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We’re through just over a month of baseball, and I’m sure there are more than a few players you’d like to see walk the plank right now, and Sergio Santos is no doubt up there on the Captain’s log as far as closers are concerned. Santos blew another save last night, lasting 0.2 innings, and promptly giving up 3 ER off 3 hits. SAN-TOS-AAH! I ain’t even mad at ‘cha, the skip just keeps sending you out there to do it. I should be mad at myself for owning you this long. Serge gave up two home runs in the ninth, one to Pedro Alvarez (3-for-5) and the other was the walk off game-winner to Starling Marte (4-for-5). His ERA is sitting pretty at 10.61, which is almost as much money as I have in my checking account at the moment. I can’t imagine we’ll see Sergio out there for the ninth again. Best the Jays deal with him the same way the Pirates would have last night: “Arr! Blow the scallywag down and make ‘em shark bait, fer dead men blow no saves.”  In any case, you may be able to grab some short-term saves from Aaron Loup with Brett Cecil and Steve Delabar seeing possible chances. My guess is the Jays go to a combination of these relievers until Casey Janssen returns in a couple weeks.

Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Tom Koehler – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 BB, 0 ER, 4 K. Well Koehler me surprised! Koehler has been pretty solid for the Fish (Get Hooked!) so far, posting a 2.41 ERA and 1.26 WHIP. He’s struck out 24 batters in 37.1 innings to go along with 16 walks, which could be substituted for a glass of warm milk if you’re trying to fall asleep at night. Ugh… Warm milk. I can’t think of anything more repulsive than a glass of heated dairy, and I just wrote a whole blurb on Sergio Santos. The overall numbers look nice, but Tom’s .215 BABIP and 4.57 xFIP scares me a bit, and I’d expect a correction is coming. I’d tread carefully with Koehler, but he could be a decent streamer next week versus the Mets.

Josh Beckett – 6.2 IP, 4 ER, 6 hits, 1 BB, 8 K. Beck has been surprisingly effective since returning from obscurity, posting a 3.14 ERA and 1.04 WHIP in five starts. The 9.42 K/9 is nothing to scoff at either, even for the most frequent of scoffers. I’m probably going to regret it, but Grey told you to BUY him for two consecutive starts now, so I might grab him for his start next week vs. San Francisco, too.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2-for-3, 6th HR. Go Salty, it’s yo birthday. Head to da club, drink some bubs, and maybe do some drugs? As long as they’re not HGH. Whatever you’re into.  It really was his birthday. I know, we don’t give a fudge that it’s his birthday. What do you want from us? A cake? I’m told Jose Fernandez is an excellent baker. Who are we kidding, that guy’s good at everything. Salty’s got a seven game hitting streak with four home runs in that span along with four straight multi-hit games. Grey told you to BUY him and he’s just under 15% owned. Who is your catcher again?

Yasiel Puig – 1-for-3, RBI, 2 SB. Well, we already know from his driving record he can speed, now let’s see some more power!

Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-4, 2 RBI, 4th SB. Ahoy! The Dread Pirate is back after a seven month voyage across the Stranger Tides or something like that, I didn’t see the fourth movie. Guess who’s happy ‘Cutch is finally waking up? This guy! That guy, of course, being Neil Walker who was 3-for-4 with 3 runs, and has been the only one really hitting for the Bucs so far.

Brett Lawrie – 2-for-4, run. Six straight multi-hit games! He’s going to get a whole new arm sleeve tattoo done to commemorate the streak. One with lots of spiked metallic leafs and flaming blue jay skulls I assume. It’s gonna be rad.

Colby Rasmus – 1-for-4, 2-run HR, his 6th. His second home run in two days. I dropped him three days ago–you’re welcome!

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-3, 5th HR, 3 RBI. I just finished reading my latest SI Kids exclusive interview with Anthony Rizzo. Some highlights: his favorite TV show is Rizzoli and Isles, his favorite food is risotto, his favorite muppet is Rizzo the Rat, his favorite rapper/film maker is Rza, his favorite Grease character is Danny, and his favorite past time is hitting dingers!

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-4, 7th HR, 3 RBI. Jhonny’s got 10 hits in the past week with three homers and seven RBI in that span. Sure the seven RBI came in two games but stills. Before long Jhonny should have that average up above the Mendoza line, and Cards fans can finally start to forget last year’s shortstop (who will remain nameless) who may or may not have cost them a World Series. Too soon?

