I dont ef with none of y’all sites anyway

Your funeral could be any day

Ever since Domonic Brown said, “Beddict, let me play”

All these haters been in the way

I’m just doin what Grey and Rudy say

Putting out 1000 tweets a day

Greetings! I came extra hard-body with the intro today, for the fact that I can’t recall EVER being so keyed up for a fantasy baseball season. My game slipped last year and I’m not proud of it. One could say swinger clubs, mankini modeling across the globe, and building schools for the underprivileged took up most of my time, but say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s not one to rationalize subpar results. Much of my spare time has been spent making countless sacrifices to the Elder Gods in hopes of gaining their favor for the upcoming season. One of them (Draconus) came to me during a peyote induced hallucination this past weekend, telling me that I must take a vow of celibacy from spring training till the end of the regular season if I am to acquire their assistance in dominating ALL of my leagues. To say the decision was difficult would be the understatement of the millennium, but after speaking with my agent and numerous lovers on the subject, the answer became clearer than the Saran wrap I use as a backup when I run out of dental dams. Yes, the only men and women I’ll be servicing this year are you, the readers. Prepare yourself, for we will be traveling to uncharted depths of fantasy baseball analysis as well as unearthing the true reasoning for the disgraceful fall-offs of Nicolas Cage, Stephen Dorff, and of course, Christian Slater.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

nicolas-cage-hair-transplant

 

Third Basemen who will Delight

Manny Machado – I’d like to begin by stating that Matt Carpenter is ranked ahead of Machado on ESPN. That warrants its own spot in the disgrace section, but I’m not even going to waste time ripping a guy like Carp, the kind of guy I NEVER even consider drafting. Who do I consider, you ask? Six-foot-three, 200 pound, Elder God blessed wild stallions, and no, I do not speak of this kind of wild stallion.  The big homey upped the power game significantly, from only punching out 14 in 156 games in 2013 to 12 in only 82 games last season. Recognize that this Greek God bodied warlord is 22 years of age and take a guess at how many bombs he cranks out this season. If the number you came up with is less than 30, I’m going to need you to put down the bong immediately, slap yourself across the grill with some ActRight, and wake the hell up. Macho Man will have ZERO restrictions this spring, so don’t let his previous knee injuries scare you off as if Rosie O’Donnell jumped out the bushes butt naked on ya. It’s not that serious, ya’ll.

Pedro Alvarez – “Beddict, sooooo about last year, bruh.” I’m not here to write about last season, kids. If that were the case, we’d be rehashing my journey through Bangladesh which included a vicious bout with the clap, receiving a one hundred thousand dollar offer from Sheikh Hasina (she’s actually kind of hot) to urinate on my naked body, which I spurned only to then impregnate her 18-year-old daughter (incredible body), forcing me to escape 30 guards armed with the type of assault rifles I’ve only witnessed in The Expendables trilogy (Shout out to Sly Stallone). Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s fertile.

P-Diddy hit 30 and 36 bombs before falling off a cliff and finishing with 18 last season, though he did only partake in 122 games. Expect a huge increase in RBIs with a bounce back season from Marte and improvement from Polanco. The ground ball to fly ball ratio was identical to 2013, so it’s not as if something really changed. And he was obviously a tad unlucky with his BAPIP. Look, let’s just chalk last year up and call it a poor season. The man is 28 years of age and built like a centaur. Alvarez  should settle nicely in at first base and help the Pirates to the playoffs. Witness.

P.S. I just swooped Pedro in the 18th round in my first draft of the season, Tuesday. The Elder Gods have truly blessed me.

 Beddict on Television…

Better Call Saul – Very intriguing thus far, as BCS is dark yet still able to remain humorous, much like the show’s predecessor, the legendary Breaking Bad. In all honestly, I was expecting a dud here, and it will need to pick up the pace if the show’s producers expect the viewership to remain high, BUT it’s still a must watch, especially if you enjoyed the style in which Breaking Bad was filmed. But really, who didn’t enjoy Breaking Bad? If you are one of those who did not, write me a two thousand word essay on why you despised it and leave it in the comment section below. Check this one out, guys/gals. Beddict approved.

