Two-Start Pitchers, Week 8: It’s Teheran Up My Heart

by: M@

It was almost 20 years ago. Aaaah, middle school. I remember it like yesterday. Or, well, like twenty years ago. Sweater vests, braces, and bleached blonde caesar haircuts. Before the real Slim Shady showed up a different white boy with rhythm busted onto the scene with his troupe of ex-Disney-turned-MTV boy banders. We all thought it was dumb (of course). Why should all the girls that we thought were hot think they were hot? Because they’re on TV? Stupid. Because they can sing? Hey, we were in chorus! Every crush I had at 12 would swoon over *NYSNC and their lyrics, thinking it was written for them.

‘It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you/And when we are apart I feel it, too/And no matter what I do I feel the pain with or without you!’

Okay, a few things. Why in the Kanye West did you have an asterisk in front of your name? You’re not Roger Maris! GTFO. At least put a hashtag. Be ahead of the times. Instead your name looks like something that could be traded on NASDAQ. Second, besides their style choices asterikNSYNC was clearly a confused calamity of young 20-Somethings. How about ya find a lady that doesn’t make you manic? Just a thought. Third, how dare you steal from U2 with those lyrics!?! Fourth, thank heavens for progression. Amiright Justin Timberlake? (In case you’re totally lost, but somehow still reading this asinine intro, JT’s the aforementioned white boy whom I massively respect now, see: Jessica Biel). Fifth, I didn’t have to look those lyrics up. I knew them. In the darkness of my memories. Damn it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

#	MLB Starting Lineups For Wed 8/6
	ARI \| ATH \| ATL \| BAL \| BOS \| CHC \| CHW \| CIN \| CLE \| COL \| DET \| HOU \| KC \| LAA \| LAD \| MIA \| MIL \| MIN \| NYM \| NYY \| PHI \| PIT \| SD \| SEA \| SF \| STL \| TB \| TEX \| TOR \| WSH \| OAK

Maybin This Time Will Be Different

May 21, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 71 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Cameron Maybin was 3-for-4 Friday night with his fourth stolen base in four games. Did someone say SAGNOF? Since his return from the disabled list last Monday, Killa Cam has hit safely in all four games he’s played, going 8-for-13 (.615 AVG), with 3 runs, an RBI, and oh, did I mention he’s stolen four bases?! Because that’s why I’m writing this lede about Cameron Maybin and not some obviously more valuable and less disappointment-prone player. I googled my headline thinking it was a song title by the Cure or something but all that came up was a sub reddit about depression. What’s worse is I had visited this page before. Hmm, probably because I’ve owned Maybin so many times in the past. Cameron has burned me more over the years than the cast of That 70’s Show, but four steals in four games should not be ignored. Grey told you to BUY and he said “That’s so, Maybin!” Wow, that’s so Grey to say that. Temper your expectation, but pick up Maybin if you got the Need for Speed but refuse to support EA games or Aaron Paul’s acting career. So yeah, Maybin this time will be different? This could be my crippling depression talking, but he’s available in about 80% of leagues and I’d take a flier wherever I needed steals.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings: Chappie 2-Pitching Debut

May 21, 2016 | DraftKings |

by: Gern Blanston

In a world where humans are fed up with umps missing calls and players getting injured … Chappie takes the mound! Some people are preaching for robot umpires, but what about robot pitchers! Wouldn’t you love to have a robot pitcher on your team? Don’t worry about overuse and Tommy John surgery, you just need to grease the elbow joint between innings. And no more hanging sliders when you only up one run in the bottom of the ninth. Okay, the LAST thing we need is another Chappie movie. Let’s talk about the human pitcher J.A. Happ. Humans make mistakes, and many mistakes were made in Happ’s last outing. Happ only managed to throw 2 innings while giving up 8 runs. Luckily for him, he gets to face the Twins today. Nothing says bounceback match up like a lefty facing the Twinkies. Against LHP, they have only 18 runs, 2 HR, a .576 OPS, and 25% K rate. Meanwhile, the Jays get to tee off against Pat Dean, who is unlikely to make it make it into the 6th inning. The Twins bullpen has surrendered 79 runs, 23 HR, .289 batting average, and an .837 OPS. So if the Jays cant get after the 90 MPH throwing lefty Dean, they should be able to strike against the weak bullpen. Twins pitching should easily put Happ in line for the win if he can improve from his last appearance. With Twins inability to hit lefties and their far from fabulous pitching, Happ at $8,100 should be a safe play today. Introducing, Chappie 3: The DFS Guru – Let us find some deals for you today!

