So with the festivities of All-Stardom concluding, thus comes the second half. It’s an inevitable thing, you eat half a cookie the other half remains. So this week I am going to run down a list of the closers for the remainder of season. So sorry for not doing salads with donkeys this week, I felt this was more noteworthy since we are about two weeks from the trade deadline in real and fake baseball life (in some leagues). The closer rankings that I came up with will be based off of a few things: saves (no durrr), team success, likely hood to remain a closer, and peripheral stats. So we lump all those together and we get the ROS STSLRCPS. Which basically looks like a pretty good scrabble deck. Bare with me, it’s a busy time of year, and for those in the know, Fantasy Soccer is live and in full effect. Go check it out, it’s fantasy baseball with an accent. So now onto the closer ranks for the rest of the 2015 campaign…
Note: If you notice there are more than 30 closers listed, because injuries and trades can make it a multi-headed monster for saves. Excess is good though gives you more options and more for me to write.
1. Greg Holland – The Royals won the All Star game for themselves, or that’s what the guy at my favorite BBQ place told me today.
2. Kenley Jansen – An ice devouring save tornado. Padres/D-Backs/Rockies both fading into nothingness and their remaining schedule opp winning % is under 470
3. Andrew Miller – I am going to suspend the reality that he doesn’t get hurt again, if he does I also ranked Dellin so just switch the two spots.
4. Drew Storen – Nats are going to get better and gel in the second half. The rest of their division is a number seven with snap peas. Or as we say in Jersey: ordinary.
5. Mark Melancon – The last five closers are all awesome and I would take any of them as my RP-1. Pirates are coming on and Mark has 1 ER given up since May.
6. Aroldis Chapman – Here’s for the K’s, sir. All the talk of him being traded wouldn’t hurt his value at all.
7. Cody Allen – Steady, the Indians pitching starters are decent enough to keep them in the race for awhile allowing Allen to keep rolling. He is unscored upon since 5/20.
8. Huston Street – K’s are up and that was really his only bad trait. Wait the Angels are really battling the Astros, thought I woke up and had a tumor.
9. Glen Perkins – Could be a first half darling but stat wise he is maintaining. Twins don’t have the SP firepower that others in division have but arguably are scrappier than everyone else. Scrappiness should have been a stat factor.
10. David Robertson – Is there a more boring closer? There’s never anything bad to say about the guy.
11. Zach Britton – Ridiculous stat: Britton has allowed seven fly balls all season. Orioles look to be a contender to me, and have the goods to fix any hole they have via trade.
12. Jonathan Papelbon – I have Papelbon higher than he normally would be ranked because it’s not if but when he is traded. He is going to a contender and he has decent stats with a crap Phils team that will be extrapolated on a better one.
13. Trevor Rosenthal – Rosie has me a little worried about his usage and his arm weariness, if you own him a cuff of Siegrist or the return of Walden may be in order.
14. Craig Kimbrel – The padres are just not a good team its like they have all the pieces to a lego set of the U.S.S Intreped but no instructions. Stat wise he is still the goods but quantity isn’t there.
15. Jeurys Familia – Mets need to trade for a hitter or all the pitching goodness is for not. By the way that group of Mets starters needs a nickname collectively.
16. Francisco Rodriguez – I see him getting traded to a contender or cusp contender. His value stays the same because he will choke your dad if he doesn’t close for that new team.
17. Santiago Casilla – Giants, one run ball games, success rate google that. Oh throw in Steve Perry singing 7th inning stretch.
18. Koji Uehara – No starting pitching make Uehara sound like one of the best lines from Apolalypse Now.
19. Shawn Tolleson – The Rangers aren’t that far from the wildcard spot, and are starting to get alot of SP back healthy. Keep an eye on his FB% if it gets to 50% jump to number 33
20. A.J. Ramos – The best from the worst teams already eliminated from playoff contention.
21. Joakim Soria – If Tigers are in it, yay for you. If they fall anymore than the 9 out and…. Deion Sanders is in punt formation. He will be in the mix for saves if traded so holds some value.
22. Dellin Betances – He is vying for the Wade Davis relief pitcher non-closer of the year. I was just informed that Wade Davis is still alive.
23. Luke Gregerson – The Astros are really going to make a push with Luke. I don’t buy it.
24. Brad Boxberger – The me and Bobby McGee factor is worrisome, but he puts up good numbers. His dad the diving judge would be proud.
25. John Axford – Was the closer for a last place team, excellent resume builder type material.
26. Tyler Clippard – I think he is the first closer to be traded, yes, before Pap. Goes to a team to set-up garners 4 saves the rest of the year and raises free range alpacas because there price per pound of hair is greater than that of sheep.
27. Jim Johnson – He isn’t long for the role in my opinion, add is the fact that the team looks destined for about 30 more wins. Split evenly amongst the 10 living bullpen members.
28. Roberto Osuna – He is in the right place just at the wrong time. Veteran preference is going to have to take over.
29. Ken Giles – the closer in waiting no more. Will get his chance once Paps gets the gate and will be a top-15 closer next year.
30. Fernando Rodney – The current closer is about as useful as a Nintendo game without blowing into it first.
31. Brad Ziegler – Gets traded, D-Backs turn to a cavalcade of youngsters. See number 33.
32. Rafael Soriano – He’s coming. Who knows when and in what role but boy am I excited… Woo!
33. Carson Smith – Rodney is yesterday’s blue plate special. Carson needs to shine in primetime, freaking Lloyd.
34. Enrique Burgos – It could really be any number of fells to get the 9th. The d-backs have a scary group of upcoming relief pitchers. Hudson, Chafin, Delgado could all gets a looksie, Burgos is better fit.
35. Jake McGee – Is like the kid reaching into Brad’s cookie jar. Stupid cookie stealer.
36. Aroyds Vizcaino – If the Braves go see what they got, and by got I mean not finish behind the Marlins he may get a peek as the closer.
37. Keone Kela – The in case of Tolleson break glass security blanket. Is the goods just nobody watches enough Texas Ranger baseball.
38. Jason Motte – Soriano is due back eventually which gives him some time to garner so save totals. All saves counts.
39. Bruce Rondon – If the tigers fall out of the race in 2 weeks and somebody says hey we want Soria you think they say no. Neftali Feliz is also a factor here but Rondon is more fun.
