JB and I went to spring training this past weekend in Arizona. Had some great meals, drank some iced Cuban coffees that I tried to order as an ‘iced Puig,’ saw way too many Angels games, obviously went to a Brewers game, and enjoyed my very first six-foot, seven-inch spooning. I needed JB’s oversized spoon after hearing about David Dahl and his rib injury. He has a stress reaction of his sixth rib, and I have a stress reaction with many expletives. You can’t spell David Dahl without dah. Seriously, I tried. Now, I can’t see his name without thinking it’s really “Dah!” Rockies manager Bud Black said that Opening Day is out of the question. I moved him out of my top 20 outfielders and into my top 40 outfielders. I still would draft him, even if he’s no longer in my top 100 overall. The Rockies said Gerardo Parra will fill-in for Dah!, and I’d draft Parra in the last rounds as a flyer just in case Dah!’s injury turns out to be worse than thought. I just jinxed him, didn’t I? Dah! By the by, between Charlie Blackmon and manager, Bud Black, the Rockies have so many white guys trying to take advantage of affirmative action, they should sign C. Thomas Howell star of Soul Man. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this spring training for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jumbo Diaz
My years of sitting in French cafes, smoking really long cigarettes and wearing a beret, while sneering at children and puppies, has taken its toll. I’m no longer the innocent fantasy baseballer who picks up just any potential rookie call-up. I have more discerning tastes now. When I was a mere jejune tot, I’d sip a combination of ale and grenadine my bartendress called a Monaco and talk about Super 2’s and so-and-so was going to be the next Ryan Braun-like call-up. I’m no longer a tot; now, I’m a full potato, and I drink gin with extra juniper berries. Crunching on juniper berries, coughing from a tumor, watching cyclists in spandex shorts, carrying baguettes. The days bleed together. I take out my daily planner and pencil, lick the pencil, turn the calendar day to make a note to, “Buy more Virginia Slim 120s,” when I read a note to myself, “It’s almost June, start picking up rookie call-ups, you dipshit!” Ah, yes, Daily Planner Grey has a point. Today, I decided to highlight Trea Turner. At this point, he feels like the number one call-up. A.J. Reed, Jameson Taillon, Tyler Glasnow, Orlando Arcia might make bigger impacts, but the Nats consider themselves a playoff team and they’re in a heated division battle right now. I doubt they let Dusty simply ignore Turner because Espinosa is older. Older really isn’t a reason to play someone. An exec has to relay that to Dusty at some point. Turner looks like he could be a Francisco Lindor-type from last year — 7-10 HRs, 15-18 steals, solid average. Basically, a top ten shortstop from the time he’s called up. I would stash him now–*coughs* Sorry, I accidentally bought Virginia Slim 140s. The extra 20 is killing me. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Tolleson had his cookies tossed for the last time on Tuesday. Or maybe Shawn Tolleson caused his owners’ cookies to be tossed? Sounds too passive, said Flesch-Kincaid, but you get the idea. By the by, why is tossing food so gross? Tossing one’s cookies should be a glorious thing. Who doesn’t want cookies tossed at them? Please toss your cookies into my mouth! Then there’s tossing salad? That sounds healthy and like a spring morn. Why is tossing salad so bad? I’d love a salad tossing and a jog around the Maypole! Any hoo! There’s no more Tolleson, and Sam Dyson will step in as the Rangers closer. Glad to see Rangers manager, Jeff Banister, finally react. Though, it took a long time since Tolleson’s ERA is over nine. Banister’s reflexes are so slow Bautista could’ve snuck in a punch on him. Maybe they should’ve let Odor punch Tolleson’s card. He would’ve been out on April 4th. “You’re done!” “That was one pitch.” “I don’t care, now I will punch you.” Sam Dyson should be owned in all leagues. Will Tolleson regain the role? Maybe, if Dyson gets injured, but it seems highly unlikely otherwise and can be dropped in most leagues. Hey, Tolleson, don’t let the door hit you, where Odor split your lip. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Closer Report, Week 3 – Chasing The SAGNOF
April 22, 2016 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 43 Commentsby: Smokey
At some point, you look at your roster, then look at yourself in the mirror and the repeat that 31 more times and ask yourself this question… When is chasing saves from the worst possibilities a bad idea? My best advice, as your advocate of bullpen swagger, is never. Realize the talent that is in the bullpen and say: is 1-2 saves really worth a waiver claim, a roster drop of someone else and a complete destruction of your rates and quite possibly your dignity? If you haven’t guessed it, I am discussing the shatuation in the ‘Nati. Just to get everyone up to speed on the demise, their (and keep in mind that it has only been two-plus weeks of games roughly) Hoover sucked. Jumbo is demoted to minors, Hoover back in and bad again, Cingrani more like Cingran-no. Now all the hype is on Caleb Cotham. Who has the time and rosterbatory rituals to have the right frame of mind to roster these guys from change to change? I get that if you are in a NL-only league, it makes sense to be on the ball, but in mixed league… well, these guys are poop. I was searching for a better word, but I can’t, and poop it is. The combined ERA this year of Reds relievers in a save situation is over five. That, my friends, is not worth the stretch for the sexy total of one save as a team. Seriously, one whole save… you could have been rostering Ivan Nova and gotten the same total number so far. So anyone who likes the punishment, keep an eye on the health of Michael Lorenzen, as he could be next up. So what I am saying is: yes it’s cool and swanky to be the first guy on your fantasy block to unlock the new closer somewhere, but use common sense. If a team is a pile of dung and will kill more stats then the assist, then, well, you already know my response because this is the end of the lede and I just went over it. Stick around for some rankings, general chicanery with words on a page, and hell, maybe a whole pack of lies wrapped around stats. Cheers!
