This whole opening will be devoted to Trevor Rosenthal.  Why?  Because you are being put on notice, a notice to cease and desist your sucktitude.  Watching you makes me wanna renew my prescription card to the herbal  remedy place.  The stats are yuck, take your K’s and jump around as he huffs and puffs and blows your WHIP house down. I wanna take a moment and send this note just for Trevor.
Trevor… Hey what’s up man. I don’t know you, don’t know if you read Razzball, but you should, because we are like the Danity Kane of Fantasy Baseball.  Take a look over your shoulder my friend, you see that beard having flame thrower getting prepped in the minors?  Yeah, that’s basically Wally Pipp coming back, but in this case he will be called Jason Motte.  Now, Jason is a level-headed bloke, he stabbed someone in 3rd grade for stealing his apple sauce at snack time, and though all charges were dropped and wall-ball was played after… he is coming. Like the Balrog that Gandalf had to beat up…  You have been warned homie. Oh, and say hello to your mother for me.
So if you are reading this and have a DL spot,or a wasted spot you wanna spec on for a week or two, now is the time. Â What’s the worst that can happen? Well, he comes back and shats the bed on your bench, but who cares? That’s like doing it on someone else’s bed, and they have a maid. Â Stick around for some tid-bits or bits of tid for the guy who wears a helmet and reads this column.
- Â The Oakland situation is like this: must be lefty and have beard. Â Sean Doolittle has to be the guy now, I am sorry, but he just has to be. Â Double JJ sucks, Luke has been anything but hot, and Cook was overdone and injured. Â There is no way that they can continue having their bullpen destroy beautiful games by there top-2 AL ERA. Â I mean, I am by far not the smartest guy and Lefties never get the love for closing duties, so step into my office… cause your freaking fired.
- If Buck wasn’t so hard to read… he is like a fortune cookie that was written in crayon, soaked in water, burnt, smeared and then sprinkled gingerly in a Feng Shui pattern.  Tommy Hunter is K’ing guys at a career rate and also letting them go for free at a career rate.  O’Day and Britton are in an arm wrestling match right now as to who will be the “just-in-case guy”.  Me personally, I love some of that Britton. Only problem is, Buck is a guy who likes his vets.  It’s more of a hold situation than a drop everything I have to go to waivers type thing.
Marry
What’s better than having the comfort of having a great stand-by at home? Nothing. It helps you, it lives for you and gosh darn’it, you can do with it as you please, under the jurisdictions of the law. It’s got a nice pre-kids body and a penchant for baking. So we have the roster stalwarts that you want to have and hold for this season forward.
1. Craig Kimbrel – (David Carpenter, Anthony Varvaro, Luis Avilan)
2. Kenley Jansen – (Chris Perez, Brian Wilson, Chris Withrow)
3. Greg Holland – (Wade Davis, Kelvin Herrera, Aaron Crow)
4. Francisco Rodriguez – (Will Smith, Zach Duke, Brandon Kintzler)
5. Koji Uehara – (Edward Mujica, Jinichi Tazawa, Andrew Miller)
6. Aroldis Chapman – (Jonathan Broxton, J.J. Hoover, Manny Parra)
7. Glen Perkins – (Casey Fien, Jared Burton, Caleb Thielbar)
8. Joe Nathan – (Joba Chamberlain, Al Albuquerque, Ian Krol)
9. Sergio Romo – (Santiago Casilla, Jeremy Affeldt, Jean Machi)
F#ck
These guys are fun, and maybe some day you’ll want to marry them, but right now they have their flaws and you’re not sure if you wanna take them home to mom. So you give them the special booty-call ring designation on your phone, and you get everything that marriage can’t give you. Stats are the important thing here, and lots of them, no obligations. No alimony attached, just straight unadulterated stats.
