Ambulance Chasers, Week 20: Bauer Is Stressed, Now So Am I

August 15, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Injury Report |

As a Trevor Bauer investor this year I’m tempted to just write: &$*3$*@#& and that’s it. Since Grey was his biggest advocate before the season, I know he’d understand. Stash or Trash: Stash for now. He’s a top-3 Cy Young finalist if not for this injury and we’re waiting for more news. That dastardly Jose Abreu lined a pitch of Bauer’s ankle in their game on Saturday. A stress fracture often occurs due to repeated compressive force on a bone (often in the leg, foot or ankle.) This type of injury is common in frequent runners. Bauer’s was obviously caused by the velocity of Abreu’s line drive hitting at just the right spot. Here’s the bad news: the typical healing time for a stress fracture in your fibula is 6 weeks. However, everyone is different — some can need more time or less — it’s hard to predict really. I’m labeling Bauer a stash until we find out more. If we find out tomorrow that it isn’t a complete fracture or that he’s got that Adrian Peterson DNA he might be back sooner. Fill In: Tyler Glasnow (19.3%.) Let’s get this easy one pick up out of the way — if you’re in a league where Tyler Glasnow isn’t owned yet you need to remedy this situation. Glasnow is now back to being a starter after going from the Pirates to the Rays. He’s made three starts so far each one inning more than the last. 12 innings pitched total with 20 K’s to only 3 walks and 6 hits allowed? His next start will be his biggest test against the Red Sox. Why haven’t you hit CTRL-T yet?!

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Bullpen Report, White Sox With Flip Flops

June 8, 2018 | Middle Relievers | 9 Comments

by: Smokey

Choosing the right closer is hard enough when there is only one to choose on draft day. Tons of factors to guide your hand… Jump forward 50-plus games and when the situation has multiple faces and not a ton of situations from which to choose: is it worth the squeeze? The White Sox closer situation has gone from one, to a few, and back again multiple times this year, and now it has swung back to Joakim Soria after garnering the last two saves. The conundrum here is that Nate Jones had gotten the previous three save chances. Than if you scroll the calendar even farther, Jace Fry got a save and retread Bruce Rondon also factored in on one occasion in mid-May. So with a team that only has 13 saves all year, better than only one other team, the Marlins (who are a complete and utter disaster for saves). So when chasing saves, and we all do it, even you, the guy who can’t make eye contact way in the back… It is part of the FAAB chase and the most alluring I might add and frequent drain of funds. So with a team that has flip-flopped three times in 50 games, with 13 saves and on pace for a MLB bottom-three in save chances, is it worth the headache of this guy or that guy? I wanna root for the Mexecutioner, and some guy named Nate, but they are basically like part-time lovers, and I would rather stream the spot with great counting stats that matter. Soria’s K/9 is in the mid-10’s which is admirable, but on a game-to-game basis, the save chase comes down to volume, not the here and now. Yes, Soria should be owned, and yes Jones should be owned. But I am just bringing this up for your sake of saves hope. If you can pair either one of them at the right time, obviously when they are on a hot streak of two saves in 10 days, do so and upgrade your save booty. Advice over, bits of tid to follow. Cheers!

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Rolling In The Deep, Week 1.5: Easier Fields Lie Ahead, Even If You’re Already Tucker-ed Out

April 5, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Deep Leagues | 15 Comments

by: Laura Holt

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that fantasy baseball has severely impacted my ability to enjoy watching my “real” baseball team. I became a fairly obsessive Dodger fan when I was a kid, and I can remember my daily mood being severely impacted by whether my team won or lost that day. Cut to a couple few years (okay, decades) later, and since I have so few of the (largely overpriced in my opinion) Dodgers on any of my fantasy teams, sometimes I barely know if they won or lost. Of course, I can tell you exactly how the Brewers fare each day, since most of my fantasy teams are chock full of them. I did finally get swept up in a bit of world series fever last year, and watching those games – truly caring about which team won and actually rooting for every Dodger player with no concern as to how it would affect me in fantasy… I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I had watched a major league baseball game that way.

