Fill Up With NiTro

Nicholas Tropeano sounds like a sitcom character, doesn’t he?  Like that’s his real name, but he goes by the nickname of The Boof or simply Boof.  Then only his mom, Mrs. Tropeano calls him Nicholas.  Some girls call him Nick, but Boof or The Boof, that’s what you know him as.  At one point, he even went to a technical school with Arthur Fonzarelli and Joseph Tribbiani Jr.  I went over The Boof briefly the other day when he threw a five inning, meh start.  There I said, “Breezed through the minors as only an Astros prospect could.  What I mean is they don’t have a ton of major league options, so if someone does okay, they promote the crap out of them.  In Triple-A, he had a 8.7 K/9, 0.99 WHIP and a 3.03 ERA in 124 2/3 IP.”  And that’s me quoting me!  This Buy is more for AL-Only leagues and keepers (I’ll go over mixed league starters to stream in the post).  Shoot, this Boof buy could even be considered more for 2015 fantasy baseball.  Now, maybe I’m really just having residual feelings for what Collin McHugh and Dallas Keuchel did this year, but Tropeano looks like a $1 flyer in very deep leagues that could reap similar benefits.  I know it’s far from glamorous to put faith in Astros, but I’m likely to call Tropeano a sleeper for 2015 and point back to this post next year.  I’d love if his velocity was a tad faster to go with his nasty change, but The Boof could pay dividends for savvy owners in deep leagues.  Ayyyyy! *pounds wall, jukebox turns on*  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Edward Mujica – SAGNOF is a activity done by vultures without a soul, and I wanna peck the eyes out of Edward, The Last of the Mujicans, if he doesn’t get saves and just keeps giving up runs.

Drew Storen – Every once in a while a guy comes along that not only takes over the closer job, but looks better than his predecessor.  If only Soriano would’ve got canned earlier in the year, so Storen could’ve helped me with my save lead preserves.  Toast points!

Aaron Sanchez – Unlike Storen, Sanchez is on the other side of the SAGNOF spectrum.  The guy that is better than the closer, and is supposedly put in as closer, then he gets repeatedly called on in the 7th inning.  John Gibbons can eat a banana!  Actually, anyone can, unless you’re allergic.  Check with your doctor first before following this advice.

Wade Davis – Was a bit surprised to see him on waivers in so many leagues.  Sure, he’s only getting saves now, but he’s ranked sixth for all RPs for the whole year on our Player Rater, and if he gets a few more saves, he’ll end up fourth for all relievers.  Behind only Kimbrel, Holland and K-Rod.  By the by, our Player Rater is better than ESPN’s, but you knew that.

Kevin Quackenbush – Fun Fact!  Quackenbush’s outgoing voicemail message is voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.

Josh Fields – Maybe it’s Tony Sipp getting Astros saves.  Maybe it’s Chad Qualls.  Maybe you don’t care because you’re not this desperate.  Well, excuse me!  Ooh, I’m swooping my one wispy piece of hair over my bald spot and don’t need a closer.  Aren’t you Mr. Fantastic?!

Stream-o-Nator – *looking through pitchers, not seeing a guy name Stream-o-Nator, calls up ESPN’s Fantasy Department, put on hold while they gather people around the phone so they can laugh at another person who calls into the Fantasy Department, asks for a player named Stream-o-Nator, hears stifled laughter, hangs up phone, cries into mother’s bosom*  Stop your crying, little man?!  There’s no exact starters at this point, because everyone is either streamable or droppable.  Would I stream Vidal Nuno?  Oh, hellz yeah.  Yes, a ‘Z on hell’ yes.  Would I consider Jimmy Nelson?  I’d prefer not to, but I would if desperate enough.  Chase Anderson streamable?  Mos Def, Ms. Fat Booty.  Everyone is streamable if the shituation is dire enough.

Hitter-Tron – See what I said about the Stream-o-Nator, but replace pitchers with hitters and replace Ms.Fat Booty with a well-buttered bundt cake tin.

Tyler Flowers – You don’t send me to waivers for Tyler Flowers anymore… Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in and I was singing my favorite Streisand song.  *thinking*  …Okay, a top 5 Streisand song, it’s so hard to choose!

