On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel) 7. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla) 8. J.J. Putz (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito) 9. Heath Bell (Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo, Mike Dunn) 10. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Jeff Samardzija) 11. Joakim Soria (Jonathon Broxton, Greg Holland) 12.Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek) 13. Ryan Madson(Sean Marshall, Nick Masset) 14. Kenley Jansen (Javy Guerra, Todd Coffey) 15. Jason Motte (Eduardo Sanchez) 16. Huston Street (Luke Gregerson)
17. Andrew Bailey (Mark Melancon, Bobby Jenks) 18. Sergio Santos (Francisco Cordero) 19. Jordan Walden(Scott Downs, LaTroy Hawkins) 20. Kyle Farnsworth (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Chris Perez– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Asdrubal in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
21. Frank Francisco (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
22. Rafael Betancourt (Rex Brothers) 23. Matt Thornton (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed) 24. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
25. Brandon League (Shawn Kelley, Hong-Chih Kuo) 26. Chris Perez (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp) 27. Jim Johnson (Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom) 28. Matt Capps (Joel Zumaya, Glen Perkins) 29. Brian Fuentes (Grant Balfour, Joey Devine) 30. Juan Abreu(Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Fernando Rodriguez, The Ghost of Ed Wade’s Toupee)
With the the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished our recap of the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings. Some will feel like it came too soon, others will think let’s get 2012 under way already! Whichever camp you fall in, don’t eat cherimoya seeds, they are poisonous. This is our final look back. This is still a look back. It is not how I’d rank them for 2012 aka next year. As with the other rankings, the final rankings come from ESPN’s Player Rater. I did this so I could objectively critique MY preseason rankings to THEIRS. Their rankings for closers weigh wins when I’d just want saves, but whatevs. At least it’s unbiased. Anyway, here’s the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Craig Kimbrel – There’s a theme in the top 20 closers we need to address. Where I ranked them (or didn’t rank them at all) compared to where they ended up is all over the place. Now you can either think I’m a jerkoff or you can realize how unpredictable closers are. This is why you never pay for closers. The ones that you think will be fine end up disappointing (Soria) or flat-out sucking (Broxton). Then there’s the ones that just come out of nowhere. It all comes back to SAGNOF! In my defense, I told you to draft from a tier that included Putz, Axford, Kimbrel, Storen and Chris Perez. For Kimbrel, I said, “Want a closer that can go from “Who’s Craig Kimbrel?” to “I don’t know who Craig Kimbrel is but I’m glad I drafted him?” Then you’re in luck; Craig Kimbrel is just the guy to do it.” And that’s me quoting me! Preseason Rank #16, 2011 Projections: 3-3/2.95/1.18/80, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 4-3/2.10/1.04/127, 46 saves
2. Drew Storen – It’s pretty cool how many new names are at the top of the closer year-end list. I mean, not cool like it’ll help you get laid unless you’re actually one of these closers, but cool nevertheless. Storen bumped his K-rate up to 8.84 and lowered his walk rate from 3.58 to 2.39. Not a bad season for a guy who was never named the closer. Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections: 2-5/3.00/1.25/60, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 6-3/2.75/1.02/74, 43 saves
3. John Axford – Member when K-Rod was traded to the Brewers and you started crying because Axford was going to lose his closer job? Think of all those tissues you wasted. In the preseason, I said, “I almost put Axford in my top five overall but I would like to see him do it one more year. Correction: I want to see him do it another year on all of my fantasy teams. Go after him aggressively. Could be a huge fantasy year.” Can’t make this shizz up. Well, you can, but it would be pretty easy to double check. Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections: 3-1/3.00/1.22/80, 32 saves, Final Numbers: 2-2/1.95/1.14/86, 46 saves
4. Mariano Rivera – Yet another year that Mo did what Mo does and I said he wouldn’t do it. I also said to avoid Bailey and Street, so I wasn’t totally crummy from being crackers. One interesting thing to note on Mariano’s line is the 1-2 record on a team that won 97 games. Shows you how predictable wins are, i.e., they’re not. Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections: 5-4/3.10/1.00/50, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 1-2/1.91/0.90/60, 44 saves
