Grey

Ranger Suarez, 2022 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 28, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 34 Comments

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Don’t even know if Ranger Suarez is a 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper. I’m sorry, I think he’s a 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper. I’m just not sure. See, I looked at his Statcast numbers and my eyes fell out of my head. Since that moment, I’ve sorta been flailing around with my fingers on what I think is the keeeboard. How’s my spellling? I spellled spellling wrong, didn’t I? And misspelled ‘spelled’ too, huh? Hey! I got my eyes back in my head! Sweet! Now to look at Ranger Suarez’s Statcast page again–Ow! I just dropped my jaw on the ground! This sucks! Could someone please tamp down Ranger Suarez’s Statcast numbers so I don’t bug out my eyes or drop my jaw? We’re unable to do that? Okay, well, I want to warn you all before I show you these gorge digits. Brace yourself. They are some of the best stats I’ve ever seen. (If you click the image, it gets bigger. That’s what she never said!)

How many of you also lost your eyes and/or jaw bottoms? I see a show of a few hands. Oh, man, I can see that one guy lost his bottom jaw and it smashed down on someone else’s eyes. What a mess! Okay, let’s go through these numbers to help those who are not impressed become impressed. So, what can we expect from Ranger Suarez for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Ranger Suarez sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Ranger Suarez sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Donkey Teeth

Not Not New Podcast: A Christmas Miracle

December 27, 2021 | All Podcasts | 6 Comments

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Attention Razzballers! The Not Not News Podcast is now available 100% free of charge! Subscribe to the Not Not New Podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

It’s your favorite hour of the week!  The Not Not News is back with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. This week, on the Christmas Special,  a woman turns her cubicle into a gingerbread house and couples are bring Christmas trees into the bedroom to spice things up. Then Demi Lovato sings to ghosts, a bride gives a lap dance at her wedding reception and a man is shamed by his boss for wearing pants that were too tight!

Listen to the entire show below, now 100% free of charge!

Here are this week’s stories so you can follow along:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Gleyber Torres, 2022 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 27, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 38 Comments

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It’s a rare occurrence when a Yankees player is a sleeper. I can count the instances on one finger, the same finger I use to point at my mustache, my mustache-pointing finger. In 1984, Don Mattingly was coming off a 4-homer, .283 season, and everyone admired his mustache, but thought his bat was too weak to stick at 1st base. “He’s no Cecil Cooper,” they’d say. “I do love Mattingly’s mustache though,” they’d continue, “Do you think he’d sell pictures from his nose down to his top lip only? I’d really like to buy a picture of that to put on the ceiling of my bedroom.” That’s what they’d say. Then Mattingly broke out in 1984 and the world thought, “This guy is more than just a glorious mustache. How can one man be so lucky? A glorious mustache, a great hitter and a great wife.” A sleeper for the ages from the New York fawkin’ Yankees, or the Fawkees, as they say. Almost 40 years later, Don Mattingly is mustache-less and the Fawkees still didn’t have another sleeper. Dot dot dot. Tension builds. Until now. Last year, Gleyber Torres went 9/14/.259 and, mah gawd, this better get good fast, because that’s awful. I think I fell asleep under a giant poster of Mattingly’s mustache one too many times and my brain is mush. Well, I’m this far in, let’s just salvage this thing. So, what can we expect from Gleyber Torres for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Position Eligibility for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

December 24, 2021 | 2022 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 25 Comments

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Look at position eligibility like this, you have a toolbox filled with different positions, and you need a certain position for a certain hole in your lineup, or a screw for a certain hole to secure a latch. If you use the wrong screw, then the latch will be loose and you’ll need to translate Swedish to English to figure out how this cabinet’s door stays on the hinges, when it’s clearly not flush no matter how many times you unscrew it and re-screw it back in. What is wrong with this stupid screw, and now it’s stripped?! Oh, c’mon! Then the screw gets middle infield eligibility, but the cabinet’s directions were used as a coaster, and the coffee stain is covering the exact part I need! Or maybe that’s just me.

So, the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are already on our Patreon, free of charge plus ten dollars. I’ll be releasing the rankings in roughly three weeks from Monday. In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2022 fantasy baseball season. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2022 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! Seriously, be safe and well out there and don’t get run over by any Christmas sleighs. or non-denominational sleighs. They’re the worst!