 

Third Basemen who will Disgrace

Evan Longoria – I’m finished with this fraud. For years, I drafted him everywhere possible, fully believing he was a legit MVP candidate. 22 homers in 162 games? Homey, please.  Now the lineup is decimated to Khloe Dardashians vajayjay levels, and I can’t see how he ever becomes the man I hoped he’d become. At some point you’ve got to become realistic about these things.

David Wright – Anyone else sick of bruh? How does one lose all their power in their prime years? D. Wright is more suspect than the authenticity of Nicki Minaj’s cakes. A .269 batting average with 8 jacks and 8 base thefts? C’mon son, those are Jemile Weeks numbers. This one time legend in the game hasn’t hit 20 plus homers since 2009!

As with Longoria, Wright being in the disgrace column is more about me being emotionally wounded due to his lack of production the past few seasons. There’s simply no reason to believe a big time season is on the horizon. Wright and Longo should be okay this year but drafting them, I won’t be.

Thank you for joining me for what was hopefully another stimulating experience here on Disgrace/Delight. As per usual, your comments and questions will be answered below. Your feedback is much appreciated as Razzball prides ourselves in our reader/writer interactions. Haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love. I don’t even want none of the above. I want to piss on you…errrr, anyway, see you next week.

 

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol143.

 

 

 
  1. Clint says:
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    Good news on Machado. Snatched him off waivers last year in both my h2h and roto leagues and am keeping him in both so hopefully he stays healthy & fulfills the promise the elder gods had for him.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: Clinton, It’s been written. puff your victory cigar and pat yourself on the back. He is the chosen one. thanks for stopping by

  2. Jim says:
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    Great stuff here ,thanks. Two keeper questions, if I can ask. NL-only roto 5×5 (normal cats except SV+H instead of saves), auction budget $260. Just for this year, would you keep J Zimmermann $18, H Bailey $11, A Cashner $9 or J Broxton $2? I can keep three of the four.

    Also, I have Addison Russell at $7 — would you keep him, given that he’ll be $7 this year, $7 next year and $12 the year after that? Feels a bit rich, but maybe the potential for getting $7 in value this year or next is legitimate enough?

  3. speedy mcgreedy says:
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    Your opinion on Sandoval? Also, do you see any good 4-5 category options outside the obvious in the top 5 3B?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @speedy mcgreedy: I think he’s ranked 13nth at 3rd base by ESPN and that’s a MFin joke, McGreedy!!! he’s going to rake there and i have no idea why I didnt put him in this column. My assistant needs a whipping and I thank you for bringing that to my attention.

      Are you referring to players that would be valuable in 4/5 categories? My apologies, I just woke from a robitussin induced slumber after swimming with the manatees for 3 days straight

      • speedy mcgreedy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: just balanced options, all-around threats. Thank you for your commentary on Sandoval. What kind of a line do you think we could expect?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @speedy mcgreedy: am I out of line for saying .290 with 27 bombs and 95 RBI?????

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Nick: how so, Nicholas

          • speedy mcgreedy says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: If he hits 27 homeruns with 95 RBI, I will cream myself. But as a Yankee fan, I would then have to kill myself. And then someone else would have to clean up the creamy mess.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @speedy mcgreedy: cream session! lets all join in!!!!

  4. CMUTIMMAH says:
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    I’ll add in some delights/disgraces (That many will and won’t agree with):

    Disgrace –

    Aramis Ramirez – Should be drafted as a backup at best, based on other position availabilities of other 3Bs, he’s actually coming in around 15/16 by ADP. Post all star break he had 4 HRs. 4. He only walked 21 times all year. Dude is hacking and not doing much damage. 3B is an OPS position, .715 in the second half is not what you want to see. “Brewers manager Ron Roenicke admitted Saturday that Aramis Ramirez could receive extra days off during the 2015 season as a way to keep him fresh.” This is a nightmare for head to head leaguers as a back up. If his days off coincide with your starter’s days off/off days, you’ve got a hole on your roster.. It’s his swan song season. Let someone else deal with the headache.