5. J.J. Putz – This was one of the easier calls of the preseason. As long as Putz didn’t go down to injury (ouch), he was going to have a good year. On a side note, Putz has an orange curtain on his bottom lip. You expect Carrot Top to come out from his chin and do some prop comedy. Maybe it’s just me. Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections: 2-4/2.70/1.15/60, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 2-2/2.17/0.91/61, 45 saves
6. Jose Valverde – Do they still give out a Rolaids Relief Man of the Year? If they do, Valverde won it this year. If they don’t give out that award anymore, they should give out a Sunglasses and Advil, Last Year Was Mad Real award. That’s what Kanye and I would name it. Preseason Rank #8, 2011 Projections: 5-2/3.00/1.18/70, 35 saves, Final Numbers: 2-4/2.24/1.19/69, 49 saves
7. Joel Hanrahan – I can tell people to draft closers from lousy teams, but I don’t know if anyone really listens that isn’t already prone to do it anyway. Hey, choir, hear me preach. Hanrahananananan was actually a bit disappointing with his Ks and was a tad lucky with his ERA and, in turn, his WHIP, but he still did more than you could’ve wanted, so you’re welcome. Preseason Rank #21, 2011 Projections: 2-4/3.95/1.25/80, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 1-4/1.83/1.05/61, 40 saves
8. Francisco Cordero – I could be yelling fire before the match is even lit here, but I feel like Cordero is becoming a wickmen though not quite a FEMA. Preseason Rank #19, 2011 Projections: 4-5/3.50/1.35/60, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 5-3/2.45/1.02/42, 37 saves
9. Heath Bell – Modifying clause, Bell has been the safest closer that has given you the most stress over the past two years. He’s not getting traded… Yes, he is!… No, he’s not!… Is too!… Is not!… I stole the cookie from the cookie jar! Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections: 3-4/2.90/1.18/85, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 3-4/2.44/1.15/51, 43 saves
10. Jonathan Papelbon – I owned Papelbon on a few teams last year so it wasn’t like I wasn’t aware of the huge WHIP and Ks season he was having. Yet, I didn’t realize he had so few saves. Only 31 saves? I know there’s no accounting for saves, but how is that even possible for a 90 win team? Without having my crack team of 100 monkeys look it up (so going off the top of my head), I have to think that’s the lowest save total for a 90 win team for a closer who had the job for the whole year. Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections: 5-3/2.75/1.18/75, 38 saves, Final Numbers: 4-1/2.94/0.93/87, 31 saves
11. Fernando Salas – Not only did he put together a fantastic season, but he also dealt with a dozen closer role changes depending on which way La Russa’s feathered hair blew. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-6/2.28/0.95/75, 24 saves
12. Ryan Madson – This from the Phils GM for 2012, “I don’t feel comfortable with the guys we have internally,” Amaro said. “If Ryan does not sign, we might have to go outside the organization. There are some people in our system who think [Justin] DeFratus or [Phillippe] Aumont can [close]; I am not convinced of that yet.” Since the Phils also said Madson can’t close to start the 2011 season, I guess Aumont or DeFratus will close in 2012. Preseason Rank #7 for Middle Relievers, 2011 Projections: 3-3/3.25/1.28/60, 18 Holds, 7 Saves, Final Numbers: 4-2/2.37/1.15/62, 32 saves
13. Kyle Farnsworth – Hmm… Only 25 saves? Maybe I do need my crack team of 100 monkeys to look up the lowest save total for a closer on a 90 win team. Then again, Farnsworth had some injuries this year and ceded to Peralta for a stretch. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-1/2.18/0.99/51, 25 saves
14. Brandon League – Someone should see if there’s a mathematical formula for the likelihood of saves for a losing team vs. a winning team. If someone hasn’t done this already. My monkeys have their hands full. Masturbating. Hey, it’s the offseason. Cut them some slack. Preseason Rank #5 for Middle Relievers, 2011 Projections: 4-4/4.25/1.28/60, 10 Holds, 12 Saves, Final Numbers: 1-5/2.79/1.08/45, 37 saves
15. Sergio Santos – Had a terrible September (9 ER in 8 2/3 IP), wasn’t the closer for stretches of the season (or was but wasn’t official) and had to deal with Ozzie. Still, his K-rate — I’m putting my fingers together at my mouth and blowing air kisses — muah, muah! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 4-5/3.55/1.11/92, 30 saves
16. Jordan Walden – Well, he was no Fernando Rodney. Thankfully. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-5/2.98/1.24/67, 32 saves
17. Mike Adams – I contemplated leaving the Holds guys off this list and just going a little deeper on the closers. Then I contemplated changing the title to the top 20 relievers. Then I decided to do nothing and just tell you I contemplated that other shizz. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-4/1.47/0.79/74, 2 saves
