In my preseason Randal Grichuk sleeper post (hey, they’re not all Delino DeShields sleepers, which is to say God awful vs. just merely bad), I said, “How much Grichuk can Grichuk chuck if Grichuk strikes out 30% of the time? Now, I’m no gypsy; I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl that was born in a manger in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Let’s look at some comp hitters, shall we? Not to answer, but to keep reading. Last year, Grichuk struck out 31% of the time after striking out 23% of the time in Triple-A. His minor league strike out rate makes me think he’ll be closer to a 27-28% strikeout guy. Brandon Moss is also around a 27-28% strikeout guy, which Grichuk should be. Grichuk won’t walk as much as Moss, but, okay, they’re close enough for me. Grichuk is a young Moss. I shall call him Pete Moss.” And that’s me quoting me! Maybe old fools die hard with a vengeance while Samuel Jackson screams at them, but Grichuk was just some bad luck with his BABIP away from being exactly what I thought he’d be. His strikeout rate is 27.8% (vs. Moss’ 30%), and he’s only 25 years old. I’m still jazzed on Grichuk like Coltrane with a needle in my vein. Of course, none of this matters if he didn’t hit a bunch of homers this week, and was available in about 75% of leagues. Plant Pete Moss on your team and watch the growth! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Jose Peraza – No one cares about my inner monologue that got us this week’s Buy — Yes, they do, Grey. Don’t be hard on yourself. — but Peraza was nearly the lede, but he doesn’t have a clear job if Cozart returns. For those thinking the Reds have to play him, they didn’t play him earlier in the year when they should’ve. So, for now, Peraza’s a steals play. Have a bald SAGNOF spot? Grab your Jo-Pe!
Keon Broxton – I get the sense he’s going to be a sleeper next year in name only. As in, everyone’s going to say he’s a sleeper, which will actually make him overrated. I like him, so don’t take this the wrong way, but he has quite a few skeletons in his contact rate closet.
Denard Span – How does he have eight homers and only 12 steals? No, seriously. He’s about 155 pounds with Ben Revere sitting on his lap, until they morph into Benard Spevere.
Leonys Martin – Just think, if you own him and Broxton, you can just say “My 4th and 5th outfielder is Keonys Broxtin,” which will free up so much time you can final finish that Fuller House fanfiction story.
Ender Inciarte – He’s only gone hitless in four games since the All-Star break, hitting .350 in that time. Is it any surprise that he’s doing better in the 2nd half? His name’s Ender, not Beginnerer!
Lonnie Chisenhall – If you’re not impressed with his recent hitting, you have to at least appreciate how Chisenhall ‘crushes’ pitchers’ heads before every at bat.
Andrew Toles – And I’m just going to go ahead and leave Rob Segedin in this blurb too, because they’re both Dodgers rookies that are hitting. Dodger fans also love how Dave Roberts has been batting them at the top of the order; great way to start the game. Just don’t tell those Dodgers fans that’s actually the bottom of the 3rd inning and the pitcher isn’t batting in the three hole.
Adam Frazier – I don’t even know if he’s going to play, but, if he does, the Hitter-Tron is crazy for him, like it’s crazy for rubbing its lug nuts on any available metal.
Alex Bregman – Doesn’t he sound like a 90s game show host? Network exec, “Should we go Mark DeCarlo or Alex Bregman for the Name That Tune remake?” “Alex Bregman doesn’t demand we hire three hairdressers.” “Decision made.”
Jedd Gyorko – Not only is he hitting–Actually, that’s the only reason he’s here.
Tim Anderson – Tim isn’t just a Replacement, he’s the guest of honor at the Swingin’ Party.
Dansby Swanson – I already gave you my Dansby Swanson fantasy. It was written while placing bananas on Harambe’s grave.
Chris Owings – Guys and five girl readers, you can’t really go wrong with any Rockies hitter. Subtract point-one percent from the previous sentence and it goes for Diamondbacks too.
Yoan Moncada – I already gave you my Yoan Moncada fantasy. It was written while Gordon Ramsay yelled at me.
Adonis Garcia – Yes, this Buy is filled with Braves. I’m not too red-faced to admit that.
Josh Bell – Member earlier this season when there was hundreds (maybe five) of corner infidels to grab off waivers? The tide’s gone out on them and now it’s all about outfielders.
Justin Morneau – I’m not completely oblivious, I know a lot of people have moved onto fantasy football, and those that haven’t have a 1st baseman that is better than Morneau. So, with this Morneau blurb, I’m addressing people who aren’t here. That scratch on your IROC-Z? That was me. I thought I had more room on the driver’s side. My bad!
Cesar Hernandez – Has three homers in the past eight games, and wears a toga to the ballpark. What’s not to love?
Sandy Leon – Or as I like to call him, “Sadly Leon because I didn’t grab Gary Sanchez fast enough.”
Mike Leake – This is a straight Stream-o-Nator call like the call it makes to Wal-Mart to ask, “What does it all mean?” Stream-o-Nator is sad!
Ivan Nova – This is also a Stream-o-Nator call, and I just gave you my Ivan Nova fantasy. It was the first title that Stephen Hawking and Liam Gallagher both agreed on.
Daniel Hudson – I just went over him this morning, so use your scrolly finger that can’t find the man in the boat.
Tyler Thornburg – SAGNOF in its most pure, uncut form, before mixing it with baking soda and save opportunities, means not looking at stats, and just grabbing saves, but, if you’ll indulge me. Thornburg has a 0.87 WHIP and 70 Ks in only 51 2/3 IP. What? Again, with some stank — WHAT?!
Jim Johnson – Going from Thornburg to Johnson is like going from Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds to Richard Chamberlain coming out.
SELL
Steven Matz – The Mets say he’ll be back next week from his sore shoulder. The Mets also said Matt Harvey is Totes McGotes fine until he needed surgery on his thoracic outlet syndrome, which is something that usually only affects cockroaches. By the way, I also call my umbrella, Totes McGotes.
Michael Saunders – On our 30-day Player Rater, Saunders has been one of the worst hitters in the last month. Then again, for the last few weeks, whenever I say that, the player immediately hits a home run or three, so maybe we should be picking him up now. Or maybe I just reversed my reverse jinx. Though, the mention of it might’ve been a reverse reverse reverse jinx. Then again, maybe this is a reverse reverse reverse reverse jinx. Or maybe–Okay, I could do this all day.
Aaron Judge – I think Judge is going to be a glorious beast with power that makes you stand up and say, “Dayum, now we’re talking,” to yourself while combing your hair over. But you also don’t have time this year to be waiting on guys.
Brett Gardner – Okay, drop every Yankee, except Gary Sanchez. *claps hands together to indicate finished, accidentally hits a lady bug, knows this is bad luck, attempts to resuscitate the lady bug, but it’s too late* Well, hope that’s not bad luck. *realizes while looking down to type up this post, I was walking up scaffolding, falls from ten floors up* Ahhhhh!!!
