by: Grey
When the Netherlands landed on the ABC islands in the Caribbean, the Dutch made three requirements of all people, when farting in bed, pin the sheet tightly to the bed surface to not let any smell emit; all restaurant checks must be split in half with all attending parties, and, finally, all names must have […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The most homers by a Yankee in his first 1,000 games was Babe Ruth, he had 321 homers. Yesterday, Aaron Judge (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) had a slam (5) and legs (1). He now has 999 games and 320 homers. This is a damn good time for a damn. A day-um, even. I’m trying […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?I don’t drink. Not like I’m an alcoholic, I’m not in AA, making amends for the people who drafted Rougned Odor way too high in 2017. He was very good in 2016, I cannot help that his BABIP plummeted. I did nothing wrong. See? No amends! I mention I don’t drink in a longwinded way […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yesterday, Thomas Harrington (4 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners) called up by the Pirates. Thomas Harrington has a legacy membership to Shadyside Country Club. Thomas Harrington does not go by Tom or Tommy because he is prim and proper. Thomas Harrington wears a napkin under his collar while he pitches and calls his grandmother’s”helper” mammy […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?“So, that’s how he was good last year!” is what a lot of people will be saying now. I may be one of those people. A lot of people will be asking, “Jurickson Profar, why did you cheat?” And to those people I will be saying, “Did you see how bad he was prior to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Inner monologue, “Stop thinking about how you went Elly over Aaron Judge in every fantasy league. It’s not going to do you any good. Though, seriously, every single league? You want to stop thinking about that, but did you ever stop to think in the 1st place?” Dah! So, Aaron Judge (1-for-1, 4 runs, 2 […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
*nudges the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, and it doesn’t move* “Oh my God, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is dead!” Drowsily, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell wakes on the couch, “I’m not dead, you idiot. I’m hungover. Could you please stop screaming?” “Woo hoo! The Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is alive!” Rubbing temples, sitting up and asking, “What time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Enters passcode to lock door and metal bars snap into place. The counter above the door counts down to when the door will automatically reopen, which is six months from now. Cranks rope, lowering dumb waiter with my La Croix Summer Berry seltzer, while sitting in a bean bag that is outfitted in Giancarlo Stanton’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring. They also share equally effusive PR people. Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches gained 15 pounds and was in the best shape of its life. Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Stateside baseball starts tomorrow, get psyched! Right now, though, it’s time to focus on what’s important: preseason predictions! Before we dive deep into countless hours rearranging lineups, FAAB bids, and making trade offers in order to win a couple hundred dollars in our friends and family league, which equates to roughly twenty-eight cents per hour, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I’m a big fan of the everyman. I consider myself the everyman. I’m every man’s everyman. A pioneer of normcore. Track pants and a blinking light on my car’s dashboard that either means my seatbelt isn’t on or I need oil. That is me. What better way to elevate the Everyman Culture than to take […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[smells in deeply] What’s that, a new baseball season? How do I know? Because they’re playing baseball! That’s the wrong answer? Oh, because Royce Lewis is injured! That has to be the answer! No? That’s not it either? Because I’m craving a hot dog? Because I just stood outside and screamed at myself for starting […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?