Hunter Greene And The Cubs Both Have 1 H Tonight

One Cy Young next year, then two Cy Youngs, then three Cy Youngs in 2029 (by 2029 they’ll be giving out three Cy Youngs per year). Then the Hall of Fame chatter starts up, as he approaches 50 wins, the new benchmark for pitchers. I’m, of course, talking about Hunter Greene. Yesterday, he went 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.74. The problem with Greene isn’t much different than other pitchers: Will he stay healthy? There’s no way of knowing. So, where does that get drafted next year? I’d guess in the top 15 starters. Maybe top 20 in more friends and family leagues. Maybe top 10 in March when he’s firing 5 IP, 10 Ks Spring Training starts, and people start getting amped. Ya know who he feels like? Another guy who pitched yesterday: Tarik Skubal. But not Skubal this year, but Skubal the year before it all came together. Remember, Skubal was a 5.63 ERA guy, then a 4.34 ERA guy, then a 3.52 ERA guy, then he threw 2.80 ERA but in only 80 1/3 IP, then Breakout City. That’s where Greene is, knocking on Breakout City’s door. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Colin Rea – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Putting “Colin Rea struck out 11 batters” through my Make It Make Sense Translator and it spits back out, “Reds can’t make contact.”

Mickey Moniak – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, 2nd homer in two games, third homer in three games, fifth homer in four games, 78th homer in a week–He’s out of control! He’s a Moniak! Moniak! And he’s hitting like he’s never hit before! He’s a Moniak! Moniak! Dah, dah, dah, I forget the lyrics. Moniak won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because on the 7-day Player Rater, he’s rostered in over 90% of leagues. If he’s not rostered in your league, then be my guest, be my guest, put something something to the test! I don’t know those lyrics either. I was just thinking, member before the internet and people actually didn’t know the lyrics for songs? Do kids know how lucky they are? We used to have to make up lyrics when we couldn’t decipher them. Here we are now…in containers!

Blaine Crim – 2-for-4 and his 2nd and 3rd homer. Who? Wait, what? Wait, no, who? Blaine Crim is not a person. Blaine Crim is the reason my mom gives for not going into the city anymore.

Yanquiel Fernandez – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Fun fact! Rick Ankiel flamed out as a pitcher, then Ankiel flamed out as a hitter, and now he’s returned as a Yanquiel.

Otto Lopez – 1-for-5 and his 15th homer, hitting .245. Someone should pull him aside and be like, “Juan Soto stole almost as many bags in August as you have all year. Get it together and run more!”

Sandy Alcantara – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.48. It’s not lost on me how goofy it is that I’m streaming pitchers who are visiting Coors, and having more success than not.

Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer. On Wednesday, he was caught stealing for the first time all season. (He has 31 steals). If you drafted Trevor Story and Byron Buxton this year, what’s it like to use your one wish on winning your fantasy league when you could’ve used it to win the lottery? The fantasy league is better? Hell yeah! That’s what I’m saying!

David Hamilton – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. Only person who could get him out is Aaron Nola Burr.

Brayan Bello – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.34. Bello’s September has been more like B.O. Crushed him with my words!

Brent Rooker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. Like a real sicko, I can’t wait to draft multiple SacTown A’s hitters next year. Give me all the Bing Bongs!

J.T. Ginn – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.57. Not bad for a guy who Just Throws. Streamonator is actually barely negative on his next start, but I wouldn’t go near him.

Max Fried – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.92. Naturally, he’s good, he’s my favorite starter of all-time. [looks around to see if anyone’s buying it, no one is] Fried took on the Sucky O’s, but he’s just lucky Gunnar Henderson isn’t playing this year!

Cade Povich – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 5.06. Ton of traffic on the basepaths, but thankfully he was facing the Yanks who beat you with small ball. Like hitting and running with Giancarlo. Of course, the hitting and running is when he’s on third and hopefully a hit to the gap gets him home, but nevertheless!

Chris Bassitt – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.96 vs. Shane Baz – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.99. This matchup was billed as, “Shris Bazit, which sounds like what happens when a Zoomer names a kid.”

