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That Twins Pitcher Is Starting To M Perez Me

May 7, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 570 Comments

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On a new true crime podcast, Murdered By The Numbers, the host and a former FBI agent discuss the murdering of baseballs.  A serial offender coming into this year was Martin Perez. “The recidivism rates for Perez were due to his 5-ish K/9 and high-3 BB/9,” the host points out.  Then the FBI agent takes us through a personal anecdote about how he captured The Golden State Killer, which ends in a Blue Apron ad.  “The bloody body laid there like a halibut in a summer tomato bouillabaisse, which is just one of their great options!”  Yesterday, Martin Perez showed us once again that no one is too old to be new again.  Except Felix Hernandez, he’s not getting new again.  Perez went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.83, as he changes all preconceived notions.  His velocity is up 2 MPH and his cutter looks filthy, a pitch he is throwing nearly 35% of the time this year, because of the results he’s getting.  A pitch he added just this year.  See how obvious this narrative is?  Pitcher adds filth and gets results.  He’s not quite an under-3 ERA pitcher, but he’s usable for all leagues.  He left his old crew in Texas that was a bad influence and he’s now done murdering baseballs.  From RIP to rehabilitated FIP.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Maybe You Can Teach A Dietrich To An Old Dog

May 6, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 616 Comments

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On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time.  The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases.  Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen.  After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile.  Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson.  Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot.  He was perfecting it.  On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257).  I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on.  As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named:  Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Senzelnati Kid

May 3, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 441 Comments

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Scott Schebler looks about as DFA-able as I’ve seen anyone look in some time.  DFA stands for Da F**k Attahere.  Even if he’s not, Nick Senzel was promoted and is hitting 2nd tonight.  So, what are we banking on, or simply FDIC?  That’s not regarding fiduciary concerns, that’s F**k Do I Care?  Or more accurately, why am abbreviating everything a NYC cabbie says? Senzel has speed/power and could hit .315+.  He is one of the best pure hitters in the minors.  It’s the Senzel SZN!  SZN stands for Senzel, which means I just said, “It’s the Senzel Senzel!”  Not only is Senzel owned in all of my leagues, but guys like Rudy have owned him all year, stashing him on their bench.  I point to Rudy specifically, because he’s fairly agnostic on rookies, in general, so you know there’s something here.  Things break right and Senzel could be the number one call-up this year.  Yes, I avoided all the talk about his injuries, except for this throwaway comment, but we’re talking about the positives.  It’s Friday, LMFAO!  That’s Leave Me F**K Alone, Octopus.  I’m floating in a giant aquarium as I write this.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Thor Endgames Reds

May 3, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 429 Comments

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I’m not going to say the Reds lineup is bad.  I won’t mention how Jose Iglesias is the only everyday hitter with an average above .224.  I won’t mention how their three-hole hitter is Derek Dietrich, a hitter who couldn’t even start for the Marlins.  I won’t say how Yaisel Puig is hitting .178.  Or Eugenio Suarez is hitting .224.  Or how Joey Votto didn’t even start, because he sucks too.  I won’t mention how Jose Peraza and his .200 average hit fifth yesterday like he’s a power hitter.  Nah, why mention any of that?  This is about Noah Syndergaard (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, and he pitchslapped Del Taco’s T. Mahle) and how he’s back, supposedly.  It’s just the third shutout in the majors this year with Mike Minor and German Marquez, and we all know Mike Minor’s an ace, so that’s great company.  Let’s just say Noah Syndergaard’s 5.02 ERA is better today than yesterday, but am I predicting he’s fully back to the top 10 pitcher everyone was drafting him as?  Yeah, uh, no.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Royals Love The Snell Of Raypalm In The Afternoon

May 2, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 553 Comments

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The Royals swept the Rays yesterday in a doubleheader, taking down Blake Snell (3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.31).  Snell can’t handle the Royals, they can Snell what he’s cooking.  As Razzball commenter, tigersharkz said, “Yep, Snell’s fine. Recovering from a broken toe in 10 days happens all the time in real life.” From Young MC’s Bust A Move, “Blake is getting shot down because he’s over-Snellous. …so hey, Reigning Cy, don’t bust a toe.”  No foolsies, but pitchers need their toes to push off, and anything can get them out of whack.  I’m officially concerned.  Of course, the Royals were led by Adalberto Mondesi (3-for-7, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and double legs (9, 10) on opposite sides of a doubleheader, hitting .295).  Adalberto is my daddy — excuse me, Addadytogrey Mondesi. He’s now on pace for 20/50/.290. Yeah, terrible 2nd round pick. Also, chipping in for the Royals was Kelvin Gutierrez (2-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer). How big is this guy? Have you seen him? He’s like $54 T-bone vending machine steak. (Gonna keep using this until it catches on.) Is he related to The Big FraGu (throwback)?  KelGu, take me away.  He looks like he should be able to hit 20 homers and steal 10+ bags, but I don’t know if he’ll have the playing time, so best for deeper leagues for now. Terrance Gore keeps hitting (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .400).  I’d like to see Terrance Gore on the Big floor piano. It would be like Jerry Lee Lewis on coke. …Whole Lotta Stealin’ Going On!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Reyes Ain’t No Fran Of The Mil Padre Outfielder