I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of five games or more started outside of their primary position. Not four games at a position, not three, definitely not two. Five games started. If they played eight games somewhere but only started one, they are not listed. 5, the Road Runner of numbers. If they simply played 10 games at multiple positions (and not started them), they’re also included. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. Games played are in parenthesis. This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters. Is G or H first? Who knows, and, better yet, who cares! Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking. Be well, be safe. Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2022 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Jeimer Candelario, 2022 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 23, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 33 Comments

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Wait! Before you close the window, just give me a chance! Come back! Everyone’s gone, huh? *yells, hears echo* Welp, I guess I’m doing this 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper post for myself. I get it, Jeimer Candelario is mega boring. If Jeimer Candelario were an NFT, he’d be a jpeg of beige. If I am properly understanding what an NFT is, and that’s at like 25% odds. Also, if I’m understanding odds correctly, and that’s at like 50% odds. I got 2 to 1 odds that I understand 1 to 2 odds or 1 to 2 odds that I understand 2 to 1 odds? Any hoo! Jeimer Candelario is boring! Who cares? That makes someone more of a sleeper. You’re thinking about him and yawning. That’s the good part of this, not the bad part. Boring isn’t bad. They can’t all be Jarred Kelenic with 40/20/.270 upside. Did I just say Jarred Kelenic has 40/20/.270 upside? My God, what am I doing talking about Jeimer Candelario? Last year, Candelario went 16/0/.271. No wonder he’s a bore. So, what can we expect from Jeimer Candelario for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Jeimer Candelario sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. It’s an early Xmas miracle! Like waking in the middle of the night for some egg nog, and not accidentally drinking egg beaters. Anyway II, the Jeimer Candelario sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Itch

Kansas City Royals Top 10 Prospects for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

December 22, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 24 Comments

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Bobby the Witt leads a crew of young bangers simmering in Kansas City. Ace Lacey, Nicky Pratto, Vinnie P, Frank the Maserati and MJ Melendez give us a glimpse at the ghost of Christmas future in KC.

Full disclosure here. I slipped up and wrote Bibbt Wutt Jr. at one point. Bibbt–wutt? Then my phone wrote Bobby Whipit. Like when a problem comes along, Bobby Whip it! In this case, the problem is several losing seasons in a row. Typos, amiright? I’m getting light-headed over here, but that’s probably just the Royals’ sunflare future vibing in my blood. Let’s check the system. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Not Not New Podcast: Diaper Change Consent Waiver

December 20, 2021 | All Podcasts |

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Attention Razzballers! The Not Not News Podcast is now available 100% free of charge! Subscribe to the Not Not New Podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

It’s your favorite hour of the week!  The Not Not News is back with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. This week, a sexual consent expert says parents should ask their baby’s permission before changing diapers and a mother writes Dear Deidre for advice after sleeping with her son’s friend. An Italian bishop tells children Santa isn’t real and a restaurant is forced to issue refunds for ice cream that was “too cold.”

Listen to the entire show below, now 100% free of charge!

Here are this week’s stories so you can follow along:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

15 Team, NFBC Draft Champions Recap: Please, Cody Bellinger, Hurt Me Again

December 20, 2021 | Our Leagues | 66 Comments

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While drafting this NFBC 2022 fantasy baseball team, I’m simultaneously deep into writing my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, which will be released starting around mid-January. (Our Patreon already has the bulk of them; as I finish each ranking, I put it up on there.) Was a fun experiment to see if not having completed rankings would change my drafting. If I haven’t yet decided on whether or not I want a player, would that let me be more open to drafting someone? I’m not sure. My guess was it might’ve. For unstints, if I didn’t want, say, Cody Bellinger again, would I be a big enough dolt to draft him again since I haven’t finished my rankings? Would I be a large enough idiot to actually draft Cody Bellinger again in 2022 if I hadn’t yet finished my research? Would I have an obvious screw loose, potentially appearing like a person who doesn’t have an actual brain, and draft Cody Bellinger again? Would I be a large-scale imbecile that would draft Cody Bellinger again if I simply hadn’t finished researching? Surely, I would not, right? Because I rostered him in multiple leagues last year, so I don’t need something as silly as my own rankings to know Cody Bellinger sucks giant Great Dane balls, right? RIGHT?! Actually, wrong. I’m just that dumb. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap; it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, draft and hold league that goes 50 rounds and has no waivers:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Itch