10. Trevor Rosenthal – (Kevin Siegrist, Carlos Martinez, Jason Motte-DL)
11. Huston Street – (Juaquin Benoit, Dale Thayer, Nick Vincent)
12. Jonathan Papelbon – (Antonio Bastardo, Mike Adams, Jake Diekman)
13. Rafael Soriano – (Tyler clippard, Drew Storen, Aaron Barrett)
14. David Robertson – (Adam Warren, Dellin Bettances, Matt Thornton)
15. Steve Cishek – (Mike Dunn, A.J. Ramos, Carter Capps)
16. Addison Reed – (Brad Ziegler, Randall Delgado, J.J. Putz-DL)
17. Fernando Rodney – (Danny Farquahar, Yoervis Medina, Tom Wilhelmsen)
18. Joakim Soria – (Alexi Ogando, Neal Cotts, Jason Frasor)
19. Casey Janssen – (Steve Delabar, Aaron Loup, Brett Cecil)
20. Tommy Hunter – (Darren O’Day, Zach Britton)
21. LaTroy Hawkins – (Adam Ottavino, Boone Logan, Rex Brothers)
22. Mark Melancon – (Justin Wilson, Tony Watson Bryan Morris)
23. Grant Balfour – (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
Kill
Should be self-explanatory. There is no comfort in this grouping, along with the fear of looking suspicious when buying a new shovel and some lyme when all that you wanna do is plant a new butterfly bush. The jib? The newly injured replacements are here or just they’re just the unproven. All should be laid to rest, unless desperation or injury becomes you. Don’t get comfy, death or stat-suicide may be closer than it appears.
24. Matt Lindstrom – (Daniel Webb, Scott Downs, Frank Francisco)
25. Joe Smith / Ernesto Frieri –Â (Michael Kohn)
26. Bryan Shaw / Cody Allen – (John Axford)
27. Sean Doolittle – (Luke Gregerson , Jim Johnson)
28. Hector Rondon – (Neil Ramirez, James Russell, Justin Grimm)
29.-Jeurys Familia –Â (Jose Valverde, Jenrry Mejia)
30. Chad Qualls – (Anthony Bass, Paul Clemens, tony Sipp)
Own Familiar (had Farnsworth too). What’s the better scenario: be safe and pickup Mejia and lock-down whoever the Met closer is, or assume Familia’s the guy and pick up Doolittle or Joe Smith. If the latter, which guy?
@Hey, It’s Enrico Pallazzo!!!: well it’s always safe to lock up a whole teams situation. Do add mejia.
@Smokey: I actually went another direction. I’m fed up with the shit-show that is the Met bullpen, and wasting 2 roster spots for some miniscule number of saves isn’t worth it. Instead of grabbing Mejia I dropped Familia and grabbed Joe Smith and DooLittle. Even if neither stick, not missing out on much.
In a keeper league, was offered Doolittle for Martin Perez. Horrible uncertainty on both sides. (Is Doolittle the closer and when will Perez come back?) Thoughts?
@Gonzo_The_Great:
I think Perez comes back next year.
@Gonzo_The_Great: Doolittle is the future closer for sure. Just too much invested in JJ to completely turn their back on him all together
Doolittle, Bryan Shaw or Cody Allen? Probably splitting hairs, but I’ve been mulling this for days now. Currently own Allen but both of the others are available.
@Josh: Shaw seems like the closest to a full-time closer right now.
@Josh: I have to keep pounding the Allen drum.
Hey Smokey, thanks as always. I’m dead last in SV+HLD, and just dropped Tazawa for Britton to right the ship. I don’t have much wiggle room, but would you drop anyone here for Jeurys? Maybe Salazar?
C- Suzuki, Norris (Wieters)
1/C- Fielder, Morneau (Singleton)
2/M- Hill, Solarte (Wong)
SS- Segura
3b- Alvarez
OF- Choo, Kemp, Holliday, Revere, Dickerson (Swisher, Polanco)
SP- Anibal, Wacha, Kazmir, Porcello, Cole, Richards, Salazar (Walker)
RP- Janssen, Robertson, Frieri, Britton
@shibboleth: hold. No droppable guy right now
Chasing saves like a desperate single guy looking for women at the bar at 1:59 AM…
O’Day, Britton, Famillia or simply hold on Harang and Latos.