James Loney – In the last week, I’ve said about Loney, “Stop bankrupting my boner, Curt Schilling!…Gabe Kaplan in the Battle of the Network Stars…David Bowie asked The Wallflowers to unsing Heroes…”  Hmm, I’d never get a job for Zagat’s pulling quotes like that.

Gregor Blanco – The White Russian has been tipplering the scales near-.350 in the last week and has speed.  Yes, part of that week is being buoyed by his recent trip to Coors, but you can’t fault The White Russian riding on the back of a beer.

Dayan Viciedo – How many homers in one week does he need to convince you to pick him up?  5?  Wow, you’re greedier than me.  He has four in the last nine games.  Just missed your arbitrary cutoff.  Day-amn!

Gerardo Parra – Has hit in every game he’s started in September, and he’s only sat out one game, so that means *doing math in my head*  Taste the rainbow!  Hmm, my math is off there.

Alejandro De Aza – He had some shizzy luck this year.  De Aza could’ve easily been a fantasy number three to four outfielder for all mixed leagues if he just would’ve been the starter.  Oh, well, can’t cry over spilled milk as they say in war-torn Bosnia where all they have is donkey’s milk.

Jordy Mercer – Shrugs.  He’s hot, I don’t know.

Jed Lowrie – Didn’t do much all year, and he’s still not hitting for a lot of power, but he is hitting for average and he has to play every day because he’s the only non-catcher on the A’s.

Jose Ramirez – Didja know Jose Ramirez is used similarly to John Doe in South America?  “We got a Jose Ramirez here with his jort pockets turned inside out.  Third time this week we’ve found one like this.”  That’s from CSI: Bogota.

Scooter Gennett – If Scooter doesn’t wear a shiny green jacket every day of his life, then I have but one reaction.

Josh Rutledge – Basically, the Buy column this week is like the guy in Fargo who opens the back of his van for Malvo to buy black market items, only the van is stocked with MIs and SAGNOF.

Xander Bogaerts – In two weeks of September, he’s hit as many homers (3) as he hit in any whole month up until this point.  Also, pushing his average over .350 for the month.  Best month for Bogaerts since his image hawked Diet Coke, before that you have to go back about 40 years for a good month.  Talk about a dry spell!

Joe Panik – When you pick him up, please call up a friend and tell them, “I’m about to hit the Panik button.  Express to me in 150 words or less why I shouldn’t.”  Preferably a friend that doesn’t play fantasy baseball.

SELL

Rafael Soriano – See, blurb on Storen.  Then sigh.  Then release Soriano.  Simon’s not going to say anything, just do it.

Jimmy Rollins – “YES!!!”  Okay, Ryne Sandberg, take it easy.

Elvis Andrus – “The Rangers are holding him back for the playoffs, right?”  Comatose Rangers Fan, you might want to sit down.

Giancarlo Stanton – News sounds promising for next year, but you can drop him in redraft leagues.  On a related note, CBS might want to consider changing the name of their “Eye On Baseball” updates for Headley and Giancarlo.

Josh Hamilton – You staring at Josh Hamilton on your fantasy team, wondering if you should drop him is sad.  You’re depressing people around you.  Please don’t make someone step in and ask you if everything’s okay.  You’re putting people in an uncomfortable situation, and now they have less time to wait for people to like their pithy Facebook status and more time spent on worrying about your mental state.  You’re so selfish, I hope you’re happy!

Chris Davis – Who knew his nickname Crush came from crushing Adderall pills and sprinkling them on his popcorn?  I did not.  I’d love to be a Jeff Goldblum on the wall when Chris Davis and Carlos Ruiz were having a conversation.  “Yo, what’s up?”  “The sky, the birds, the tree leaves, the tree leaves are up, the planes, the clouds, the clouds are up, the high apple pie in the sky hopes are up.  What’s up with you?”  “The ceiling fan, the roof, a guy waving in a hot air balloon, the tree leaves are up for me too, my blood sugar says the doctor, test scores for inner city youth, my hand that I’m holding above my head.”  Apparently, it’s hard to get amped up naturally for a sub-.200 average.  If you own Davis in a redraft league, you can drop him.