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Cards Pull A Hazelbaker Out Of Their Ludwicks
April 12, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 729 Commentsby: Grey
I don’t know where it’s coming from with Jeremy Hazelbaker, so I called Keith Morrison of Dateline to investigate. He went to St. Louis to investigate and left me this message, “Here, in bucolic St. Louis, all seemed right in the world. Jeremy had just married his high school sweetheart, and they were on a honeymoon of a lifetime when the unthinkable happened.” I picked up the phone, because I use an old school answering machine, “Keith, St. Louis isn’t bucolic, and I’m not looking for a suspicious murder scenario. I want to know who Jeremy Hazelbaker is for fantasy baseball.” Keith continued, “The neighbors had nothing but nice things to say about the couple. But they didn’t see the dark side.” “Keith, yesterday, Hazelbaker went 4-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and is hitting .526 through a week’s worth of games and hitting 2nd on most days. Can he continue it?” “Only that wasn’t pine tar on his bat, it was iron-rich blood. Coming up after the break–” So, I don’t know how the Cardinals do this with outfielders every year. These outfielders that just come out of nowhere to be fantasy relevant; I will call them, The Sons of Ludwick. Will it continue for Hazelbaker? It seems highly unlikely. He profiles as a 5-7 HR, 15-17 SB guy who might hit .245. But, ya know what, I don’t need to know where it’s coming from or if it will continue to own Hazelbaker, as I now do in a few leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Scout and Razzball teamed up to bring you 12-team mixed league slow drafts, and, when I say slow, I mean that I’ve seen paint dry faster and with more upside. It’s exactly like our 12-team, mixed Razzball Commenter League drafts (there still might be a few spots), but in this league there’s two catchers, no waivers and 44 rounds. So, I guess, it’s really not that similar to the RCLs. No waivers changes everything. I would never draft two top starters in a regular mixed league, let alone one in a 12 team league, but when you can’t pick up a starter off waivers or stream, it changes the dynamic. You can’t worry about upside as much as you need to make sure you have innings when a rash of injuries hits. Same with hitters. Upside is nice, but at-bats are even nicer when you lose five outfielders to injuries in July. This kind of leagues makes John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt and Tyler Flowers appealing. Dot dot dot. Okay, nothing makes Tyler Flowers appealing. Anyway, here’s my 12-team, mixed league draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bullpen Report: The NSVH Conundrum
March 18, 2016 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 56 Commentsby: Smokey
No, you haven’t stumbled onto a WebMd bait page. Well… this is an advisory blog, none the same, but we won’t scare you into believing that you have clinical depression with every symptom. I mean, I’ve seen some other fantasy sites that attempt to advise on bullpen strategy. It’s easy to throw stuff up about closers and bullpens and say this guy will fail because of this and that. Heck, I like watching Jeopardy and guessing at the stuff I don’t know about either. Add in the fact that I remember my first beer… So this is one of the last pieces of the fantasy bullpen puzzle before we get down to brass tacks. The NSVH question… I always get it from the fantasy inspectors of the net of how and what to do about it. Do I stick with what I know, or do I go complete rover and draft whatever, whenever? That’s why I am here, hopefully to quell all ills in the race for bullpen dominance. The NSVH leagues are tricky and can be described as: people don’t know until they have to know. I know that really isn’t a draft strategy that I am going to “learn” you with this post, since I am better than that and take pride in leading my disciples into reliever bliss. So go get a comfy seat upon the porcelain throne of fantasy knowledge and let me guide you, for I am the fantasy bullpen shepherd.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
2016 Team Previews: Cincinnati Reds
March 6, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 23 Commentsby: M@
Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post…Wick Terrell, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Cincinnati Reds!
