What do numbers call their father? Data. Thank you, Highlights. You taught me so much with the juxtaposition of Goofus and Gallant, and you’ve entertained me for thirty years. One copy, that is well worn, sits on the back of my toilet as my salvation, especially when Cougs forgets to restock the toilet paper. Why am I thinking about data right now? Because I just spent two hours (more like ten minutes) looking for something. I was trying to find what a hitter does after hitting the longest home run of their career, then sorting by guys that do it before their 24th birthday. Alas, I couldn’t find anything. Elias Sports Bureau probably knows but they’re a bunch of baseball nerds. We’re fantasy nerds. Huge difference, we have imaginary friends cooler than their real friends! My hypothesis I was aiming for is if a guy, who was once a well-regarded prospect is called up at a very young age, it might take a bit of time for them to acclimate themselves. Then, once they were comfortable, they’d show power, hit the longest home run of their career and take off from there. At this point, it’s just conjecture, but it makes reasonable sense in a case study of one. So, who was this well-regarded prospect that just hit the longest home run of his career this week? Nick Castellanos. My Spidey sense says Castellanos might finally be breaking out. Breaking out from what, you’re likely thinking. Well, not from chocolate. From being a schmohawk. Plus, my Spidey sense is strong since this is on the web. Like Castellanos’s relatives throw glasses into the fireplace, he was thrown into the fire at an insanely young age, and is only 23 years old now. It’s a little early for 2016 sleepers, but Castellanos was a guy that was pegged as someone that could hit for a solid average with some power. I’m intrigued, y’all! In keepers, I could see going after him now for next year, and just grabbing him in redraft mixed leagues. Castellanos you later! Thanks again, Highlights! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Michael Conforto – Here’s what I said the other day, “The Mets have “had serious discussions within the last few days” about promoting Conforto. Then they had non-serious discussions about Pop Tarts, their playoff hopes and ‘Who is that girl in the third row behind the dugout?’ I’m starting to think the Mets will call up Conforto, because it was just on Monday that manager, Terry Collins, said Conforto wasn’t on the club’s radar. What likely happened is Collins was asked about a prospect he had no idea about, answered truthfully, then the front office decided to have a discussion with Collins so he didn’t keep sounding like a moron. Conforto strikes me as a 25-30 homer guy with a .270 average. Your basic cleanup hitter. That’s in his prime. Right now, he’s 22 years old, so I think in most mixed leagues you’re looking at a guy this year that is essentially every hot schmotato.” And that’s me quoting me predicting the Mets! They did call him up today. My thoughts haven’t changed on him, but he is worth grabbing for upside. Grabbing on your waivers, not literally, get out of your car.
Chris Coghlan – This is more of a Hitter-Tron call. Like when the Hitter-Tron calls up Pep Boys and asks where are the Pep Girls because he wants to lube their exhaust pipe.
Delino DeShields – Why isn’t his walk-up music “I Walk the Line?” Like that shizz wouldn’t subconsciously help his OBP. If you say it won’t, you don’t know the dark arts as practiced by Miss Cleo.
Preston Tucker – Step outside and stare at the sun for two minutes. Okay, now go back inside and look at your Yahoo fantasy team page. Any difference than when you usually just look at it? No, right? If you can click your way around the Yahoo background, pick up Tucker. He’s bordering on moving into mi novio category and I kinda love him.
Jake Smolinski – The magic of Google. I went to look at Smolinski’s minor league career numbers and thirty minutes later ended up trying to figure out when Josh Rouse’s new album is coming out. It’s kinda amazing that Google ever made it to the public and didn’t just end up being a giant time suck for Sergey. Any hoo! Not much to Smolinski other than a hot schmolinski.
Jarrod Dyson – Talk to the SAGNOF hand, because the face don’t care!
Alex Rios – Has a ten-game hitting streak and, Hayzeus Cristo, has this guy fallen in the big picture. He has two homers and seven steals on the year. Granted, he missed a month with a fractured hand, but dizzamn. His fall from grace couldn’t have happened to a douchey guy.
Chris Iannetta – No, don’t drop Vogt for him or even Yadier, but if you’re in a Jacques Cousteau deep league and you go to your waivers wearing a skullcap from The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, then go for it.
C.J. Cron – Let’s highlight how The Sciosciapath is a Mr. Bungle. At 25 years old, Cron has 16 homers and a .264 in 129 career games. Earlier in the year, the Sciociapath was playing Matt Joyce and Efren Navarro over him to the point where Cron was demoted. Joyce is hitting .181 and Efren Navarro is best known for playing Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite.
