Shawn Kelley notched his second save in as many days Friday night, recording the final out, allowing just one hit for his sixth save of the season. Is your fantasy team in dire need of saves? Are you tired of owning the entire Braves bullpen? Well, it seems your prayers may have been answered. Manager Dusty Baker has yet to commit to Kelley, but Baker usually doesn’t commit to anything unless it’s ruining some young player’s career in the long term. Unlike Atlanta, the Nationals bullpen will likely see a good share of save chances and with Jonathan Papelbon struggling, it appears Shawn Kelley is the add here. Oh Papelbon, how the mighty have fallen, right? I remember when he wasn’t just the most obnoxious pitcher in all of baseball, he was also a very good closer! Shawn Kelley has the potential to be a very good closer as well. He holds a 3.05 ERA, and 1.02 WHIP, with a 60/7 K/BB rate. Did I mention he can get you saves? Did I mention he’s available in over 80% of fantasy leagues? Geez, all this stuff I forgot to mention, my memory is really shot lately. There’s still a chance Washington trades for a closer, but I’d pick up Shawn Kelley everywhere I needed saves as he looks to be the top option in the Nats pen at the moment, Grey told you to BUY and he won’t be available for very long.
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:
Jim Johnson – 1.0 IP, hit, 0 ER, SV (5). So Johnson is your ATL closer,and he was a BUY so pick him up if your fishing for saves. My extremely credible sources, that definitely aren’t websites and definitely are actual human people, say Johnson could be traded which would make the Braves closer god-knows-who. More shocking is what team is actually trading for Jim Johnson. It’s gotta be the Mets or something. Or the New York Baseball Knicks as I like to call them. Really? Jim Johnson? Really Seth Myers? Really? Donald Trump? Really America? This guy?
Tyrell Jenkins – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 4 BB, 4 K, W. So tell me over-the-internet friend, how desperate are yo for starting pitching right now? If you answered, “Very” let me introduce you to Tyrell Jenkins. TJ plays for a bad team, struggles with control and doesn’t really strike anyone out, but two of his three major leagues starts to date have been decent enough. I guess. Pick him up if you hate yourself.
Jake Odorizzi – 6.2 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 5 K, W. Over his past three starts, Jake has nabbed 2 wins in 20.2 IP, with a 0.87 ERA, 0.92 WHIP and 17/1 K/BB rate. That’s the sweet Odor of success my friends. Oh and sweat, I mean it’s like 90+ degrees out here. Thankfully, my naturally probiotics means I don’t have to shower, right? Right!? Jake hasn’t let up a run in a past two outings, and I’m curious as to why more teams aren’t clamoring about trading for him.
Jeremy Hazelbaker – 1-for-2, HR (8), 2 RBI. Oh hey! I remember you! From April. How’s things? That bad, huh?
Tommy Pham – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (7), 3 RBI. Pham jam thank you ma’am!
Kolten Wong – 3-for-5, 2 RBI. Hard for me to recommend any of these Cardinals as I’m afraid none of them will play consistently enough to produce for your team. But they’ll always have that warm summer night, July 29, 2016. Those were the best days of their lives. I guess nothing can last forever. Foreeeeever, no! Thanks for that Bryan Adams.
Dee Gordon – 2-for-4, run. I exited out of my CryroPod into the clean plexi-steel sterility of the Concu-Lextin Galactic Space Station. “Great space scott! What is this place?” I ask into the InfactoBand mounted on my wrist. “How long have I been in CryroHydronic suspension?” “4 months, 4 days, 7 minutes, Master Pants.” replies my hyper sexual British robot priestess, Angelflare. Has it really only been 4 months? Hey I own Dee Gordon! I must be killing it in stolen bases! “Negative,” replies Angelflare, as she fills me in and explains Gordon needs at least 15 SB in the next two months to make his draft and stash worthwhile. “Egads, Angelflare!” So this what has become of the Northeastern Quadrant? I can only assume Hugo Darquelord must be behind this..
David Dahl – 2-for-4. “Get headquarters on the Space Skype, Angelflare! I need to let my long time associate and former partner at SpaceX Academy, Gruff Marsman, know that Lord Darquelord is planning something.” And if I wasn’t mistaken, it could threaten the entire cinnamon supply of Northeastern Quadrant. Everyone from Beta-9 District to the Sand Dunes of Fillomare could be in grave danger…perhaps Admiral Dahl could be of some assistance. I hear he’s a rough-and-tumble rookie who lives by his own rules, and plays his home games in zero-G. Commander Grey told you BUY, you should probably do that before the Northeastern Quadrant is completely destroyed.
Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-5, HR (21), 4 RBI. Slashing .317/.369/.549 with 21 homers and 66 RBI. I don’t want to jinx it but CarGo has remained uncharacteristically healthy this year. It must be his new diet consisting strictly of muscle milk and celery. You actually burn calories eating celery, you guys! That’s negative calories!