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday May 23rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report, Week 7 – Call On Me, Colome

May 21, 2016 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 37 Comments

by: Smokey

Besides that Eric Prydz catchy a** song, the bullpen situation/decision in Tampa is drawing nearer and dearer to our closer hearts. The return of the “Box” is coming, and it drums in the deep. Now we automatically assume, myself included, that three weeks ago, Brad Boxberger would just go all cutzies like in the high school cafeteria and get his job back at the time he arrives. Fast forward three weeks, or to now, and that situation doesn’t look like it is a foregone conclusion because look what Alex Colome is doing in the role. He checks all the “I am keeping my job” boxes. He of the 10 saves in 10 chances, 12 K/9, 2 BB/9, BAA under two bills variety. Those are all good things to have, and better than 15 other closers in baseball for stats across the board. Now, I just said that I don’t see Box claiming what’s his right away, but it could happen, because loyalty rules everything around baseball. So if you own Colome and can get Boxberger before he gets noticeable stats on the cheap, I advise to do so. If you own Boxberger and don’t own Colome, well, the price will be higher because the people that own him can read stats just as easily as I can type them out for you. So be proactive as we reach the quarter post in the fantasy year, and for giggles, stay around as I find some goofy things to learn you…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trea Buynifique

May 20, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 634 Comments

by: Grey

My years of sitting in French cafes, smoking really long cigarettes and wearing a beret, while sneering at children and puppies, has taken its toll. I’m no longer the innocent fantasy baseballer who picks up just any potential rookie call-up. I have more discerning tastes now. When I was a mere jejune tot, I’d sip a combination of ale and grenadine my bartendress called a Monaco and talk about Super 2’s and so-and-so was going to be the next Ryan Braun-like call-up. I’m no longer a tot; now, I’m a full potato, and I drink gin with extra juniper berries. Crunching on juniper berries, coughing from a tumor, watching cyclists in spandex shorts, carrying baguettes. The days bleed together. I take out my daily planner and pencil, lick the pencil, turn the calendar day to make a note to, “Buy more Virginia Slim 120s,” when I read a note to myself, “It’s almost June, start picking up rookie call-ups, you dipshit!” Ah, yes, Daily Planner Grey has a point. Today, I decided to highlight Trea Turner. At this point, he feels like the number one call-up. A.J. Reed, Jameson Taillon, Tyler Glasnow, Orlando Arcia might make bigger impacts, but the Nats consider themselves a playoff team and they’re in a heated division battle right now. I doubt they let Dusty simply ignore Turner because Espinosa is older. Older really isn’t a reason to play someone. An exec has to relay that to Dusty at some point. Turner looks like he could be a Francisco Lindor-type from last year — 7-10 HRs, 15-18 steals, solid average. Basically, a top ten shortstop from the time he’s called up. I would stash him now–*coughs* Sorry, I accidentally bought Virginia Slim 140s. The extra 20 is killing me. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Frankencatcher: You Picked Up Realmuto A Couple Weeks Ago, Right?

May 20, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 35 Comments

by: mikeMaher

A few weeks ago, I was but a wee lad writing my first article for Razzball, and you were reading that article because you were either desperate for catcher advice in your fantasy league or because you just plain hate yourself. I recommended picking up J.T. Realmuto for a lengthy dice roll or Jarrod Saltalamacchia for some short term power, and we all laughed a little on the outside and cried a little on the inside.