@uncdrew: o’day
In a S+H league should I drop any of my 4 RP for any of these FA? My RP are W Smith, D Carpenter, C-Mart, and C Allen.
FA: Britton, ODay, Familia, Siegrist, Cecil, Clippard, Axford, Wade Davis, S Kelley, B Shaw
@Scooter G:
Rondon and Motte also available
@Scooter G:
Rondon’s got the job and has good stats. Cubs don’t give him lots of saves opportunities, but he will get you saves when the others may never.
@uncdrew:
I only need saves or holds… will Rondon give me more saves than W Smith holds for example?
@Scooter G: smith is on pace for 30 saves holds. Rondon in the low 20s
@Scooter G: I think you have 4 top 15 options there hold for now
Do you think the injury to J-Fer took sort of a direct hit to Cisheks value?
@Jackie Treehorn: @Jackie Treehorn: you treat objects like women
@Jumbo: Yeah, and people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
@Jumbo: He draws a lot of water in this town.
@Jackie Treehorn: team isn’t as good he may get traded instead of extended. That’s about all I see.
You tell ‘im, Smokey. Applesauce time!
@Chuckles Tiddlesworth: no body better touch my mott’s
I don’t know about Doolittle being the man right now. His numbers are great and I totally agree w/your analysis of him being the best option but we also live in a real world driven by money. The A’s sunk a lot into JJ and yes, Doolittle got the extension to make him the likely closer next season, but the only way Moneyball has a chance to get out from under that albatross is for him to start looking better for a potential trade. That, plus Melvin’s insistence Doolittle works the set up innings best seems to indicate they are going to force JJ into the role when he’s ready until they can at least deal him making him the SAGNOF target, right?
As for the O’s, I could swear I saw some blurb from a beat writer saying Buck told them that they may take a look at Britton for the closer role. I snatched him and Motte up recently but I think I’m gonna have to deal some of the closers I already have to make space for the latter’s return from the DL. What kind of a bat could I get for K-Rod right now straight up, Smokey?
@Clint: I agree with oak situation. Too much money invested in JJ. Just how long do I but a band aid on a broken leg before you get some professional help though.
Buck is a strange cat and he will use a situational save to prove a point and then Hunter will be right back.
I’d want a lower top 100 player.
Remember when David Robertson got a save opportunity? Those were the days.
@DonSlaughtOnslaught: yea crazy. Seems like a dogs age
Trade questions:
12 team, roto, keeper league — currently in 4th place
My team is as such:
C Lucroy
1B Davis
2B Hill
3B Beltre
SS H-Ram
OF Cespedes
OF Kemp
OF Jennings
Util Ortiz
Util T Hunter
B Cuddyer
B Pagan
B Xander Bo.
B Mark Tex
P Lindstrom
P Shaw
SP Kershaw
SP S. Gray
SP Wacha
SP Liriano
RP G Holland
RP Robertson
B Hutchison
B R. Montero
B Drew Pomeranz
B Darren O’Day
DL J Fernandez
I am about to offer up Tyson Ross/Lindstrom for Taijuan Walker… thoughts? The guy needs saves and I want to sell Ross high as his stats look solid right now. Walker is a total spec play as not sure about his shoulder.
I also am going to offer up Cuddyer for Salazar… thoughts? I have the intention of picking up Kole Calhoun after all of this as he’s on the WW. The best WW SP is Travis Wood or Dallas Keuchel so it’s slim pickens there.
Thanks for any help.
@AMolnar: I like both trade ideas. Good luck let me know if counters occur.
Is Melancon enough of an upgrade to drop Balfour for him?