    Brett Lawrie: He moves to Oakland. That park isn’t very friendly, when compared to his days on the turf in Toronto. This isn’t one of those post hype situations where all of a sudden it comes together. He’s still facing good pitching, in a worse park… scary to see him go ahead of many players that have more stable floors. I know backups are drafted for upside, but I’m not sure he the upside people are drafting him for. Castellanos is the safer choice for upside at this spot.

    Delights –
    Kris Bryant: You don’t rake at the ability he did in the minors and not hit at least .275 and 25 HRs in the majors. (I know I know… but Brett Wallace, Brett Lawrie… maybe it’s a Brett thing, ever think of that?) He’s going to be hitting around Rizzo, in a very good young revamped lineup in Chitown. In a keeper league, I’d take Bryant pretty high, depending how many you’re keeping. It’s easy to discount minor league numbers, but all of his ratios pass the smell test.

    Castellanos: Line drive % is sexy. He sprays the ball with decent power to all fields (actually pushes more than pulls which is unusual for a young hitter). This guy will have top 12 type numbers hitting in the 7th spot behind Miggy, Vmart, Cespedes, and JD most of the year.

    Ryan Zimmerman: He’s going to end up with three position eligibility, which is a nice swiss army knife for head to head leagues, mitigating the impact of injuries. This guy is in an (depending on opinion) above average lineup, and playing first base should help avoid the shoulder injuries that have been (while true or not) attributed to his throwing motion. I think he can still hit 20 HRs, so as lower 3B pick, he’s a nice compliment to a guy like Kris Bryant. Provides insurance at the position as well as some flexibility should he stay healthy. Value should exceed price tag here.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @CMUTIMMAH: Good Gods, man!!! Is this your audition for a job here at razzball!? I have to take this down before Grey sees it and replaces me with you!

      This is incredible. Thank you for putting in the time to add in some more guys. I’m totally on board with what you’ve said here. I’m finished with Aramis and Lawrie has given me nothing but pain.

      I have wet dreams about Bryant. Zimmerman scares but if he anywhere CLOSE to healthy he should have a big season in that lineup.

      Thanks again for producing one of the best comments in Beddict history. Kudos to you, sir

  5. Kid A says:
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    Dear Mr. Hole,

    Maybe if you used better evaluators than “greek god bodied warlord” and “built like a centaur” to assess performance potential, your teams wouldn’t finish in last place every year and people would be able to have some confidence in you. Try crafting well-reasoned and substantiated fantasy analysis – not scribbling your next Grindr post.

    Be better. You’re letting the readers, razzball, and yourself down.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Kid A: thanks for reading, bud. I’ll send my next post directly to you so that you may read through and give pointers and possibly look up stats. Peace be with you

      • Kid A says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Fax it so I’ll have some toilet paper.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Kid A: might be rough on the butthole.

          • Kid A says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:

            Your posts always are.

            I heard you’re going to Spring Training with all the writers. Have fun with the gang.

            • kid A's father says:
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              @kid… remember how rough your uncles and used to be on your butt hole?

              • me says:
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                HE SAID FAX IT!!! WHAT FUCK IS A FAX???!! tell your mom to buy you a scanner.

              • kid A's father says:
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                clearly i meant your uncle’s and I… you uncle’s and I were really rough on your butthole. faggot.

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @kid A’s father: that explains a lot. thanks for clearing that up for us, sir. your son has grown reckless. he needs the hickory stick again

        • Hmm says:
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          @Kid A: You sure your last name isn’t hole? Think it fits well.

          tehol dont listen to that buggar, he probably got horrible writing grades in the schooling system and takes it out on people.

          your writing is more imaginative than the majority of fbb writers and you don’t need to plug stats like a cock on a table to prove yourself. Just get the results this year my man. I’m in your league so dont do too well now!

          • Kid A's Diseased Alcoholic Liver says:
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            @Hmm:

            Everybody be cool, I’m slowly killing this fucking guy. I’m on it.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Hmm: I shall never forget you coming to my aid in this time of need.

            P.S.

            I will be winning the league as I’m bringing my A-game.

