DraftKings: Forget Length, She Wants the Seagerth

June 27, 2014 | DraftKings | 5 Comments

I don’t know what this world’s come to, but I’m going to discuss the Mariners for a minute; a team that hasn’t been relevant since the lights of the King Dome shone brightly on Jay Buhner’s beautiful bald head. Seattle’s offense has sent gag reflexes into sixth gear in recent past, but some players are starting to come around, especially the sultan of Safeco, Kyle Seager. I’ll gush more about him later, but the Mariners can be a sneaky stack at home, and there are a couple M’s I’ll be all in on tonight. Screw it, keep reading and get my complete roster for the low price of squadoosh.

By all means, if you don’t like what you see, there are always Razzball’s kick-ass DFS tools like Hitter-Tron, Stream-o-Nator, and DFSBot that can help aid in the decision process. Either way, get on over to DraftKings and make precious memories of making money.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

#	MLB Starting Lineups For Tue 8/5
	ARI \| ATH \| ATL \| BAL \| BOS \| CHC \| CHW \| CIN \| CLE \| COL \| DET \| HOU \| KC \| LAA \| LAD \| MIA \| MIL \| MIN \| NYM \| NYY \| PHI \| PIT \| SD \| SEA \| SF \| STL \| TB \| TEX \| TOR \| WSH \| OAK

You Better, You Better, You Betts

June 27, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 485 Comments

by: Grey

Jackie Bradley Jr. walked three times in one game. Have you people forgotten he walked three times…IN ONE GAME! Yeah, that’s old news for the Sons of Sam Horn. They have a new fish to park in Harvard Yard. There’s going to be a new man in Bo’ town soon. The master of no disaster, the king of that’s a purdy swing, the man who once impregnated a lady by looking at her while he was in the batter’s box, Mookie Betts. Oh, you better, you better, you Betts! I usually don’t get caught up in the thrill of the rookie chase (Ha! Of course I do, I’m a damn fool!), but this one looks like he might be mollywhopping like, well, a middle infielder and stealing bases like, well, a middle infielder. Now, now, no deflating. He does look like he can be special and should have middle infield eligibility, which ups the how’s your father just a bit. He stole 22 bases in 54 games in Double-A, but he was completely overmatching people there. Okay, in Triple-A, he’s doing the same. He’s putting up Atari numbers everywhere he goes in the minor leagues. Hard to imagine it continues in the majors, but, if it did, he’d be a 15-homer, 35-steal guy. Sounds like another Red Sox middle infielder from once upon a time ago (no, not dyslexic Ramon). The one that they shipped off to Florida (Hanley Ramirez). If Mookie is available in your league and you have room, I’d stash him. It sounds like he could be up in the landmark case of sooner vs. later. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Marlon Calls Up Dipset and Forms the Byrd Gang

June 26, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 75 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Boy let me show ya how to make that trade
How to spend that money how to win your league and get paid
Girl let me show how to hit that wire quick
How to get that d!ck, don’t give back lip
Go head do what you do make it work for ya!

Beddict don’t play when it comes to money
I guess that’s why I’m okay when it comes to money

Hit Jay on the hip Guru on the celly
Rudy call Grey, I get ’em for the R.Kelly
That’s seventeen a chicken, you know Beddict tha bird man
Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia. I know the Byrd gang

