163 pitches, 16 Ks, 7 BBs, 1 H. That’s what Nolan Ryan used to do before going to chop some wood and bulldog some steer. The only pen Ryan ever needed was to house his horses. Yesterday, that was, how do I say this, an interesting start by Trevor Bauer. He went 6 IP, 0 ER with 11 strikeouts. He didn’t allow any hits, but he gave up five walks in 111 pitches. I feel like I should get half-credit for Bauer’s start on teams where I drafted Danny Salazar. Can I call him Tranny Bauerzar or will that upset my LGBT readers? My new favorite spring training stat that means nothing: Bauer’s 26 to 1 K to BB ratio. Bauer looked unhittable for the whole game. Depending on whether or not the Astros hitters decided to swing, it resulted in a strikeout or walk. It was like Randy Johnson in his early years when if hitters swung, they’d strikeout. If they sat there, they’d walk. The “Do You Feel Lucky…Plunk” approach to pitching. I’ll demonstrate as a hitter’s inner monologue, “I’m feeling lucky…Gonna step into this one and drive it… Jesus…That almost plunked me, I’m gonna swing wildly and get back to the dugout.” This approach can also be found in most Little League games. If Bauer’s unowned in your league, I wish I were in your league! Grab him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Michael Brantley – Out again with back stiffness. He did get into the game at one point. Not the baseball game, the game of Good Wince vs. Bad Wince. That’s the game that’s played every time Bauer pitches. Way outside…Bad wince! Outside but a swing and miss…Good wince!
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (1) and double legs (2). Considering he has 10-homer power and 20-steal speed, I’m not surprised. And to think I was gonna drop him. No, I wasn’t! It’s three games, guys and four girls! Chillax!
Asher Wojciechowski – 4 IP, 4 ER. His last name in Polish translates to “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.”
Brett Cecil – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks. For you cinephiles, he’s now Cecil B. DeMoted. Gibbons replaced him as closer with the dreaded closer-by-committee. Cecil didn’t look good in Wednesday’s game as I said yesterday, but I’m surprised he was replaced this fast. Gibbons is overreacting faster than a fantasy manager! One inning? Really, Seth Myers? Oh, well. I wouldn’t drop Cecil just yet because it’s still early and could get the job back in two weeks and still get 30 saves this year. Miguel Castro (1 IP, 0 ER and the save) looks likely to replace him. Roberto Osuna (1 1/3 IP, 3 Ks yesterday) looks devastatingly nasty, but is very raw at 20 years old, which seems to be everyone’s drawback for him. Um, yeah, Castro is a whole month older than him. *shrugs* Meh, what do I know?
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Hey, rub up against Bautista, would ya?
CC Sabathia – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. Looks like throwing him for 250 IP for five years in a row wasn’t a good idea. Guess Michael Lewis will have to rewrite that chapter of “Spending Moneyball,” where the Yankees build a rotation out of a bunch of overpriced, overused arms.
Alex Rodriguez -1-for-3 and his 1st homer, and in this game Mark Teixeira also homered. Next thing you know Craig Kilborn’s gonna make a comeback.
Billy Hamilton – 0-for-3, 1 run and two steals (5, 6). Rudy texted me yesterday, “It’s fun to own Hamilton.” I agree. It’s like owning a guy that homers every day without getting any RBIs, runs or hits. It’s like eating candy for dinner. I love Hamilton’s empty calories and I want more candy!
Joey Votto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs with a home run and two Ks. Okay, Jay Bruce quit wearing Votto’s uniform. Not funny.
Anthony DeSclafani – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. In my very deep leagues, I grabbed DeSclafani because he had a 9 K-rate last year in Triple-A and an under-4 xFIP for the Marlins while always maintaining solid control (1.4 BB/9 last year in Miami). At this point, I’m still only in on him for deeper than 14-team leagues, but depending on matchups on Stream-O-Nator, I could see jumping the gun.
Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. He’s started every game so far this season and Corey Hart has one at-bat. Corey Hart might be embarrassed, because I always see him wearing sunglasses.
