A calendar page flies off and we follow it to the ground. We can’t quite make out the date on it yet, then the wind whips up hard and slams the page into a screen door. There, it ominously flaps against the screen door and we see the date. It reads…*dramatic sting*…March. Grey picks, because he’s writing this in third person, the piece of paper off the screen door and casually reads it. Slowly, across his face, a dawning of hell, it’s March 98th, 2020! AHHHHHH!!! Screams echo out–*shoots up in bed* Oh, wait, it’s June, 2020. Haha, silly dreamscape of hell. You’re so dumb, subconscious brain. Go back to hiding amongst all my baseball knowledge and factoids. So, today, I bring you my 1,789th Dart Throw, Daniel Vogelbach. Just think, by September, I will have profiled every baseball player as someone to draft. If only you were in a 30-team league with 178-man benches. Shucks, really. I kid, of course, because any day now we’re going to find out whether or not there’s gonna be a baseball season. I do believe a 100-game shortened season is still possible, but, ya know, they kinda need to figure shizz out sooner vs. later, and it’s not a great look when the MLB wants to play less baseball. So, what can we expect from Daniel Vogelbach for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
On this week’s Patreon podcast, we welcome, Ben Sisto, artist, curator and star of the documentary, Who Let The Dogs Out. Yes, as in the song. *insert barking* The documentary — available on Hulu — Who Let the Dogs out — tells the story of Ben Sisto and how he went looking for the origins of the Who Let The Dogs Out song. You ever Google one topic on the internet like “What’s so great about Britain” and five hours later find yourself watching someone make homemade tortillas? That’s what this documentary feels like in some ways — what started from an innocuous moment on the Wikipedia page of Who Let The Dogs Out sent Ben on a 10-year odyssey to find out, finally, who, actually, let out the dogs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?This is a less-than-straight-forward dart throw. “Watch your head! Incoming dart!” Mostly because Rowdy Tellez has a minefield of playing time concerns. I don’t fully trust Travis Shaw, even though I predicted he’d win the NL MVP in 2019. That never stops getting funny. You can mock me about Delino DeShields Jr. You can call me a giant dope for five years of adulation over Josh Rutledge and Ian Stewart. You can even say I might’ve been a little goofy about loving German Marquez last year. But calling Travis Shaw my preseason NL MVP selection is so off-the-wall bonkers in retrospect, even I have to shake my head. How many players qualified for the 2019 NL MVP? 300? 400? Well, I think he finished dead last. Yo, Grey, you are smart in the opposite sense of that word. Any hoo! Travis Shaw is blocking Rowdy Tellez. At worst, Shaw is a platoon player, which hurts Tellez and Shaw, and, in a shortened season, I don’t want any part of any platoon player, outside of daily leagues with bench hitters capable of filling in. In a shortened season, maximizing at-bats is going to be critical. Optimism for Rowdy Tellez will also incidentally hurt Teoscar Hernandez, another dart throw, and Derek Fisher, who I like more than most (and might Dart Throw too). As Karens say, something’s gotta give, as they snap for help at nail salons. If Rowdy plays 1st base and Shaw gets DH, Fisher goes to the bench or to the outfield in place of Teoscar. Not great for those other guys, but Rowdy can be interesting in his own right. Audience screams, “Tellez something we don’t know!” I’m about to. So, what can we expect from Rowdy Tellez for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?A subplot of this stand-off between the MLB and MLBPA is how duplicitous will MLB teams be in their excuses to not promote a top prospect if there’s no minor league season, which seems assured, at this point. What will the Orioles say to not promote Adley Rutschman? “We really wanted to promote Adley but we lost his phone number and they’ve discontinued 411, go figure.” “We wanted to promote Adley, but, after reading the Kama Sutra, we’re inclined to withhold climax for six to nine months.” “We did promote Adley. He’s now in charge of selling season tickets for the 2021 season. We have faith he can handle the promotion.” One thing they can’t say with a straight face: “We really wanted to promote Adley Rutschman but he’s not ready.” So, they hold him down and he misses a full year of development? That seems dumb, even for them. However, you can’t go too wrong betting MLB teams will be dumb. Yes, I’m saying I’m not 100% guaranteeing Adley Rutschman sees real playing time this year, but he’s got a lot more of a chance this year now, than he had before. “Did someone say Chance?” Shut up, Chance Sisco! So, what can we expect from Adley Rutschman for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Singing a’la