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report, Week 13

June 26, 2014 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 37 Comments

by: Smokey

It’s just sad when you watch what should be a fluid situation turn out to be a fiery car wreck. That’s what the bullpen situation with the Angels is like. Just awful to think about, watch and….yikes, to even be immersed in their roster purgatory is just dreadful. Their bullpen is like the Swamp of Sadness in The NeverEnding Story. Atreyu (Mike Scoiscia) leads his horse, Artax (Ernesto Frieri) there, and the horse gets swallowed up with despair (your roster). The only bad thing is that Fred Savage isn’t in the Angels pen. Instead, we are stuck with Joe Smith, Ernesto Frieri and the schloo of underachieving or unproven arms that they have to offer. I for one would like them to just settle on a guy, who cares if he fails 5 out of 10 times. I was just informed that this is exactly what has happened already. In all seriousness, roster Joe Smith, bench Ernesto. Monitor everyone else, but don’t hold out hope that a luck dragon is going to come swoop in and save the situation, or your team if you got pot committed to the situation there. Stick around for some random tidbits of mental masturbation…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Draftkings – When Davis Is In The Box, Lefties Go On Khrisis Control

June 26, 2014 | DraftKings | 6 Comments

by: Geoff

Thank God Apollo Creed was played by Carl Weathers and not Khris Davis. The reason I say this is because when Balboa Switched to Southpaw in the last round of Rocky 2 Davis would have killed him! Khris Davis (OF, $4,100) is a cyborg sent to Earth to destroy lefty pitching. (A Cyborg huh? That’s a bit overly dramatic don’t you think?) No seriously he is!! Allow me to explain. This season Davis has a .452 wOBA against lefties with 6 homers, 16 Rbi’s, and a wRC+ of 191. Davis’ wRC+ against lefties is more than double what it is against righties. Lucky for Davis, The Brewers, and most esspically us Daily Fantasy Players he faces a lefty tomorrow….a bad one. Christian Friedrich is a lefty who in 17 career starts has an ERA of 6.15. He also has a HR/9 of 1.49 to go along with a tidy 3.28 BB/9, what I’m more or less saying is the Brewers stack is very much in play today. The only way this matchup could setup any better for the Brewers is if the game was played in Coors with metal bats filled with super balls. I think Carlos Gomez (OF, $4,500), Jonathan Lucroy (C, $4,600), and Aramis Ramirez (3B, $4,900) are all solid plays today. I’d suggest Ryan Braun (OF, $5.600) but his price tag is too high considering his numbers against lefties are the worst of all the Brew-Crew members named.

Now time for my shameless plug!

If you’re not playing daily fantasy baseball with us on Draftkings you’re missing out. Not only will we hook you up with a ticket to one free game just for signing up. Once you’re on you’ll have the oppourtunity to play head to head against some of your favorite Razzball writers in the contests we’re running daily. We’ve been filling up a 20 team league the last couple of nights and the competition has been great. I’ll make sure to post the link below. There’s also no need to fret about who to start because with our daily columns and advanced tools like the DFSbot, Hitter-tron, and Stream-o-Nator. In other words we got you covered.

Without Further Ado my Draftkings picks for June 26th 2014.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cored-Out Apple In Lincecum’s Backseat Surrenders More Hits

June 26, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 743 Comments

by: Grey

It’s deja vu all over again. It was almost a year ago that Tim Lincecum threw a no hitter vs. the Padres. Only thing better would be if they both came on 4/20. After the game, Lincecum said, “I felt unstoppable the whole game. Even if something was hit, I felt like there was a giant baseball mitt in the outfield,” then seeing the giant baseball mitt sculpture in AT&T Park’s outfield, Lincecum slowly looked around to see if anyone else saw what he did, then said, “Dude,” five or six times, then refused to answer any more questions. The Padres are a team that could be no-hit any time they step on the field, so, in some ways, they fulfilled their destiny yesterday. What’s the difference between the Padres bats and Tony Gwynn? I remember when Tony Gwynn was alive. “Dude, seriously, do you see that giant mitt?” Yes, Lincecum, leave us alone. In the game following Lincecum’s no-hitter last year, he threw three and two-thirds innings and gave up eight runs, so, while this was a nice game, I wouldn’t go thinking Lincecum is suddenly the pitcher he was in his Cy Young years. A paranoid Lincecum runs by, “There’s a giant mitt out there!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Panning For Gold: Jesse Hahn