James Loney – 2-for-4, HR (6). I often comment that Loney is one of the most boring active baseballers, but he sure likes to do it up on Friday nights. Speaking of boring…Ii you’d like to read more of my Steampunk Space Novella/Erotica, be sure to check out my space blog!
Tyler Collins – 2-for-4, HR (3), 3 RBI. Keep hitting those baseballs Tyler, and maybe they won’t send you down when J.D. Martinez returns next week. To be fair, they probably still will though.
Justin Upton – 2-for-4, HR (12), 3 RBI. At this point, I am so numbed to Upton’s mediocrity this year, any show of power makes me giddy. I almost spit out my nightcap (warm milk and vodka, obvs) when I saw this. J-Ups, it’s not too late to save my season!
Collin McHugh – 1.2 IP, 10 hits, 8 ER, K. I streamed him because of who I am as a person. And I’d do it again, too! It’s all part of leading a miserable life.
Cameron Maybin – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBI. My self-esteem is unusually low this week, even for me, so here I am choosing to remind you all that I told you grab Maybin two months ago, and choosing not to remind you that I told you to grab Zach Eflin last week.
Trevor Bauer – 5.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Bauer has been up and down lately, but Friday he seemed more up than down. He gets the Twins next week. Would bang.
Josh Reddick – 1-for-5, HR (8). That is re-ddick! And I’m not talking about the awesome Vin Diesel films. Apparently, that’s how the kids are saying “ridiculous” these days. Everything is abbrev’d. It’s just cooler. I get it! Ain’t nobody got time for full words anymo. Josh is hitting .333 with 2 homers and a steal in the past week and if he’s not owned in your league he should be.
Jose Bautista – 1-for-4, HR (13). Returns from the DL in his second game back with a lead off home run! Joey Bats should consider changing his nickname to the even more appropriate Joey Hits Home Runs.
Shawn O’Malley – 2-for-5, RBI, SB (4). Could be an interesting SAGNOF option if he continues to lead off for the M’s. He isn’t yet, but I’ll be sure to let you know when he is.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-4, HR (5), 3 RBI. Who would have thought three years ago that the least exciting young player on the Cubs would be Jason Heyward.
Kris Bryant – 3-for-3, run, RBI, SB (7). That’s right, folks! And he steals bases, too! The kid can do it all, don’t you wish you drafted him? I do.
Javier Baez – 3-for-5, run, RBI. When your jealous of Cubs fans and their awesome team even though they haven’t won anything in over 100 years. Seriously, the Cubbies probably have one of the most exciting young infields in ever. I’d consider moving to Chicago, but I hate wind and weather, and sausage and deep dish pizza give me bad indigestion.
Roughned Odor – 3-for-4, 2 HR (21). Odor’s got 54 RBI and 10 steals to go with his 21 jacks and a .282/.301/.508 slash. He also currently holds 10 of top 15 Pokemon gyms in the Arlington area. Now that’s skill!
Jurickson Profar – 2-for-3, 3 runs, RBI. I dreamed so long that Profar would be called up and lead my fantasy team to glory and now that he’s actually here and producing I’m like, “meh.” He’s struggled post-All Star break but has turned it on lately, batting .320 in the past week. Give him another chance, perhaps? Or nah.
Junior Guerra – 8.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 5 K, W. Finally Brewers fans have something to be proud of that doesn’t involve Jonathan Villar’s stolen base total or Will Ferrell’s beer commercials. Junior had a shot at the shutout but was lifted after letting the first two batters reach base. Still Junior has been three times flame emoji lately, ending July with a 1.59 ERA, 2 wins, with opponents hitting just .176 against him. Talk about a Junior Senior! Pro tip* That will help your fantasy team!
Jose Quintana – 6.2 IP, 7 hits, ER, BB, 9 K. Jose’s got a 2.89 ERA, 1.11 WHIP and 125/33 K/BB ratio over 137 innings. Sweet sassy molassy! If I had drafted Quintana instead of Marcus Stroman I wouldn’t be considering joining the Suicide Squad myself.
Rick Porcello – 9.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 K, W (14-2). Now who’s overpaid? I’m looking at you David Price. Probably Slick Rick’s best start of the year, and trust me, it’s been a pretty good year, so that’s saying something. His first complete game with Boston, and Porcello now leads all starting pitchers in wins. If you predicted Rick would lead all Red Sox pitchers in wins at the end of July you are clearly an OT Level 2 or higher and I’ll see you at the next meeting, friend! Don’t forget your quantum E-meter.
Xander Bogaerts – 2-for-5, HR (13), 3 RBI. AWESOME-X! I’m not ashamed to say to love him more than I could ever love a human baby. Or a corgi puppy for that matter. I think I’m going to end every one of my posts this year with the Great X. Xander’s batting over .400 in the past week two homers and two steals. You won’t forget about me when you’re famous will you, X? This is all happening so fast. If you don’t know by now, X-Man’s mutant power is being my fantasy kryptonite. Uh-oh, I mixed Marvel and DC again, and with San Diego Comic Con coverage still fresh on our minds…bring it on, nerds!
Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