Rougned Odor – “Is that the Dosey Doe, Grey? The Electric Slide? The Back Yo’ Thang Up? The Bernie? The Humpty? The ‘Nancy Grace On Dancing With The Stars?'” Nah, this is The MI Shuffle. I do it a few times a week. Good for cardio.
Scooter Gennett – The Brewers are like the Diamondbacks of the Central. There’s just too much fantasy value in their outfield between Parra, Davis and Gomez and one needs to go. “What the eff does this have to do with Scooter?” Great question, Drank Too Much Coffee Reader. If Parra moves, Scooter seems to be the logical leadoff man and a nice uptick in value.
Jonathan Schoop – I’m currently rocking Schoop – thanks, Rendon! — but I’m not sure that’s a reason to pick him up, since I’m going through middle infidels quicker than Amanda Bynes with her crazy pills.
Stephen Piscotty – I could see a scenario where Grichuk gets benched for Piscotty or vice versa, but it’s hard to say at this point. Can anyone say for sure? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know!
Francisco Lindor – A lot had been made of what a great prospect he was, then he came up and didn’t set the world on fire and has been largely ignored since. He’s 21 years old with 7-HR power and 30-SB speed. Oh, and he’s been hot, hitting near-.400 in the last week.
Jung Ho Kang – Is it Jung-ho or Jung Ho? I haven’t had this much confusion over a ho since an Adam’s apple mishap in the fall of 1994. It was dark and in The Limelight. Don’t ask.
Jose Iglesias – He has the 7th best batting average in the majors. Not in the AL, that’s out of everyone. There’s gotta be a place for him in every league. Iglesias is church.
Tyler Saladino – Fun fact! Saladino is Italian for a diner salad, which isn’t actually a salad, but a bunch of cured meats in a bowl with an Italian grandmother standing over you saying, “Eat more capicola, it’s good for you.” Here’s what I said the other day on Saladino, “He’s now the White Sox 3rd baseman. His minor league stats look like a guy that could be more valuable for fantasy than real life, and real life is lame and doesn’t give you a virtual trophy at the end of the season. “Uncle Herbert had a wonderful life and left behind a wife, two children and sixteen virtual trophies.” Saladino had 4 homers and 25 steals in Triple-A this year with bleh contact. Since I’ve seen him with shortstop eligibility in some leagues, I grabbed him in one deep league to see where it takes me, but I was only dropping Refsnyder.” And that’s me quoting me!
Tim Cooney – I’m shocked that the Stream-o-Nator likes Cooney since it rarely likes rookie pitchers, but it’s vs. the Braves and the Braves are hot garbage stuck to the bottom of a Samoan’s foot.
Erasmo Ramirez – Another stream that I got from looking at the SON, which is better than looking at Yahoo’s team page!
Aaron Nola – I just went over my Aaron Nola fantasy. I wrote it while asking Cougs why she calls me Gavin Rossdale during sex.
Mat Latos – He has a 0.64 ERA in July and had a .224 batting average against in June. I should be a migrant worker with my cherrypicking!
Arodys Vizcaino – This is in case Jim Johnson is traded and you’re scrambling for saves. I could’ve also listed David Aardsma here, and I kinda did.
Ken Giles – It’s going on two years that Papelbon is “definitely getting traded” due to rumors and innuendo, which sounds like the name of a marijuana dispensary, In Yo Endo.
SELL
Matt Harvey – Let me start after the 1700 words that preceded this by saying this sell isn’t due to his recent performance. He hasn’t been as terrific as usual of late, but I don’t think this is a long-term concern. Harvey’s allowed to struggle for a month. Don’t be so hard on him, you’re just like your father! In keepers, I’d hold onto Harvey like he were Michael Phelps swimming for a sinking bong. For this year, he has to get shut down or the Mets are crazy, which is to say the odds of him being shut down are 50/50 just as the odds the Mets are crazy are 50/50. If Harvey is shut down in September, he’s useless in redraft leagues. So, maybe you get eight more starts from him, and at his current clip that’s about a 3.30 ERA pitcher with some control problems for eight more starts. Taking him or A.J. Burnett? Harvey, but there’s not a ton of difference likely. I’m not saying sell Harvey for a free raft tour of Cuba, but I would explore options.