Anyway, I bring this up because I’m feeling weirdly guilty lately over what’s becomes a pretty hot topic in baseball over the last few days, namely, the first-week struggles of one Kenley Jansen. It’s not like I enjoy watching the Dodgers fail, and I certainly wish no ill will towards Mr. Jansen. But I have to admit that’s it’s a bit hard not to revel in watching a fantasy owner feel like he’s made a giant mistake in spending a high draft pick on a closer, since I and most of the Razzball world have preached to folks that it’s, well, a giant mistake to spend a high draft pick on a closer. All this finally brings us to the more specific topic at hand: players that those of us who live in the weird but beautiful deep-league fantasy baseball world might want to take a look at this week. And with that…

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Drafting For Holds In 2018: Relief Pitchers Tiered

February 13, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Middle Relievers | 52 Comments

by: Smokey

The most important thing in fantasy baseball relief-dom in terms of holds is consistency. Without consistency of opportunities, of placement in the bullpen, and a team’s consistent success in utilizing their bullpen to your fantasy advantage… you get left out out in the cold when it comes down to accumulating a stout holds based relief pitching corps. Until there is a shift in the utilization of bullpens for the benefit of fantasy, more so, the leagues that use the hold stat. I will admit that I am more of an eye test person than a numbers guy. Numbers scare me. They prove too many things that don’t factor in the human error factor and the good ole eye test. So against my better mental state, I used numbers from the past five years to show that the bullpens are being used more frequently. Not just by some teams, but by all teams. I know, duh. This is something that we all eyed to be happening than Smokey goes in the opposite direction like a dyslexic salmon and gets some data to prove the incline of a stat that he holds so near and dear to his fantasy bear heart. Well sit back, relax, it’s going to be a fun ride on the holds bus this week as we do some research and than put the top-50 relief pitchers into hold tiers. Enjoy!

The 2018 Razzball Commenter Leagues are now open! Free to join with prizes! All the exclamation points!

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Astros Make Drew Look Un-Hutch-Able

May 15, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 383 Comments

by: Sky

I hear you out there. Wait, something’s not quite right…I see a grainy pic so we’re kinda ok…but where’s the mustache…*squints*…OMG YOU’RE NOT GREY WHAT IS THIS INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE. Look, Grey had a thang, ok? He paged me and asked for coverage. Yes, I’m being literal, he paged me. He’s a bit old school, there’s nothing wrong with that. I showed him my iPhone 6s and how it could translate to Kirundi and make a mean cheese omelette but he said he’d rather ping me with ‘5318008‘. Honestly, I’m totally fine with that but he calls every time afterwards asking me to flip it upside down. Every. Time. Either way, I said I’d cover and here I am, covering the coverage and that leads us to Drew Hutchison. First off, if you own him…ticker shock! Those Houston guys are really good at coming from behind. That’s what she said! Over six innings, Drew gave up two runs while allowing 6 base runners (only one walk), striking out nine. Nine is a nice number when you’re talking about Ks but not as nice as 10. Ten is how many Astros Chris Heston fanned on Tuesday as he threw a complete game two hitter. Heston is close to a 7 K/9 kind of guy, probably a little under. On the one hand, I love Drew so this start has me piqued. On the other hand, the Astros are second in the majors in K rate at 24.6%. On the third hand which is actually Grey’s hand as he takes the pager from me and flips it upside down, Drew looks like a good get for deeper leagues where you can wait on his high K potential, but this shouldn’t move the needle for standard or the RCL. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Friends & Family Draft Recap — Grey’s Team

March 20, 2015 | Our Leagues | 516 Comments

by: Grey

I joined Funston, Behrens, Pianowski, Dalton Del Don, Not The Noise (someone drafted using Brad Evans name, but it wasn’t him), Rudy, Paul Singman and others. Since Singman writes for us now, we’re up to three writers in the Friends & Family draft held at Yahoo. Within ten years, it’s going to be 14 Razzball writers vs. Funston, and Funston will prolly still win after only drafting Howie Kendrick. I’m not being entirely facetious, Razzball’s results in this league have been less-than-stellar. I don’t mention this to be modest — modesty’s for nuns! — I tell you this to preamble my reasons for drafting Billy Hamilton. I feel like my Friends & Family mojo is leaking oil, the carburetor is coughing up fumes and I’m on the side of the road, with my skirt hiked up, and no one’s stopping. So, I decided to draft someone I have never drafted before and paid full price, to boot! (By the by, when I go to Italy, I like to shout, “To boot!”) Well, enough about me, more about my team! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, Friends & Family fantasy baseball draft:

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Fill Up With NiTro

September 12, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 454 Comments

by: Grey

Nicholas Tropeano sounds like a sitcom character, doesn’t he? Like that’s his real name, but he goes by the nickname of The Boof or simply Boof. Then only his mom, Mrs. Tropeano calls him Nicholas. Some girls call him Nick, but Boof or The Boof, that’s what you know him as. At one point, he even went to a technical school with Arthur Fonzarelli and Joseph Tribbiani Jr. I went over The Boof briefly the other day when he threw a five inning, meh start. There I said, “Breezed through the minors as only an Astros prospect could. What I mean is they don’t have a ton of major league options, so if someone does okay, they promote the crap out of them. In Triple-A, he had a 8.7 K/9, 0.99 WHIP and a 3.03 ERA in 124 2/3 IP.” And that’s me quoting me! This Buy is more for AL-Only leagues and keepers (I’ll go over mixed league starters to stream in the post). Shoot, this Boof buy could even be considered more for 2015 fantasy baseball. Now, maybe I’m really just having residual feelings for what Collin McHugh and Dallas Keuchel did this year, but Tropeano looks like a $1 flyer in very deep leagues that could reap similar benefits. I know it’s far from glamorous to put faith in Astros, but I’m likely to call Tropeano a sleeper for 2015 and point back to this post next year. I’d love if his velocity was a tad faster to go with his nasty change, but The Boof could pay dividends for savvy owners in deep leagues. Ayyyyy! *pounds wall, jukebox turns on* Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Braun Caught Rest-Handed

September 10, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 465 Comments

by: Grey

Ryan Braun revealed he doesn’t have a thumb issue, he has a whole hand issue. Unfortch, he’s also proving to have a ‘can’t stay on the field without steroids’ issue, which is the result of a ‘steroids has broken down his ability to stay healthy’ issue that’s brought up a ‘is he really trying to get on the field’ issue that all came about when he was ‘wearing scrubs, watching his wife spit out a kid and his wife was squeezing his hand too tightly’ issue that leaves the issue, ‘will he return and do anything this season?’ Basically, Braun’s got more men’s health issues than Ricky Martin. Whether or not you drop him or just bench him comes down to who you have to replace him, but, in September, he’s hitting .200 with zero homers, and he hit .240 in August with four homers, so chances are good you can find someone better than him for the final two and a half weeks. This will definitely muddy waters on if Braun is a mannish boy or what to expect from him in 2015 fantasy baseball. Unless Lame-Ass-Busta Excuses is a category in your league, then Braun has it on lock. (Also, applies if the category is spelled Lame-Ass-Buster Excuses or simply Lame Excuses.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update, Week 18: New Kid on the Block

July 29, 2014 | Razzball Commenters League | 33 Comments

by: J-FOH

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Everybody’s always talkin’
‘Bout who’s on top
Don’t cross our path ’cause
You’re gonna get stomped

We ain’t gonna give anybody any slack
And if you try to keep us down
We’re gonna come right back
And you know we’re

Hangin’ tough, hangin’ tough
Hangin’ tough, are you tough enough?
Hangin’ tough, hangin’ tough
Hangin’ tough, we’re rough

Who’s your favorite New Kid? Please don’t answer that. I just needed an eye catcher today as I take the reins over from Jay “don’t call him Ray” Wrong. The Korish keeper of the all mighty sacred RCL leagues. As they say in Lord of the Rings, There can be only one…until football, then we need two. (Why is it Lord of the Rings if there is only one ring?) Anydahoo, I’m Sam to his Frodo, Jake to his Elwood, Donnie to his Joey? Ok this is getting weird and I hope he doesn’t photoshop our faces onto a New Kids pic. Who am I kidding, I totally want to see that. Now that I have a public picture personally doctored by the Guru, I can move on without feeling like I’m hiding. Hello Razzballers! Now the New Kids are actually relevant because now is the time to be hangin’ tough and not keeping yourself down. You may think you are out of it but you aren’t and even if you are have some pride and play til the end. Don’t give anyone an easy win by quitting, play on or play football with Razzball! (insert shameless plug in 5,4,3 2, 1) Have you signed up for our RCL Fantasy Football yet, well here is your chance to kick our arses all over the place and win the respect and adulation of us and maybe some Arby’s coupons or one of Jay’s Makers Mark bird feeders. Great reclaimed products buddy!

