Buy Eldridge Over Friscoed Water

Bryce Eldridge is so young he might’ve been named after Bryce Harper. Bryce Eldridge is so young…Audience screaming back, “How young is he?” He’s so young he needs his parents to sign a permission slip for him to play in the majors. Bryce Eldridge is so young that he got carded to eat rum raisin. Bryce Eldridge is so young he was born after Barry Bonds turned 40 years old. Okay, that one wasn’t funny, just true. This cat’s so young he’s got all nine of his lives still left. He doesn’t turn 21 until October. He’s not Latin, but he also looks like a Latin 27. He looks older than me. Though, I look very young. He’s 6′ 7″ and 240 pounds. So, he’s basically Kyle Schwarber, if Schwarber was a little bigger. He’s also hitting the stuffing out of the turkey-balls in the minors. Roughly a homer every four games in the minors, and demolishing Triple-A. He’s also starting to lose contact with the K% ballooning. If I were the Giants, I’d call him up, let him lose his initial nerves about the major leagues and then be ready to rock next year. Not sure yet if they do that, but he’s worth a flyer for power in case they do. After all, he’s so young the Giants had to put diaper changing stations in their dugout. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Pedro Pages – The good news for the Cards is they have three catchers in their lineup who are respectable for fantasy. Actually, that’s the bad news for them. No team should have three catchers in their lineup. They are still decent for fantasy, though.

Samuel Basallo – Just gave you my Samuel Basallo fantasy. It was written while jumping rope.

Kyle Teel – Bet I can guess his favorite color, and it’s not “Kyle.”

Alejandro Kirk – When I was writing this up, he was in the top 10 overall on the 7-Day Player Rater. Quite the feat, as Tarantino would say.

Colt Keith – Maybe he’ll grow into more power, but I just saw someone gave him 70-grade power when he was a prospect, and I nearly fainted from the eye roll I did.

Lenyn Sosa – Lenyn says he succeeds in pressure situations and likes to imagine the bases are always loaded, or as he says, “The Cossacks are full.”

Eric Wagaman – You ever go into a Wagaman’s and ask if their tuna salad is freshly-made and they kick you out thinking you’re a spy from Publix? Maybe it’s just me.

Blaze Alexander – When I was adding Blaze Alexander to the Buy list of name, I happen to see Jordan Lawlar’s name. Shame no one on the DBacks ever had that happen. Or maybe they see his name but think he plays for another team?

Brooks Lee – Made the mistake of looking at where in the order he was batting this year, and it got me so mad! What is wrong with Baldelli? He can’t possibly think this helps. Lee has hit everywhere in the lineup, as has everyone in that lineup. I’m sorry, there’s not that many different types of pitchers for that many different types of lineups. Look at the Brewers, they have designated guys for each lineup spot. They don’t hit everyone everywhere.

Brayan Rocchio – He’s been hot (as most players in this post), so don’t take this the wrong way (there’s no right way to take this), but Rocchio’s career numbers prorated to a 162-game season are around 6/8/.220, and how on earth is he nearing 250 career games? Oh, I guess there’s defense in real baseball. Well, whatever!

Caleb Durbin – Think I mentioned this the other day, but I write about 2,000 words a day about baseball so excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, but it’s very odd that Durbin has huge speed; the Brewers run as a team, and he’s not stealing many bags at all.

Paul DeJong – Two weeks a year, Colonel Mustard gets hot, murders the ball in the broom closet with a VHS tape of The Man With One Red Shoe, and then disappears. He’s around the end of the 2nd week.

Miguel Andujar – Reds should trade Andujar back to the Yankees for Spencer Jones. That would be the most fitting trade in the history of baseball. But to negotiate the terms you have to let Twitter user, CaptainJetes27rings.

Jhostynxon Garcia – Just gave you my Jhostynxon Garcia fantasy (and Carson Williams). It was written while redesigning the Cracker Barrel logo.

Owen Caissie – Jakkers just gave you his Owen Caissie fantasy. Go there and read that.

