As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.
What do you think the Stream-O-Nator looks like? I imagine it resembles Dr. Theopolis, the little circular faced thing that hangs around Twiki’s neck on “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”. Dr. Theo was basically a robot on a robot, only he was the smart one and he kind of relied on his dumb robot friend to get him around. Is it possible that Stream-O-Nator hangs around Hitter-Tron’s neck? Would that make Stream-O-Nator a blow-up doll of sorts?
These questions probably couldn’t and shouldn’t be answered, but one thing I do know is that Stream-O-Nator cannot detect signs of life. Because if it could, it would be able to go in and perform the baseball equivalent of an electrocardiogram on the Philadelphia Phillies and come back with something very close to a straight, flat line. This is especially true at Citizens Bank Park, where it’s almost worse than a road game in terms of boos and pressure from a fan base that’s about to go for a group swim off the Ben Franklin Bridge.
And if Stream-O-Nator could do this, it would know that the first of Ian Kennedy’s two starts next week should be a cake walk. Yes, CBP is a bandbox, but no, the older Phillie bats won’t be able to catch up with Kennedy’s lively fastball, nor will bewildered youngsters like Domonic Brown, whose swing is so jacked up that play-by-play guys with manboobs who never played the game are dissecting the various hitches that have him down near the Mendoza line.
Stream-O-Nator thinks this start is OK, but he likes Kennedy’s second start, at Citi Field against the Mess, even more. Kennedy has not pitched less than 5 innings in a game this year, and he’s gone 6 or more in 11 of his 13 starts. And since Grey has been threatening us with a hot poker on these points, Kennedy’s FIP is down under 3, and he’s lengthening the gap between his K’s and BB’s per game, and that makes him a dang good pitcher. Please, no more butt burns, Mr. Albright! I’ll talk about FIP and K/BB! I’ll be good! A lot of dudes don’t like Kennedy this week as much as me , and that’s okay.
Have a gander down yonder and see if there’s something else ya like…
Must Start
Stephen Strasburg (@SF, @STL), Corey Kluber (@KC, @BOS), Hisashi Iwakuma (NYY, TEX), Madison Bumgarner (WAS, COL), Masahiro Tanaka (@SEA, @OAK)
Bumgarner looks like a Cy Young candidate on a serious contender, but I still don’t like him. Why? It might have something to do with the fact that he looks like a bearded Don Flamenco. He’ll get a Nationals lineup rejuvenated by the return of Ryan Zimmerman, and Carlos Gonzalez might be back by the time the Rockies get into town. Oh, and he does kind of stink at home. Did I mention that I don’t like him?
First Tier
David Price (SEA, @HOU), Justin Verlander (@CWS, MIN), Mike Minor (@COL, LAA)
Verlander is here purely because of name recognition and match-ups. He has to turn it around at some point, right? Right? Eh. If Oswaldo Arcia is back for his second start it nudges him down a few pegs.
Second Tier
Ian Kennedy (@PHI, @NYM), Josh Beckett (@CIN, ARI), Gerrit Cole (CHC, @MIA), Mike Leake (LAD, @MIL), Doug Fister (@SF, @STL), Dan Haren (@CIN, ARI), Garrett Richards (OAK, @ATL), Ryan Vogelsong (WAS, COL), Jesse Chavez (@LAA, NYY), Travis Wood (@PIT, @PHI), Jake Peavy (@BAL, CLE), R.A. Dickey (MIN, @BAL), Jason Vargas (NYY, @CWS), Rick Porcello (@CWS, MIN), Tony Cingrani (LAD, @MIL), John Danks (DET, KC), Daisuke Matsuzaka (MIL, SD), Gavin Floyd (@COL, LAA), Brad Peacock (@ARI, TB)
Kennedy is outpitching Gerrit Cole. I don’t even own either of them anywhere, and yet I’m still bummed out about that. Jesse Chavez is like a dog that poops on the floor every day but yet somehow it’s OK. You let him get away with it because, despite the errant turd here and there, you look at the carpet and it looks pretty good. It looks like a 5-3 record and a 3.04 ERA with plenty of K’s. And welcome Brad Peacock to the Fantasy Baseball Phallic Joke File along with R.A. Dickey, Travis Wood, Mike Leake, etc.
Third Tier
Bronson Arroyo (HOU, @LAD), J.A. Happ (MIN, @BAL), Marco Estrada (@NYM, CIN), Josh Collmenter (HOU, @LAD), Chris Tillman (BOS, TOR), Edwin Jackson (@PIT, @PHI), Francisco Liriano (CHC, @MIA), T.J. House (@TEX, @BOS), Nick Martinez (CLE, @SEA), Brandon Workman (@BAL, CLE), Jarred Cosart (@ARI, TB), Erasmo Ramirez (@TB, TEX), Bud Norris (BOS, TOR), Tyler Skaggs (OAK, @ATL), Ricky Nolasco (@TOR, @DET), Juan Nicasio (ATL, @SF)
I hate putting my old buddy Chris Tillman down here. We got a ring together last year, and he’s always been one of those No. 1’s who’s more of a 1a – good enough that he can help you win, but not so good that he’s not attainable either via trade or even by wire. This year the extremes are just too great to trust.
Don’t Start
A.J. Burnett (SD, CHC), Vidal Nuno (@KC, @OAK), Hector Noesi (DET, KC),
I’m not saying he’s the worst pitcher on the board here by a long shot, but with the way he’s been going you’d be out of your mind to start Burnett this week, I don’t care who he’s got. Not so the other two – they really are the two worst on the board.
