middle reliever who might not get saves, but will still have value. That is my promise to you (that I will forget about occasionally). Jeff Hoffman might have the least intimidating name — Jeff Hoffman? Boring! Go by Eff Effman! — but his stuff is nasty!
SELL
Mike Trout – [gets on bended knee, looks up to heavens] “Please let Mike Trout stay healthy.” Sadly, that person is talking to their upstairs neighbor who is on the toilet. It’s not going to make a difference. Don’t hate the message, hate the guy telling you. Wait, that’s wrong. Don’t shoot the messenger. I know, you feel like this is the year Trout stays healthy, because you had a premonition and, after you pulled toast from your toaster, it had an imprint of Julius Erving in a robe and you started calling it Pope Julius Erving. It doesn’t matter. He will not stay healthy. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t trade him for a romantic walk on the beach with Casey Anthony, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
