Astros Have Front Row Seats To The Gausman Cometh

Listen, I’m as open-minded as the next guy, but:

Kevin Gausman pitched a great game, and I don’t want to be that guy, but I think he could’ve pitched great without doing this after every strike

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) September 11, 2025 at 2:44 PM

What’s this all about? C’mon! They can’t limit this to between innings? Embrace the pennant race! “The pennant race,” guys, embrace that! Yesterday, Kevin Gausman threw his 2nd career shutout, going 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA down to 3.44. An ERA not as funny as 3.434, naturally. (It’s hehe on a calculator. Please clap at my brain for not maturing past the 4th grade.) Gausman’s last 24 IP, 10 hits, two walks, 22 Ks and a 0.75 ERA. Season ERA dropped from 3.87 to 3.44 in his last three starts, all against postseason teams. Last seven starts and his ERA is 2.02. His fastball was higher yesterday than his season average (95.1 MPH vs. 94.4), but it’s the splitter where all dazzles go: 84 MPH with a 38% Whiff rate. Ludicrous masterpiece and locked in at the right time for the H2H playoffs. I guess if it takes 79 strike-hugs per game, then so be it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Davis Schneider – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Guess who made him a batty call yesterday? This guy with two thumbs pointing at this gorgeous head of hair!

Cristian Javier – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.78. Is he healthy? That’s all we should be concerned with on Javier for next year. For this year? You’ve hit your head if you think I’m starting him this year. Do I need to put you on the 7-day concussion IL. Does your H2H league have that for owners?

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – Will miss nine to 10 months following ACL surgery. I just let a small, almost barely heard woof.

Johan Oviedo – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.81. Oviedo killed the radio star…Oviedo killed the radio star…Oviedo–Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, boys and five girl readers, Streamonator predicted a line of 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. One more baserunner and two-thirds of an inning more! You dumb robot!

Cade Povich – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.05. Since I was looking for Oviedo, Povich’s Streamonator predicted line was 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. One extra third of an inning! C’mon robot! By the way, we have projections for fantasy football too. You can get a three-day trial for free, and see how it does this weekend.

Jesus Luzardo – 8 IP, 4 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.03. Luzardo gave up four runs on five hits to the first six batters, then perfect for the next 7 1/3 IP. The full Luzardo experience in one start! Also, the Mets are the first team to score four runs in the 1st, then not get another baserunner. The entire Mets’ experience, as well!

Otto Kemp – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Welp, hot schmotato! He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now and he’s starting every game in place of Bohm.

David Peterson – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Like Ronnie Miller’s brother, Chuckie, I no longer trust A Man Da. Peterson.

Ryan Weathers – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.73, as he was activated from the IL. He looked excellent before hitting the IL for an extended period of time, and was great in rehab. I think he could’ve been as good as Cristopher Sanchez if he stayed healthy, and I do trust him now.

MacKenzie Gore – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.14, as he was activated from the IL. Next March when my mind goes through a Men In Black-type mind erasing during the offseason, then I might like Gore again, but right now I want no part of him.

Vinnie Pasquantino – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .262. With a twirl of the bat, Pasketti made that meatball his.

Stephen Kolek – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.71. Royals’ pitching coach is so good he really deserves me knowing who he is, but why spoil the mystery? Maybe it’s Lorenzo Lamas.

Gavin Williams – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.16. This led me to the Streamonator to tell you who was facing the Royals this weekend but it’s Taijuan Walker/Buehler. Taijuan is okay I guess, but I wouldn’t touch Buehler.

C.J. Kayfus – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, as he bats 9th because Nolan Jones, who is the worst hitter in the majors has to hit 5th, I guess. And the .176-hitting George Valera as the two-hole hitter. Listen, if you can make awful managerial moves, you just have to.

Jackson Merrill – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .259, as he’s now down in the six hole. There’s no way he doesn’t bounce back next year, but now I don’t want him having a huge final couple of weeks and ruining the discount. Stay down, Jackson!

Randy Vasquez – 6 IP, o ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.72. Throw everyone vs. the Rockies.

Mike Trout – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his 21st homer, and 1st home run since August 6th and eight homers since I told you to sell him on July 4th. He hit .214 last month with one homer. He has 399 homers on his career. He should choose to go in the Hall of Fame as a Dodger.

Logan Davidson – 2-for-4 and his 1st career homer. Fun fact! Davidson’s dad was Mark. Weird.

Bryce Miller – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 5.59. If this were May, I’d be talking about giddying up. Since it’s September, I’m giddying down.

Ian Seymour – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.16. Ian Seymour’s peripherals are excellent. It’s only 42 2/3 IP and three starts, so caveat it up emptor, but 11 K/9, 3 BB/9, 3.38 xFIP, those numbers match his minor league numbers too. This is a wink-wink-nudge-nudge-kazoo if anyone’s looking to stash a cheap pitcher for next year in a keeper.

Shane Smith – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.78. Went to look at Shane’s peripherals (meh, not great), and typed in Shane in the search bar and there was a lot of fathers who loved Shane Rawley and were like, “We’re naming our kid Shane, that’s all I’m gonna hear about this!” Shane Rawley: The World’s First Baseball Shane. Kinda surprised no one named their kid after the Alan Ladd movie. I didn’t see one Shane in MLB before Rawley. The root that sprung The Shane Tree. Hey, it was a short schedule day, and these are the things I think about.

Dillon Dingler – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. When he squats behind home plate, he leaves something for the opposing catcher. He calls that a Dingler Special.

Cam Schlittler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Watched this whole start, and he looks solid. Kinda wild at times with the ball nowhere near the plate, but his peripherals (10.1 K/9, 3.9 BB/9) are saying he’s solid, and it didn’t look like smoke and mirrors to me. Streamonator is iffy on his next, but I’d start him.

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-5 and his 20th homer. That gives the Yankees seven players with 20 homers, the record is eight players. Volpe is at 19 homers. So, the Yankees will stay at seven players.

Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 3 runs, and his 45th and 46th homer. He tied Joe D. on the all-time Yankees’ home run list. But what kind of cup of coffee does Judge make?

Anthony Volpe – Yankees revealed Volpe’s been playing with a torn labrum since May 4th. A torn labrum is the labrum most infielders use to field grounders. Yes, you read that right. May 4th! Penciled in the worst shortstops who has ever shortstopped with a busted shoulder for months! For at least two months while they had Caballero. Does Aaron Boone and Cashman have lifetime contracts? Does Hal just not care? Is Hal Steinbrenner like most American sons fighting against his father’s legacy by never firing anyone? Does Hal know he can fire people? What a crazy story. What’s next, a guy isn’t diagnosed with a concussion for months then has to retire? …Oh, wait…