18. Tyler Clippard – If you would’ve blindfolded me before writing this and asked who was more valuable Venters or Clippard, I would’ve said why are you blindfolding me? Can’t you just ask me? I mean, the blindfold makes it kinda weird. Are you going to tickle my feet with a feather? Oh, and I would’ve said Venters. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 3-0/1.83/0.84/104
19. Chris Perez – You could put his stat line next to the definition of a donkeycorn. Nothing spectacular, just good old fashioned valuable closing games with closer-style old fashioned stuff… Wow, I got totally lost in that sentence and didn’t know how to finish it. Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections: 1-4/3.10/1.16/70, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 4-7/3.32/1.21/39, 36 saves
20. Neftali Feliz – Honestly (unlike the rest of the post where I was lying), no closers really disappoint as long as they keep the job and get saves. Though if you’re one of those types with high expectations, Feliz disappointed. And I’m not just talking in the World Series. There’s always next year, Rangers! (Assuming Washington doesn’t blow the team’s salary in Vegas. With the key word being blow.) Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections: 5-2/2.75/1.00/90, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 2-3/2.74/1.16/54, 32 saves
Remember the good ol’ days when the St. Louis Cardinals were relying on Ryan Franklin to close games for them? Then when he completely flopped, everyone they auditioned as a replacement couldn’t hack it. Then, as luck would have it, they finally found their man: Fernando Salas. He notched his first save on April 28, and 22 more would follow through the end of August.
As the calendar turned to September, the fun ended for Salas and his fantasy owners. Salas worked the seventh and eighth innings of an 8-3 game on September 1, allowing one run and watching Jason Motte finish things out in a non-save situation in the ninth. Motte would then grab the next six saves for the Cardinals before blowing one on September 16 (through no fault of his own) and seeing Salas get an extra-innings save.
Unfortunately for Salas, that could prove to be his last save of the season. The two relievers have very similar numbers, but Motte is just a little bit better and he keeps the ball down. That should translate to an effective stint as closer for Motte over the rest of this season and beyond.
Kyle Farnsworth has blown two saves since recording one on September 7, and with the Rays surging and trying to catch the Red Sox for the Wild Card, that’s not going to cut the mustard. An elbow problem has kept Farnsworth off the mound over the last week-plus, with Joel Peralta collecting a couple of saves in the interim. Don’t expect the Rays to go back to Farnsworth until it’s clear he’s 100 percent — they can’t afford any more blown saves.
Kevin Gregg managed to secure his last save on September 2, allowing a walk and two hits in a scoreless inning but nevertheless slamming the door. That was the breaking point for the Orioles, who let Jim Johnson pick up the next two saves. Unfortunately, they just didn’t know how to quit Gregg, going to him for another save opportunity last weekend, which he blew by allowing two runs while only recording one out. Back to Johnson for two more saves, including one of the two-inning variety.
Johnson is clearly the guy to own here for the rest of the year, and hopefully this is the last we hear of Gregg as a closer. I think Johnson has a shot at being a solid closer in 2012, but it’s more likely the Orioles throw too much money at a guy with “experience.” You know, like Kevin Gregg.
The Mets have managed four saves in September, with two going to Bobby Parnell, one to Josh Stinson and one to Manny Acosta. Stinson’s came in extra innings as a result of a blown save by Parnell; Acosta was then called upon for the save the next day. Parnell was given the next shot at recording a save for the Mets, but he blew that one too. He ended up coming in during the seventh in his next appearance to pitch two scoreless innings. It’s best to avoid this bullpen, but it looks like Acosta may be the guy to get the next look. That’s just a guess.
Brian Wilson is on the precipice of returning, so I wouldn’t get too invested into Santiago Casilla, who notched saves on Wednesday and Thursday. I expected Sergio Romo to get some looks in the ninth inning once he returned, but despite great results, he’s not closing. It’s hard to argue against either option — Casilla and Romo rank fourth and fifth, respectively, in ERA among pitchers with at least 40 innings pitched this year.
Frank Francisco is still the guy to own in Toronto, despite a little rough patch earlier in the month. And since we’ve already talked far too much about the Toronto bullpen this year, let’s move on.
Sean Marshall is pilfering a few saves from Carlos Marmol, with two already in September. If every potential save is imporant to your team, Marshall is a good add for the rest of the year. Don’t worry about Marmol; he didn’t get a save opportunity on Saturday thanks to pitching three innings over the previous two days. I wish I got that kind of time off at my job.