Please, blog, may I have some more? Best 2016 Fantasy Baseball Team
February 19, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 256 Commentsby: Grey
So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing, I have faith in you. This is the best 2016 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2016 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Carlos Correa in the 1st round, everything after would change. If I took Arenado in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2016 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Mike Trout first, because, well, I have him first overall. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Arrieta and Kershaw in the first two rounds and I was able to take Anthony Rizzo in the 2nd round (which is possible), but since Trout and him are in my first 10 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 300, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (Go sign up or start a league). Anyway, here’s the best 2016 fantasy baseball team:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bullpen Report: Draft Day Holds and Cuffs
February 12, 2016 | Middle Relievers | 37 Commentsby: Smokey
What if I told you that the top-four teams last year in Holds didn’t make the playoffs? I know the obvious answer would be: it’s a made-up stat that does nothing but clog a fantasy roster with fodder and otherwise un-rosterable relievers. Well, if you said that out loud, then I am mad at you and you can not come to the Razzball Winter Dance Carnival. No, but seriously, I get offended when people make such determinations. Listen, you are either in a league that uses Holds or you aren’t. Not all of these guys is basically like having a second doorstop (when one doorstop will do). Many of these guys are usable in most formats as ratio gaps in K/9, looking for cheap wins or for a slow day of waiver wire madness. My theory on any league is to roster any two relievers that are non-closers at all times. At worst, they decimate your rates for one day. At best they give you an inning or two and give you great rates and a few K’s. Now, for Holds leagues, I am a hoarder. I live by this simple motto. Two pairs and a wild, just like five-card poker. It stands for two closers, two stud holds guys, and a streamer. In moves leagues, it’s a little more difficult to do, but in non-move limited league, it’s a fun way to just basically win your Holds category by August, save yourself the innings/starts and then stream the holy hell out of the last seven weeks. So since you have searched around the web and found zero other info on the topic (yeah, I looked, so take that), here are the holds tiers and sleepers for the 2016 year.
“A Hold is credited any time a relief pitcher enters a game in a Save Situation, records at least one out, and leaves the game never having relinquished the lead. Note: a pitcher cannot finish the game and receive credit for a Hold, nor can he earn a hold and a save.” ~ The edited out part of the Emancipation Proclamation, Abraham Lincoln.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Sneaky free K’s are all the rage for a streaming option when a starter just won’t do. The numbers they put up are more of a collection-basis rather than a hunt, play and punt. Relievers, not just closers, are the container that transports the glue. Can you imagine glue not coming in a container and just being had at the local sundry store by the handful? Messy proposition my friends. Non-closers are what every complete fantasy team need. They are like the egg in a good recipe – you can often substitute one reliever for another. That’s what makes them so handy… they don’t usually carry a huge draft day burden. They are basically free waiver-wire adds. For those in holds leagues, that doesn’t always ring true, and when I start getting into the preseason hold rankings, some of the names will be similar. That’s because the names you want just don’t give you holds, they give you multiple stats. They are the five-tool performers in the industry of relief pitchers. So here is a little preseason primer for guys who don’t really adorn too much draft day attention, but should be snagged in situations that require their services when you are short on K potential and maximizing the K/9 of your fantasy roster…
Please, blog, may I have some more? Preseason Bullpen Report: Middle Relief Goodies
February 19, 2015 | Middle Relievers | 52 Commentsby: Smokey
I wish filling out your fantasy roster with middle relievers was as easy as plop-plop, fizz-fizz. But I’m sure it isn’t, because not everyone is using the same model of success. I can dig that, I mean, I come from a long line of Smokeys that like the art of shoveling. Listen, I get it if you don’t wanna help your team-rates and ratios by adding guys that are stout in production for basically free at the end of your draft. Streaming relievers is a real thing, I didn’t make it up. It does exist, and it lives in the house between Nessy and Sasquatch. It’s not for the faint of heart and is probably not for everyone. It is about optimizing your free innings (very useful in RCL leagues that have games started limits, which everyone wants to win). It’s a basic theory and the patent is pending, so stick around as I get into the art of streaming relievers. And as an added bonus, I have broken down the MR corps into four separate groups. These groups are broken down by usefulness. We have one for straight cuffs, one for rates and holds, a straight holds, and then some stone cold sleepers for you deep-leaguers.
Please, blog, may I have some more?