Ethel Merman, “I……saac Paredes!” You ever wonder if Ethel Merman was an actual merman, the fabled marine creature with the head and upper body of a man and the tail of a fish? Well, I do. It keeps me up at night, actually. Cougs rolls over in the middle of the night, and sees my eyes are open, as I stare at the ceiling. Finally, she asks, “Are you thinking about Ethel Merman again?” Sullenly, I nod my head, then I turn to her, “She was so…fascinating.” Any hoo! Isaac Paredes is brought to you by me, after Podcaster Ralph brought him to my attention. True story alert! I woke up yesterday at 7 AM from a text message that read from Ralph, “I have your next Dart Throw.” Groggy (after thinking about Ethel Merman all night), I replied, “Who…?” And thus began a back and forth of Ralph telling me Jeimer Candelario wouldn’t be starting at 3rd base this year for the Tigers, and I……saac Paredes would. Back in January, which was approximately 18 months ago in real time, Prospect Itch said Isaac Paredes was a solid pick in 50-round draft and hold leagues, i.e., Draft Champion leagues. With no minor leagues this year, and Paredes on the 40-man roster, and a Latin 21 years old, and every team having a chance in a shortened season, why, I ask, not? He’s definitely going late (NFBC ADP 748), and is a guy who will be available in the deepest of leagues, even your 12-team AL-Only whosie-ma-jigs. So, what can we expect from Isaac Paredes for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Players are saying they want to play 114 games; owners are saying 50 games; I’ve been saying 100 games, and, if I were just guessing now for the first time, I’d split 114 and 50 and still tell you 80-100 games.
In response to the MLB owners suggesting a 50-game season. MLBPA is suggesting a 200-game season and pepper games are allowed.
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 1, 2020
The players are saying 114 games because, well, for a myriad of reasons, I imagine. One reason might be they want to seem like they’re ready to play, but owners are holding them back. This way the players can say, “We said ‘Let’s go and play,’ but the owners said, ‘Nah, you can’t have any money, we’re poor babies, so no baseball.'” Another less cynical reason might be the players just want to play, if they’re paid. What stood out to me in the players’ proposal was the contingency that a player can sit out if they want. They don’t need to be high-risk to Covid-19. They can just say, “Yo, y’all do your thing, and I’m gonna do my thing and I’ll catch you on the flip.” So, with that in mind, and, in the highly speculative market of futures and dart throws, or simply Fu DarTh, as it’s known in most circles that rely on the Force and midi-chlorians, a guy like Mike Trout could sit out this year. Fu DarTh relies on space (on the field) and a light (on players) and dark side (of the MLB this year without its best player). Jo Adell would benefit in this space (on the field) scenario. *white text on a black screen scrolls out with the MLBPA proposal, suddenly, a SWOOSH, and a giant Joe Maddon head overtakes the dark space* It will give Joe Maddon less options to use instead of Adell, too. Keep your nonsense with playing Brian Goodwin, if you must. Assume Justin Upton gets on the field, if you have to. If Mike Trout’s not there, Jo Adell will have to be. By the way, I mention this on Trout, because he’s already said he doesn’t want to play if it means he can’t leave the team to be with his wife for the birth of their child. Plus, Trout’s set for life; he doesn’t need this headache. Finally, I haven’t even mentioned how rosters will be expanded and there won’t be minor leagues this year. Even if Mike Trout plays, Jo Adell should too. So, what can we expect from Jo Adell for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Patreon Podcast: Special Guest Comedian J-L Cauvin
June 1, 2020 | All Podcasts | 24 Commentsby: Grey
It was with great pleasure and numerous giggles, we welcomed comedian J-L Cauvin onto our Patreon show.
Please, blog, may I have some more?DONALD TRUMP IS PROTECTING US FROM MALE FRAUD AND THE DANGER OF MASKS! pic.twitter.com/vtewOJ6r5R
— J-L Cauvin (@JLCauvin) May 27, 2020
I very innocently searched Razzball for any mentions of Domingo Santana over the last two months. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed anyone else talking about Sunday Santana. It was so super innocent, without a care in the world, a little click here and there, and, with a small little giggle like a schoolgirl, I happened upon a post by Big Magoo about late-round outfielders who could produce value in a shortened season. Lottery tickets he’s calling them; I’m calling them Dart Throws, but tomato-tomato-with-a-different-pronunciation-emphasis. But, oddly enough, he wasn’t talking about Domingo Santana, directly. He only mentioned Sunday Santana, while mocking me for my Delino DeShields 2016 sleeper post. I’ve been owned again.
