Wikipedia says groupthink is, “A psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative viewpoints by actively suppressing dissenting viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences. Now spend forty minutes randomly popping around the internet until you somehow end up on an exercise video of Morgan Fairchild.” I’m sure someone has already done this, but you know how there’s Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Why isn’t there an internet six degrees to tepid porn? No matter where you are, you are six clicks from tepid porn. Any hoo! I was thinking about groupthink because of the comments on this site, but it’s more like groupspeak. Just listen to what the groupspeak say. Sometimes you get comments that can be helpful, even if they’re not intentionally trying to be helpful. If you see ten to twenty random comments asking about Danny Duffy, a pattern emerges. A beautiful snowflake pattern because every comment is different unless it’s a catcher question. With that many people asking about Duffy, there might be something there. So, I looked at his stats, and, J. Lo and behold, his peripherals are gorge. In 43 IP, he has a 10.3 K/9, 1.5 BB/9 and a 3.52 xFIP. He’s there with a 95.7 MPH fastball and a change that is buckling hitters. These are not waiver wire pitcher peripherals. These are ace pitcher numbers. I’d go pick him up right now…Which should only take you three clicks, so you have three more clicks to find Morgan Fairchild doing crunches. Enjoy (or be careful)! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
James Paxton – This isn’t only about the Stream-o-Nator, but it does like Paxton’s next start. The Stream-o-Nator also likes to stare out the window at couples holding hands. Stream-o-Nator is so sad!
Matt Shoemaker – The Cobbler’s been on a nice run of late, and the Stream-o-Nator likes his next start too. By the by, if he has a daughter, he should name her, Peaches, so she can be a Fruit Cobbler.
Jon Gray – Likely too late to pick him up for his start today vs. the Padres, but I don’t hate Gray in his next start in Miami either. Grey in Miami be having some fun too! Hitting The Clevelander, roller blading in jorts, doing tequila shots with a gang of Cuban gangsters that don’t like pickles except when they’re on Cuban sandwiches and we laugh and high five and decide it’s best if we remember the night we had together but don’t friend each other on Facebook.
Blake Snell – I just went over him this morning. Don’t make me go back there!
Will Harris – A.J. Hinch said, ‘Harris was the pickup for fantasy baseballers (<–Grey’s mom’s term!),’ but what if he secretly despises fantasy baseball and is messing with us? I kinda hope so, because I secretly despise him. Why? It’s a secret!
Brandon Kintzler – As Paul Molitor flipped through photos of his 39-game hitting streak, he said Kintzler and Fernando Abad would see save chances. Could be a committee, we’ll call them Branando Kintzbad.
Hunter Strickland – There’s been no official change at the top of the Giants’ closer pyramid, but the fantasy Sphinx likes Strickland and Gearrin. The fantasy Sphinx also needs a new nose.
Evan Gattis – Now has catcher eligibility everywhere, and should be owned everywhere. “Sing it, Black Box, ‘Everywhere everywhere!'” Silence. “I don’t care if your song is Everybody, Everybody. I paid you $300 to have you sing whatever I want!”
Matt Adams – Maury Povich addressing the audience, “Today, we’re joined by plus-sized models whose lifelong dream was to be in the now discontinued Victoria’s Secret catalog.” Matt Adams plays to the crowd, “We had dreams, Maury!”
Yangervis Solarte – The Hitter-Tron likes Solarte this weekend, and it also likes massaging carburetors.
Tommy Joseph – Finally, a TJ we can get excited about, said everyone who has had Tommy John surgery or has been to Tijuana.
Brandon Moss – On pace for around 30 HRs in about 380 at-bats. If you just platoon him in and out of your lineup, Jarrod Dyson plus Moss is a 30/30 player (sure, with about 60 runs and RBIs).
A.J. Reed – I already gave you my A.J. Reed fantasy. It was written while watching The Price is Right, thinking about how suicidal Drew Carey must be. Let this man self-medicate!