  6. Copperhead Road says:
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    Agree with you that Better Call Saul needs to pick it up. At least to the point where he is Saul and not Jimmy. Why do Longo and Wright play like they are late 30’s and on the way out? Done with them too. They nare a major reasn 3

  7. Copperhead Road says:
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    Agree with you that Better Call Saul needs to pick it up. At least to the point where he is Saul and not Jimmy. Why do Longo and Wright play like they are late 30’s and on the way out? Done with them too. They are a major reason 3B is so shallow. Why should I believe Machado’s knees are a thing of the past though. Having a hard time trusting him. I’m in an auction league, very competitive, and can’t see going more than few bucks on him.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Copperhead Road: yea, they need to get Saul to the man we know and love. hopefully happens before the end of the 1st season.

      a FEW BUCKS!??!?! if you can get Machado for a few bucks, kudos to you or whoever makes it happen. You’re right to be a bit wary of inury but he’s young and all signs point to him being healthy and ready to go.

      • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: nothing wrong with Better Call Saul right now

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Wallpaper Paterson: i enjoy it. I’m glad you do, W.P.P.

  8. Matt says:
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    Since you don’t like Carpenter, which two of these three would you keep for the last keeper slots in a 5×5 roto league with OBP. They’re all $10 this year. Carpenter, Rusney Castillo or Danny Santana. I’m keeping Chris Davis at $17 so was thinking Carp could offset the potential damage in OBP. Your thoughts are very much appreciated!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Matt: its not that I HATE carpenter, I just don’t understand why he was ranked ahead of guys like Machado or Sandoval. I like Castillo depending on what your outfield looks like. Santana isn’t being talked about enough and I love him. Carpenter is also fine at 10 bucks. whats then salary cap? You really cant go wrong here. I like all the players you mentioned.

      • Matt says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: $260 cap. My other keepers are Rendon ($11), Dickerson ($10), Yelich ($10), Marte ($13) and Harvey ($6). I also have Springer in my minors and will bring him up after the draft, so if I keep Castillo then my OF is essentially full. In that case, better to keep Santana and Carp both at $10 along with $17 Davis. Decisions decisions!!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Matt: Oh wow! those are all bargains for sho. yea you good with Carp. stacked outfield. you could get Castillo back or someone better in actual draft. #Kudos

  9. McSmitty says:
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    Hey man great stuff as usual. Question, do you have any idea when Magoo’s “part two” post is gonna run? I’ve been checking all week and have been decepionado’d every time

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @McSmitty: WHo????

      • Kid A says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        You know, Magoo, the new writer for the site. The one who actually puts effort into his articles and gives great advice. Just like you – only the opposite.

        And you wonder why you don’t get invited to Spring Training with the rest of the writers?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Kid A: Damn cuzz, you just sit around and wait for people to comment on my shizzz? I was just In AZ for the super bowl. no I wasn’t invited. stop rubbing salt in my wounds.

          • Kid A says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:

            I apologize.

            I know it’s been a tough month for you. First with the Shithawks losing and then getting punked on the Razzball Spring Training trip. I’m surprised they didn’t invite you along to carry the luggage at least – I mean, come on, right?!

            Well anyways, at least you have another fruitful year of our friendship to look forward to!

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Kid A: I’m a loser baaaaabay, so why don’t cha kill meeeee

          • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: did you seriously just find out that’s exactly what he does. It’s only like the 200th post in the last year or so. There’s some others in this regard but Tehol, you take the cake here. An interesting prop might be what’s a larger number, how many pictures of you does he have on his wall, or how many posts in the last 2 years in which he’s trolled you?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Crapshoot Kershaw: his level of dedication should be inspiration to children everywhere

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @McSmitty: oh da Big Magoooooo? yea, you’re gonna have to contact him or Jay. I just write mayne. glad you enjoyed

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @McSmitty: tune in next week!

  10. FrankGrimes says:
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    Hey fool. That RCL of yours
    draft time is @ 5am
    you changing that shit or what?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: which one??? When’s draft day

  11. David says:
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    Facts are inaccurate. David wright hit 20+ homers in 2012.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @David: you’re right. I misread that. saw his stolen base total. my bad. thanks for correcting . David Wright hit 21 homers. so BARELY but still I was incorrect

      • David says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: well, you said not since 2009…he did it in 2012, and in 2010 and barely missed it in 2011…

        :)

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @David: ughhhhhhhhh, i know. i was somehow looking at stolen bases. wont let that happen again. You have shamed me but I deserve it. I thank you

  12. TarmanGotHim says:
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    Almost time!!

    Waiting for them Pro Leagues to open for Yahoo, then drafting begins!!