In JKJ’s universal DH: NL East piece, he mentions some guys who the Marlins might ask to DH for them if/when the universal DH is implemented. Jon Berti, Jesus Aguilar, Garrett Cooper and even Lewin Diaz, and all of those names seem well within the realm of possibilities for the Marlins’ DH. Berti is obviously the most interesting and Cooper/Aguilar seem like strong possibilities too. I’d even consider Corey Dickerson there. So, JKJ is right, the Marlames will need someone. This isn’t a clearcut situation of this so-and-so slides into the DH spot. Berti is a waste at DH; he can play all over the field. Prototypical DHs are Aguilar and Cooper. Maybe even Matt Joyce on occasion. What I think the DH does in Miami is open an extra spot for one guy to get rest (Cooper, Aguilar, Dickerson) and Berti to play the field more. So, Berti will see more at-bats now. I’ve already given you a Jon Berti sleeper, which was from 2019 and that feels like it was about 17 years ago. Berti, Berti, Berti! He’s great! I love him! This post is surprisingly not about him. He can fill in for Dickerson, Aguilar, Lewis Brinson, Brian Anderson, everyone and no longer needs to take at-bats and play 2nd base over one guy JKJ didn’t mention, who now becomes a full-timer, Isan Diaz, the Forgotten Man. FoMa is giving me FOMO. So, what can we expect from Isan Diaz for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?How do the White Sox justify not starting Nick Madrigal from the first game of the season now that they’re starting the year in the month of Who Knows When and on the date of TBD? Such firmness with the MLB, huh? All you have to know about whether MLB owners are negotiating in good faith is they had the month of May to come up with a proposal and they submitted it to the players on May 26th. MLB owners negotiate like Kevin Spacey in Seven mixed with Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal. “You have 48 hours to come to the table or we will have Avisail Garcia screw your wife.” Well, whatever happens happens as they say say. Once baseball returns, it will come back with larger rosters. I’ve heard some describe this as taxi squads. The team will have, say, 30 men on the roster, but there will be another fifteen guys on a taxi squad who can be called up at any time for injuries. Nick Madrigal shouldn’t even be on the taxi squad. He should be on the MLB roster. Back, during Spring Training 1.0, we were expecting Madrigal to get called up around the end of May. Well, that came and went, huh? So, back to my original question, how do the White Sox suppress Madrigal from the majors now? To get Leury Garcia time at 2nd base, where he’s started eight total games since 2015? Don’t be daft. Madrigal is the starter at 2nd base, when the season starts, and I’ve begun drafting him, as such. Yes, I’m currently taking part in fantasy baseball drafts. I have a problem! So, what can we expect from Nick Madrigal in 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Franchy Cordero receives a value increase in a roundabout (not a rotary!) way due to the universal DH, because Wil Myers seems more likely to head to the DH spot now vs. sharing playing time with Franchy in right field. With Myers sharing DH duties (hehe, I said duties) with another red, white and blue flagger with no stars. Not Franchy, but parlez vous français…? How do you say in French, “What France hopes for in every World Cup tournament?” Ty France! That’s their GOOOOOOOOOAL! Sorry, when it comes to Ty France, I’m no Francophile. One thing Franchy Cordero and Ty France might have in common, besides being direct descendants of Robespierre, is they might be Quad-A players. You say Franchy, I say Ty France, let’s call the whole thing off like the French call off their military. But, if I’m being generous like the French with body odor, Ty France had no value prior to the universal DH, and now he’s at least worth a flyer for power — he had seven homers in 69 games (nice!), but hit .234 and we’re here to talk about Franchy, not France. Sorry, to misrepresent what I was baguette’ing at. Today, I’m donning a Franchy jersey, saying in my mirror, “I’m Franch dressing.” Don’t you relish me; that’s thousand island. So, what can we expect from Franchy Cordero for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Patreon Podcast: Very Special Guest Prospect Itch
May 25, 2020 | All Podcasts | 16 Commentsby: Grey
Sadly, we talk a lot about baseball this Patreon podcast. I know, I know, I KNOW! I’m sorry. You don’t pay us the very, very small amount of sixteen cents per day to hear about baseball. You want dong talk! Well, you’re not getting much of it this week. Less schlong, more baseball, that’s what I always say after reading that line off a bathroom stall. To discuss baseball, we welcome our very own prospect writer, Prospect Itch. During our spirited chat, we wrestle with some questions like: When will baseball return? What will it look like when it does return? And, perhaps most importantly, what will the fantasy baseball prospect rankings look like if — heaven forbid — there’s no baseball season?
Please, blog, may I have some more?