Gregory Polanco – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and his 2nd steal. Mean’s while on all my teams with Marte: *raspberries lips* Yup.
Yasmany Tomas – Diamondbacks manager, Chip Hale, said Yasmany needs to get in better shape. Yasmany said, “Then stop reminding me of chocolate chip cookies!”
Ricky Nolasco – Went for an MRI on his elbow. He wasn’t feeling anything out of the ordinary, but the Twins were hoping to find something.
Kyle Gibson – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER. Kyle Gibson is to pitching as Bob Gibson was to crocheting.
Shane Greene – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Twins. I like Greene a lot, but before we start giving each other a reach around, let’s see him do it in some less favorable starts.
J.D. Martinez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. I wonder if he secretly shortened his first name, Jew Don, dropping a G from Don. Wouldn’t be the first Jew to do that.
Anthony Gose – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 1st steal. If you’re hurting for steals and Gose is available in your league, get your shizz together and grab him! He’s worth it if he steals 35+ bases and bats leadoff in only two-thirds of the time.
Domonic Brown – Began a rehab assignment. Say hi to Josh Hamilton.
Xander Bogaerts – 3-for-4, 1 run, 3 RBIs. I’m sighing in relief that I don’t have to tell people to hold Bogaerts for another whole three days.
Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. He’ll prolly back his way into twenty wins this year. Not even joking.
Eric Hosmer – 2-for-4 and a steal after homering the day before. Salvador Perez (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) homered yesterday after stealing a base the day before. It’s the Memento slam and legs!
Edinson Volquez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. Someone owes Ray Searage a nickel! Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like his next start vs. the Twins, but it’s the Twins and I could see streaming him there.
Ian Kennedy – Left yesterday’s game with a strained hamstring. Suspects include Cliff Lee, Matt Harvey and Roy Oswalt. Kennedy was then suspiciously replaced by a Cuban.
Tim Hudson – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K. Keep pitching like that and the Yankees are gonna give Hudson a ten-year, $200 million contract.
Matt Harvey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. Yeah, I should’ve been higher on him. Like in the top 10 SPs. Oh well, shoot me. Not you, Dick Cheney!
Michael Taylor – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs, hitting .308 and leading off. I’ve looked to pick Taylor on multiple occasions, but nagging on the back of my craw is the fact that he’s going to be out of a job soon. Not sure why that’s stopping me since half my team will cease to exist soon, that’s if you’re like me and assume players not on any of your fantasy teams no longer exist.
Stephen Strasburg – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks. His line looks much worse than it was. Strasburg had a ton of junky hits tagged onto his WHIP because of a routine play bobbled by Ian Desmond. Desmond has caused more unearned runs than Olestra.
Nick Martinez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. A little behind the scenes glimpse at the Fantasy Master Lothario. I don’t clear my browser history during the season, so I can type a few letters and get taken right to a player’s page. I can type “Tu” and have Tuffy Gosewich’s page pop up. It makes for some embarrassing web searching if someone’s watching me. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo. I tell you this now because there hasn’t been one time since December, when I started writing the rankings, that I looked up Nick Martinez. Now that I get there, I see why. He had a 6+ K-rate in Double-A and an under-5 K-rate last year for the Rangers in 140 1/3 IP. Yuck. Hopefully that’s the last time I look at Nick Martinez’s page.
Rougned Odor – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer as the Rangers beat up on opposing pitcher, Graveman. I thought The Undertaker was supposed to keep balls down. Literally! This was Odor’s first hit of the season. Phew, that stinks!
Ryan Rua – 3-for-5, 1 run. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell column — that’s right, it’s back! — but I could see cyclops’ing Rua. There is some talent here. Sky also gave you his Ryan Rua fantasy.
Mitch Moreland – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. He’s been on absolute fire. *looks at his stat sheet* He’s hitting .200. He’s on fire for him!
Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. When it rains, it pours for the Rangers, but most days it looks like the Rangers hitting will have massive pores like Manuel Noriega. (That rhymed in my head.)
Kendall Graveman – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Graveman sure is coffin up a lot of runs!