    Thanks to you guys, every year brings home the Gold’s (and some Silver’s) HAHA

    Anyhow,

    I am not too worried about 3B as I plan on taking Donaldson in at least 1 league and Arenado everywhere else, but depending on positioning, draft strategies per draft, etc. Frazier is my fallback 1B option. I wont go past Frazier for 1B.

    I feel 1B, 3B, SS, and 3 OF positions are key to fantasy gold.

    My question is, Frazier with 3B eligibility, how do you view him? Cincy still has a decent pop in their lineup and I think Votto is necessarily finished as most spectators believe.

    The fact of the matter is, if Arenado or one of your 3B get injured, you have someone like Frazier to fall back on, which shows how multi position eligibility really does help in fantasy.

    Also, I view Longo as a fallback to not drafting a Tier 1/2 3B, he’s still good, lets say, if you get an OF consisting of Stanton, Cespedes, and Yellich, and Rendon manning 2nd with a Frazier at 1B.

    If it comes down to it, do you go (easy answer) Seager over Longo? Seagar is quite underrated.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TarmanGotHim: We’re getting closer. I’m pumped!

      I like your strategy. Frazier is a hog. I was big on him two years ago when unfortunately let me down but he came with a fury last season and I believe he’ll mash again this season. Love the multi positional eligibility.

      Id probably rather have Longo but Seager may be superior at this point in time. Even tho I hated on him Im still a sucker for longo but longo is going way to high for me. Probably can get Seager afterwards.

      • TarmanGotHim says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Obviously I mean’t Votto ISN’T finished, lol, but needless to say, I am staying away from him.

        Anyhow, thanks for the speedy response.

        I personally have Seagar ahead of Longo for

        1) He’s on a stronger team all around him

        2) He’s a bit younger and has a lot more upside and less injury risk IMO

        3)Although I won, I believe 2 leagues with Longo last year, he was entirely to inconsistent. I would rather go with 2 hot weeks and a cold week from Segar if you know what I

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @TarmanGotHim: oh I feel it. I live in Seattle and am a big Seager fan I’m just wondering if he’s reached his peak albeit a very good one. I’m here as a sounding board all season buddy.

          I know what you meant about Votto .the hate is too much. shoot, I might even draft him if he’s there late enough

  13. JMonte says:
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    Hey Don’t listen to that douchetard, it’s clear he was a child behavior study.

    Enjoyed your post! Sometimes it’s not so much if the reader agrees or disagrees but just enjoys the read….

    Joined your RCL looking forward to participating and hoping the Gods don’t bless you too much…..

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JMonte: Thank you, my friend. My main goal is to entertain the reader. This RCl league is going to be epic. prepare yourself

  14. FrankGrimes says:
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    Referenda!?!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: has it been handled? i saw 4 votes yesterday. thank you for your continued dedication

  15. Tony says:
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    I have openings in my RCL ($75 buy in thru league safe) and my other long time running h2h league

    Email me if interested

    [email protected] yahoo.com

    TONY

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Tony: thanks buddy. I’m all filled up.

  16. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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    why would you have expected a dud with Saul? no part of Breaking Bad was not wonderful, and same creators showed up here.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: only because it kept getting pushed back. its concerning when this happens because theres usually a reason. See Jupiter Ascending. pumped its working out tho!

  17. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Your season this year will be like Christian Slater in Archer–the surprising jolt back to the top of the heap! (of cocaine and cocktail waitresses)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: less surprising but still a true statement.

  18. EA says:
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    Should I pull the trigger on Arenado or wait a little for Machado? I WILL get one or the other.

    In the least sexual way possible btw. Swear. Swear.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @EA: get sexual big dog!!!! I love both quite honestly. NOt sure where Arenado is going in ESPN drafts. I know Grey has him ranked extremely high and I agree with that but I suppose it depends on who else is there when you’re thinking arenado how your team is shaped. I think Machado is going to go OFF!!! love em both. give me more info

Comments are closed.