What’s up, Razzball Naaaaation? Look, not all titles can be winners every week. If I picked who got injured in a week, their name would be a lot easier to pun-ize or pun-a-nate. That level of power sounds terrifying, but my fantasy team would be decent. Welcome to Razzball Ambulance Chasers, your weekly fantasy baseball […]
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Quench Your Thirst & Buy Some Colas
March 31, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 298 Commentsby: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1271506″ player=”13959″ title=”2023%20Razzball%20BUY%20SELL%20HOLD%20for%20Fantasy%20Baseball%20Week%201″ duration=”166″ description=”It’s the Razzball BUY, SELL, HOLD for Fantasy Baseball Week 1! 00:26 Anthony Volpe1:11 Alek Mano1:48 Carlos Rodon” uploaddate=”2023-03-29″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1271506_th_642455e4eb3c5_1680102884.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1271506.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]
*nudges the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, and it doesn’t move* “Oh my God, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is dead!”
“I’m not dead, you idiot. I’m hungover. Could you please stop screaming?”
“Woo hoo! The Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is alive!”
“Jesus Christ.”
So, welcome back to another Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, or as I like to call it, “Pick up this player in your league if he’s available because he’s rostered in less than 50% of leagues, but only if you’re carrying a player who is worse than him” and “Trade away this player who is rostered in more than 50% of leagues, but only if you’re getting a fair price.” You can see why I went with Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell instead.
Our first fantasy baseball lede buy is coming to you straight from a little area of my brain labeled, “Only Think About Wonderful In This Area.” What, you don’t label parts of your brain? Oh, too bad. I took a seminar on memory at a Ramada Inn in Parsippany, New Jersey, where I learned this. That and don’t bite into a donut and put it back on the tray. Those are the only two things I remember from that seminar. So, now it’s time to get down to business…Crap, are you thirsty? I feel so parched. Like I just traveled through the desert on camel while smoking a pack of Camels. Just let me get a drink and then we will start up. Inserts seven quarters into a soda machine, while deciding between Jimmy Sprite and this other guy. Finally, I select Oscar Colas. Then, I listen for the clink of the can down the chute, then remove Colas from the slot. Feeling the heft in my hand and I crack him open to the wonderfully pleasant sound of ahhhhh. Sips a little at first, as I go over his minor league numbers: 14 homers in Double-A; two homers in Triple-A in only seven games with a steal; hit .306 in Double-A and .387 in that week in AAA; reads what Itch has to say, “He hit 23 home runs in 127 games across three levels last year, batting above .300 at every stop. Chicago has been tough on hitters the past few seasons, but Colas has enough thump to threaten 20-plus bombs if he gets the gig early, and I’d like to thump Grey with my fist.” Wow, what a soda machine this is! Oscar Colas got the job, and I’m all-in on him until we see him actually struggle somewhere, because we have not seen that once. I need Colas everywhere and so should you. Stay thirsty, my friends, and remember, Andrew Benintendi is the un-Colas. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Rolling In The Deep: Opening Day Lineup Surprises
March 31, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, Rolling In The Deep | 9 Commentsby: Laura Holt
Happy Baseball Season! I’m not sure why this offseason felt like the longest one ever to me, especially since it was actually shorter than last year’s, and WAY shorter than 2020’s, but it’s all moot now. We finally have actual box scores that count in fantasy standings and — who knew this was such a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1271506″ player=”13959″ title=”2023%20Razzball%20BUY%20SELL%20HOLD%20for%20Fantasy%20Baseball%20Week%201″ duration=”166″ description=”It’s the Razzball BUY, SELL, HOLD for Fantasy Baseball Week 1! 00:26 Anthony Volpe1:11 Alek Mano1:48 Carlos Rodon” uploaddate=”2023-03-29″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1271506_th_642455e4eb3c5_1680102884.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1271506.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]
*digs nose into an open field of grass, lifts head, eyes filled with tears* This smells of my youth!
Passerby, “My dog just peed there, so probably smells of youth because you used to wet yourself.”
Baseball is back.
“Hello, Genie, I have three wishes for this baseball season. My first wish: No one I roster get hurt. My 2nd wish: Everyone I roster do well. I drafted Oneil Cruz everywhere so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish. My 3rd and final wish: All 3rd base coaches send runners home by doing the Moonwalk. Thanking you in advance, Genie. Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint. Damn you!”
Welcome back to another season of baseball! This one won’t be like a lot of the ones in the past few decades or so, because singles up the middle are back, and the pitch clock. Can’t believe how little jock scratching is in baseball with this pitch clock. Baseball has gone woke! Bring back the slow, intimate groin adjustments that baseball was once famous for!
So, I’m glad I didn’t waste a wish on trying to keep Mets healthy, because that was never happening. Justin Verlander hit the IL with a low-grade teres major strain. Triston McKenzie just had one of these and now we have another? How many major strains are we getting this year? Wait a second, Rob Manfred didn’t make some sorta deal with a dispensary and this major strain is a tie-in, right? With Verlander out, I’d go ahead and grab Tylor Megill, and let’s hope he’s as good as previous seasons for Ks (9.9 K/9) and command (2.6 BB/9). Don’t be Slippin’ Megill! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
One Man’s Trash: Adios Adolis?
