Well, this is icky. I don’t know what MLB is doing by reporting that they’re not reporting Covid cases. I mean, I think I get it. It’s icky and it’s tricky and — “Shut up, brain, don’t start singing Run-DMC.” — and AND and I don’t know! But not reporting it is doing what exactly? They report injuries to Mitch Haniger that make you want to cross your legs. They report injuries about how a guy fell in a bathtub with a deer — hello, Clint Barmes! — but they don’t report Coronavirus? I just…I don’t know. Not sure it’s the answer. With that said, the Phillies placed Scott Kingery, Hector Neris, Tommy Hunter and Ranger Suarez on the IL yesterday without even a press release. Someone just happened to notice the roster moves. Does that mean they have Covid? Again, I don’t know. Since they announce literally every other injury, one can conclude. How serious is their symptoms? Again, no idea. This is gonna be one helluva 60-game season, huh? My solution is, if you really don’t want Covid speculation, just don’t announce any injuries at all. Change the IL to the ILL and whether it’s a hammy or Covid, don’t say anything. Just say they’re ILL. As for fantasy, Neris’s loss for saves could be huge, but we don’t know yet he’ll miss any of the season. I’d hold him. If you want to speculate, I guess Adam Morgan or a committee (which is atrocious for a 60-game season). As for Kingery, again, we don’t know how long he’ll be out (or why he’s out), so hold. This could be a boost to Adam Haseley. He could be a top 60 outfielder with everyday at-bats, and worth a shot. Or not. Wheeeeee! A 60-game season! Anyway, here’s what else I saw for fantasy baseball:

Mike Leake – Opted out for the year. Sounds like Mike Leake has gained fantasy value!

Ian Desmond – Opted out for the year. The Rockies have an extra spot to play Sam Hilliard or Garrett Hampson or Raimel Tapia or–Did they just sign Matt Kemp? No, they did not. Please tell me this is just a cruel joke. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so predictable. Bud Black is the fantasy baseballer’s archenemy, who goes by the name Black Bud and has a black rose on his chest plate and nothing but no-upside vets in his lineup. Every fantasy baseballer’s last words, “…Rox…Bud…” So, Raimel Tapia and Sam Hilliard went from 70% to 75% playing time, and were upped in the Steamer projections. Kemp is still bleh, unless he gets at-bats. Oh em gee, he’s gonna get at-bats, isn’t he?

Jose Quintana – Required thumb surgery after injuring himself while washing dishes. Sucks for Quintana, but it shores up my excuse to never wash dishes again. I’ve removed Jose Quintana from my 2020 fantasy baseball rankings (which are all on 60-game projections). Cubs said he’d only miss two weeks, but, um, yeah right.

Melky Cabrera – Signed with the Mets. Kinda like this signing from a real baseball standpoint, because I have this weird love for Melky. Wonder if I was breastfed too long. Any hoo! Melky is nothing for fantasy.

Hunter Strickland – Signed with the Mets. Brodie Van Wagenen, “Wow, Hunter Strickland is that good at punch outs when trying to close the door?” Mets Intern, “Um, you’re misunderstanding.”

Gordon Beckham – Signed with the Mets. In related news, the Mets visited the set of Antiques Roadshow.

Jorge MateoPadres acquired Mateo from the A’s for a player to be named later. A’s later said, “The player to be named later is Fernando Tatis Jr,” and the Padres said, “Damn, you got us.” Mateo is at best a burner who could steal 20 bags in 60 games. At worst, he’s the guy who they bring into games to stand on 2nd base in extra innings. Actually, I might’ve switched those two. Mateo might just be a pinch runner, but if he’s seeing real reps in Summer Camp, I will scream bloody murder about my Profar shares and move Mateo into the rankings.

Tyler Rogers – Option for the Giants’ closer role. Usually I’m goofy on goofballs for closers in waiting or possible closers, but, in 60 games, I’m not exactly ratcheted-up for a possible closer who could get three or fewer saves.

Joey Bart – Made the 60-man roster. Hoping they move Posey to DH and just let The Bartman catch. Ay carumba! Fo’reals, it would be better for both of them. Posey is not interesting for fantasy if he’s DH’ing either, but Bart? Can I get a chef’s kiss, nah’mean? Here’s my Joey Bart sleeper from the shutdown.

Jordan Hicks – Will begin season on the IL. Avoid this whole shizzshow. I mean, I guess Giovanny Gallegos (say that shizz fast 117 times!), but, yeah, it’s gonna be a mess.

Colin Moran – Derek Shelton, Pirates manager and person who has a name like you want to say, “Hey, did I go high school with him?”, announced that Moran has the lead on the 3rd base job. Certain teams should be taken over like they do in the corporate world. Send Gordon Gekko in and bring up to the majors Ke’Bryan Hayes and Ryan Mountcastle and Ke’Ryan Hayescastle and whoever else!

Ryan Zimmerman – Opted out for the season. He wasn’t ranked in my top 20 1st basemen back in January, because I can see the future, but I have major blindspots about the present.

Joe Ross – Opted out for the year. Joe Ross on the phone with his brother, “What are we having for lunch?” “Sliders.” “We always have sliders.” “Yes, until we get hurt.”