Then Realmuto hit .500 over the course of the next week. .500, as in half of his at bats were hits. .500, as in the batting average of some of the top high school baseball prospects (except Realmuto, he hit .595 and had 119 RBI in 42 games. Found those stats by accident while searching for a picture of the Realmuto family crest.). .500, as in—OK, enough. It was only a week.

Realmuto cooled off a bit the next week, but he was still more than solid, especially for a catcher: 8-23, 0.348 BA, 2B, 4 RBI, 2 R, SB, .739 OPS. Not too shabby, even if there isn’t a ton of power there. I would like to take this time to point out that my predictions (read: ANALYSIS) for Realmuto, Salty, and Wilson Ramos were all pretty much spot on. Ok, now that we got that out of the way, we can move on.

The free agent catcher wasteland is as bleak as it has ever been. I checked the top 3 free agents by position yesterday in my CBS league, and the top 3 catchers available were: Saltalamacchia, Chris Herrmann, and David Ross. I think most of us would agree that the logical reactions to those three are “old news,” “who?,” and “really?,” respectively. It’s bad, guys. Let’s start with the catchers to stay away from, first.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings: Don’t Be A Lazy Bird, Get On The Cole Trane

May 20, 2016 | DraftKings, Fantasy Baseball DFS | 21 Comments

by: MattTruss

You have to appreciate the classics. I wouldn’t say I’m a jazz nerd or anything, but I do listen to the genre, am familiar with the legends and am generally a sucker for horns. If you have no idea what I’m talking about right now, do yourself a favor and go hit up your favorite music streaming service and search for John Coltrane. Then prepare yourself for some serious ear candy. Speaking of candy (geez, that transition was more forced than a JB SeatGeek spot huh?), Gerrit Cole faces off against the Colorado Rockies tonight. Facing the Rockies away from Coors is like taking the aforementioned candy right out of the hands of an infant. These very same Rockies just made Adam Wainwright look like a legitimate ace. I know, crazy right? Cole held his own against the Rox out in Coors, 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 Ks. That translates to 8 IP, -4 ER and 9 Ks in a normal ball park. PNC park has also ranked in the bottom 1/5th in the league for LHB HR park factor the past two seasons. That lines up perfectly for the left-heavy Rockies. I really don’t understand Coles’s price tag tonight, but for $4,000 less than Jake Arrieta, he is my number one pitching play today. Let’s see what other values we can dig up for tonight’s slate:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Junior’s His Name, Don’t Guerra Out

May 20, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 450 Comments

by: Grey

Junior Guerra has a backstory that puts the odd in odyssey. The Braves signed him as a 16-year-old catcher out of Venezuela. In 2006, he had position reassignment surgery and became a pitcher. As a herbathrowdite in Georgia, bathrooms and strike zones were hard to find, so he was released. He found courage from the support group, “PAC IO,” which is Pitchers And Catchers Input/Output, and tried his hand at Independent leagues. Eventually, he played in Mexico, Spain, and Italy. In Italy, it was especially difficult to be a pitcher because every time a hitter came up to the plate a large, mustachioed woman umpire would say, “Guerra, you hafta throw the meatballs. C’mon, the hitter’s starvin’ over here.” And Guerra’s cheeks would constantly be pinched. But, miraculously, Robin Ventura found him in Italy, while mistakenly thinking that’s where Jim Rome taped his show, and signed him. Of course, the White Sox had no place for Guerra, and his journey took him to Milwaukee, allowing him to be the first person with an Italian stamp on his passport in Milwaukee since Arthur Fonzarelli. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks to move his record to 3-0. He’s touched 99 MPH with his fastball, averaging around 92-95 and has a split-finger change that falls off the map like an explorer in the 1400’s. Is he more than a streamer? Hard to say at this point. He will get strikeouts and faces the Braves next so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and grab him for that start. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull: For Whom The Beltre Tolls