@Sad Keanu: nah lateral
@Smokey:
Melachon stumbled in tremendous fashion this afternoon.
My hope is it helps get Grilli back into the role.
Why don’t the Mets just make Meija their closer? Doesn’t it make a little sense? He’s an ok started but calling on him to pitch 1 inning could make him a solid option right? Tell Terry Collins that huh? Haha
@Tarman Got Him: I think they did and it seems like this is a front office move from what I was hearing from ny radio. Anderson can’t keep building and not show off his goods and expect to keep his job.
Why don’t the Mets just make Meija their closer? Doesn’t it make a little sense? He’s an ok started but calling on him to pitch 1 inning could make him a solid option right? Tell Terry Collins that huh? Haha
@Tarman Got Him: Weird…. Hahaha
@Tarman Got Him: like deja vu all over again
Breaking news – according to tweets at CloserNews Mejia is going to be the closer if he can prove he can go on back to back nights. Do you think he can and does he jump ahead of Shaw and Doolittle?
@Tom: nice. Thanks for the update. Ny talk radio is pimping up a Sandy Alderson shit or get off the pot type scenario.
@Smokey: So let’s say Mejia converts gets a save tonight or tomorrow…does that put him above Shaw, Doolittle and Hunter?
@Tom: No
doesn’t Grey have a story about
some girl who took a dump in his bed ?
@costaricanchata: sounds like a good campfire tale.
To further muck up the works in NY, Collins just said Mejia will get the save chance tonight if one arises against da’ Yanks. Forget the prayer rhombuses, Grey needs to start a voodoo doll session for all these Sociopaths masquerading as major league baseball managers.
@Clint: yea the closer ball goes round and round.
Worried about Bumgaerner at all this year? He hasnt seemed to have his best stuff… I was offered Bumgarner for my Wacha. Accept?
@No Soup for Yu: I like Wacha a touch more.
Mejia or Rondon?
@SMLV1: Rondon until we see how Mejia fairs.
I have been desperate for a 3rd closer since broxton left. my others are rosenthal and soria. I now have allen, doolittle, familia and mejia but have to drop one because of roster limits. which one to drop?
@Sniff Test: gotta be familia. Mejia may run with it and you still would gave Doolittle and Allen as 2 half closers.
Oh for crying out loud with this closer shit. I’m wondering if advanced stats have actually convinced managers that “clutch” doesn’t exist. Let your best pitcher pitch whenever you most desperately need the outs. Do the Braves win less games if they bring in Kimbrel whenever it’s truly required? Isn’t bases loaded, tie game in The 6th a better time than with a 4 run lead in the 9th?
I’m more of a hockey analytics guy but the whole closer thing confuses me.
Anyway, not worried about anything but saves. Please rank Melancon, Qualls, O’Day, Mejia, Motte, Smith.
@Knighttown: Melancon, Mejia, Qualls, o’Day, Motte Smith
Smokey,
Shaw and O’day are both available in my league. Which one is more likely to get the closer job…or at least more saves this season? Have a spot open on my roster and can only pick up one.
@Grif: Shaw will prolly have more, I don’t see either having or holding job for the ROS
@Smokey: Mejia a better pickup than O’day?
@Grif: Mejia has been given a try at closer O’Day is just possibly a fill in …maybe
after losing fernadez this past week i’ve been offered trades from 3 teams. My pitchers are gray, wacha, harang, Mike Minor and Eovaldi. which is the best trade i get P kershaw and 3b Arenado for Mike Trout and 2b carpenter OR I get Chapman and Braun for Trout. OR i get 1b Freeman, Pedroia and Bumgarner for Trout, SS Reyes, and 2b carpenter. I am currently in 1st in a 10 team head to head.
@wawi4: Don’t do any of them! your giving up the best player in every deal. There’s pitching on the waiver wire
@wawi4: Never trade Trout, unless you are getting Miggy+another stud.