Adam Wainwright – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Wainooooooo! Maybe chill on the pinot until after the game next time. Can you do that, Adam?

Hector Rondon – 1.0 IP, 2nd SV. When and/or if the Cubs ever see another save chance, Rondon should be their guy, at least for now. Grey told you to BUY him, so break open your Yasiel Puiggy bank and go buy him already!

Wily Peralta – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K and his fourth win. He even drove in the only two runs of the game himself. Getting it done! You Wily, devil you! Grey told you to BUY him yesterday and Peralta goes out and gets the win. He has gone at least 6.2 innings in five straight starts allowing 3 ER or less each start. He throws some serious cheese, too, his fastball velocity average is top five in the league at 95.2 mph and he has racked up 19 strikeouts in his past three games.  Want more? He gets the Diamondbacks next week. They are turribles. He’s still under 60% owned, so if you need a starter I’d give Wily a shot. Now if he could only stop chasing that damn road runner. There’s hardly any meat on that thing anyway, Wily! You’re wasting you’re time. Why don’t you use all that money you spend on Acme rockets and treat yourself to a nice steak dinner? Bah! He’ll never learn.

Francisco Rodriguez – 1.0 IP, K, 14th SV. I have teams that don’t even have fourteen total saves this season.

Mike Leake – 8.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 BB, 2 ER, 5 K. Leake has gone at least 6.2 innings in all six of his starts this year, including two 8.0 inning performances. Me Leakey! I wouldn’t touch him next week versus Boston but he’s a decent streaming option to keep on your radar.

John Danks – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 8 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. More like John Stanks!

Danny Salazar – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 runs, 3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K and his first win. Actually one his better starts of the season so cherish it owners, that CWS offense has impressed and K-Zar handled them admirably enough. Danny’s K-potential remains my obsession. Strikeouts make me happy. He’s sixth in the league with 10.98 K/9 and his K% sits at 26.8%. That will do it, just don’t tell me what his ERA and WHIP is, let me savor this moment.

Jose Abreu – 1-for-5, 11th HR. I wish I owned him everywhere. Including in my temperature controlled glass case where I keep all my precious moments and miniature glass bear statues. Whaddaya say, Jose? Come live with me in a glass case where I can preserve you forever away from the rest of the world with a bunch of creepy glass knick knacks? Think about it?

Adam Eaton – Left the game with a strained hamstring and could be headed to the DL. He’s actually flashed some good value when healthy, he just hasn’t been healthy. He needs to be Eaton more spinach! I would try to write out the Popeye laugh here, but I’m afraid I’d just embarrass myself.

Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (4th), 2 RBI. His third homer in the last four games! Santana is slowly but surely creeping that average back up above .200 and turning into the player we all thought he would be two years ago. Smooth, Santana! This may be nothing, but I heard he’s been seeing a Black Magic Woman to help with his approach at the plate, along with…other reasons.

Michael Brantley – 3-for-5, 5th HR, RBI. I have to tip my 59/50 wide-billed hat (that is resting ever so gently on the top of my head, slanted just slightly upward and to the left) to Grey on this one. I would not own Brantley anywhere were it not for razzball. Thanks Razzball!

Tim Lincecum – 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. Victory bong rip!

Mike Minor – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 4 K. Gave up home runs to Angel Pagan and Michael Morse, but other than those Minor blips he was solid. I could see Mike being a top 25 pitcher going forward. If he’s still available on your waiver wire you’re probably in an eight team league or something, so go out and make two more friends!

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-4, 2-run HR, his 8th. Nelly showed the Braves a little bit of that Country Grammar. Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to him pound. Kind of hard to believe this guy went unsigned until late February.

Ubaldo Jiminez – 7.1 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 1 BB, 10 K. Now if he can just pitch like this against the Yankees, Rays, Red Sox and Blue Jays he’ll be totally worth that $50 million contract.

Ricky Nolasco – 9.0 IP, 9 hits, 3 ER, 6 K. I think the Orioles offense is just bad again, you guys. Maybe this will wake them up.

Dustin Pedroia – 2-for-3, HR, 4 RBI. The Lil’ Destroyah hit a grand salami in the sixth inning. The jack got him his 100th home run of his career along with his 500th RBI. What a historic slam! Just a little Elven magic for all the hobbits out there who dream of being tiny baseball players someday.