May 19, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 35 Comments

by: Big Magoo

If you’re experiencing a sudden case of déjà vu, you might want to schedule a visit with a neurologist. According to Wikipedia, it could be a symptom of epilepsy. Of course, if you happened to stumble upon the Adrian Beltre article that I wrote almost a year ago to the day, that would probably account for the sense of familiarity that you’re feeling at the moment. Same series, same title. It’s not laziness. I prefer to think of it as being efficient. Yes, that sounds perfectly reasonable. We’ll go with that. But why am I writing about the Rangers third baseman yet again this season? Has his production fallen off of a cliff? Has he found the fountain of youth at age 37? Has he overcome his bizarre head-touching phobia?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2016 REL Dynasty League Update: Week 7

May 19, 2016 | Razzball Elite League | 29 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

BREAKING NEWS! We have an REL franchise for sale by the owner. Unfortunately, the owner of the KANSAS CITY ROYALS is ready to step down from ownership of the team, and we need someone out there in Razzball Nation who is interested in joining the great social experiment that is the REL. Now, this is a paid league, so the fee for buying the team is pretty high with how baseball has grown in popularity and all our TV deals. It’s gonna be $25. League fees are $50 for each season, so you’ll be paying 1/2 price this year to take over, and mostly it’s just to ensure we get a serious owner. Then it’s $50 every additional year. To see a quick recap on how the league works, you can check out the Cliff’s Notes in the league launch post.

First commenter who says they want the Royals, gets em. Just let me know if the email is good to contact you through the email you comment on, or give me an email to reach out to ya. I’ll then forward you the rules and swap you over to own the team! Please only take over the team if you intend on staying with the dynasty as long as possible!

To our standings, the Nats/Cubs continue to rock the NL with the Orange Birds still stooping over the AL. We had two MONSTER buys – one in each league – on the FAAB market this week as well. $92 in FAAB in two moves – gone! Here’s how week seven went down in the 2016 REL League:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings: Jhou-Please Get Shelled

May 19, 2016 | DraftKings | 3 Comments

by: wheyen3

The Los Angeles Dodgers have a lineup full of left-handed hitters who at some point or another knew how to hit very well. Currently, they have two young hitters coming into their own in Joc Pederson and Corey Seager, who both love seeing a stinky right handed arm on the mind. Thankfully, the Angels will provide just that on Thursday in the form of Jhoulys Chacin. Although he pitched well in his first start in an Angels’ uniform, this one should be different, and feel free to toss as many of those left handed Dodgers’ bats into your lineup as you can. And remember, in case you forgot, bats don’t have a handedness, only the players holding them. Without further ado, let’s get to some team-building! (I’m sorry if that sounds like the start to some poor exercise put together at school or work in an effort to bring you together; this hopefully is not a poor exercise)

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday May 23rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(Dy)Sunrise, (Tolle)Sunset

May 19, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 646 Comments

by: Grey

Tolleson had his cookies tossed for the last time on Tuesday. Or maybe Shawn Tolleson caused his owners’ cookies to be tossed? Sounds too passive, said Flesch-Kincaid, but you get the idea. By the by, why is tossing food so gross? Tossing one’s cookies should be a glorious thing. Who doesn’t want cookies tossed at them? Please toss your cookies into my mouth! Then there’s tossing salad? That sounds healthy and like a spring morn. Why is tossing salad so bad? I’d love a salad tossing and a jog around the Maypole! Any hoo! There’s no more Tolleson, and Sam Dyson will step in as the Rangers closer. Glad to see Rangers manager, Jeff Banister, finally react. Though, it took a long time since Tolleson’s ERA is over nine. Banister’s reflexes are so slow Bautista could’ve snuck in a punch on him. Maybe they should’ve let Odor punch Tolleson’s card. He would’ve been out on April 4th. “You’re done!” “That was one pitch.” “I don’t care, now I will punch you.” Sam Dyson should be owned in all leagues. Will Tolleson regain the role? Maybe, if Dyson gets injured, but it seems highly unlikely otherwise and can be dropped in most leagues. Hey, Tolleson, don’t let the door hit you, where Odor split your lip. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?