June 25, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 44 Comments

by: Chris

Hello again fans and foes, and welcome to the second installment of Panning For Gold – Finding The Prospect Hidden Gems. Here’s where we try to shine the spotlight on some of those young up-and-comers who may not have generated quite the buzz the players mentioned in Baseball America or MLB’s Top 100 lists YET, but someone I’m keeping an eye on as someone that may be about to turn into one of those guys often mentioned as “having helium”. Think of these guys as players you may not necessarily have at the top of your lists in shallow keeper leagues, but names you’ll definitely want to keep an eye on as you begin to participate in deeper leagues – the types of player you can wind up scooping your mates with in your quest to become another fantasy baseball “guru”…respected and adored whenever draft time rolls around (not to mention mumbled about under your opponents’ breath) for years to come.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Let’s Go Streaking!

June 25, 2014 | DraftKings | 20 Comments

by: The Guru

It’s been an interesting seven days for your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru as I doubled my bankroll last week where everything I touched turned to gold. Or is it green? Then, suddenly, I went head first into a weekend cold streak that had me considering retiring the turban, questioning whether it was all really worth it and sticking my head in the oven. Then I remembered I have an electric stove, singed my eyebrows off and simply blamed Canada. When in doubt just blame Canada and *poof* cold streak over! I’m back to the winning ways after taking down four of five contests including a first place finish in the Razzball tourney that made a nice bit of coin – no, not Bit Coin, I don’t even know what the hell that is. Whatevs, either way we are building that bankroll and moving one step closer to at winter of umbrella drinks in sunny Cancun. Unless of course I lose it all and find myself forced to spend a winter in Ochiichagwebabigoining, Ontario.

Have you been partaking in the DraftKings fun? Why not, don’t like money?! Get out of here, hippie! Your friendly Razzaholics even provide you with some of the best tools in the biz: Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and the mighty DFSbot.

While we are talking hot and cold streaks, let your Guru pull on your coat about player hot and cold streaks. Is there such a thing? There is as much debate about that in our fake baseball world as there is about the value of batter vs. pitcher stats and the sexual orientation of one Tehol Beddict. I’m not convinced hot and cold streaks exist for ball players or us fake ball players. I haven’t seen evidence to prove the hot streak is something you can bank on or if Tehol’s nether regions are not as smooth as a Ken doll. However, I will say this about hot/cold streaks: 1) They certainly feel real when you’re going through one. 2) They always end.

With all the said, let’s get to the plays of the day. I’ll offer up some players currently streaking that may or may not help you start a heater of your own.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Arrieta Huffing-A-Ton

June 25, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 783 Comments

by: Grey

I swear that box score turning blue to alert people there’s something historic going on is the mother of all jinxes. Not to mention, all the people talking about the perfect game. Member when that was a jinx? Since we’re currently living in the Age of Opinion (which is not the Scorsese movie, though if it gets the green-light, Gary Oldman could play the lead), everyone talks about the perfect game while it’s going on. Whether it’s Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Twitbook, PinkedIn. In my day, we never mentioned a perfect game on Friendster! And on my General Gist band page on Myspace? Nary a whisper! Well, Jake Arrieta still pitched outstanding yesterday — 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.05 — even if the bid for a perfect game came up short. Like Altuve short. Like Kershaw looks at Arrieta’s perfect game bid and giggles. Still, this is about where Arrieta’s been and where he can go. What I said the other day still remains true — his swings and misses are going up, his control is getting better and he’s using his cutter more — a pitch he can dominant with. I’d still look at him in every league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One Man’s Trash: Fishing For An Arm