Other guys that have already picked up at least one save in September and could get more while sitting on your waiver wire include Kenley Jansen and Chris Sale. Also Rafael Betancourt, though I assume he’s long gone in most competitive leagues.
On September 7th, Kyle Farnsworth entered a 4-3 game like he had so many times before. No one knows how many times because no one’s bothered to look, or at least no one I’ve come across. This September game was played during the day in Tampa with the temperature listed as: Indoors. When the mercury first hit Indoors, many of the fans knew this day was going to be different than all but four previous Rays games. Farnsworth blew the save. Then on September 10th, with the temperature once again “Indoors” — eerie! — Farnsworth once again blew a save, but instead of blaming his stuff, he blamed his elbow. It was a little tender like a battered piece of the unidentifiable parts of the chicken. With Farnsworth out nursing his elbow, Peralta should see the majority of the saves, but it could be a committee. I imagine Farnsworth is gonna be out a week maybe two, but I’d wait for official word before dropping him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Matt Moore – Rays are promoting their top pitching prospect. In real baseball news, this is exciting. In Double and Triple-A this year, he had a 1.92 ERA and 210 Ks in 155 innings. That’s prettay, prettay good. I’d like to see what kind of gas this guy is cooking with. Eminem at a BBQ: “Yo, Em, these burgers taste funny.” Eminem, “I guess that’s why they call it propane.” In fantasy, Moore’s kinda whatever in redraft leagues. He’ll get maybe one start, and the rest will be a relief role. In keeper leagues, he should owned already and if he’s not, no time like the present.
James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks as Shhhields quiets the Sawx.
B.J. Upton – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 3 runs and his 20th homer. That’s right! You’re not the Secretaryman, you’re not the Administrativeassistantman, you’re the Bossman! Now take charge!
Doug Fister – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. Brilliant once again. On a side note, with all the mentions of Fister recently our web traffic looking for anything but fantasy baseball has tripled. Come looking for one thing, leave realizing you need to refine your search query.
Chase Utley – He passed a concussion test. I wonder if he just kept choosing C. The Phils will probably leave Utley on the sidelines for a while longer, unless the Mets and Braves win 17 of their next 5 games.
Stephen Strasburg – 3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. He threw 56 pitches on Tuesday, but the Nats stretched him out yesterday with 57 pitches. The Nats also said they won’t put Strasburg on a strict pitch count. If I may read between the lines, that actually says, “Please buy tickets for the games Strasburg starts even if he may average only four innings.”
Ian Desmond – 3-for-5 with his 8th homer. This after a 1-for-11 stretch, which sounds like me at YogaWorks. I nailed the Downward Facing Dog and pulled up short on all other poses.
Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 6 ER. All the good you did all year, Hudson, and this? On the last day of my H2H playoffs? I didn’t order a bitter pill to swallow. Why would you serve that up? BTW, it’s perfectly fitting that we lost a tiebreaker in our H2H playoffs this week because our opponent beat us 5-4 during the regular season. To that I say, “Plouffe.”
Chipper Jones – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last week as he hits .348 over that span. As long as the Braves continue to roll Glass Chipper out there in a giant bubble so he doesn’t get hurt, he has some value.
Jake Peavy – Shutdown for the season. Backdate that to 2009.
Adam Jones – Sat out Saturday and Sunday with a sore ankle. In the past month, he has 2 homers and 1 steal. I’m guessing you can find something better on waivers.
Johan Santana – Mets announced that Johan wouldn’t rejoin the team this year (after saying he would return then saying he wouldn’t then saying he would then saying he wouldn’t then saying he would). Thanks for the re-re-reconfirmation!
Bobby Parnell – On Friday, Terry Collins said Parnell might not be the closer. Then on Saturday he said he was the closer. The Mets say no while nodding their heads yes.
C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks. Nolan Ryan said Wilson’s start made him almost as happy as noogying Robin Ventura.
Adrian Beltre – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, 2 runs and 2 homers yesterday, 3-for-5 and a homer on Saturday and now has a 16 game hitting streak. If you add all that up it spells, well, nothing because numbers don’t add up to words.
Troy Tulowitzki – Missed Sunday’s game and will sit out on Tuesday with a sore hipowitzki.
Drew Pomeranz – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. Solid start from the top prospect. To start him here, you had to be crazy like the first wrestler who thought it was a good idea to cut his own forehead with a razor, but still.
Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4 with 3 steals. Now has 21 steals in 142 ABs. Imagine the Rockies ever gave him 600 ABs. The sun could take that summer off causing of how brightly I’d be beaming.
Josh Collmenter – 4 IP, 6 ER vs. the Padres. Is it me or do the Padres only hit at the least opportune time?
Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. That was 4 walks vs. 3 Ks. Good to see Edinson doesn’t let coaching or minor league stints get in the way of him staying true to himself.
Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-5 yesterday and has 3 homers in the last five games. In other words, Lonnie done gone going going gonnie. Of course he was on my bench in a weekly league. Don’t cry for me, Razzball reader. Your tears will just make me feel worse.
Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-3, 2 runs and 2 steals. Now has 4 homers and 8 steals in only 39 games played. That’s better than, say, Adam Jones. Cust kayin’.
Kevin Youkilis – Will play through a hernia. That’s number 137th on a list of things I’d like to play through. Right after a storm of frogs like in Magnolia and right before a large man standing just outside the batter’s box throwing a bucket of amniotic fluid on me.
Alex Rodriguez – Will sit out for 3-4 days since his thumb is too close to discomfort starring Jm J. Bullock.
Yovani Gallardo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks. Y to the Izz-O, V to the izz-A. Fo’ sheezy my neezy bout time you looked like a number one arm so freezy.
Erick Aybar – 4-for-5 with a steal. Now hitting near .350 in the month of September, but only one steal (which came yesterday). It’s a’ight.
Mike Stanton – Was pulled from Friday’s game because he couldn’t run at full speed. Jack McKeon said, after putting in his teeth, that Stanton could return on Monday.
Javier Vazquez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. He was the only featured name in my borderline starters post for Sunday. So far that post has been a bit hit or miss with a lot more hits than I would like. Teach me to put any faith in John Lannan.
Anibal Sanchez – On Saturday, he threw his 2nd one-hitter of the season. All 129 fans in attendance at the next Marlins game will receive opposite gender names with a notary on hand to make it official.
Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season. Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them. The sadness! The grief! The inconsequence of it all! Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related. I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him. Just look up. Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.) Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September. Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap. Huston Street got hurt — shocker! Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive. Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security. He’s the Teflon Closer. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano) 2. Craig Kimbrel(+6) (Jonny Venters, Scott Linebrink)
3. Heath Bell (-1) (Chad Qualls, Luke Gregerson, Ernesto Frieri) 4. Jonathan Papelbon (-1) (Daniel Bard) 5. Jose Valverde (-1) (Joaquin Benoit, Ryan Perry)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Sean Marshall) 7. John Axford(+5) (Francisco Rodriguez) 8. Joel Hanrahan (-1)(Jose Veras, Chris Resop) 9.Francisco Cordero (Aroldis Chapman) 10. J.J. Putz (+4) (David Hernandez) 11. Kyle Farnsworth (+5) (Joel Peralta, J.P.Howell) 12. Neftali Feliz (+11) (Mike Adams, Koji Uehara, Mike Gonzalez) 13. Drew Storen(+5) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett) 14. Sergio Santos (-3) (Matt Thornton, Chris Sale) 15. Chris Perez (+10) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp, Rafael Perez) 16. Ryan Madson(+3) (Brad Lidge, Antonio Bastardo) 17. Joe Nathan(+1) (Matt Capps, Glen Perkins)
18. Joakim Soria (Aaron Crow) 19. Brandon League (+1) (Jamey Wright) 20. Andrew Bailey (-5) (Brian Fuentes, Grant Balfour) 21. Javy Guerra (+5) (Kenley Jansen, Matt Guerrier)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Kevin Gregg– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Brian Roberts in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
22. Jordan Walden(-1) (Scott Downs, Hisanori Takahashi) 23. Kevin Gregg (Jim Johnson) 24. Mark Melancon (Wilton Lopez)
25. Fernando Salas/Jason Motte (-4) (Octavio Dotel) 26. Bobby Parnell (+2) (Jason Isringhausen, Pedro Beato) 27. Frank Francisco (+3) (Casey Janssen, Jon Rauch) 28. Rafael Betancourt (-18) (Huston Street, Rex Brothers) 29. Steve Cishek/Leo Nunez/Edward Mujica (-17) (Mike Dunn) 30. Sergio Romo/Jeremy Affeldt/Ramon Ramirez/Santiago Casilla (-25) (Brian Wilson, Mike Love, John Stamos)