James Shields – 6.1 IP, 12 hits, 7 ER, 1 BB, 3 K. You could use a James Shields or two to protect you from tomatoes after this stinker. Amiright?! Sigh. The Tigers tallied seven runs off 14 hits in this one, none of those hits of which were a Miguel Cabrera home run. Sad face. I’d expect Shields to rebound nicely next week in San Diego.

Rick Porcello – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 6 K. Gave up a home run to Billy Butler, which is crazy enough as it is, but otherwise he was excellent. Yes you should pick him up. No, you shouldn’t drop him. That 1.00 WHIP is good. Ooh, but that 22/3 K/BB ratio is the even better part! He gets the Astros next week. That part is the best!

Brad Miller – 2-for-5. Oh, no. Fool me once, yadda yadda yadda. Even Kyle Seager (2-for-5, run, 2 RBI) has been showing signs of a full reemergence. Maybe I criticized the M’s offense too soon last week? Maybe they always read the weekend posts on a particular fantasy baseball blog and my words knocked some sense into them? True words have never been truer and maybe I’m on my way to interning with the Seattle Mariners front office? Hey, if Brad Miller can turn his season around, why can’t I be GM of the Mariners some day? If you can dream it, you can do it!

Jose Altuve – 3-for-5, 2 runs, SB. Jonathan Villar 1-for-4. 2 SB. I have to confess, I cringed at the thought of owning both the Astros infielders at one point. This can’t end well, I thought. Once again, my thoughts were wrong. And not the “don’t think like that man, she’s you’re cousin!” wrong thoughts either.

J.B. Shuck – 2-for-4, run, RBI, 2nd SB. Aw Shucks! Despite the Grant Green call up, JimBob got the start last night and took advantage. I’d keep an eye on him in AL-Only and deeper mixed leagues in case he continues seeing at-bats.

Charlie Blackmon – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBI and his 6th HR. I’ve got Blackmon fever! And no, that has nothing to do with the Taye Diggs poster on my bedroom wall. Charlie B, aka C-Black, aka Chuck Nazty has got me all flustered. I must admit, when I go over the box scores in the morning, Charlie Blackmon is the first player I’m looking for these days. Pretty insane what he’s been doing lately, and although I don’t think it will last, he just continues to rake and it sure is fun to watch. His .380 batting average is second in the league to his super best friend Troy Tulowitzki (3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBI), and his .420 OBP and .630 SLG% are tops in the league as well. Keep it up, Chuck Nazty, and I will continue to call you Chuck Nazty despite how stupid I think your nickname is.

Curtis Granderson – 2-for-4 and a 2-run HR, his 2nd. It was his first multi-hit game since April 3! Ouch. Those are the breaks. Curtis Blow said that, Curtis Granderson is living it.

Juan Lagares – 2-for-5, run. Has now started and led off for the Mets in both games since returning from the DL. He collected two hits in each game and could be useful for more than just destroying Eric Young Jr.‘s value. He’s worth a look if he continues to start, especially in NL Only leagues.

David Price – 7.0 IP, 8 hits, 2 ER, 8 K. The Price was right on the money Friday night but the Rays took too long to get that offense going, and DP had to settle for the no decision. I love David as much as the next guy, but I might sell high off this start if I could get a good *pinkie to mouth* price…? Nah, too easy.

Desmond Jennings – 1-for-6, HR, 2 SB. The Rays scored 10 runs on 20 hits in a game that took almost six hours to finish, with Myers driving in the go-ahead run in the top of the 14th inning. This game kept me up well past my bedtime of 2:30 am. Six hours! Good lord, that’s like fifteen $9 beers! My anti-depressants are wearing off, and I’m starting to get angry with the world again. Damn you Adam Jones! Damn you Adrian Beltre! Arrgh! DO something, for fantasy’s sake! Ahem, sorry about that. Mood swings, you know how that be. Either way, pretty impressive win for the Rays who played a double header the day before. In addition to Dez Jennings’ slam and legs, with double the legs (ie double the protein), the Rays had three hit games from Evan LongoriaWil MyersSean RodriguezJames Loney and Yunel Escobar. Whew! That’s alotta hits!

Jacoby Ellsbury – 4-for-6 with his 9th SB. Not to be outdone at home, the Yanks had 18 hits themselves! That’s 38 hits between the two teams. Math, people! It’s not rocket science. This game was a fantasy “honey hole” as the American pickers would say, with home runs from Alfonso SorianoBrian McCann and Mark TeixeiraWho cares if they won or not, as long as everyone hits a home run off irrelevant pitchers then all is well in the fantasy realm.

 

Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!