Detroit Tigers Top 10 Prospects for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

December 19, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 26 Comments

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I think public perception sees this system as strong–a club on the rise–and it is, especially at the top, but if you squint at this snapshot, gaze into its depths like a magic-eye poster, it morphs into a donut. It’s tasty, so you don’t think much about the big hole in the middle. By which I mean there appears to be a half-decade gap between it’s top group and the next little wave of potential impact. No need to linger on that today though. This team has the best one-two punch of top prospects in baseball, so it’s all rainbows, Rileys, and Tork-talk in Tiger-land, and it should be. We’re a bit starved for positrons on the planet today, and there’s plenty of talent here to discuss, so let’s get started.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Lane Thomas, 2022 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 67 Comments

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You know the cinematic technique where the dolly wheels in and the camera zooms out? It’s used in films to make the viewer feel uneasy. A classic example is in Jaws:

That was me. I was Roy Scheider when I started to discover Lane Thomas. He’s just a random outfielder on a not-that-great team. Dolly wheels in. He used to play for the Cards and all ex-Cards outfielders are great. Camera zooms out. Stands up on the beach and screams to the water. “Get Lane Thomas out of there! He’s worthwhile!” Runs to the water and throws Frank Schwindel out of the way, “I have to save real sleepers!” Pushes aside Ian Happ, “Please, Ian! Not this year! You’re a sleeper every gee-dee year! Yes, ‘gee-dee’ because this movie is PG!” Paddling into the water, “Lane! Grab my hand!” On the shores, the mayor calls out to panicked tourists, “There’s nothing to see here.” So, what can we expect from Lane Thomas for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Lane Thomas sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve begun to roll out my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings on our Patreon. It’s an early Xmas miracle! Like opening a day on an advent calendar and there’s accidentally two chocolates. Anyway II, the Lane Thomas sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Luis Urias, 2022 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper

December 16, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 27 Comments

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Like someone practicing tantric sex, this has been a long time coming. The only thing that nearly stopped me from writing this post was because I wrote a Willy Adames sleeper, but that’s no reason to not think a Luis Urias sleeper is possible. *counting double negatives* One “no reason,” two “not think”…are “nearly” or “but” negatives too? Okay, ya know what, double or triple negatives aside, Adames’s sleeperiness doesn’t stop Urias’s sleeperitude. Not sure why this year has worked out this way, but I did a Brandon Marsh sleeper and a Jo Adell sleeper, and followed that with Willy Adames and Luis Urias sleepers. Sometimes these things happen. They shouldn’t affect us in any negative way. It reminds me of last year when everyone wanted to bail on Jose Ramirez because Francisco Lindor was traded. It didn’t stop Jose Ramirez from having a great year, and Willy Adames breaking out won’t stop Luis Urias from breaking out too, or vice versa. In fact (Grey’s got more!), one player breaking out might help the other. More offense the better! Maybe Christian Yelich can stop smelling up baseball’s whole ass, and remember how he’s better with a Launch Angle that wouldn’t be classified as “premeditated worm murder,” then the entire Brewers offense can start clicking again. Though, we don’t need other guys to be good for Luis Urias (or Willy Adames) to hit, as just mentioned with Jose Ramirez.

Last year, Luis Urias, or Lurias if you’re in a rush, went 23/5/.249/.345/.445 and a .340 wOBA. If you’ve been following Razzball for an Urban Dictionary minute, which is actually a long time, you know I’ve been loving Lurias since he went 19/7/.315 in only 73 games of Triple-A in the Padres’ farm system. Oops, I forgot, PETA said I have to call “farm system” an “animal prison complex.” So, what can we expect from Luis Urias for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Luis Urias sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve begun to roll out my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings on our Patreon. It’s an early Xmas miracle! Like randomly putting on Showtime, and Porky’s just starting. Anyway II, the Luis Urias sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?