Jakob Marsee – It’s pretty remarkable I haven’t written a lede for Marsee. Every time he had a big game, someone else had a slightly bigger game. You, “A sad, yet very interesting story! Thanks, Grey!” Okay, don’t be sarcastic. I have written a ton about Marsee, big take away is solid speed, okay power and possibly meh average.

Colby Thomas – In Triple-A, he went 18/7/.291 with a 26.8 K% and there’s no way he doesn’t completely collapse under the weight of his lack of contact, but he does have speed and power, and has been playing most days for the SacTown A’s, filling in for Denzel Clarke.

Dylan Beavers – Last week I gave you my Dylan Beavers fantasy. It was written while watching the rain, which made me thirsty.

Dylan Carlson – Went to look at the O’s lineup to make sure Carlson was in no danger of losing playing time, and, yes, it appears that way. I also came away thinking, that lineup could still be really good next year. If I were them, I’d trade one of their bats for a starter. Maybe now that they signed Basallo to a long-term deal, they’ll move Adley for an arm. Though, the O’s are the worst prospect hoarders that any keeper league’s ever seen. They’re “the guy in your league who is still holding onto Greg Bird” bad. They’re Bird bad.

Daulton Varsho – I doubt he gets 500 at-bats this year, because he’s barely got 150 and it’s almost September, but if he had 500 at-bats, he’d be a 50-homer hitter. Did the Jays pull the ol’ “the metric system is a mystery to all Americans so we could have our fences only 20 feet from home and no one will know?” Yes, Jays, I’m wise to you! A meter is not equal to 15 feet, you can’t have your fences 30 meters from home.

Mike Yastrzemski – My big takeaway from Carl’s Jr. Jr. is a Burger and deep flies. Burger capped because he’s been like what we hoped to get from Jake.

Mike Burrows – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the factory outlet mall.

Dean Kremer – This is also a Streamonator call. “So, you’re not a factory of outlets? Oh, okay, because I had to charge. No, not my car, my torso.”

Shawn Armstrong – At some point in the last week, Rangers decided Maton wasn’t the Phil of the future, and switched their closer to Armstrong. I’m sure they’ll randomly switch back at some point because: Bochy.

Tony Santillan – Tito said there’s been no changing of the guard in Cincy at closer. It’s still Pagan, but handcuffing Santillan isn’t a bad idea. By the way, we have a severe lack of one-named managers in the majors right now, and lots of whoever the guy is managing the Marlins, Rockies, Orioles, Angels, etc.

Reid Detmers – Kenley’s got a bad rib. Guy Who Shouts Random Things, “Who doesn’t!” Um, okay, so Reid Detmers could see some saves or the rest of the Angels’ 2025 saves. Luis Garcia is also there. Not that one…not that one…No, not that one either.

Bryan Abreu – Between Abreu and Cade Smith, the late-season influx of relievers are better than they usually are, I think. I’m going off memory and I just hit my head. Usually late-season relievers are random schmohawks who shouldn’t be closing, but are. Then again, competent relievers take over all the time, so I’ve talked myself out of this. I wasn’t fully committed to begin with, to be honest.

Cade Smith – Okay, maybe some of these new late-season relievers are better than usual! [rethinking a second later] No, prolly not.

Victor Vodnik – Prior to the last week where he was the best reliever in baseball, Victor Vodnik was most known for sounding like an MF DOOM alias. Sing about those Rapp SAGNOF Knishes Victor Vodnik!

SELL

Matt McLain – The only real requirement to be included in the Sells, which are actually Drops, is to be at 100% rostered, and McLain hasn’t really been good all season, so, yeah, I think it’s time, over-the-internet friends.

Jeremy Pena – Back to the 30-day Player Rater and finding the worst hitters of the last month. Still not ready to pull ripcord on Seiya, Kyle Tucker, PCA or literally any Cubs’ hitter, and saw two Astros down there — Pena and Jesus Sanchez, and this is a note to drop both. They’ve both been incredibly bleh over the last month and neither of them strike me as the type of guy who will go off so insanely in September that you’re gonna regret the drop. Of course, if you’re in a keeper league, I wouldn’t drop Jeremy Pena or trade him for a barrel of monkeys (that have been sealed in the barrel and are angry or dead), but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and analyze some trades.