Carson Williams – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .186. Predictably can’t make contact. He hit .213 in Triple-A! Why is he in the majors? Has anyone put that question to the Rays? A team that usually drags their heels on prospects and heeeeeeeeeeere’s Carson making contact like his bat is four times divorced from the ball.

Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.34. In September, his ERA is 1.24 in 21 2/3 IP with 21 Ks, i.e., why couldn’t Pfaadt and Bibee do this in April, May, June–Well, you know the months! Bibee had a 6.15 ERA in August and July! Seriously, I am asking the Fantasy Baseball Overlord, “Why can’t pitching be normal?” Crickets!

Jose Ramirez – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer. Went to look at the Player Rater to see where Jo-Jo-Ram was ranked (8th overall) and I spotted the guy right behind him at 9th overall, and I’ll admit to being surprised by him; his name rhymes with Rulio Jodriguez.

Jhonkensy Noel – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in three games, but the Guards have played many more games. Big Christmas facing only lefties makes some sense, after those stinking lefties had a War on Christmas!

Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.23. This start came after he left his last start grabbing at his side. Turns out he was grabbing at nothing, I guess. When one grabs at their side and it’s to show there’s nothing there, it means one thing…How great Ozempic works! This is a sponsored blurb.

Logan Webb – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Webb gem!

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (6 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 2.58. Six walks to seven Ks? Aw, he was visited by the Ghost of Young Blake Snell and Tyler Glasnow.

Jonah Tong – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.94. Stick out your Tong and say AHHHHH, why couldn’t he do this last time? Sadly, after he demolished my shizz last time out (2/3 IP, 6 ER), I no longer trust him this year. If you want to get back in, you’re on your own.

Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Nimmo found one! (By the way, for those keeping track, Juan Soto (2-for-4, 1 RBI) stole his 33rd bag. Is anyone talking about how he’s so clearly going for a personal achievement? Ya know I love him, but his previous career high in steals was 12. He had 11 in August and has seven steals in September!)

Pete Alonso – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer, and four homers in four games. Albombso!

Luis Rengifo – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .240. Kinda fitting that most hitters took yesterday off and one of the hitters who didn’t took the rest of the year off.

Yusei Kikuchi – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.05. Yusei having a 4+ ERA on the Angels is actually awesome. That means if he were on the Astros, he’d have a 2.50 ERA. Very impressive!

Quinn Priester – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.25. Just thinking about if the Brewers face the Mariners in the World Series, and we get to hear from Smoltz discussing Priester vs. the Big Keister. Chills. My one big takeaway from yesterday’s pitching performances is most guys check out on Thursdays because it’s getaway day, and guys really check out the next-to-last Thursday of the season.

Stephen Kolek – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.54. Royals’ hitting is anemic, but Streamonator sorta like Kolek’s next start and I do too. I kinda like all his starts, but don’t tell anyone.

Luis Castillo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.63. The Lou Castle got the Royals, a team that has a .298 OBP in September and a 17.2 K%, which seems almost impossible. Hey, if the Royals aren’t striking out or getting on base, is there a secret third thing? Oh, yeah, hitting grounders to 2nd base! The Royals before each game, “I see, I see, so…Just roll over it?” That’s a team meeting as Adam Frazier outlines a game plan on a chalkboard.

Clayton Kershaw – Announced he would retire at the season’s conclusion. 2014 NL MVP, 3x Cy Young, 11x All-Star, 2x World Series Champ, 5x ERA title, 2011 Triple Crown. Career 2.54 ERA is the lowest in the live-ball era for a starter with a minimum of 1,000 innings. I went to one World Series game in my life because they’re so expensive. It was 2017, Astros vs. the Dodgers, and it was Game 1. It happened to be the hottest World Series game in history (103 degrees) and it was the game Clayton Kershaw pitched that was one of the shortest games in World Series history. Also, the Astros were cheating! What a perfect game to spend two grand on! Anyway, he was one of the greatest lefties ever, and one of the greatest starters ever.