The kill list is starting to look more like manslaughter. Much better than the beginning of the season.
@Jayson: yea its looking like Aaron Hernandez rap sheet
Think Mejia could beat out (un)Familia?
2nd in line if Rosie keeps faltering? C-Mart until Motte comes back?
Think Britton is a better saves stash than O’Day?
Closerpocalypse!
@Swfcdan: And you have to be some kind of psychic I’ve realised to answer most of these questions.
@Swfcdan: Im taking that as a compliment so thanks.
@Swfcdan: This is an easy one, and I feel like Daniel Bryan.
YES, YES and YES
Hey Smokey good stuff I have some issues, I’m in a 14 team league tied for 2nd right now, this is my team:
c-Pierzyinski
1-goldschmidt
2-Gyorko
ss-Andrus
3rd Juan Fransisco-Middlebrooks-Asche (Fransisco in this week)
CI-Pujols
MI- E Cabrera
DH- Hart
DH-Rizzo
Soriano
Seth Smith-Waivers
Denorfia-Waivers
Chris Carter
Khris Davis
Singleton (M)
Crisp-Coming off DL soon
Polanco (m)
Harper DL-July
Here’s my staff
Cobb DL
Ventura
Salazar
Eovaldi
Lincecum
Porcello
archer
deduno
Morton
Roberto Hernandez
Martin Perez DL-Screwed!
Tommy Hunter
So basically my staff is just ok will get better with cobb coming back. I drafted Hunter and Henderson as my closers I’m screwed there. Do I punt the saves cat until someone comes along off waivers my pickups are done for May screwed myself there, I’m thinking of making a trade for a starter and a closer. These are some possible scenarios:
I give Rizzo and Lincecum for Lester and Papplebon or balfour
I give Hart for Balfour
I give Polanco for Papplebon
I give Polanco for Romo
Do you like any of those or should I stay put and punt saves and hope for some luck off waivers later?
Do you think Juan Fransisco will have agood year? He’s hot as hell right now or should I offer him for a mid range closer. He has 1st/3rd eligibility right now.
Thanks!
@chris: You are loaded at 1b elig guys so I would definitely try and deal one of them for a closer. The first 2 deals arent awful, but how much will you gain by having 1 closer on your roster as compared to none where you are now. I never like punting so I would prolly invest in a low level guy Hart for Balfour makes sense.
I think Francisco stays midly hot and the cools off and he fits into the Blue Jays theory of swing and let it fly.
Thanks man! Helps a lot!
@chris: Anytime thanks for the read
do u think I’ll survive with my starters or do I need to trade a 1stbaseman for one?
@chris: well you drafted Cobb to be your guy so sit tight there until he comes back, then make that determination. singleton will be up by then and prolly Polanco so your depth gets better.
Fatt Adams/Salazar or Desmond/Ventura who wins?
@The Thumb: Some scuffling players there. I like teh Desmond side.
@The Thumb:
Ian Yord side by a lot IMO
Hey Smokey!
Good stuff, man! I like how Latino ringside announcers would say Smoking Joe Frazier…kinda like..Mira le ‘El esmoking Yo Frasier’. Anyhoo…Remember that Shake’n’Bake commercial from the 70s where the kid fantasizes about shake’n’bake to the tune of ‘I haven’t had shake’n’bake for nearly two weeks’? I had a similar nightmare / dream only I replaced the Shake’n’bake part with Koji Uehara points! It has been really tough to score him pts lately especially with the way the redsux are playing at present.
Am tempted to drop Uehara for Perkins who is on waivers in my league despite perkins’ recent implosion. What do ya think, sit tight right? It’s a long season.
Ante
@Ante GALIC: Haha, it’s like when the do cerveza es mas fina for Corona.
sit tight
Does Rizzo for Lester make sense to you since I’m so deep at First?