Jurickson Profar – I was shocked to see he was only owned in 40% of leagues. Compared to most waiver wire middle infielders, I *pinkie to mouth* Profar him.
Tim Anderson – Was called up by the White Sox to take over the starting shortstop job as Jimmy Rollins was DFA’d, though it should be DGAF’d. Or DGAFYHBGS2012. In my post of shortstops to target in drafts in March, I highlighted, Ketel Marte, Segura, Villar, Story and Tim Anderson. Pretty good company as Three’s Company was called by audiences once Suzanne Somers left. By the by, Suzanne Somers 69 years old and still smoking hot! Okay, not smoking or hot, but still. Anderson had 49 bases with five homers last year in Double-A with a .312 average and has continued to do the same this year in Triple-A. He’s likely a solid batting average bat with 40 steals in the majors. I looked to grab him in every league.
Whit Merrifield – Hey, it’s the Christian Garbage Pail Kid, Whit Merrifield! “I’ll trade you my Whit Merrifield for your Joy Churchitime.”
Javier Baez – For the longest time — Eek! Now I have Billy Joel stuck in my head! — people were owning Baezinga when they had no business owning him. He was either in the minors or on the bench, and people were thrilled to stash him. Now, he’s actually playing and he’s available everywhere. For the longest time! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jake Lamb – Taking you so long to get Lamb, your shawarma’s cold and the tahini is like dried glue. Wait, that’s not tahini. Gross!
Pedro Alvarez – You know the Hitter-Tron‘s got a metal rod for all sexy metal holes, but it’s also crazy about Alvarez on the reg. Yeah, I said on the reg. Deal with it!
Jhonny Peralta – Superfluous H is like a superfluous nipple, only helpful.
Trayce Thompson – Once, twice, Trayce times a hot schmotato. Though, he could be even more than a schmotato, but without owning him you will never know (not true but raises the stakes).
Byron Buxton – Since he was called back up to the majors, I’ve owned him. I tell you this because my shrink says I should share more. Also, it shows that you need to give some guys time on your team. If you just shuffle from player to player, you’re likely just collecting a bunch of 1-for-4’s without allowing anyone to get hot.
Hyun-soo Kim – Was a bit touch and go early on like a game of tag with Gary Glitter, but now he’s being protected against lefties and has been hitting insanely well vs. righties.
Albert Almora – I already gave you my Albert Almora fantasy. It was written while pretending to not hear Cougs tell me to take out the trash. Millionaire Dollar Idea Alert! There should be an app that hears certain words then rings your phone. For example: Your wife tells you to take out the garbage, your phone hears the word ‘garbage,’ and your phone rings so you can say, “Sorry, honey, I have to take this.”
SELL
Jose Abreu – I hate selling low. It’s the worst. (I just sounded like Trump in my head. “Because you, Gary Busey, chose to sell low, I’m firing you.”) But, Giancarlo, gives me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change Abreu and the wisdom to know the difference, and please let Giancarlo get hot, but that’s a different story. The only bright spot to selling low on Abreu would be if this jinxes Abreu into coming around. Though, mentioning that likely dooms him to continue to suck. The dreaded reverse reverse jinx. Though, mentioning the reverse reverse jinx might re-reverse it. The reverse reverse reverse jinx? I’m getting dizzy. Let’s look at the Player Rater and be realistic about this. Steve Pearce, Byung-ho Park, Joe Mauer, Matt Adams have been about as valuable as Abreu this year. Hanley’s been almost twice as valuable as Abreu, and Hanley’s been painfully boring (poring?). Even if Abreu beats those guys, does he become a top five 1B as he was drafted? That seems unlikely. If you can trade Abreu for a piece, grab Matt Adams and/or Brandon Moss, you should be better off. I’m not saying trade Abreu for a shepherd’s pie made of actual shepherds, but I would explore options.