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Them Crooked Save Vultures

July 18, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 805 Comments

by: Grey

The Save Vulture is no ordinary animal. Or Jordanian animal, as my autocorrect wanted me to write. The Save Vulture doesn’t need much sunlight. The Save Vulture doesn’t need water in its purest form; it can distill water from cola, in a process called sodasynthesis. The Save Vulture is strictly a meat eater. It’s even been known to remove vegetables that are in the proximity of meat it plans on devouring. The one thing it considers a vegetable is a potato and that’s in chip form, which it consumes daily. The Save Vulture is not a social animal, but it does have close ties to its mother. Sometimes staying in the nest for 35 to 40 years. Once it leaves the nest, it usually latches onto a partner that nurtures it like a mother would. The Save Vulture doesn’t work much, except six months a year when it’s scrolling through a fantasy waiver wire for potential closers. The Save Vulture’s most active time is the last two weeks of July when closers could change teams, thus making a new reliever a closer. The Save Vulture preys on the weakness of others who lose their closer. This year, one of the most likely targets for The Save Vulture is Ken Giles with Jonathan Papelbon likely being traded. The Save Vulture is also flying over Huston Street, waiting to swoop in on Joaquin Benoit‘s carcass. Do you think The Save Vulture isn’t looking at Neftali Feliz if Joakim Soria is traded? You must be Joakim. Some desperate Save Vultures are talking about Koji Uehara being traded and Edward Mujica taking over. Not to be confused with Huston Street, but Chad Qualls on a Houston St. could go to a contender and Jesse Crain or Tony Sipp or Josh Fields or Jose Veras or Craig Biggio in a bad wig would step in. Could LaTroy Hawkins get moved? You bet your white Blackmon! In that case, Adam Ottavino or Rex Brothers would step in. The Save Vulture is even monitoring Matt Lindstrom‘s rehab, knowing if he’s healthy in the next few weeks, he could take over again. The Save Vulture doesn’t bathe itself, unless you count spilled soda, but it is the most diligent about stealing closers this time of year, I suggest you do the same. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Disgrace/Delight: The Inglorious Fall of Tehol Beddict

May 1, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 142 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Ever had one of those years where everything that could conceivably go wrong, does? I can tell you all, 100 percent honesty, that this has never happened to me before, and much like Lindsay Lohan, I am feeling lost, lonely, and pretty damn confused about my embarrassing fall from grace. It all began when I was invited to participate in the #1 RCL league, which includes Grey, Rudy, and countless other fantasy legends (like not-Jay). I was beyond ecstatic at the opportunity to prove I was best in the business at this fantasy sh*t, and after the draft, there was no doubt in my mind I would compete for the title. My team seemingly had it all; A dynamic mix of power and speed, a wondrous collection of power arms who played for winning organizations, and unquestionably more upside than any other team. I had it all, baby!

As I now look at the standings and witness my team falling all the way to 11th place, my dreams have been utterly demolished. Finally, an opportunity to play with the big dogs, and I totally disgrace myself. I feel like Christian Slater attempting to get into an A-list Hollywood party. The rejection is too much to bear, and I’m having thoughts about going back to doing solo porn jack-off videos. Let’s analyze the team that keeps me up at night. What went wrong? To me, this was a championship contending team, without question. It’s become a bottom feeding bum-fest, and I’m strongly considering throwing in the towel.

Shall we meet the team?

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Closer Report

May 1, 2014 | Closers | 68 Comments

by: Smokey

If you cheated and looked ahead before reading, shame on you! But, for those who didn’t, I am attaching my cart to Francisco Rodriguez. Not only has he done nothing wrong (which seems impossible for closers nowadays), but looks in no danger of getting the rug ripped out from under him. The team is winning, the bullpen is toight like a tiger, and Jimbo Hendo looks to be doing a swell job as second fiddle. Not only would I marry K-rod right now, he can also fart in my dinner… tonight. (Ed. Note– Protip: I wait until at least the second date before letting farts in my food.) I mean what he is doing is pretty remarkable– most saves in April, EVER. It reminds me of the good times when I played the jug in the band The Dixie Cups. For a barely drafted guy who wasn’t even the teams first choice for saves… and to also be giving your team a saves boost for basically nothing, you should wanna carry his luggage. So keep reading to see what other closer goodies I got for ya… or just skip to the comments and tell me something awesome.

Please, blog, may I have some more?