@chris: ehh, hate trading power guys for pitching though Lester is dealing
@chris:
Id maybe aim higher than Lester but it does make sense… Id prefer a younger arm from the NL ala Wacha type but that’s askin too much… buy low on Cole or Homer?
trade offered to me where i would get blackmon and kuroda and i would send back s marte, rasmus, and pomeranz
is the shine going to come off blackmon? I have plenty of speed with billy ham, andrus and rios, picked pomeranz up off the scrap heap and he has been good so far
whats your take?
@mcBlunty: think I would want the other side Kuroda is meh, I think Marte comes around to be useful at some point and Pomeranz has looked very nice so far. Rasmus just hit the DL so boo
I pissed off Grey I copied and pasted the post into his column, which I often do when they are long like that I like to get a few opinions, but I forgot to take out your name. Smooth it over for me will u lol. I’m sure he’s over it!
@chris: Hey accidents happen, He will forget all about it by tomorrow just click your heels three times and drink water upside down
Smokey
Meija or j Johnson? Meija sp eligibility could be a nice plus. League has category for holds and another for saves.
@Brett: I am not a fan of JJ at all, go Mejia. Great K potential and the SP elig are there
H2H Categories League, would you trad e A. Sanchez/Morse for Holliday?
Also, who do you rank ROS Utley or Altuve?
Sorry, that last part should read, who do you rank HIGHER ROS, Utley or Altuve?
@JP: sanchez side, Utley
Hey Smokey,
I just wanted to preface by saying I really appreciate your weekly posts giving insights to relief pitchers, you do an awesome job and I look forward to your analyses. I hope you don’t mind but I have a question regarding holds guys, if this isn’t the place to ask about them since it is the week for you to talk about closers I apologize!! Otherwise… my question is below.
—
My situation is that I need to pick up one more guy for holds (I own Clippard so far), I am punting saves entirely in a H2H league with a ton of pitching categories… relevant categories to holds guy include: HLD, W, K, K/9, K/BB, ERA, and WHIP. Who do you think I should grab? Every holds guy in my league is up for grabs EXCEPT: Smith, Clippard, and Cecil. Normally I’m sure you would say to snag up Cody Allen, but now that he is in a closer committee his value to me is greatly diminished… assume that saves are detrimental to me, so if someone gets a save instead of a hold they hurt me.
@Joesh:
I no Smokey but glad to hear I’m not the only guy deciding to punt saves… For arbitration reasons my guess is Allen remains the setup guy and will KILL it in the majority of your categories…. CODY!!!!
@Joesh: Im so predictable I guess with Cody, nothing wrong with Siegrist or Tony Watson.
Smokey,
I’m gonnna do the unthinkable and punt saves– 10 team h2h redraft 5X5 + QS
What tier of starter should I target with Krod?
ERvin Santana too much? Cashner? Samardjia?
@jal179: That seems to be the right range but only will work if that team is sp heavy
Oviedo over Shaw or Rondon?
Have Mejia but can slot him in SP (5 RP slots and already have 5 RP)
thanks
@Alex: on same level, new toys are shinier though
I have Shaw, Familia, joe smith, wil smith, and motte
Should I drop one of these guys for Britton or someone to possibly replace Balfour?
Thoughts or suggestions?
@Plumbing4: Hold, until we see if Mejia or Familia gets the look more often then not
Heh Smokey. In a league where you can only start two relievers at a time. I have Casey jans, melancon, and lindstrom. Should in pickup grilli for melancon off waivers to make sure to get him and hold down reliever spots with Casey and londstrom in time being? Or should I hold melancon
@Wade boggs: hold
I don’t want to fck Tommy Hunter I want to kill him!
Smokey
You still think rosenthal is in danger of losing his job? Had pitched 3 straight good outings until today. If rosenthal keeps job and motte pitches well do you think he could replace Martinez for the 8th inning role?
Question for ya Smokey…
Getting frustrated w/ Tazawa. Cut bait on him for Ziegler or Joba? (Holds and K-BB)?