May 1, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 599 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”408938″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball 2019 Mailbag Week 6″]

We gonna talk about Lil’ Wayne’s favorite baseball player, “Franmil mil mil mil mil…mil mil, a mil.”  Much to chagrin of the former Padres’ outfielder and Missy Elliott’s favorite player, “Matt Sczrczrczr,” or as she would say, “nac uoy eveileb eh saw reve a gniht Sczrczrczr my skizzard.”  Franmil Reyes looks like a cross between Kyle Blanks and a vending machine that dispenses steaks.  “Damn, I thought this was the crappy hot chocolate vending machine and now I just got charged $54 for a T-bone.”  That’s someone getting a vending machine steak.  Yesterday, Franmil Reyes did what he’s been known/capable of — blasting two, loud $54 vending machine T-bones into orbit, ending the night 3-for-4 with his 7th and 8th homer.  He’s now on pace for 40 homers.  Greek chorus, “Who isn’t?!”  Okay, GC, but Franmil can get to 40 homers, unlike, say, Tommy La Stella.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hey Lowe, Is It Me You’re Looking For?

April 30, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 607 Comments

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The Rays called up their 1st base prospect, Nate Lowe, to go with Ji-Man Choi, Yandy Diaz and Daniel Robertson, which brings me to the real question of the day:  How can Tampa have so many corners on their roster and no bodegas?  The Rays have more cornermen than Avon Barksdale.  My 9th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Corbello, would tell you, if you have two sides of a diamond and four corners, then you’re looking at a clusterfudgeogram.  The clusterfudgeogram generates little playing time and lots of headaches for those making heads or tails of it.  The real question might be:  Would the Rays be as daft to call up one of their top prospects to ride the bench?  That seems unlikely, but since he’s a lefty and this is Kevin Cash, and Cash Ruins Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the funny way to set your lineup, ya big dummy.  We care because Lowe’s got some lumber.  His projections are at the Prospectonator, and they’re not too shabby, like the quarter piece of Harrison Ford’s Jewishness.  Prospect Mike ranked Nathaniel Lowe (Why so serious, Nate?) in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and said this elsewhere, “Lowe is a big left-handed bat who can hit for both average and power. In 2018, he popped 27 homers and hit .330/.416/.568 across three levels. He’ll be ready when the Rays need him, unlike how no one needs Grey.”  Okay, not cool!  I tried to add Nathaniel Lowe and Nate Lowe everywhere; I believe they’re the same person and they were both gone.  However, I didn’t contract any FOMO.  Finding a bat corner bat with some pop is as easy as going down to the corner store, grabbing a burner Moreland-type and avoiding the clusterfudgeogram.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

K-naldo Lopez

April 29, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 684 Comments

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Subliminally, I nod my whenever Reynaldo Lopez is mentioned.  It’s a disease similar to Jimmy Legs; it’s called Lo-Pez Head.  Yesterday, my Lo-Pez Head nodded for all the good he was doing (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunenrs (3 BBs), 14 Ks, ERA at 6.03).  Lopez faced Murmurer’s Row of Detroit and sent them down, down, down, down–how many downs is that?  4 downs at three downs per down, that’s still only 12 downs and he had 14.  Damn, that’s too many Ks for even the Alt-Right Sox.  Usually Reynaldo Lopez rattles off a bag of Dick Poles.  Am I now interested?  Do I look *makes nutter rolly finger motion on side of head*?  He was once a big-time prospect with a mid-90s MPH fastball that can hit straight-boing type levels.  I see his current 11.2 K/9 and get weak in the knees, can barely speak, but his 4.9 BB/9 is his usual Pitfall Harry and his 5.47 xFIP doesn’t scream confidence like a man with 100-point font.  I’d continue to view him as a streamer for now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buymel Tapia

April 26, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 551 Comments

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*blows dust off cover to the book, “Raimel Tapia, Fantasy Sleeper”* Just found this book on a shelf in this Colorado-area bookstore.  “I think this is yours.”  The bookstore owner holds up a copy of, “Josh Rutledge’s Fantasy Sleeper.”  Haha, no, that’s not mine.  “It says “Property of Grey Albright.”  Can I just read from one of your other books in peace without paying for it?  No wonder bookstores are all going out of business, you don’t leave your customers alone!  Any hoo, as I was saying about Raimel Tapia, he was a 2015 Pick-to-Click, a 2016 Gotz-to-Getz-Him, a 2017 This-is-the-Year and a 2018 Absolute-Must-Own for a reason.  He has 15-homer power and 25-steal speed who shouldn’t hurt you in average (think .270).  The problem for so long has been the Rockies’ inability to kowtow to fantasy owners and play the sexy guys.  Not unrelated, Garrett Hampson is due for everyday playing time in 2023.  However, something interesting has happened recently — interesting is subjective but if you’re reading this I assume it applies — Ian Desmond has been getting benched regularly.  Finally!  If Tapia gets 5+ starts a week, he is a Pick-to-Click-Gotz-to-Getz-Him-This-is-the-Year-Absolute-Must-Own in all leagues.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Kieboom Rengifo’s The Dynamite