June 24, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 86 Comments

by: Mike

This week’s biggest add was Marlins hurler Andrew Heaney, whose ownership percentage rose +59% after his call up and strong debut last week. JB Gilpin broke it down in yesterday’s Pitcher Profile. Heaney should only get better tonight against a Phillies lineup that has struggled offensively at home this season. The 23-year-old lefty was this season’s big pitching prospect stash over the last few weeks and now that he’s up his ownership numbers have ballooned even more. Heaney could see a start or two skipped to limit his workload, but other than that he has the ability to make a big impact in the second half for fantasy owners. In three Triple-A starts prior to his call up, Heaney sported a 10.6 K/9 and a 0.78 BB/9. Pitching against the mediocre offenses of the NL East at Crayola Canyon adds to his fantasy value. If you stashed him, kudos. If you’re late to the party, get on board before he shows his stuff against Philly tonight. Here are this week’s big adds and drops in 2014 fantasy baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update, Week 13: The Razzball Toolbox

June 24, 2014 | Razzball Commenters League | 10 Comments

by: Jay

Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

We are officially now somewhere near the half-way point of the baseball season. I say somewhere, because giving an accurate number would force me to do what the experts call “math”. That’s a NOPE if there ever was one. And while taking the time to open my calculator thingamajig in Windows, along with some sort of webpage that tells me how many games teams have played so far may seem so simple to you, well, I don’t really blame you. You probably think it’s just as simple and easy to hit on your mom. And that’s actually hard. I’m serious. Look at how the crotch of my jeans resembles a castle with a moat. It’s like a map of Italy making an emergency landing on an apple. I have no idea what is happening, and there’s no segue to put here… But let’s just say we got tools. Fantasy tools. And while most in the RCL Universe know what I’m talking about, maybe there are a few lost souls out there that have no idea how much the Razzball website can help you win your league. Or maybe there are a few readers out there who showed initiative, but a slow start dashed their motivation. Well, we still have another half ahead of us, so use Razzball to get yourself out of the ditch. Because what you’re doing in a ditch… I don’t know man. Why would anyone go into a ditch? Unless there’s a tornado, then studies show that your survivability rates are better in said ditch. So good job bro. Unless the ditch has a mountain lion. Then you dead son. Hey, am I too old to lay down a Ghost and the Darkness joke? Yeah. Way too f*cking old. Let’s just go over the tools… TO FANTASY SUCCESS! [Plays air guitar, eats a Cheeto].

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Draftkings – Come With Me, I’m Sampling Kazmir

June 24, 2014 | DraftKings | 15 Comments

by: Schlurricane

Rock and Roll. Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley and and Little Richard got it going. Elvis made it sexy. The Beatles made it ok to admit you liked it. Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd made it hallucinogenic. The Stones and Aerosmith kept it alive. Motley Crue and Skid Row made it pretty and disgusting. Then Sean Combs, alias TBD, got the idea to sample all of it–to middling results. And other dudes annihilated it. Thanks Nickelback and Creed and Puddle of Mudd and Dookie and the Bunghole Fish. No really, thank you! Cuz now it’s far more exciting to concern ourselves with sports, fantasy sports, boob jobs and bacon creations. Drinking is now an acceptable way to pass the day as long as you’re tweeting about it.

We all want instant gratification now and that’s at the sacrifice of actually taking two full years to make a great album or more than a day to create a great riff. The tradeoff is that we have 61 food options that take less than 10 minutes to get from synapse to taste buds. We have television that is on demand which is now dwindling in the light of streaming media. Kissing on the first date used to be taboo. Now dating on the first sex is the standard. Man this is good. Essentially, Razzball has to thank all of the crappy bands of the 2000s for much of our success! That and Grey and Rudy… Fantasy sports have become as popular as the real thing. Not to be outdone by (as your mother would call it) the daily fantasy. You can have a new one every day. DRAFTKINGS!!! You can hump tomorrow (it’s Wednesday) but today you’re gonna DraftKings!!! And if you’re gonna partake, don’t forget the DFS porn. We won’t make you work or pay for your info or your winnings. We got Steam-O-Nator, HitterTron and DFSBot to wet your whistle. Tools of the trade, ya’ll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?