March 30, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 13 Commentsby: Son
Throughout this preseason, I have dived deep into the trash bin, trying to unearth some diamands in the…smelly trash. Ewwwww. P. U. The things I do for y’all. Before I continue, I have to give a shoutout to Laura, for she is the deep league specialist, and I recommend that you all read her work if you don’t already. Now, I like to have some semblance of balance in my life, so I’m going to flip my world upside down, don the hater cap, and throw internet tomatoes on a player who I feel has a chance to disappoint this season. I got no shame in my game, as I’m playing don’t pass at the table if I sense a disturbance in the Force. The stink eye I get from the others ain’t no thing. So, I’m prepared for the internet tomatoes that will more than likely be thrown my way, but such is the life of a hater.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
MLB Opening Day: 5 Turtledoves Primed For Breakouts
March 30, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects, Sleepers | 6 Commentsby: Hobbs
Without a doubt, the greatest movie ever made is Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York. One of my favorite scenes is when Jenny (Cameron Diaz) ventures into the rich part of down to rob the affluent blind while dressed as a maid — a practice referred to as being a “turtle dove” in the film. As she pickpockets a flirtatious man’s wallet before getting off at her stop, he begins to get forward with her, asking if he may speak but trying to not be too ambitious with his remarks.
JENNY: I might like, sir. But I can’t say now.
MAN: Why?
JENNY: Because this is my stop.
MAN: May I walk with you a little, then?
JENNY (firmly): That — would be too bold.
At that point, Jenny exits and proceeds to rob countless New York City mansions blind. Absolutely classic. Now, think of today’s post the same way. We are going to be seriously bold, but we won’t be breaking bread with strangers. This is our Opening Day. Our chance to be the turtle dove and rob our leagues like none other. Be daring, but on your own accord. As long as no one recognizes you or gets wind of your plan, we’re in the clear. Luckily, the five players we’ll break down with bold predictions are former college starts turned MLB youngsters still waiting to make a name for themselves in The Show. Many are sleeping on them, but not us. Not today.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Points Leagues: It’s Opening Day!!!
March 30, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Points Leagues | 3 Commentsby: Butters
After months of waiting, months of draft prep, many, many drafts, it is finally time for baseball. We got a brief taste with the World Baseball Classic but now our fantasy teams come front and center. You could sit down at 10AM (PST) and not leave the couch until 10PM, filling your entire day with non-stop baseball. If that doesn’t excite you then well, I’m not really sure what to tell you. This is the moment you’ve all been training for. Look, I get it, draft season is great and super exciting but now the real fun begins, There’s an old fantasy adage that you don’t win your league at the draft and I am a firm believer in that. The waiver wire is a key component of the quest for a title. So who should you be eyeballing as the season kicks off?
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DFS: Opening Day And We’re All Batting 1000
March 30, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, DFS, DraftKings, Fanduel |by: darksheep
Welcome to the start of the 2023 DFS baseball season here at Razzball. I’m new ‘round these parts, and you can call me Sheep. Much easier to remember than being the 50th Matt you know who does fantasy writing. I’ll be your guide on Thursdays, so it’s my job to look at this long day […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Donkey Teeth and I drafted this past weekend in Vegas for the NFBC Main Event, and we had one plan — no plans! But, see, Donkey Teeth heard no “pants.” Well, that aside, we were back at it after our, I wanna say, 10th place finish last year. I blocked it out after the 2nd month of rostering Jose Berrios. Hey, Jose, buy me a drink first before screwing me! Never the hoo! Donkey and I never let a little thing like “doing well” stopping us from plopping down seventeen-hundred smackeroos and taking on the best the industry has to offer. Here we are five minutes after sitting down and realizing we the only ones making this a Draftquiri Happy Hour.
Locked and loaded for the @nfbc main event and a bachelorette party pic.twitter.com/Xk2eBeTSdh
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 25, 2023
For those unfamiliar, it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, 5×5, 30-round league. There’s an overall prize of a lot of money and a big-but-slightly-smaller league prize, but let’s win the league first before worrying about that. There’s a $1000 FAAB for waivers in-season, and no pre-draft hypnotism is allowed, which makes me buying that old-timey watch with a long chain fob sorta pointless, but oh well. Anyway, here’s our NFBC Main Event draft recap:
Psyche! Just wanted to announce the Streamonator and Hittertron are running with all of the first weekend projections. LFG100! Anyway II, the draft recap:
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Razzball Staff Bold Predictions 2023
March 29, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 23 Commentsby: MattTruss
Smell that? No, not the Hot Pocket you have turned to lava in the microwave, the smell of taeks so hot they are burning a hole in your phone screen. It’s bold prediction szn and we here at Razzball are getting in on the action. For an example of hawt our taeks are, let’s take […]
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Prospect News: On The Eve Of Opening Day
March 29, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects, Featured | 19 Commentsby: The Itch
‘‘Twas the night before baseball,
and all through the league,
the pitchers were feeling forearm fatigue.
Opening week really is the most wonderful time of the baseball year.
If you can find just the right angle, watching roster decisions trickle in feels like a magic eye picture slowly morphing into focus.
On the other hand, that leads to days of fuzzy weirdness, like the Rockies demoting Michael Toglia or the Orioles leaving Grayson Rodriguez in the minors. Christopher Morel is not in the major leagues anymore? Did I really see that?
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Stupidly Bold Predictions And A Draft
March 29, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, Top 50 Corner Infielders | 9 Commentsby: The Educator
It seems like this is bold predictions week here at Razzball. My first bold prediction is that using the Razzball tools will help you win. Just sign up already, okay? Bold Predictions: Andrew Vaughn hits .290 with 40 HR: Has anyone had a worse setup than Vaughn in the majors? Top pick, missed 2020, then […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?
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