April 26, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 477 Comments

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Since the Jays were calling up Vladimir Guerrero Jr. today, the Nationals and Angels thought it was a good idea to drop their own sizzle in low-key fashion like wearing an Elmo doll at the Met Gala.  If Carter Kieboom is Barbara Hershey to Vladimir Guerrero Jr.’s Bette Midler, then who is Luis Rengifo?  That jerk husband of Barbara Hershey’s who held her back all of those years?  Bette’s giant Marmaduke?  Is it embarrassing that I know Beaches by heart?  Not at all!  According to Prospect Mike, Carter Kieboom’s outlook is, “Kieboom is a plus-hit/plus-power shortstop who split time between High-A and Double-A in 2018. His numbers dipped in the more advanced league, but he still hit .260 with five homers.  15-20 homers is a realistic power ceiling and he won’t sell out for it, meaning a decent average as well.  I’ve also become a decent dart-thrower practicing on a picture of Grey.”  What the eff, my dude?  Carter doesn’t have great speed, which is a bit of a bummer since that always translates, but he could hit for power and average as a middle infidel.  Hopefully, this means the end of days for Brian Dozier.  Remember, this is the team that promoted and played Juan Soto last year.  Mean’s while, the Angels called up Luis Rengifo.  Doesn’t his last name look like an acronym of an obscenity on social media?  “You really think Killary would’ve been better?  RENGIFO, grandma!”  The biggest question for me with Rengifo is Brad Assmunch.  Does he even know what he has?  I highly doubt it.  Watch him play La Stella over Rengifo.  Here’s what Prospect Mike said, “Rengifo can hit from both sides and he can basically play anywhere on the field. There’s also just enough power to make him really interesting if he sticks in the middle infield. He’ll probably get written off as a super-utility player, but he has a disciplined approach (75 walks, 75 strikeouts across three levels). Oh, and he swiped 41 bags this year to go along with seven homers and a .299 batting average. I know you’re not supposed to scout stat lines…but damn, that’s almost as sexy as the thought of Grey being run over by a car.”  C’mon!  Rengifo and Kieboom’s projections are both at the Prospectonator.  They’re, hmm, how do I put this?  Interesting.  Surprised to see Rengifo ranked above Kieboom for projections.  Think I’d go the other way with them, but they are slightly different, based on needs.  I do know I needs me some upside and added them in multiple leagues.  ALL ABOARD THE UPSIDE TRAIN!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Paddack! At The Petco

April 25, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 640 Comments

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Yesterday, on the way to the park, Chris Paddack felt under the weather.  Not to confuse people, Paddack had the flu, there’s no weather in San Diego.  So, Chris Paddack was touching 100, and I’m not talking about his fastball.  As Paddack made his way to the mound, he’d cough and:  “You rang?”  That’s the on-staff hernia nurse.  Well, it’s not just the hernia nurse who’s on-staff when it comes to Paddack.  Yesterday, he dismantled the Mariners — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.67 in 27 IP, getting some swinging strikes that were…Well, one swing by Daniel Vogelbach was the highest pitch generating a swing all year at four-feet and eight-inches aka “an Altuve.”  Currently, Paddack sits at 10 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and a 3.80 xFIP, and, Steamer’s rest-of-the-season projections for him are 3.49 ERA with a 10 K/9 in 120 IP, i.e., a top 40 starter in all mixed leagues.  With all his commercials, Justin Verlander can push his Flonase down our throats (noses?), but Paddack pitching is sick — God bless you!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Phils Met A 10 Wheeler With a Spare K And Got Steamrolled

April 24, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 738 Comments

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It had been so long since I drafted Zack Wheeler (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 11 Ks, ERA at 4.85) in multiple leagues, and, after so many subpar efforts, I was beginning to forget why I drafted him as my number two.  Was a number two a harbinger of things to come, I asked myself while sitting on the toilet.  His control in previous starts left something to be desired, which is the understatement of the year after:  Christian Yelich’s poster is on just a few ceilings in Milwaukee of couples who are trying to have a baby.  And the guys are the ones looking up.  Yesterday, Wheeler pinged up on my iCal, reminding me why I wanted to own him.  If you weren’t able to see him or the highlights, he is the first pitcher to throw 100 MPH and pitchslap the opposing pitcher, Zach Eflin (4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.15) with a 100+ MPH exit velocity.  “I’d like to report a Zack on Zach crime.”  911 Operator, “Is it a H or K on the first Zack?”  “Get down here!”  If Wheeler pitches like he did yesterday, he’s not a number two.  Dot dot dot.  He’s a number one!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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