I only drafted Yasiel Puig in one league (that I remember) and it was a 12-team NL-Only league! *humps the air a’la Ace Ventura* I have exorcised the demons! That’s a new reference, right? What’s that, Inner Monologue, I only drafted Puig because the day I did it it was reported he was being signed by the Rockies? Yeah, so? Get out of my mentions, Inner Monologue! Okay, not to move from humping the air to getting sprung, but the Braves are making me hot under my Skidz. Thank God, they’re drawstring! Can we talk about the Braves’ outfield? Yes, please. Tildaddy, OZUNA and Puig. *gulps* If I were in 8th grade and asked to go to the chalkboard, I’d have to make up an excuse. “Sorry, Teach, my foot fell asleep, and I’m not just saying that because the Braves’ outfield is dirrrrrrrty with seven R’s.” I’d be happy with just Acuña in any outfield. That’s all you need. Throw in OZUNA and I’m starting to sweat, and then you see Puig and it’s time for, “Cougs, I want you right now but lit by the shine of the Braves’ depth chart.” So, I updated my top 40 outfielders for 2020 fantasy baseball, and Rudy updated all the hitter projections. Funnily enough, I predicted back in January that Puig would not sign until June, but little did little ol’ me know that he wouldn’t miss any actual games. I was so right, yet so not really right at all. Well done! (Not really!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:
Ender Inciarte – Was in a pseudo platoon in my top 100 outfielders, and barely ranked and projected, so I left him alone in my rankings. This is a blow to my pronunciation game, because Ender Inciarte was the hardest player name I was able to properly pronounce. If I’m without Ender Inciarte, who do I have left to pronounce correctly? Ty Wigginton is retired!
Austin Riley – More fall out from Yaisel Puig signing that isn’t really any fall out, i.e., I don’t think Austin Riley is hurt for playing time with the Puig signing. Riley’s got DH, 3B and maybe even 1B, if Freeman can’t return. O’Riley? Yeah, Riley!
Cristian Pache – Tweaked his ankle, but *fans sweaty forehead* the Braves’ outfield can only be so sexy right now, please.
Willie Calhoun – Sent for an MRI with hip flexor tightness. Don’t get that injury-prone label, Willie, you can’t ever shake it, and you need to shake that Willie. Wait, what?
Jose Garcia – David Bell said Jose Garcia could contribute this year in the majors, after hitting eight homers and stealing 15 in High-A last year. I will cyclops with a monocle him, but don’t think he will be in this Friday’s Buy/Sell. Yes, you heard that right. The Buy/Sell returns this Friday. I will be dropping it early for our Patreons too, and you get an extra podcast a week, if you haven’t signed up yet. It’s five bucks a month. The price of…actually, nothing is that cheap. I can’t think of literally one thing!
Kelvin Gutierrez – Grade 2 sprain of his UCL. A Grade 2 sprain for Kelvin is a Grade -456 in Fahrenheit.
Salvador Perez – Activated already from Covid. Great! Now he’s only 450-or-so days behind everyone else.
Ryan Pressly – Dusty said Pressly, Austin Pruitt and Brad Peacock are all ailing, but couldn’t elaborate further. Dusty’s really got this “don’t say when someone has Covid” thing down so well.
Byron Buxton – Day-to-day with a sprained left foot. If I’m being honest, I haven’t drafted Buxton ever, and wasn’t in on him this year, so this is all whatevs for me.
Juan Soto – Sexy Dr. Pepper and Victor Robles are both expected back today after missing a week in isolation. If you just woke from a five-month coma and read that, you are so confused right now, and I suggest another 7-month snooze.
Yoshihisa Hirano – Hit the IL with wink-wink-nudge-nudge. I have Matt Magill highest in the rankings for M’s closers with a grand total of — and this made me cackle really loud — three saves.
Jose Siri – Claimed off waivers by the Mariners, because they accidentally held their iPhone home button.
Garrett Crochet – White Sox 1st round pick this year was added to the 60-man. Wait until you see this guy’s homemade blankets.
